My visit with Dr. Northfelt🚩

This past week my husband turned 55 years old--we decided to go to Paris for the week.  We always have an enjoyable time together, but I don't think we will go back in May again, it was rainy and cold. We went to my "happy place" to ride bikes and it was pouring down, no bikes and very cold.  We walked around, drank some hot chocolate and talked about having my ashes spread there in that beautiful place--they painted the house/chateau a red and white color, I think I liked it better when it was just white--Eric spoke to the guard at the gate and he said for a fee we can rent out an area, or room for family--could it be that he is finally warming up to the idea of my cremation?

Porte Jaune my "happy place"

the walkways and bike trails in Porte Jaune

This is the cute little hot cocoa/sandwich shop we love

the river, usually with huge white swans

the private chateaux

Paris, is and always be "our place" I love spending time with Eric there, it never gets old to me, we have our favorite places we like to go, but mostly just spending the days alone together holding hands walking through the beautiful parks and streets is the best.

Frenchie

Notre Dame picture for Dr. Northfelt

These are what I save up all my sugar for--days to look
forward to--pastries are my favorite sweets and I will
wait a year if I have to knowing I can have them

I have to admit I'm not always forthcoming when it comes to my visits at Mayo Clinic, especially with my family.  I really just don't want them to worry--if there is concern I will tell them but to go for regular appointments with my doctors and for tests and more tests, I usually just go and don't give any reports.  I saw Dr. Northfelt just before we left for Paris, (he is my medical oncologist) we visited for awhile, lots of questions, not many answers...NO I'M NOT CANCER FREE is all I pretty much heard. He asked if I wanted to change my cancer medicine I take everyday and see if I would get less side effects from it.  My question was "what does it do?" his answer "blocks estrogen" then I replied "what does the medicine I'm taking now do" his answer "blocks estrogen" we both looked at each other and laughed, he shrugged his shoulders and all he could say was "1/2 of my patients do really well, the other half don't, but they all have side effects" I then smiled and said "well, OK then, lets try it" until I went to get the prescription filled and found out it costs $299.00 pp, and that was with my insurance, I decided to stick with the original medicine and live with the side effects, if I was 100% sure there would be a change for the good I would pay it, but I'm not willing to take the chance of even more side effects and a huge possibility of no changes.  I emailed Dr. Northfelt from Paris and told him, he replied back that my decision was reasonable, and to please send him a picture.

I am coming up on my 4th anniversary of being diagnosed with breast cancer, I'm grateful to still be alive and know I still have a long road ahead of me, but don't we all?  Life is Good for me right now.

Mayo Clinic Cancer Symposium

2nd annual Mayo Clinic Symposium was held at the Marriott just a mile or so away from the Phoenix Campus of Mayo Clinic.  I attended again this year, it was good to see my team of doctors there and ready to present information.

Dr. Northfelt, my med/oncologist and myself

Some of the information I learned from the meetings were new to me, some I already knew but this is the reason I like to attend these symposiums so that I can learn all I can about my disease and what the new techniques or statistics are.

I learned that 200,000 new cases per year are reported of breast cancer, the side effects of radiation are some that I am dealing with still. 

Lymphedema ✓

Lung inflammation

Fatigue ✓

Depression and anxiety ✓

Chest wall and or breast tenderness ✓

Breast swelling ✓

Skin burning

I only have 5 out of those 7 side effects, so feel blessed to not have to deal with lung inflammation or burning skin anymore.

I learned that Radical Mastectomy's no longer are performed and have not been performed on breast cancer patients since the 1970's.  They no longer perform these because the surgical procedures have been incredibly advanced since then.  In a radical mastectomy they used to have to take everything including the bone surrounding the area, this left women with horrible battle scars.  I had a bi-lateral mastectomy, both breasts were taken with all surrounding tissue but not bone, leaving surgeons the ability to reconstruct in an easier way, with much better results.

When someone has a lumpectomy they only have a 1.9% of recurrence
single mastectomy 1.1% recurrence and only 0/3% of cancer patients who have a lump in one breast will get another one in the other breast--in the words of Dr. Kreymerman "they are sisters, not twins"
BRCA 1 or 2 mutation only has 30% 10 year recurrence in the other breast.
Only 25% of breast cancer diagnosis are women under the age of 80.

Some great things to come are:
Cancer Vaccines
the studying of tumor clones
DCIS vaccines
Her2 antibodies

One bit of information I thought was interesting, 15% of patients who go through the cancer process will get Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  It's as if you have been through a war, the fear and anxiety of the return of the cancer or having to continue to deal with the side effects of cancer treatments can literally put ones body into traumatic stress.

