Love came in a box

Update on the last couple of days.  It has become extremely difficult to be so far away from my family, I miss them and Love them so much. I have tried to Face Time with them, and most of the time it works, but on those days it doesn't  work my heart is a little heavy.  I miss my Recker Love,  and Ezra's smiles and giggles.  I'm so afraid when I get home they will not remember me.  With the changes in my face, they were already beginning to doubt my relation to them before I left.  Eric, Blake and Chloe have been in the Dominican Republic for 10 days--I was intended to go with them, this trip has been planned for quite some time, when my sudden surgeries took precedence Eric immediately wanted to cancel the trip, I begged him not to, and thought it would be such a great bonding time for him and Blake.  Turns out I was correct, they had a great time, and are all on a flight back to Arizona.  While they were in the Dominican Republic they had the opportunity to work with Dr. Kelly, a surgeon who my daughter in law works with, his family is also dear to our family and we adore them.  Dr. Kelly is a surgeon and has been going to the Dominican Republic for 3 years to serve and give dental surgery to those in need,  those who  otherwise would not have the money to pay.  I will never regret having them go, it has been hard here in Cleveland without family, but I feel blessed to have modern technology where we are able to see and talk to each other through satellite.  I felt the spirit telling me to have Eric go, it was so strong that I told him if he stayed home I would not come to Cleveland Clinic, or have any surgery....it meant that much to me for him to go.  He has not missed out on one thing here, I have had to fully rely on the Lord to help me make some major decisions, it has been a great opportunity for me to get closer to my Savior than I ever thought I could, I have one spiritual experience upon another and I know this is where I should be.  I am not sure what the outcome of this surgery will be, but in my heart I know I should be here.

Kaitlyn always sending me pics of the boys
love love love

Haleigh with Ezra and Recker, thank you
for brightening my day

I got a knock at my hotel door this morning, it was a postman, (weird on Sunday) he delivered a package from the people in my home ward.  When I opened a gust of love took my breath away, it was filled with cards, notes, gifts and love from all the people I admire and love so much who live in our ward.  I was overwhelmed with the spirit as I read each and everyone of the cards and notes, over and over, and over again. I had no idea I was so loved.  I will never be able to thank each and everyone of them, but I have FAITH & HOPE in knowing they know.

Thank you, thank you

Marian Priday--source of putting together my box of love

 Eric and I moved into this ward when I was 30, Haleigh was in the nursery, all of my children were baptized while in this ward.  I was dealing with family matters, that eventually ended  sadly in my mom and dad cutting ties with me.  Wally Slade was our Bishop, since that time I relied so much on the women and men of this ward for an example.  It was one of the most difficult times of my life and I am so grateful to have moved where we did, I had to learn how to parent these little children of mine with lessons from Relief Society, I soon found the Lord leading my eyes and heart to watch and learn from the people around me.  Most of those people are still here in the ward, but as new people moved in and out our children grew older, teaching teens to hold to the rod was harder than I thought, and again I listened with my heart and watched with my eyes, there are too many people to thank, and most do not even know the example they have been.

This morning I went to the Shaker Ward, it was about 10 minutes from my hotel....everything was pushing against me to get there on time--I needed to check out of the hotel, and barely made it to Sacrament.  I felt like home as I walked in sat down and was able to, with a very still soul partake of the sacrament.  There are two things I would change, the bread for the sacrament (thank you Junel Durfee) and the music, I kept thinking to myself "we have such a powerful man behind every note played in our little 6th ward, and his name is Stephen Phelps" tears bubbled up and rolled down one cheek I miss my home ward.

I was glad I had on my mask and eye patch, two reasons 1. no one could see my eye, and tears only fell from one eye.  2. with the mask on they cannot see my crooked smile, a little girl walked by and I smiled at her with my eye, she smiled back.  I will never forget this little girl, she sang 'I'm trying to be like Jesus' with an angelic voice, I closed my eye and listened it was beautiful.  Then the counselor who was conducting announced how the meeting would go from that point, it was something I had never seen before--and I loved it.  He said they were going to have a Hymnology.  It seemed to be a normal thing that they maybe do a couple times a year, and today was the day, how blessed I felt to be there.
It is something like a testimony meeting, only who ever feels the spirit goes to the podium and tell of their favorite Hymn and why then the congregation sings the song.  The list of Hymns were some of my favorites too.  Count your many blessings, Praise to the Man, Love at Home, Where Can I turn for peace, Master the Tempest is Raging, I know my father lives, Because I have been given much, The Iron Rod,  I believe in Christ and Sisters in Zion.  This ward is filled with multi cultures, it was refreshing to see and hear from members of all races.

