Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Today is 5 days post op, I told Kayla this morning I should be feeling better, "why do I feel so depressed and nauseated?" She said "mom, you just had surgery on Thursday, give yourself a break."
Every time I eat something I feel like throwing up, every time I stand up I feel like throwing up, when I rest and lie down I'm depressed. So many memories of when I finished chemo and went through a terrible depression keep coming back to me, that was such a low time for me and I don't want to go back there. I had this panic this morning, I did not want Eric to go to work. I asked him if he could take me for a ride tonight, I just need to get out of this house for some fresh air.
I need to read my scriptures tonight and find some relief. It's a strange thing to feel so grateful to be alive, to be so grateful for Dr. Kreymerman and other doctors at Mayo who have literally made my journey bearable and at the same time be so sad.

I'm learning that Patience is the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry, or frustrated.
It's having the ability to do God's will and accept HIS timing. I think people who are patient have the ability to hold up under pressure and are able to face adversity calmly and with HOPE, with all that being said you can see that I have a lot to work on.

A quote that I will read today over and over is

"Life is full of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature,
There seems to be an unending supply of challenges for one and all. Our
problem is that we often expect instantaneous solutions to such challenges,
forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required."
-President Thomas S. Monson-


Anonymous said...

There are OTHER people, not quite as funny as Eric, that would love to take you for a ride ya know. (That OTHER person might even pretend in her own mind that for a moment you guys are Thelma and Louise!hehee)
Remember that feeling depressed is sometimes beyond our control. It's the hormonal and chemical changes... be kind to yourself, know that it will pass.
What can I do for you!!??

Michelle said...

I would love to help you too if I could? I've been thinking of food to send over to you but then thought you'd probably only like very specific things. I love that quote. I don't remember hearing it. Did he say it in this last conference? It's a good one to remember. My dad always says.."This too shall pass". :)

Nichole said...

Hang in there! You are such a trooper!