With recurrent patients, 45% of women have treatable anxiety and depression within the 1st 3 months of 2nd diagnosis.  This is not a mountain to climb over,  but more of a terrain to walk through.

Did you know

55% stress over financial problems during treatment
46% cut back on food to able to pay their bills
6% lose their homes and have to relocate
50% are not comfortable talking about any of these symptoms, even to their doctors
50% of patients do not share all of what they are feeling or their fears with caregivers or family
history of abuse, physical, mental or sexual will increase the levels of anxiety and will not be
shared with doctors
most women post treatment will have low sex desire, vaginal dryness and feel embarrassed about asking or talking about it with their doctor.

I was not surprised by the fact that most women do not want to share a lot of intimate details with their doctors, but was reassured knowing I am one of them and it is normal.

I am still waiting to here back from Mayo about my ultra sound, and low white cell count--no news to report.

My visit with Dr. Northfelt

I spent some time at the Mayo Clinic this week--just  routine check ups with Dr. Northfelt.  I had my port accessed by the sweet nurse who has helped me so many times before--she asked about Recker and I asked about her little guy who is now 3--wow how time fly's by.

I had to wait about an hour and half before my next appointment with Maryann, as I waited I could feel my ankle swelling up, the blood was rushing to my ankle making it difficult to sit, when they finally called my name I stood up and just about fainted--right there in the Mayo waiting area--in front of everyone,  I think I scared the nurse, I know it startled me, I heard someone gasp when I grabbed the wall to keep from falling. At that very moment I thought to myself, "are you kidding me Monya? pull it together, you survived cancer for heaven's sake"  a smile came on my face and I very slowly hobbled to the room where I waited for Maryann.  My blood work looks good, no elevations at all, her exact words were "Everything looks normal, you are normal"
So there you have it, I am normal, I love hearing those words.  She asked me about the lower back and hip pain, and I explained the physical therapy did not help, neither did the 2 shots of cortisone I've received since December, Dr. Freeman said it was a misdiagnosis of  bursitis.  Maryann didn't say much more about it, but she did say that Dr. Northfelt was going to come in and see me.  That was a huge surprise, I feel like I have this wonderful oncologist who I never get to see.  When he came in he hugged me and was wearing the tie I bought him for Christmas.  I was soon reminded of how much I love him, he is a good doctor.  For some reason just having those 15 minutes or so to talk to him made me so happy, he knows me and is aware of me.   We talked a little bit about the cancer symposium Mayo Clinic had in January, I told him how great it was and that I hope they will do more of those.  It's really good for women going through the long journey of breast cancer to have the opportunity to be in room filled with cancer survivors and care givers,  it's a time to feel the support and love from not only doctors but more importantly other women going through the same things.  Today, Dr. Northfelt reconfirmed to me that Mayo Clinic is where I need to be.  I called Eric on my way home, happy to report that I got to talk to my oncologist, I told him what a world of good it did for me to see him.

Porche or Pinto

The past couple of days have been rough, not a lot of sleep, insomnia is kicking me in the behind.  It's the worst feeling to be up all night, staring at the ceiling, knowing in just a couple hours I have to get up and go to work.   Part of the reason for this besides the obvious hormonal, cancer crap, is I just realized that Us Airways has changed our insurance carriers, and I may not be able to go to Mayo Clinic anymore--when I opened the envelope and read it, I literally wanted to throw up, I felt sick.  Eric had just got home from work when I was reading the mail, I asked Blake to please go get him, when he came down stairs I asked him to read it too, he read it, and read it and then read it again, the next couple of hours I tried to find out some information but of course the offices are closed until Monday--I was watching Recker he was a great distraction, he and I jumped on the trampoline together, I had to keep saying to myself "it's OK, whatever happens, you can't control this, so just go with whatever happens"  yeah right, this means no more Dr. Northfelt, Dr. Magtibay, Dr. Freeman, Dr. Kreymerman,  MaryAnn Forrett,,  and all the wonderful people who have touched my life and been with me from the beginning of my journey. I could not get my mind off of it, I watched a movie with Recker on my bed, he makes me laugh and takes everything away just for a little bit--I loved that time with him, as soon as he fell asleep on my chest, I laid him next to me and just stared at him--he is so perfect, so untouched by the worries of the world.
Needless to say Eric and I were up all night worrying about this insurance thing, I went down stairs and laid on the sofa, it wasn't long before he was sitting next to me.  I love Eric, he looked at me and said "no matter what I want you to be at Mayo Clinic with your doctors, I will make it happen"  I told him it's not fair, it's not  that I think Mayo Clinic is superior to any other facility, it's just that those are MY people, they  are the ones who I cried with, the doctors I love and who I feel love me and know me.  I will never share with any other  doctors what I shared with Dr. Kreymerman and Dr. Magtibay they know a part of my life that I have never shared with anyone else, except Eric.  I was so upset I looked at Eric and said "it's like driving a Porche and then all of sudden being told you have to drive a Pinto, but you are going to have to pay more for it.  He looked at me and responded "yes sweetheart, but you still have a car"

