Wisdom Teeth Removed

today Kaitlyn had her wisdom teeth removed, she was pretty druggy yelling out for Emily, and on the phone asking everyone where Jamie was, because she was supposed to come over and go jogging with her.......... yeah right!!!! Whe is really swollen up and bruised, but has her funny wits about her. We are going to miss her so much when she goes up to Utah, I am enjoying the time I have with her right now. She is really having a hard time dealing with the death of Dennis Barney. This is just part of the circle of life and a part of life that none of us want to experience, it makes us into much stronger people.
On another note, I have been working out like crazy trying to get the last of Christmas weight off. I have always exercised at least one hour a week 6 days a week, but now I have added a cardio class and I am doing 2 hours of cardio a day. When I got out of class last night I was soaked with sweat....sick..... I was walking out to my car and I thought it was raining because I felt water dripping on the back of my leg, I finally realized it was my hair dripping on my leg. I have always been obsessed with working out I love it, I feel so good when I am done. Now I just need to get the diet down, I love to eat, but when I am burning at least 3000 calories a day I dont worry too much about it. My life is good, I love where I am right now.

Happy 1st Birthday Phoenix

February 13th, 2016 Phoenix turned a year old.  Where does the time go? This past year has been such a blur.  Phoenix is darling, white hair just like his mom and dad had when they were his age.  He makes all the funny faces Kaitlyn used to make; he says mom, dad, papa, bon bon, coco, hi, bye bye, tree, dog,  he points and jabbers.  I'm not quite sure of his language but I'm pretty sure he is saying how crazy we all are.  I have always loved being a mother, I've always thought nothing in the world could ever compare to being a parent; how wrong I was.  Being a grandmother is exhilarating, my perspective is so different, these children can do no wrong.
Kaitlyn planned such a fun and cute birthday party.  Thanks to Mysti and Timmy Brown for allowing us to hold the party in their backyard.  Kaitlyn and Brian live 2 doors down and Mysti has been an incredible friend, neighbor and fill in mom for me as I've wandered this past year.  I will forever be grateful for friends like her.

Family Life

Kaitlyn graduated from Highland High in December (yes early) she is still going to walk with her class in May. Over the summer she went to Utah to take classes to become a CNA (certified nurses assistant) she wants to get a nursing degree, when she came home she found out that Arizona will not hire you as a CNA until you are 18 and she will not be 18 until March. In Utah they would hire her right out of school, so she is in Utah as I write this with her friends looking for jobs, she is going to live with Lindsey Barney and Kelsey Webster. I remember bringing her home from the hospital as an infant like it was yesterday, over the years she has been such a joy to us and we are going to miss her so much when she leaves. I hope she comes home and says she doesn't want to move.....Haleigh found out yesterday that Kaitlyn may move up permanently and she was upset, she said " NO...she cant move....she's my best friend who will I talk to?" I told her she knew this would happen eventually since she is the baby. I don't think she wants to be stuck here with mom and dad, I told her that it means we just get to spoil her more............still NOT HAPPY!!!! Life as I know it is changing and I am not ready for it.

Welcome to the Family

Our sweet Phoenix William Wright finally arrived on Friday February 13. Although I am a very superstitions person, my love for this little guy is over looking my immediate disapproval of Friday the 13th.  Family has assured me Phoenix is going to nix all those myths. I'm not sure why the Lord continues to bless our family with these beautiful spirits, but we feel so abundantly blessed.

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Just one more reason to LIVE HAPPY

New Baby Boy

What the heck is up with all this modern technology?  3D ultrasounds? When my baby girl, who's having this baby boy was in my tummy--we had an ultra sound too, it sure didn't look like this though.  It showed us Kaitlyn was going to be a boy, I don't think those mistakes happen much these days.

I am so happy for Kaitlyn and Brian, they have been married over 5 years now.  Brian has worked hard going to school full time--ASU graduate in May--perfect timing to take over daddy day care... ?

He looks just like Brian

especially with this smirk on his face--BRIAN

It's interesting as a parent to watch your own children grow up, fall in love, figure marriage out, and now have babies.  This little guy is arriving in February and will be our 3rd grandson.  I have never in my life seen any girl happier about being pregnant .... well except maybe me, I loved being pregnant. Seriously though, Brian and Kaitlyn are so organized with the babies room, diapers, etc.  They have no idea what is about to happen to their lives.

