Cruisin' with the Family

Ok I have been lazy on the blogging, well actually I have been on a cruise with my family.... and when I say family I mean everyone, Kayla, Jeremy, Recker ♥, Kaitlyn, Brian, Haleigh, Eric and I. Everyone except for Blake, and I missed having him with us. I look forward to the day when he comes home and can be with us on these trips, it's just not the same, I felt like I had forgotten something. Eric planned this trip along time ago and I felt guilty knowing we would not have Blake with us, while we were in the Caribbean I thought about him so much knowing how close we were to him. I did get to email him last Tuesday, the internet service was not the best so being without a computer and keeping in contact with the world was weird, but honestly I didn't miss it much.

Just an update ..... I am not physically able to do the things I could do even a month ago. I told Eric I am so grateful we were able to go on the trip to Paris when we did, if it were any other time either before or after the time that we did I would not have been physically able to endure the long days we had. Cruises are relaxing, but I really wanted to do the things I would of normally enjoyed doing, hiking, snorkeling, running on the track or exercising on the ship, my hips hurt so badly some days I can hardly walk, and now going up and down my stairs at my house is becoming a painful chore. I really don't want to take pain medicine, I have tried to endure the pain without it but I think its time to talk to my oncologist. I have tried some natural approaches but nothing is working. I loved the time that I could spend with my family, but I don't think they really understand I am not physically able to be the mom they used to know. It's hard to even admit, in my mind I am still the Monya that loves to do everything FULL OUT to take my body to the maximum and not look back, but again that's the Monya in my head, it's not realistic and I'm sad about that. I told myself I would not give in to this VILLAIN and I feel like I've done really well so far, it's the VILLAINS evil stepsisters (the side effects) that are taking me down now and I am feeling a little defeated. When I think about all the things I still want to do in this life I know I will have to rely fully on the Lord more now than ever before. I feel so alone sometimes, when I am faltering I turn to HIM I can feel HIS strength and Love for me, I am turning to him now and hoping he will still listen and take me by the hand and help me up... again. One week from tomorrow I will be having surgery and I have so much anxiety about it, I need and injection of FAITH this week. I wonder if I will ever be on my feet again?