Mayo Clinic Symposium Living with Cancer

Do normal people go to cancer symposiums on their birthday? That answer would be.... Probably NOT. Me, I'm not your average normal person, it was exactly what I wanted to do and I'm so glad I did. Knowledge is empowering I want to soak in every bit of information I can about the VILLAIN in me, is it possible for he and I to live together without recurrence on his part? After listening to all the incredible doctors at Mayo Clinic, I walked away feeling like I'm in complete control of life and whether or not the cancer comes back in days, months or years I have no regrets.

I was fortunate to hear from all of my personal doctors at the symposium.  I'm really not a person who normally likes to sit and listen to lectures, however, this was close to my heart and I didn't want it to end--the information I got was invaluable for me.  There is something  to be said about sitting in a room full of cancer patients and their care-givers.  When we broke out into our disease specific sessions, Dr. Northfelt said he wanted it to be more of an informal session and allow patients and care-givers  to ask questions.  Dr. Pockaj is the surgeon who performed my mastectomy she spoke 1st, one of the most important things I took away from her speech was that 35% of patients find their own lumps by doing regular breast self exams-- I am a firm believer and endorse this frequently on my FB page.  I was told one time that a doctor told a patient she does not need to be doing her BSE because they are ineffective--- I'd say 35% is a significant percentage so I will continue to endorse.  The other thing I learned is that after a bi-lateral mastectomy (which is what I had) there is no need for mammograms.

Dr. Michelle Halyard was my radiation/oncologist she spoke next--I loved all she had to say and it confirmed to me that every fear, anxiety, memory loss, insomnia, pain, joint  muscle fatigue and loss of appetite is normal.  Imagine my surprise when I found out I was NORMAL-- well at least when it comes to being a cancer patient--I can't get anyone else to tell me I'm a normal person in "real life"

Next up was Dr. Northfelt, it's no surprise that I have not been happy about the fact that I do not really get to see him--I have been looking for another oncologist--Not all cancer patients feel the way I do--I am someone who NEEDS to see her oncologist at least once a year, and I have asked for this but been told that because Dr. Northfelt is also the lead oncologist for Mayo Clinic he is very busy and has administrative responsibilities too. He is a wonderful Dr. I remember the 1st time I met him I felt so comfortable, he made me feel good about my diagnosis and gave me hope for my future--I loved that he was my doctor--after talking to other cancer patients, not necessarily from Mayo Clinic, I have discovered that they all see their oncologist--I know patients who are just fine with seeing the PA (physicians assistant) they don't want to bother with the doctor, or that seeing the doctor creates anxiety or unwanted fear--I AM NOT THAT PATIENT--seeing him continues to give me hope, helps me to feel like he is completely on the same page with me and that he knows who I am, I'm not asking for much just once a year, as much as I am at Mayo that is fair--right?
OK so back to Dr. Northfelt-- before the break out session started he approached me and thanked me for the tie I gave him for Christmas--I was shocked that he even knew who I was, but gave me comfort knowing he did.  He lectured about health and fitness--but before he started he said something that brought tears to my eyes, he said that a patient he had not seen for awhile had just told him she had decided to see a different oncologist and that Dr. Northfelt was not providing her with the care she needed.  He seemed really sad about this information, it touched my heart and brought me to tears.  This is the reason I wanted him specifically for my oncologist, he has a heart.  What I took from his lecture is that I am doing everything he asked me to do, he talked about the book Anti Cancer, he again confirmed to me that cutting out sugars, fats and having regular exercise in a daily routine will help lower the risks of recurrence--walking at a natural pace 3 hours a week also reduce the risk of Breast Cancer relapse.  I'm in check with all he suggested, I know if my cancer returns I did all I could do--NO REGRETS.