 The joy of parenting is indescribable, and I know they are going to be so much better at it than I ever was.  It's always been my dream that my children would raise a better generation than we did, hopefully with each generation it gets better and better.  I have no doubt this baby will be loved, our family is so excited in just a couple short months this little guy will be all the attention.  When I look at these pictures I'm so emotionally attached knowing where he is coming from--a perfect, peaceful, loving place, and as much as we want him to feel what he is feeling right now as he prepares to say good-bye to his great Grandad, Da Wi, cousins, and siblings he will enter this world perfect, but along the way make some mistakes.  My bonbon advice "It's OK to make mistakes, we all do. The most important thing to learn about life is that you are loved, and it's not about how you start the race it's all about how you end the race. Learn from every mistake, laugh it off, be happy and share your knowledge with everyone, you are the brightest star in the sky, I love you"

Spreading HOPE & HAPPINESS at ASU

I was contacted by Dr. Compton, a few weeks ago via email and asked if I would be willing to speak to her eager young students at ASU about my journey with cancer.  I was terrified to do it, I can't imagine what I could say or do to help these students who are interested in medicine--I agreed to do it, I was listening to my heart on this request.
Gratefully I did listen to the still small peaceful voice inside of me and said yes.  Yesterday was the day, I really had nothing prepared, every time I started to write notes it was silly, I thought "why am I writing anything down? this is my life, I've lived it, I've felt it, and I'm surviving it"  Eric, being the public speaker said to me "you need to write some bullet points of what you want to cover in case you forget".....I did, but only had to refer to them one time and that was to  quote something I had written on my blog about a night I was  desperate for some relief.
I actually loved being able to speak with these students and Dr. Compton.  I did have a hiccup, my slide show that I thought was in order of dates was not--so it made it difficult to  show them my journey through a power point with pictures from my blog and FB.  When I realized this was not going to work I did the best I could and spoke from my heart.
I never thought I would be able to speak for an hour and 15 minutes, but I did it--I saw one student asleep so pretty sure what I had to say did not resignate with all of them.  Eric came to support me, and my son in law Brian happened to be on campus he too came to support me, it was good to have them there--Brian is always so good about going out of his way for things like this, I love him for so many things, this is just another.
Just a note about Dr. Compton, she is a lovely beautiful woman inside and out.  Those students hopefully, already know what a gem of a women she is, in addition to being a great Doctor, mentor and instructor.  I felt at peace, I felt strong and most of all I felt BRAVE.

Dr. Compton and I.  She is so gracious and kind

Some of the students--the girls are sisters from the Ivory Coast...One just got accepted to Medical School the other headed off for a fellowship at Harvard.  Full Scholarship, such smart lovely girls. These are our future Doctors

Eric loved speaking with them in French

Kaitlyn Rae

Friday March 6th, 2014

Happy Birthday to my cutie patootie Kaitlyn Rae.  This cute girl is married, works full time to help her husband get through school, and still manages to find time to visit her OLD MAMA and spend the day. I remember so vividly the day Dr. Lepetich did my ultrasound and announced to us as he pointed and said "you see that?, it's a boy" What a surprise it was to hear him say several months later, "oops, it's a actually a girl"  I didn't believe him, Eric and I had picked out a name for our new little boy, we had bedding made for a boy, and of course clothes for a boy.  Eric ran to Dillards and came back with some darling girl clothes, something special we could take her home from the hospital in.

We are so blessed to have Kaitlyn in our life.  She has brought so much joy to us, she has a personality bigger than life--she always has and always will.  People have always told me she looks so much like me, I can't deny that--she is a spitting image of me, sometimes it even freaks me out when I see a picture of her.  I think seeing her grow up to be the beautiful, strong woman she has become brings so much joy to my heart, it's been  like seeing my childhood all over again, only happy.  So many times I have watched her and been amazed at the similarity of how we think and feel.  She also has much of her dad in her too--she is a good combination of both of us.  I love you Kaitlyn, you have been a great daughter not only to us, but also to our Heavenly Father, he is pleased I'm sure with who you are.

