Love The Ordinary

     Sometimes it's good to sit back and enjoy an ordinary, normal day.  It is a treasure to be completely aware of who you are and where you are going.  I love to learn from other people, I'd love to learn from you!

“Anyone can love a rose, but it takes a lot to love a leaf.  It’s ordinary to love the beautiful, but it’s beautiful to love the ordinary.”  --Unknown Source

As I stumble through my life, I've come to realize how many things I have taken for granted.  Mostly  the 'typical' everyday stuff we all seem to skip over.  The ordinary is often overlooked for the beautiful.  There is so much to love and appreciate about the routine day to day affairs of our lives.  

a view from the road

Recently I was driving towards Mayo Clinic for an appointment-I take the beeline highway which I have usually viewed as not very scenic; but on this day I noticed everyday beauty.  I had seen these a thousand times on that drive, but on that day they were beautiful.  I wondered why I had never taken the time to notice the cactus, or the artistry of the desert.

My personal philosophy leads me to believe our Heavenly Father, who created all things loves ordinary people as much as he loves what the world deems as 'beautiful' people. My personal beliefs also affirm that there is goodness in all of God's creations, not just the things that are easy on the eyes. I'm convinced that the ordinary-both people and nature-deserve much more of our attention.

I am more spiritually in tune and mature than I was seven years ago--now when I recognize beauty I'm able to see with a different lens-viewing 'ordinary' things through the eyes of God is a beautiful sight indeed.  Wouldn't it be nice if we all could see the world through the looking glass in this manner? How lovely it would be.

--Monya

Phoenix is Innocent and Honest

Kaitlyn and Phoenix- so dang cute

Kaitlyn and Brian's little guy Phoenix is incredibly sweet, inquisitive and loving.  This week I was sitting with him watching old pictures of our family pop up on the computer roll.  Phoenix took my hand and said "Chair" so I sat with him and watched as the pictures rolled--oh so many memories. He pointed at each family member and announced their name in his own way.  I noticed several pictures came up of me myself when I could smile, he pointed and said "mom" I said "No that's Bon Bon" he then replied with 'No, mom" When a picture appeared of me in Mayo hospital just after my facial paralysis, Phoenix said "Bon Bon" Talk about a dose of reality, I love Phoenix, I loved that moment with him.  The innocence and authenticity of a child is unmatched and sacred to me.  I love his honesty, he has nothing to gain or lose by simply saying it like it is.  In that moment I realized I'm not crazy what I see in the mirror is what everyone else see's, and it's ok I wouldn't want an adult to tell me what they really see, it would be rude and hurtful, but having this moment with Phoenix has been constant on my mind.

I am grateful the Lord hears me when I tell him I want to fight, I want to be reassured by Him. His loving arms have surrounded me when I want to give up.  I live in such a lonely world, not having anyone to relate to has been difficult.  I know I have changed in so many ways, I'm not as out spoken as I used to be, I listen in a different way.  I realize there are no human eyes that can understand what I am going through--it literally has been the hardest experience I have ever had.  Eric has been a great care-giver THE BEST but still he does not understand the loneliness I feel at times. I am so thankful for Mark Christiansen who has been a great friend for Eric to lean on.  I do not eat in public, it's a hurdle I am trying to overcome. Eric and Mark spend time together especially on days or nights when I just don't want to face the world.

As much as I understand the Lord knows what I am going through, it sometimes has not been enough for me to get through lonely nights of sorrow.  There are some heart aches that I know I have to work out on my own--in the end, when I've done all that I can do to get through--He finally rescues me, He carries me through to the next challenge, just enough to give me some peace. I count each new day as a blessing but I am not afraid of death.

I remember nights when Blake was on his mission I knelt at his bedside and poured my heart and soul out to the Lord, begging and pleading for him to lift the heavy load at least long enough for me to see Blake return home.  Now I want so badly to ask "Why is this happening to me, how do I endure and why am I still alive?" I'm tired, really exhausted trying to keep my mind on happy things only to be surprised with more bad news, more surgery and the fear of one more recovery.