Maryann Forrett is the PA for Dr. Northfelt she spoke next--her subject  was intimacy and sex during and after cancer treatments--kinda an embarrassing subject to talk about but she was eloquent and touched on everything that I had questions about--I did raise my hand and ask a few questions--I prefaced my question by saying "I know you all have had sex and you all want to ask what I am about to say but are too embarrassed so hear goes" and I asked my questions, I don't really feel comfortable sharing those on my blog, in that room though it was OK because if there is one thing I have learned all breast cancer patients share a bond, an understanding of the changes that occur in your life while going through such a difficult time. Intimacy for so many patients changes, for breast cancer patients especially, for the obvious reasons your body has now changed, I don't care how much you love and trust your spouse or significant other the fact is there are scars YOUR BODY IS DIFFERENT and exposing that vulnerable part of who you are, as a woman,  can truly be devastating.  When I had my mastectomy I did not want Eric in the room at the hospital I asked Dr. Kreymerman to have him leave the room while he examined me, I know it hurt him I could see it in his eyes, I knew he loved me, that was not the problem, I didn't want him to see  what I could barely look at--it took me weeks, maybe months before I would allow him to see me--that moment when I allowed him to see what I could barely stand to look at in the mirror was an intimate moment for both of us--intimacy is so much more than sex.
For the not so obvious reasons, an estrogen fed cancer changes everything, it is a part of what makes women sexually function correctly, and for me estrogen has to be blocked with medicine--the side effects for these medicines are a list I don't even want to bore you with--it's awful to not have control over how our bodies function, Heavenly Father created us perfectly and when something is missing or not working it all goes to heck--hot flashes, anxiety, depression and a low libido are part of that.

Pauline Lucas who was my physical therapist had a quote that I love  "Believe in Life, In Your Life" she spoke about meditation, health and fitness.  I love her, she was such an inspiration to me and I loved having my sessions with her--I miss her.

Overall, I learned to live for today--celebrate TIME, and hold on to all the good memories, make connections with people be meaningful, remember good and fun memories and write them down to reflect back on days when you need to be uplifted. Find something to laugh about everyday, it's the best medicine. My quality of life depends on ME and me only, it's all about quality not quantity.
These are my four F's
FAITH
FAMILY
FRIENDS
FUN
if anyone is having a difficult time with any of these,  its time to reevaluate  and rediscover who and what are important to you.

This is a life long Journey🚩

Yesterday Blake spoke in church, he did a beautiful job speaking about the experiences he has had the last 2 years while serving the people in the Dominican Republic.  I was touched listening to him talk about the power of the Atonement in his life-it seems the best conversion story was his own.  His Spanish is flawless, I love to listen to him.  Someone said to me very non-chalantly "so glad you could be here today" at 1st I thought "what are they talking about? I'm here, every week, what does that mean?" then my thoughts immediately went to "you have no idea how glad I am to be here"  HERE as in here on earth, still alive able to see the success of my son, to hear him speak in Spanish so fluently, to see his passion and love for what he believes in,  "Oh yes, I am so glad I'm here too!"
This morning I woke up, knowing I was going to spend the day at Mayo Clinic, I have this love/hate relationship with that place.  I love it for obvious reasons,  and I hate it for more obvious reasons.  The drive to Mayo was much shorter than I expected, my thoughts were wondering--kinda scary for anyone driving down the beeline highway today--some of the things I was thinking about -- the mountains are beautiful, the dessert is dry and I am wondering who I will meet today.
 The 3rd floor smells like always--of sickness and chemo,  there is a stench difficult for me to stomach, especially when I am so nauseated anyway--as I sit in the waiting area I see, like always sick people, some look really, really sick I wish I could hug them and tell them everything will be OK, but I know just as well as they do there are no guarantees with the VILLAIN.  I'm not there for long, my name was called within a few minutes as I walk into the infusion lab and see it loaded with people today, it made my heart sad for each of them--my nurse today is Allison, she is pregnant--seriously? can she smell what I smell?   I wonder how does that work for her?  So... I asked her "do these smells bother you?" her response "what smells?" WOW what just happened?  it's hard to believe she can't smell the same things I smell.

Linda-Stage 4 Colon Cancer-What a blessing she is to
her family--so happy and positive

Jenny-- stage 1 Breast Cancer--her husband shaved
his head to match hers--they have a 17 month old baby

Dan-stage 4 colon cancer-metastisized to his lung--
so happy and full of life

Sandy--stage 4 extremely rare cancer--going in tomorrow
to have his bladder removed--will have to wear a colostomy
bag for the rest of his life-yet he made me laugh--
 I loved visiting with him

The girls helped me put some treat bags together (and when I say "girls" I mean Kaitlyn and Haleigh Brownlee)  for all the patients in chemo today, after Allison accessed my port and took all the viles of blood she needed I went around to all the patients and visited with those who wanted to talk, gave them a snack bag and was inspired by each and everyone of them.  This is my favorite part of coming to Mayo--these people are facing life threatening diseases yet they smile and are so positive about life--perspectives change, and I loved all the perspectives today.  Jenny is also a patient of Dr. Kreymerman, she and I high fived each other--then talked a little about him--all good of course.  In case you didn't know I love Dr. Kreymerman-- ha ha.
After spending more than an hour and half in the infusion lab, I was off to get my bone mineral analysis, and X-Rays.  I have always wondered why they make me undress and put on the hospital gown, I thought those machines could see through clothes--they can see through clothes at the airport.
By now I have a splitting head ache--I think trying NOT to be effected by everything going on at Mayo, I get the opposite effect--every little thing I see, hear and smell drains me.  I started early this morning, looking at my watch as I wait for Maryann I can see the time is now 2:30, I won't be out of here for a couple more hours.  These are questions I have for Maryann:

1.  Can I see Dr. Northfelt at least once a year
2.  Why am I so nauseated
3.  Why am I in so much pain, legs and hip
4.  Why does everything taste like metal
5.  Why am I having headaches and insomnia

These are the answers I got from her:

✓1.  Yes, I need to see Dr. Northfelt, its not too much to ask, especially since I will be seeing him for years to come, its important for me to have the reassurance from my oncologist once a year.
✓2.  The pain my body is in is causing the nausea
✓3.  The Xray is showing a spot on my hip bone and lower back caused from the osteoperosis,  neuropathy is still in my legs  caused from the chemo--
✓4.  Forgot to get answer about that one--
✓5.  Not sure about the headaches, she wants me to stop taking the Arimidex for 2 weeks and see if they go away, insomnia is part of the process--its not going away.

Maryann is going to call me in 2 weeks to check on me, and get an update about some of the conditions.
I'm also being referred to the Physical Medicine unit at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix. Maryann told me they will be able to get to the bottom of the spots on my hip and back.   Leaving Mayo today I'm satisfied that all my questions were answered.  I loved meeting all the wonderful patients in the infusion lab, I realized for the 1st time today that this journey is life long--sad but true.

Insomnia freaks me out🚩

As grateful and elated as I am to have my son home with me, if I am totally honest I will say I'm scared to death right now.  I am having a lot of really irregular symptoms,  nausea, INSOMNIA night after night even when I've taken my medicine I still cannot sleep, sort of reminds me of the days I was dealing with chemo and radiation--SORT OF-- headaches, my heart is making extra beats or stopping all together, it's hard to tell sometimes,  the pain in my legs has returned in full bloom, feels just like the neuropathy and last but not least my hip pain has gotten a whole lot worse--these type of conditions make me crazy in the head.   I have this feeling I'm about to be taught a lesson.  Today I went to Mayo for some blood draw, the girl taking my blood could not of been more than 18 years old, she apologized before she stuck me, I guess that should of been my first clue that this was not going to go over very well for me--she stuck my arm and it pinched and burned like no other--I looked down and to my surprise there was no blood coming out into the vile--she said "Is that hurting you?"  My reply was very nicely "uh y y yes darlin' it hurts real bad take the needle out and start over please" by this time my rear end was raised up out of the seat, and I'm pretty sure she could tell by the look on my face I was in some pain, then the cute little nurse said "Oh no, I have a one stick policy, I will get someone else to try"  Thank Heaven for that, I was not willing to go through that ordeal again.  I ended up with 3 sticks to the arms (yes that would be plural) not complaining but the reason why I have a port sticking out of my chest is for this exact reason--NOT TO BE STUCK A MILLION TIMES--even if the needle is the size of a nail head I would rather be accessed and stuck with that then be stuck 3 times by a nurse who looked like she was still in daycare.
I fear that my body is giving in, giving in to the VILLAIN--or am I just getting old and this is what happens?  What ever it is--I say NO, I don't like it it feels weird to be up at 2 am writing about stuff I know nothing about, except that I do know the pain I am in is real,  Next week I will go see Dr. Northfelt well more like Maryann Forrett for my oncology visit--I have a few things we need to talk about, 1st off I want to ask if I could at least see Dr. N once a year I need the reassurance from him.  Marayann is wonderful and I love her but for me at least I need to see my oncologists face once in awhile.   Dr. N is so busy, he is a big part of the administrative end of oncology  at Mayo Clinic but I need a dr who wants to grace me with his or her presence once in a while.  My list of stuff to ask about is getting longer an longer, Maryann is in for a treat when I go to Mayo on Monday.

No Sugar--WHAT?

Ok so it's been a year since Dr. Northfelt told me to read the book "Anti Cancer" and I decided to give up sugar, white flour and processed food.  I know you are probably wondering if I was able to give it all up? I am proud to say, NO ...... I can say honestly that I have given it up about 90% I still allow myself to have a little treat treat, every once in awhile.  Do I think it will help?  I'm not sure but I did it so that I would have no regrets, if the VILLAIN comes back I can look at myself in the mirror and say "I did all I could to prevent the cancer from coming back" Realistically it's been hard at times to say "NO" but I save up and make sure it's totally worth it before I indulge.  Giving up processed food was easier than I thought, since I never really eat a lot of it anyway.  

