Live Happy

A couple of weeks ago my dear sweet friend Liz Decker asked me to give a testimonial at our Nerium Event, I  knew I wanted to but was not sure what to say. How could I possibly inspire or be an example ? I have done ok with Nerium and fully enjoyed meeting new friends and taking my mind off of my cancer journey, but I am surely not an example of success in the Nerium world.  I had goals written down, simple things I wanted to achieve daily, weekly then monthly when the tumor in my ear arrived and killed the nerve in my face all my goals had to be put on hold. I had 3 surgeries in one week, making it 18 surgeries within 5 years. While I was in Mayo Hospital for 3 weeks, my Nerium friends came to visit--what a surprise that was to me, I barely knew these people. That act of service was a truly heartwarming experience, I realized I really am loved by other people than my own family.  These past couple of months have been incredible as I have fought my way through thick and thin to stay alive......right now I'm a little thick because of the steroids I am on, but guess what?  I simply don't care, if those steroids can help me get to a healing place, bring on the thick.

Look at these beautiful, happy successful women

Don't go anywhere without this magazine--every nurse, doctor
and resident got one from me at Mayo and Cleveland Clinic

Liz and Danny--great leaders, great friends
Love Danny's shirt, I have it too it says
TODAY CHOOSE HAPPY

This subject of Living a Happy Life has become so dear to me over the past 12 years or so.  Being raised in a fully dysfunctional home, then meeting the man of my dreams was quite an opposition from what I was feeling in my home , hearing Eric say "I love you" it was shocking to me.  I remember going home that night at the ripe age of 19, kneeling by my bed and promising the Lord I would live worthy of this man, if He would keep His promise and get me out of this toxic environment.  Promises made were not broken, we were happily married, blessed with 3 beautiful daughters and one magnificent son--they are all married now, and we have been blessed with 2 grandsons from my oldest daughter Kayla and her husband Jeremy--oh how our family has been blessed with great son and daughter in laws--I love them all-they make me smile.

So back to this subject of really Living a Happy Life, is it possible? There was a time I did not know what love was, not to mention true happiness.  But the second my daughter was born, I was instantly in love with her, my happiness was filled to the brim, nothing could or ever would compare to this.....wait 13 months later my son came along, big 9 lbs 8 oz, Eric cried.  I wasn't sure he was crying because he was blessed with a son to carry on the Williams name or if he was just happy for that special moment of being told "congratulations, he's a handsome healthy boy" All four of my children have brought such joy and happiness to my life, they lived the young life that I was never granted and I loved watching them make mistakes, figure out the problem and fix it.

When Kayla had her 1st child Recker, the doctor induced her so that I could be there for the birth, I was going through my chemo treatment and didn't want to miss the birth of our first grandchild.  He was blond, beautiful and big--with a mixture of characteristics from both Kayla and Jeremy. Talk about happiness, there is not much more that compares to the unconditional love between a father, mother and their new baby, a gift from Heavenly Father, he has entrusted in parents to take special care of these special children of His.

Although those moments and days after a baby is brought home is such a happy time of life, trials do come to all of us.  My question, even to myself is how do we maintain a happy life through sometimes what seems to be an endless amount of sadness, sorrow, anger and disappointment?  I don't have much science to back it up, but would like to give my opinion on this subject. I believe each child is born into a family with their own spirit, some of those children will be born naturally happy all the time, smiles, giggles, hugs, kisses and eating may make him happy. Seeing both of my grandchildren laugh, giggle, run and play always changes my serotonin levels  and creates a smile or two from me too. Recker our oldest grandson was diagnosed with Autism at age 16 months, I had no idea how to feel about that, should I cry or should I feel blessed that he had been sent to our family to teach and help us grow in compassion, and unconditional love? Now Recker is 4 and a half, he still does not speak, but tries hard to communicate--my daughter and son in law are amazing with him.  Many times I have wept for them, not because of the diagnosis, but because of not knowing how to react when people are rude. I love to just watch him, no words, just watch....he seems so happy, he absolutely brings happiness to me.  I'm not sure he knows he is different, he laughs and plays and hugs and kisses us--he truly is happy.  Heavenly Happy.  