Sister Franklin

Bore such a strong testimony today

Sister Franklin and her Nephews

 A little boy with Down Syndrome, walked up to me and hugged me, then said "Hi" he reminded me of CJ Udall-- tears filled my eyes, but then what he did next was even more touching, without knowing I had a BAHA implant in my head, he turned around then back and looked at me,  took my hand and placed it on his BAHA, he too has SSD (single sided deafness) I have yet to meet anyone who has a BAHA.  I have no idea what his name is, but I will never forget his piercing eyes as he stared into mine, at that moment I could feel the Savior's love all around me.

When the meeting was over I was filled once again with the strength to get through this  week as I prepare for the next surgery.  Today has been a day for giving me inspiration to continue on, knowing whatever the Lord has planned for my future is His will and although I may not understand why things happen the way they do, I can rely on Him to get me through ALL of my journey here on earth until I return to Him again.

Toilet Phone

Tonight I cannot sleep, it's 12:15 the house is quiet as all are asleep and I am lost in thought.  Last week I lost my phone to the toilet--I tried all the tricks--I heard putting it in rice would help, but not for me I left it there for 4 days and still no good. I missed a Mayo appointment, but other than that I don't think I missed much.   It was nice not being responsible, but I admit I realized how much I have come to rely on that device.  I think Eric was more worried about it than I was, because he likes to call me throughout the day and check to see how I am, we do not have a land line here at our home so unless I was with one of my children he had no way of getting in touch with me.  So with that being said I now am the owner of a new phone, thank you Eric.

I will be visiting Mayo Clinic with Dr. Barr's on Wednesday morning. Hoping and praying all is going well with the healing, I am supposed to go back to work on February 4th.  I can't believe I'm saying this but I am looking forward to it. With the merger between USAirways and American it is important I am there to keep up with the latest and get the training I need.

My right ear is draining quite a bit, I've been leaving the cotton ball out so it can dry out, this was Dr. Barr's suggestion, but I'm pretty sure it's getting infected, I can feel it in my right jaw, behind the ear and down into my neck.  It aches constantly but I refuse to take the pain pills, I've tried some herbal remedies but nothing will work like a good ole narcotic, and I really don't want to go through what I went through to get off of them while I was dealing with my chemo and radiation.

I've gotten some energy the past couple of weeks, I've been juicing all my veggies and fruits in the morning and it has helped me not only get the nutrition I need but given me some energy to get out of the house.  I went to church on Sunday, and did not wear my mask--I have a hard time breathing in it, but I understand the risk also.   I'm ready to get on with life, no mask, no medicine, no blogging about my broken heart every time another trial comes our way.  I don't think I can cry any more, it's time for me to dry my eyes, wipe off all the tears, stand up, let the sunlight in and start living again.

I will never take my ears or hearing for granted again--3 weeks of literally not being able to hear was overwhelming to me, the only thing that helped me through it was reading, I read the entire book of Preach my Gospel, with special attention to reading chapter 6 on the attributes of Christ.  What I learned from this experience, is that I was lifted up and helped through those agonizing weeks.  I have nothing to complain about, when I see the Lord someday, I want to be able to say to him "Thank you, thank you for being my friend during those 3 weeks, for you were the only one I KNEW understood what I was feeling and all the fears I had" I will glory in his name all the days of my life, but also I am thankful he allowed my hearing to return in that left ear, the day it popped and I could hear again was amazing--the birds seemed to chirp louder than I had ever heard, the phone rang more than I wanted, but the thing I loved the most was hearing music again, Sunday I could hardly get through the music, and continually  watched Stephen Phelps play his testimony through his music, magically this man can calm my heart with his incredible way of putting my life in perspective, music is my way of communicating to my own heart what I am feeling.  Thank you Eric for bringing a sense of humor to the situation.  I forget sometimes to just laugh at myself, if my story was written I really think it would be hard for some to believe, and maybe even I would laugh--but with that being said It's time for me to try and sleep and to leave with this final thought for my children and family:

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle,accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is life, fight for it.”

~ Mother Teresa

Thanksgiving Medley

Sunday morning November 24th, 2013

Eric and I moved io Gilbert over 26 years ago., we are both natives of Arizona, me from Phoenix and Eric from Mesa. We moved into the 6th ward when Haleigh was only 18 months old, now she is married.  We raised all 4 of our children in Gilbert, everyone of my children were baptized on their birthdays in this ward--6th ward will always be home to me.  I will never forget our 1st Sunday attending this ward, we met in the Val Vista Stake Center building.  Elouise Cluff was our Relief Society President, she came up to me with that big huge smile of hers, put her arms around me and said "You must be sister Williams, let me show you where the Primary and nursery children meet......" I felt special, she already knew who I was, I have to say even my children who are married and gone say there is no ward like the 6th ward.  Bishop Wally Slade welcomed us with open arms and a giving heart. This ward was exactly what I needed at that time in my life. I distinctly remember sister Harbertson bearing testimony, when she spoke it pierced my heart.  One of the most powerful testimonies I have ever heard came from a young adult in this ward, Ally Packard visiting from BYU, her testimony of Christ and his teachings touched me.  I connected with her without her even knowing, she said she was searching for a testimony, her own, separate from parents or teachers,   through her study and prayer she had come to know for herself that HE lives. I could go on forever about the examples of faith and hope in this ward I live in. I have loved every gospel doctrine teacher, Brother Steve Peterson and Brother Stephen Phelps taught me so many lessons about the Savior and the Atonement of Jesus Christ-- I realized this morning I have been in Gilbert longer than I lived with my parents.  I have always had a testimony of Christ, but I would be lying if I said the men and women of the 6th ward haven't helped me to anchor it, keep it burning in my heart.