Do Something...

There is always  beautiful piano music at the Mayo Clinic

This woman was awesome, she was diagnosed with Breast
Cancer 13 years ago, the VILLAIN left her alone and now
He's back...however, she is positive and happy.

Look at this beautiful woman, stage 2 breast cancer

I instantly felt comfortable with this guy,  2nd time around
for his lymphoma, and so positive ♥

I know I've said this before and I want to say it again, I truly think people come into our lives for a reason. Some just for a season or two, some for longer, however, for me  these people are a huge part of who I am.  The influence they have on me whether good or bad, is important.  Women and men I have met at Mayo Clinic have become dear friends, they are people who have touched my heart and soul, people who understand, truly understand my fears and doubts about the future, some of them have passed on and left this world we live in,  the VILLAIN took their lives.  Everyone of these people left a lasting impression on me, they were positive and happy even knowing that their lives were coming to an end soon.  Every person who has ever walked up to me and asked to say a prayer for me, I love them.  I have recently had connections with women who I know are going to be life time friends. Many of you have asked me about my friend Trystan.  I am happy to say that she is out of the Mayo Hospital and although she is not fully recovered she is at her home in Hilton Head and enjoying the beautiful sunrise and sunset at her beach house.
Yesterday, I opened a fortune cookie and this is what it said:  "Do something unusual tomorrow for the benefit of others"  Since I knew I was going to be going to Mayo Clinic I decided to do something special for all the people who were on the 3rd floor, chemo lab today. I got 40 Easter Bags and filled them with grass, crackers and Easter candy Kaitlyn Haleigh Brownlee and My Haleigh all helped me fill them up and tie them-Thank You Girls

Kaitlyn, Me, Haleigh B and Haleigh Williams

 Anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows how I despise going to the 3rd floor, stepping off the elevator there is a  smell that is distinct and makes me sick to my stomach.  It's been a year now since I finished chemo at Mayo and still I cannot get used to that smell.
On my way to Mayo Clinic I was driving up Shea Blvd. almost to Mayo, I suddenly had a panic attack.  I've got to learn how to get my mind somewhere else before pulling into Mayo, this attack I could not take any medicine since I was driving, I could hardly breath.  I finally got it under control, I took the elevator to the Lower Level to have some lab work done.  As I waited I was reminded of the sickness that is in our world, so many of us, including me don't take enough time to reflect on our lives and the importance of loving every second we have with family and friends, or paying close attention to the needs of others.  I have so much to be grateful for. 
 My lab work is over, I'm walking through Mayo with this huge Anthropologie  bag full of treat bags, I see people looking and I'm sure wondering what I'm doing with all of those, one man asked I told him what I was doing, he said "bless your heart" I then handed him a bag and said "bless YOUR heart"

My bag of goodies

I had some time before my next appointment so I went to visit Chris and all the radiation specialists who helped me during radiation last year.  I have not seen them since my hair has grown, they didn't recognize me, it was so great to visit with them-some of my favorite people at Mayo are in radiation.

Chris, Me, Lindsay

One of my new friends diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian

Two more new friends, when I explained why I was there
tears filled the eyes of these wonderful people
He is the cancer patient, but I can't remember what
type or what stage.

When I stepped off the elevator onto the 3rd floor, I wish I could say I didn't smell chemo or sickness in the air..... I DID.....but for some reason, today it's OK, I'll deal with it without another attack.  I check in to get my PORT flushed, then with permission I walk to each and every chemo suite and introduce myself, tell them I am a survivor and that I finished chemo a year ago, as I hand each one of them a treat bag I can feel a sense of understanding and strength from every patient.  I was able to spend a few minutes at each suite and talk about the VILLAIN diagnosis, side effects, radiation, hair, and moving forward.  I love these people, they get it, they know what it's like to be diagnosed with a life threatening disease, from each and everyone of them I heard nothing but positive HOPE and FAITH.  The one who touched my heart the most was Mandy she is 29 years old from Colorado, diagnosed with Adrenal Cancer, extremely rare.  She was just married in September, her mother, sister and niece were all there supporting her, as we talked tears filled my eyes talking about the changes that have occurred in my life, in her life and in the lives of most everyone who is diagnosed with cancer, we are given a new perspective on LIFE, and LOVE is sweeter than it has ever been or will ever be because of the growth that is inevitable during the fight of your life.  This visit was therapeutic and emotional for me.