Meet Brian Wright

Brian Matthew Wright

Kaitlyn and Brian

This is my son in law, he is married to Kaitlyn.  My 1st impression of Brian when he came to pick up Kaitlyn for their 1st date was this is a great guy, kind, polite and respectful.  However, as soon as he left with Kaitlyn I looked at Eric and said "oh boy, Kaitlyn is going to eat him up and spit him out" those of you who know Kaitlyn know what I'm talking about, but those of you who don't,  she is. or I should say she, at that time in her life was not looking for a serious relationship, was going to travel the world, go to school and not get married until she was at least 25.   Brian was a newly returned missionary, and I could see this relationship going no where, especially since Brian was living in Utah and Kaitlyn was a senior in high school--she had already graduated but had not walked with her class yet.  Needless to say, I was wrong and Kaitlyn fell in love and married Brian.  I knew he was truly in love with my daughter when he continued to pursue her, driving from Utah to see her, then when he finally did ask Eric for her hand in marriage, Eric turned him down, in fact he told Brian she was too young and he would have to think about it, for some guys this would be a major red flag turn off, but to Brian it was just a hurdle and he continued to persevere. I finally had to get involved and remind Eric even though she is young she is also 18 years old and can do this with or without his permission, so he needed to either get on board or sit back and watch it happen. 
We love Brian, his parents raised him to be a hard worker and has shown us through his faith in the Lord he is dedicated to being an outstanding husband and someday father. Brian has been in full time school since they moved here and just got accepted to ASU for January session.  We are so proud of him and look forward to seeing him continue to  accomplish his goals. 

Ezra joins our family

I think this is the longest I have gone without posting on my blog.  Things have been crazy around the Williams home, so much to catch up on now--
Eric and I are so overjoyed with our new little grandson Ezra Ray Roussel, he arrived on February 23, 2013 weighing in at 9 pounds 8 ounces and 22 inches long.  I was blessed with the opportunity to be in the delivery room with Kayla and Jeremy again.  There is nothing more miraculous than a baby being born--just a couple of days before Ezra was born I was at the Temple and felt Eric's dad really strong, on my way home I called and told Kayla what a great experience it was to feel him right there with me again.  I am thrilled they decided to name Ezra after Ray, he was an amazing man.  We will have fun telling Ezra all about his humor and big spirit.
I have to brag on my oldest daughter for a minute, Kayla is amazing at giving birth--I know that sounds weird, but she really is.  Never a peep out of her, in her mind she thinks she is screaming but we never hear a word out of her.  I know she was worried about having a C-Section, the doctor came in the room and told the nurses to get the OR prepped for a C-Section and I could see in the face of both her and Jeremy they did not want that to happen--problem is the doctor did not want to put the baby at any risk--since Ezra was so big, the doctor was worried about the width of his shoulders, if she got the head out but could not deliver the shoulders they would have to push him back in and do an emergency c-section.  Kayla did awesome, little Ezra's arm was behind his back while coming out, they were worried his arm would break, and I have never seen a delivery doctor work as hard as hers did to get this little guy out safely, after his head was out the nurse stuck both her hands in and turned him.  I know the pain was excruciating especially since the medicine had worn off by then, but they did it.  I watched the doctor turn red and shake as she pulled on Ezra's head, I got teary thinking she was going to break his neck--finally he plunged into the world--HUGE was the only thing I could think of--I was so proud of Kayla-she has been an amazing mother to Recker and now she gets the joy of raising another wonderful son--it's such a spiritual experience to watch a baby enter the world.

doctor had to suction him out--poor little head

We love Him

Welcome to the Family

Ezra Ray Roussel 2.23.13

Recker giving little brother his 1st kiss

This is perfection at it's finest, our family has been extremely blessed.