This morning when I prayed I asked if the Lord would please let my mom and dad see a glimpse into my life now, let them see the woman I have become.  I'm trying so hard to do what is right, live a Christ centered life and make them proud of me, please let them know I really do have a forgiving heart, that I enjoy the simple things in life and because of every trial, bump or bruise I have learned to be a fighter, to be a survivor and to lean on the Lord for guidance.  In other words, I am who I am because of the good and bad I've experienced and will yet experience in my life.  I don't try to fully understand what happens between the period of death and the resurrection but I have to believe we have a chance to redeem ourselves for mistakes we've made, especially those that concern our eternal families.  I have seen the reaction and tole PRIDE takes on a body, physically it can destroy lives, it makes me want to say I'm so sorry to anyone I've ever hurt, my heart has really changed, and I think this is yet another experience I needed in my life--I Will Never Be The Same--

I'm not feeling very good , my ear is pounding, I don't know if I can make it through the meetings today.  I love the Sunday before Thanksgiving, and for the 20 years we have been in this ward I have sang  with the choir--The  Thanksgiving Medley- arranged by Stephen Phelps and Eloise Cluff.  Today, I won't be able to sing, nasty sore throat and pounding ear, does not make for a good combination--

Sunday November 24, 2013 4:30 pm

I decided there was no way I could miss hearing the choir sing or Stephen Phelps play the Thanksgiving Medley--they announced today Stephen Phelps has played this arrangement 32 years in a row in 6th ward, I'm so glad I didn't miss it.  I teared up, like I always do, some because I couldn't sing today and mostly because  no arrangement of music has ever touched me like that one....I love it. 

A split second-

Today my body is weak and I am in pain--I considered not attending church, however something within me was saying "go and take the sacrament"  I am so glad I listened to that still small spirit and HIS promptings.  I am full of the spirit today.  Tara Carpenter spoke in Church about the principle of service, she is leaving to serve her mission in Nashville Tennessee, the word she spoke today reminded me to go out and to more than I am doing, there is always someone in need and our purpose here is to help lift each others burdens whether they be large or small.
Justin Durfee spoke, he is a newly returned missionary in our ward who served in the Barbados mission taking in 11 different countries--WOW I had no idea.  His talk about obedience to the laws and commandments of the Lord rescinded in me, I have been studying and learning more about the law of obedience, and listening to him speak about the very things I have been reading in my scriptures and pondering over the last couple of months really hit home.
Lastly, and the part that impacted me the most was the music in church today.  Our ward has a tradition of singing, The Spirit of God when a new missionary comes home, and Called to Serve when a missionary is leaving.
These songs are known through out the LDS church membership anywhere in the world--however, no where in the world except for ONE place can it be heard the way people hear it in the 6th ward, my family ward--I had to sit on the front row of the chapel today, because it was so full, I had a perfect view of my favorite organist in the world--Stephen Phelps--as soon as I saw Tara and Justin were on the program to speak, I knew exactly why I was prompted by the spirit to attend today's meeting.
The music started the congregation began to sing, and my heart began burst as the tears welled up in my eyes and I could not see the words on the Hymn book, I took off my reading glasses, closed my eyes and enjoyed Stephen Phelps bearing testimony from his heart to mine through his music--it was a "Monya Moment" I will not soon forget, everything was tuned out, the outside noise of the world, my brain trying to make sense of things in my life, EVERYTHING was gone, all I could hear was my own heart beat and Stephen Phelps music.
A couple of weeks ago we had General Conference, one of the songs they sang was Called To Serve, and I have to admit, I wished that Stephen Phelps was playing the organ, so that all the world could hear what we hear in our ward every Sunday--no-one, not even the Mormon Tabernacle choir has the blessing of his music--and I'm convinced there is no ward on the face of the earth that has heard or felt the spirit when singing Called to Serve like the members who attend our ward on those special days.  Today, while singing Called to Serve I watched Stephen and our eyes met, he smiled big and I was touched with his spirit in that split second--a split second that I would not have had if I had not listened to the spirit and came to church today.