I've felt forgotten at times and wondered if my prayers were being heard, many times it takes the tears and pain to pass for me to realize He needed to withhold immediate relief because He has bigger and better promises for me.  With all that I've gone through I know He has a purpose for me I know if He always gives me everything I want I would not grow and learn.  It's so easy to write those words but quite another story to live through it.  There have been so many blessings that have been disguised and difficult to recognize.

I'm still trying to learn how to trust and believe in myself, it's so hard to have heartbreak over things I have no control over.  Trading off earthly needs or wants for Heavenly promises that are unknown at the moment has been hard to succumb to.  I am so happy but there are times I let the world define my circumstances; at those times I wonder if I have let the Lord down by not fully trusting in Him and His plan for me.  I've come to realize the natural woman in me will always have doubt, fear and tears but no matter what He loves me, even when I hold back my heart for people who really do care about me. In spite of all my faults and mistakes He will always love me.  It may take me more time to truly understand I don't have to earn His love He loves me just the way I am. He knows me, all of me my thoughts, my fears, yet He is always there for me.

The Price of Beauty

I was recently at a training in Canada, as I religiously took notes I suddenly was struck with shock when I heard Mark (the trainer) tell a story about how much women pay for their beauty products.  I heard laughing from the audience, but I was in another world.  I was having an outer body experience. What is the price we pay for beauty?  I'm not talking about a monetary price, as Mark was humorously entertaining us with.
I had an ah ha moment, I wrote:   Mark said "believe me guys, there is a price for beauty...."
I immediately wrote down "For me, what I have learned about beauty from Nerium this past year is Priceless" My face is disfigured, it will never be the same.  I want that so badly, I want to look at someone and smile, smile BIG.  I want to show my teeth.  I can't believe I took my smile for granted.  Just like I took my hair for granted, the feeling in breasts for granted, being able to run and train for granted, I could go on and on..... I simply took everything in life for granted.
I cannot honestly say any of this is understandable, nor has it been easy.  I may not always please people with my honesty and truthfulness, however I know the Lord has gotten me through these past few years.  I have been refined, not defined by Him who loves me just as I am.  In my quiet time, when I spend thinking and pondering over why so much in my life has been hard there have been times I've truly wanted to crawl in a hole and die--I've wondered if anyone would even miss me, lost sometimes in despair.
Then suddenly my heart is filled with more love and an overwhelming feeling of His arms around me, pulling me up through that dark and empty hole into the light again.
I lived for so long not caring about others, not caring even about where I was going or where I should be.  I now know my life was intentionally and most humbly prepared for me before I even came to earth.  His grace has gotten me through enormously unbelievable circumstances.  Because I know He has made promises to me if I am righteous and obedient I will continue trying to live as He wants me to.  I will share Hope and Faith with others, I know the Lord will use me, he will lead and guide me to people who are in need.  This life for me is no longer about beauty on the outside, I ask Him to help me not turn from pain and to give me strength and compassion to help others who are climbing an uphill battle.
We all want to feel beautiful, external beauty, I know this because I have been that person.  There are still glimpses I take in the mirror that horrify me.  When I am weak, I know I have to move forward, never go back, never give up.  I am putting all my faith in unseen strong hands that I have felt comfort me and pull me to a higher ground.  I love that feeling, knowing He is watching over me, He knows me, He feels my pain and He understands my journey on this earth is not quite over.
Physically I am tired, my body aches my heart is full and yet I want to fight because I know there are so many more miracles to come to others from Him through me.  I don't feel comfortable sharing those sacred moments the Lord has so gracefully revealed to me I have more work to do before it is my time to go live with Him again.  He has lifted my burdens on so many occasions when I have wanted to give up.  When Sheldon died, one of those special moments came.  I truly miss him, and visit his graveside often. I'm not sure why, I haven't visited anyone's grave as much as his but I feel a peace there. I will never forget him telling me I looked beautiful when I was bald.  Eric tells me I'm beautiful everyday, he is so kind in that way and I appreciate it so much, but the day Sheldon said those words to me, it meant something different.  He stood there pale faced and bald himself and yet for some reason those words penetrated my heart like no one else ever has. Maybe because I trusted he knew how I was feeling, not just using "words" to succor the needy.
Every bit of the worlds definition of physical beauty has been taken from me.  So yes, there is a price to pay for physical beauty, but for me what I have learned about pure unconditional love and beauty in His eyes is priceless.