Move a Mountain

Sunday, my daughter Kaitlyn and her husband Brian were asked to speak in church on the subject of FAITH.  I was moved by their talks, Kaitlyn spoke of her respect and love for the FAITH her brother showed as he went out to serve a mission for the Lord in the Dominican Republic, she spoke of how he left behind so much as he journeyed out into the unknown, relying fully on the strength within himself and the Lord to help him through 2 years.  When he left, he was 21 years old and had been struggling with some of his own demons and trials, through those struggles he was blessed with the ability to pull himself out of the hole he dug himself into by moving mountains with his faith.  I continued to explain to him the great blessings that would be his if he would obey and follow the gospel plan the Lord had set in motion for him.  I know thought I was a nag and probably did not really listen much, but the spirit somehow was able to speak to him and help him to get back on the straight and narrow way, a path that would eventually lead him to decide to serve a mission.  I know he was under an extreme amount of anguish and pain as he left his home, but I will never forget the look of pride when he walked into the MTC--maybe a little bit of fear was involved too, at least I know there was on my part--oh how my heart ached for him, yes I knew he was worthy to be there, that was not what put me in such anguish.  Being his mother I knew it would be the most difficult thing he had ever accomplished in his life, and the people who he loved the most in the world were going to be facing some life changing moments in their lives, he would not be attending his sisters wedding, the birth of our first grandchild, the graduation of his other sister, but the most troubling part was me, what had I done to prepare him?  I felt helpless, I too had to put all of my faith in the Lord and rely on him to protect and watch over my son, to lead him in direct passages that would eventually bring him home to us safe and sound and worthy to stand as a witness.  My eyes were constantly teary wondering how he was doing, knowing he was worried about my diagnosis with cancer and that he could not be hear to comfort me, what he didn't know was I felt his loving arms around me on more than one or two occasions, he showed such tremendous amounts of Faith while he served I am still overwhelmed by some of the mission stories he has told me.  He left unsure of the gospel, unsure of his future, and unsure if he would ever see his mother again, but he came home with a perfect knowledge that the gospel is true, knowing that his future is bright if he continues to follow God;s plan for him, and he came home to a mom that welcomed him with open arms and a huge heart.  Kaitlyn is right, Blake is amazing and I continue to thank Heavenly Father everyday for the great man he has turned out to be--

Brian's talk was equally touching, as I listened to him speak tears filled my eyes and the tears seemed to stream down my cheeks untouched as I listened intently to the words that came out of his mouth.  These words were not ordinary words, he was telling the story of my life without using my name.  I was prepared to hear him speak about his grandfather who has surely undoubtedly taught Brian the principle of FAITH.  Brian and Kaitlyn have spoken of him several times with sweet regard to his knowledge of the gospel, and I know he has been a forcing influence in Brian and Kaitlyns lives.
However, in this talk he gave about FAITH he was telling the story of a young baby girl born into a family broken, parents who were battling one with another, her father who because of drugs and alcohol led him to the pathway to prison.  When her mother was remarried, this new father role in her life abused her physically, mentally and sexually.  Tears began to now run down Brian's cheeks and I could hear the lump in his throat he tried to continue with the story.  He talked about how this daughter of God had made promises to the Lord, stayed worthy and close to her Heavenly Father yet abuse and trials still seems to be a big part of her life.  When she was in her twenties another trial of faith came when she was faced with the death of her younger brother, yet she continued to trust in the Lord and give her heart and soul to the church and to others she served.  As Brian is saying these words out loud, I am becoming more and more agitated in my seat, the anxiety was starting to surface and I was not sure I would be able to hide it from Eric.  It was like watching your life flash before your eyes, but from a different perspective than what you actually lived.  It sounded so easy as Brian described my life, not necessarily easy was the life, but easy was the FAITH he described me as having.  It has caused me to think the last few days, do I have that FAITH engraven in my soul? I certainly don't remember feeling as though I was showing great faith, it felt more like survival mode I was in--negotiations were happening on a daily basis with the Lord--"get me out of this alive, and I will serve you, I promise" 
Brian continued with his talk, speaking of the cancer I was diagnosed with, I really had no idea that my cancer had been seen by anyone as a FAITH builder...I know I speak a lot about having HOPE and FAITH, but never realized those words have penetrated the souls of some of my family members.

In difficult times of our lives it is so easy to give up, turn away from the very thing that can help us through the most fierce adversity of our lives.  I know it is impossible to predict an end to our trials and problems of life, but I know I can promise this bit of HOPE  if we have FAITH in Jesus Christ, the hard times as well as the good times, can be a great blessing to us, this strength will give us FAITH to move a mountain.