This is Mandy in the white tank top and her sister

When I finished in the chemo lab I felt good, it was a wonderful morning to talk to all of these amazing people ..... I love them ..... I really, really do

What I saw on my arm today as I left the Mayo... my watch,
my bandage from the blood tests, and the most important
My LIVE FREE bracelet that constantly reminds me
of where I've been and where I'm going

Me and Maryann

I went to check in for my visit with Maryann Forrett, (Dr. Northfelt's Nurse) I had the talk about my sore hip, insomnia, head aches and whatever else we needed to talk about.  She ordered an X-RAY of my hip. She said she will call me and let me know the results, until then..... be happy :)


(After I posted this, I got a call from Maryann, the results from my X-RAY came back and they found a spot on my hip, the word CANCER was mentioned, but until more tests are run they are not conclusive. She said the Doctor ordered a bone scan, brain scan, MRI and PET scan, I'm not sure when they will be, I have to wait for a scheduler to call me from Mayo, probably tomorrow.  Pray for me.)

What is good and Sweet in Life

Innocence at it's Best

I can't seem to shake off this congestion in my chest, the stuffy, runny nose, major head ache.... sounds like I should be doing a commercial huh?  
I'm lying on my bed watching my favorite little guy (recker) sleep, I had to put his name in there because I don't want people to think I'm laying here watching Eric sleep, that would be kinda creepy.  ha ha
Anyway, Recker looks so peaceful and innocent, he takes all my fears of life away, when I look at him I believe that no-one else matters.  Staring at him I cannot imagine any evil in the world, he is what is good and sweet in life.  I want him to stay like this forever.  It makes me think about Blake in the DR, he has only seen pictures of Recker, in just a few short months he will get to hold Recker, play with him and enjoy all that I am experiencing right now.  Finally my family will all be together again, this year the Holidays will certainly be different than the last couple of years... woo hoo
I will be going to the Mayo Clinic this week, checking in with my oncologist Dr. Northfelt, having tests run and hopefully getting a good report.  My hip is something new I need to talk to him about and I am not looking forward to that talk.  My right breast still continues to ache but I am going to wait and talk to Dr. Kreymerman about that I really think it is just some scar tissue giving me problems.

Recker the cookies and an Update

Today I spent the day with Recker, he is so cute and fun.  He has not been feeling that great lately, just a cold with runny nose and cough.  I sure wish he would start talking, he is 15 months old and we still have not heard a word out of that cute little mouth of his.  Maybe I am going to be sorry once he does start to talk, but for some reason I just want to hear him say mama, daddy, OR BONBON would be good too.  I love when he puts his arms out for me to hold him, or smiles big when he sees me, it is the best feeling ever to be a grandma, I love it, and I love that they only live a couple miles away and I get to see him everyday.
Last night Kayla was in her kitchen cleaning and she let Recker watch a movie before it was time for prayers and bedtime, when she went in to check on him these pictures are what she found. This cute little guy got into Kayla's purse and got her stash of Girl Scout Cookies. He looks so big to me and looks like he is totally relaxed and enjoying his movie.

Recker scored the Girl Scout Cookies

I love the look on his face

Just chillin' with my cookies ha ha

My right hip is getting worse, it hurts continually now instead of just once in awhile.  I guess I will have to mention that to Dr. Northfelt  (oncologist) when I see him next.  I also think it is going to be so hard for me to exercise with this hip problem, I'm going to attempt it after Spring Break next week.  My right breast hurts like no other, not sure what that is all about, it's been going on for awhile now, but since my last surgery I have not wanted to see, hear, or smell the Mayo Clinic.  I told Eric the other night, it's been about 20 months since my diagnosis, and I have been at the Mayo Clinic more times than I care to mention, the last couple months have been great not having to go over there, well with the exception of seeing Dr. Magtibay last week.  I think I am supposed to see Dr. Northfelt this month, guess I should check my itinerary huh?  This has been quite a journey, a long, long journey but I feel like I am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, my son is coming home from his mission to a healthy, happy mother.

Doctor Peter Kreymerman is the BEST🚩

from left to right ♥ Dr. George Lawson ♥ The beautiful Heather Lucas ♥ ME and ♥Dr. PK♥ are they cute or what?


Boy going to the Mayo is an all day adventure, I had 3 appointments today. I hated going into the infusion wing today. the smell disgusts me, but I was very proud of myself I did not have a panic attack today. When I walked in there were 4 people getting infusions, chemo or something else it made me sad to see them there with no-one but nurses, I remember when I 1st met Dr. Northfelt he told me how lucky I was to have Tamy go with me to my chemo appointments. It made me want to go up to each one of those people today and hug them or sit with them, my heart broke watching each of them. I am so grateful to Tamy for not only being so sweet and patient with me but I still can't believe the time that she took out of her day every other week for months to pick me up and drive me to chemo, I have to say we usually had all the nurses laughing though, never a dull moment with Tamy.