Ezra visiting bonbon at Mayo--he never stops smiling

My sweet little Recker boy, dirty from doing what he loves
playing outside--gave me the #1 for the RedSox

When I was a child my family called me BonBon, I've been told because of my super white hair, the only thing I can see is a likeliness is that the ice cream bonbon's are white inside, covered in chocolate on the outside. No matter, the name stuck with me and even now when I  repeat this name for my email, or to explain why my grandchildren call me bonbon---it always brings a smile to those who hear it. So does smiling mean a person is happy? I'm not sure that qualifies as complete happiness, but it sure is a great start. I believe there is power in a positive mental attitude.

When Eric and I first got married he would go around the valley speaking to hundreds of people about how to have a positive mental attitude....so weird that he and I ended up being married, because I was as far from a positive person when we met----maybe that's why it took 6 years of dating---I've learned so much about having a positive outlook from him.  Imagine this, when we first got married Eric would make me stand in front of the mirror and tell myself I was beautiful, I was going to have a great day, and that I was happy. Laugh if you want, I did too, in fact I was so resistant at times he would laugh at me and tell me "if you don't believe in yourself then no one else will either, so hold your head up high and repeat after me"

yep...where it all started--Frenchy is
still my #1 fan even when I have a funk day
Positive all the time, never heard a swear word
from his mouth in over 30 years. Believes
no matter what there is always good in
people, we just need to find it and let
them know, they are important to him.

It took me years, probably until I was about 36  years old to realize the power of words, they can hurt worse than any physical pain or abuse they sting your brain and can last for years or even life, or they can lighten a room full of people,  perhaps make one of them feel empowered to change their sad life to a happy one.  I know this from an experience,   I had an experience that changed my life forever.  One day I was wallowing in my own sorrow, feeling bad for myself, actually I'll just say it I WAS VERY DEPRESSED. It had been 7 years since my mother walked away from me, I tried so hard to figure out how to "fix" it, I took on the blame and felt as if I was a failure on so many levels, maybe I should of done something different.  Why couldn't I get this emotional baggage I was carrying around and put it on a plane going far far away? I was far from a happy place.  One of my friends came by the house with her children so they could play with mine. While they played, she asked me what was wrong, and that she had noticed an obvious change in me. I was sensing my mental anguish and decided to tell her a portion of what was going on in my life. Remember at this point, the only people I had to talked to about this was my parents, Eric and my bishop.  She looked me straight in the eye and said "I hope you will understand this when I tell you, but I took psychology at BYU and learned that the percentage of people who have been abused as a child is very high that they too will abuse, so I cannot allow my children in your home anymore, in fact we need to cut our friendship and not allow our children to play anymore." She went as far as to make sure our children were not in the same primary classes together.  Now, to most people this story sounds cruel and unbelievable but for me it changed my life.  I never wanted to be "that" person.  From that day forward, I chose happiness.  Well I have to admit, not everyday since then has been "HAPPY" actually far from it, however, I've learned to find something to learn from each experience that comes into my life.  We may not all agree on the parenting skills of others, or what our passions are but I believe we can all agree living happy is far better than the opposite.

My teenage years were fun with my friends Linda and Jami, I loved them so much and always found happiness, a joy in their presence, mostly because we were girls who made good choices and lived the rules and regulations not only of our faith but also our family rules.  As I have thought about this question,"What is Happiness" the past 8 months I have deliberately made a decision to not allow negative influences impact my life.  (The loss of a family member or family excluded), I allow myself grief but with that being said, I also believe the Lord wants us to be happy while we are alive and that we are promised a life happy after death, so happiness is never taken from us in life or death.  We are the ones who make those decisions, "will I be happy today? or will I be angry or sad?" I found after putting this purposely to action when I walked or ran on the treadmill I am either reading a book or watch the TV in front of me, more than likely I listen to music on an Ipod.  I noticed the difference, when a few years a go after finishing my chemo and radiation treatments my doctor told Eric and I it was time for me to look at my bucket list and start doing them.  We first chose to go to Paris, my husband speaks fluent french and it was a place I always wanted to go.  While in Paris I found my "happy place": Porte Jaune, we were in nature riding bikes being forced to see the Lords creations, to pay attention.  I believe getting back in touch with nature provides endless abundance of happiness. We stopped and picked fresh flowers and berries, we sat and watch as an older generation of men played a game of horseshoes or chess. Children holding handing with their parents giggling so contagiously we had to see what was going on, it was a fish in the stream they were concentrating on for  what seemed to be  15 minutes. Eric and I then joined in their happiness. Every surgery I have gone through before I go into the OR Eric says, now go to your "happy place, I'll meet you there" Do you have a happy place?