Panick attack at the BATMAN movie

Last night, at a very last minute decision we decided to go see the Batman movie- Kailtyn, Brian, Blake & Chloe, Eric and I.  It was late and I don't particularly like going to movies anyway, but wanted to get out of the house. 


Even though the theater was still pretty full we were able to get seats up higher but I was in the middle next to Chloe and Eric--immediately I began to feel claustrophobic and a little un-easy as the lights went down--within the the 1st couple minutes of the show I could feel myself leaning towards a panic attack-- checking for the exit doors, watching every person getting in and out of their seats.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see a woman dressed in all black, something hanging from her pants which looked to me to be a gun, immediately I panicked starting breathing really harshly and told Eric I needed to get out of there asap.  I rushed out in to the lobby, pacing trying to get my heart rate to calm down, I was shaking so badly when Kaitlyn came up behind me to see if I was OK I jumped with fear and I think I even scared her a little.  Within a few minutes the woman dressed in black approached me and asked if I was OK, I told her I was fine just needed some air, I noticed the walkie talkie hanging from her pants was not a gun after all, she and I had a little conversation about my panic when I saw her walking up and down the aisles--but asked her to just let me be and I would be OK in a few minutes I just needed some time to get my head back where it should be.  I said a prayer and a few minutes later I walked back into the theater, still not brave enough to walk up to my seat, I stood at the top of the landing leaning against the wall watching both the exit doors and trying to comprehend what was happening on the movie screen--within minutes there was a shooting scene, where innocent people were being killed--I made a mad dash for the exit and back into the lobby.  "What the heck is going on in my head?"    My thoughts continually thinking about all of those innocent people in Aurora Colorado last week who were shot dead while sitting in a theater just like this one watching this exact same movie-- I'm not sure why these things happen in our world, what makes a person do the things they do, but it put enough fear in me, fear that I had no idea even existed in my soul.  When I finally got it together and was brave enough to walk back up to my seat, that is exactly where I wanted to stay, close to Eric-- he held my hand and could feel my entire body shaking, it was paranoia taking over--every time anyone got up from their seat to leave I would swing my head to see who they were and what they were doing--needless to say this movie was the longest movie I have ever seen and could not enjoy it, I was never so happy for a movie to be over.


As we walked out of the theater I was looking in the eyes of every person I could see, not sure what I was hoping to see, but wondering if any of them felt like I did, trying to decipher if any of them had it in them to do what this terrorist did, wondering how the lives of all those who survived that awful night will ever be able to get past it, their lives are forever changed--going to a movie will never be the same--will they ever go to another movie?  and for sure the Batman series will forever bring back those horrible memories for them. I was impressed with Christopher Nolan this past week as he flew to Aurora to be with the families of those effected by this horrible tragedy, this is what he had to say:

"Speaking on behalf of the cast and crew of The Dark Knight Rises, I would like to express our profound sorrow at the senseless tragedy that has befallen the entire Aurora community. I would not presume to know anything about the victims of the shooting but that they were there last night to watch a movie. I believe movies are one of the great American art forms and the shared experience of watching a story unfold on screen is an important and joyful pastime. The movie theatre is my home, and the idea that someone would violate that innocent and hopeful place in such an unbearably savage way is devastating to me. Nothing any of us can say could ever adequately express our feelings for the innocent victims of this appalling crime, but our thoughts are with them and their families."
-Christopher Nolan 

I came home last night opened up my scriptures and started reading anything I could get my hands on about peace-- there were many of those scriptures already marked by me, but one that stood out was saying that the peace makers here on earth will forever have peace in their souls for eternity.  I said my prayers, snuggled up next to Eric and was happy to be in a home safe, and peaceful, at least for the moment.

What is Normal?