OK so I got to see my favorite doctor of all time today, Dr. Peter Kreymerman.... I love him....but before I talk about him I want to introduce you to Dr. George Lawson (aka Doogie Houser) I blogged last week about going to see Dr. PK but I did not post it and kept it as a draft for my personal journal. The reason is because Dr. Kreymerman and his wife had their baby and I didn't know if he would appreciate me posting pictures of his new baby with her name birthday and weight. I will say she is one of the most beautiful baby girls I have EVER seen. So this is what happened, last week I was sitting for a lot longer than usual waiting for Dr. PK to come in, but instead this other cute Doctor walked in, he looked like he was 12 years old, he introduced himself as
Dr. Lawson, and explained about the baby being born and Dr. Pk was not in the office, then he wanted to examine me .... remember I am thinking this kid can't be more than 12 years old well maybe 21, and he wants to look at my boobs? He was actually very professional and I liked him, just weird not having PK there.

So today, I'm waiting for Doctor Kreymerman to come in... the door opens and it's Doogie Houser again, he is really cute, I got brave and finally asked him how old he was... all I will say is that he is not 12 or 21. I love all these young doctors who take time with their patients, I know if I needed to talk to Doctor Kreymerman I could take the time I needed and he would never make me feel rushed, this is part of what makes him such a great Doctor I hope he never changes that part of who he is. I can tell that Doctor George Lawson is going to be a great doctor too, how could he not working with Dr. Peter Kreymerman?

Doctor Kreymerman came in to visit and examine me ..... no doctor that I have ever had in my lifetime is like Dr. Kreymerman. I am going to miss him when he leaves for his fellowship in Atlanta, and when I am no longer his patient. He is a daddy now, and just as any proud daddy should he pulled out the pictures, oh my gosh I couldn't stop looking at her she is absolutely beautiful, so is his wife though. Not that PK isn't cute and all but his wife and baby are gorgeous, he is a very lucky man, and I love that he acknowledges the beauty of his wife and daughter.

I will be having another surgery on Dec 9th, I love my dates with Dr. Peter Kreymerman have I told you that he is my favorite doctor? ha ha And today he went even higher on my list of awesomeness..... he told me I could take the BRA off .... just another reason to love a doctor ...one that tells you "you don't ever need to wear a BRA again" you gotta love that

Paris day 1

I did not sleep last night, I was like a child the night before Christmas, who does this, who gets 12 hour notice from their husband that they are leaving for the city of their dreams? ME .... our theme NO REGRETS ...✈
Leaving Sky Harbor Airport. we will layover in Philadelphia then on to PARIS.


Eric was so happy to eat this bad boy ... philly cheese steak sandwich .... does not look good to me, I ate a bowl of watermelon


Another huge suprise ..... read the boarding pass .... what is the seat number? You got it 1st class ..... are you kidding me? 1st class to PARIS...thank you Eric. He just wants this to not only be a trip to remember but also for me to be comfortable and in no pain, if possible. ♥ Him for that


PASSPORT ✓


Holding hands with our "LIVE FREE" pink bracelets on, if anyone wants one I have 200 at my house. National Breast Cancer month is in October and I would like all my friends to have one.



Relaxing in my private Envoy suite, getting ready to eat a little dinner.


Now for a salad, cheese, tomato and basil and look at that cute little bottle of balsamic vinegar and oil.


1st class meal ... Filet Mignon, twice baked potato and fresh green beans oh and notice the white linen table cloth.


Now for a movie and a little sleep, oh and the TV is my own private, with my own remote .... Eric can't take it away he has his own too. The private suites in Envoy class have seats that fully recline to a bed, so excited !!!


In 1st class we woke up to breakfast, fresh yogurt and granola. Fresh squeezed orange juice .... just kidding not fresh squeezed but it was orange juice.


We took the train into PARIS from the airport.


My new favorite shoes TOMS, these are the most comfortable shoes I have ever worn and walking everywhere we go in PARIS (I love saying PARIS) I am so glad I have them on my feet.


These are some of the art work we saw in the Louvre today. The Mona Lisa is the most popular piece of art but not one of my favorites. Tomorrow we will go and and see the Monets.




I hope Doctor Northfelt will be ok with me eating sugar and flour, after all how often do I get to go to PARIS? I have not eaten any sugar or white flour in months, I do have to admit I was happy to see this fruit stand outside of my hotel.


I tasted Nutella for the 1st time tonight, on a beautiful Crepe. I know, I know you can buy Nutella at Walmart, but I told myself I would never try it until I was in PARIS eating a Crepe. So now I can check that one off the list of things to do. ✔