So the other day I was having a conversation with my son Blake-- I asked him how he was doing, and if he felt like he was adjusting to being back home--his reply was "mom, I feel like I'm getting back to normal again" I then asked him "what is normal son?"  then we had a long conversation about being normal.  My thoughts are still on that conversation.  I told him that our normals continually should be changing.   Two and a half years ago my normal was certainly different than they are now, I was worried about children, getting up going to work, worrying about children, making dinner every night, worrying about children, cleaning house, training for a marathon, worrying about children.  Then Blake surprised us with deciding on a mission, Kaitlyn got engaged, Kayla was pregnant with our first grandchild and I found out I had breast cancer--WOW did my normal change in a heartbeat.  Everything I thought was "NORMAL" was put on a back burner--now my normal was how can I do this? every thought that occupied my thoughts were -- worrying about Blake, worrying about the wedding, worrying about Kayla and Jeremy having a baby in the middle of all this, Haleigh having her senior year of HighSchool with her mom going through cancer, and Eric, my sweet husband having to see me go through hell, how could I ever allow him to see my mangled body again? how could I let him see me bald and sick? and more important than all I worried he would worry too much about me.... I needed everything to just go back to "normal"  Soon my normal became trips to Mayo Clinic on a regular basis, no exercising, certainly forgetting about my marathon running, missing my son terribly and worrying that he would be strong enough to make it 2 years without his family, I constantly worried about Haleigh and Eric.  Throwing up, losing weight, taking drugs and seeing oncologists were now my normal.  Soon my normal became kneeling and praying morning, day and night, begging pleading with the Lord to help me understand this new normal I was experiencing.  Educating myself about breast cancer was something I never thought I would be doing,  especially not for myself and now it was another normal for me.
The point to all of this is, our "normal's" change constantly in our life.  I was not prepared for my "normal" to change, but it taught me to understand that I am not in charge.  I learned to appreciate change, to figure out who I am and what I consider to be the most important, to live life to the fullest everyday living as if it were my last because things change constantly and without change we don't progress and grow.
One of the most important lessons I have learned during this journey called LIFE is the Lord is in control HE knows the beginning, middle and end HE loves me, and that when I listen for answers they always come, maybe not today or tomorrow but they always come.

My Kaitlyn is 20 Today.

Even with dark hair you are beautiful..ha ha

Dear Kaitlyn Rae:  Happy 20th Birthday.  Boy I remember when I turned 20 like it was yesterday, dad and I were dating, and I was so in love with him, but you know what?  The Love I had for him then has grown and matured into a more intimate respect and admiration for him.  He is a good man, and I know he Loves me unconditionally.  I love him more today then the 1st time I thought I did, it seriously gets sweeter and a deeper LOVE as years go by, as you struggle and have difficulties together.  Those moments I would not trade for anything in the world simply because those times are what have defined your dad and I, they are what makes the Love we have for each other Eternal.  I see you and Brians pure love for each other and I am impressed with both of you.  Never let a day go by that you don't make him feel your love for him, I can see in his eyes how much he adores you and wants to please you.  He is spiritually in tune, follow his lead and he will teach you so much about the Gospel and about Eternal Families.  Dad and I both Love Brian and You together, you just fit, in fact you are a perfect fit, we could not be happier.  Continue to make the Temple a focus in your marriage, you will learn so much in the Temple, mostly you will always feel the spirit there, the second you walk in,  to me it feels as if the world just left and Heaven has started.  I see your testimony growing as you take on the role of Wife, it is quite a responsibility isn't it?  However, it can be fun and enjoyable if you let it be lead in prayer, if you will ask the Lord for help in the areas you feel you need, don't be afraid to talk freely with Heavenly Father, really talk to him, just like you would to me or your dad, Heavenly Father knows your heart and he knows your needs, he will answer your questions, God is Always Good, and the promises he makes are bound.  Since I was diagnosed with the VILLAIN I have learned to pour out my soul to him, I'm ashamed to say that I never really had to do that before, but I realize now that there were so many times in my life when I should have, I know without a doubt HE loves me, HE knows me by name, and He Loves you, and Knows you by name too, I think when days go by when we don't talk to him he is sad, I try to imagine him crying out loud because he didn't hear from me today, and I always take the time no matter where I am even if I am in my car to turn off the radio and talk out loud to HIM.

You are my daughter, and I love that you chose me for your mama, when I think about all the other homes you could of chosen to go to, I feel so blessed you chose dad and I, you have been such a great blessing in our life and I love you so much, you teach me to be more patient, to listen with a softer heart and to care about others feelings.  You truly are an example to me, thank you.  You have so much of life ahead of you, and I am excited to see what choices you and Brian make, I know all your choices you include the Lord in and this is why I don't worry about you....EVER.

I love You Eternally

your mama