the man feeding birds-so peacefully enjoying his day

MY HAPPY PLACE IN FRANCE Porte Jaune

with my favorite frenchy--selfies 

  I am a Facebook, Instagram contiributor, I enjoy hearing the good things my friends are doing, or knowing that I need to pray for a family in need, however, I too believe too much time can be spent on those things. For me, I have made it a habit to read from a good book, or listen to a positive CD or music.  I have turned my car into a NO PHONE ZONE and will always be listening to self help or inspirational stations, or CD's.  Once I have done what I need to do to feed my own soul, then I will check in on FB or IG.

On my nightstand--tried to edit out the pill bottles sorry

I loved this so much, I gave the CD and book
to all of my son in laws, my son and husband

This is the book that can change
your perspective

Something I love to do this book
is a good way to change your
attitude towards the blessings
you have in your life-and share
it with others

You're never too young to learn how to
live
a happy life

In the most recent Live Happy Magazine I read "Does Happiness Matter?"  We've all heard that success won't bring happiness. But have you ever heard that the reverse is true? Choosing happiness is not just the right thing to do--it's the smart thing to do for your health, relationships, and believe it or not your business. A Harvard study proved happiness fuels success, happier people are healthier, and live longer, they are more satisfied in their relationships, and they experience less stress.  When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I had two different doctors ask me a series of questions one of the 1st questions asked was "did you have any childhood trauma or unneeded stress, or did anything significantly difficult happen to you as a child?" Whoa--that question threw me for a loop, I did not want to admit it, but yes I did live 25 years of total stress, and trauma,  keeping secrets, pretending to be a "Happy Family" if I didn't do that,  I would be the blame for a hurt I knew my mom could not handle, so I kept it in until I was 29. Besides a family history the only other symptom I had was stress--Letting that go and not only being true to myself, but true to my family has been a mixture of emotions--It not only opened up a huge wound, it put a lot of stress on my husband and family.  Being the optimistic, I actually thought confronting this issue was going to finally change my life for good, and we could get some family help, I was wrong.

My life from that time forward changed, it took time, I had to go through every emotion and allow myself to feel pain, hurt, anger, guilt until finally after many years I was able to forgive and feel what joy and happiness, I mean true happiness is.  I began taking my children for walks, going to the park, and being the mother I always wanted to have.  I changed, I made a difference by being involved with my children, I did not do the best job but I did OK, and I know my children are going to be even better than I am as a mother.  So the answer to the Question "Does Happiness Matter?" a huge resounding YES it does.

http://goodthinkinc.com/2012/01/harvard-business-review-positive-intelligence/

Researchers have found that "getting in touch" "earthing" "grounding" or "connecting with nature" regardless of what we call it, There is an obvious connection with a person's "we'll being, as well as our physical well being. So how do we start? One thing I have learned personally, there are like I mentioned before, some people who are naturally born with a happy positive attitude. I myself was not, I have had to work on this continually.  Many times children are born into a family that is very structured and teaches them organization, which in many associations in life and at home is very important.  I always wondered how people who taught their children at home could do it....I would of said to my kids "OK let's go to the park, or a movie, then we'll come home and do our math" In other words I am not a structured person--I love spontaneity--I look forward to doing small things for other people, I love to help people in need (which sometimes blows up in my face)  I believe a person who leads with a positive mood is contagious, I would rather surround myself with uplifting, positive, compassionate people than the person who never has a good thing to say, or is a pessimist.

8 months ago my mother passed away I was not close to her and had a difficult time understanding her thinking.  I decided at that moment I was going to take the next few months and do a kind service or something nice for for someone, anyone.  What I did first was get a clicker I carried in my hand, every time a negative thought came into my mind or out of my mouth I clicked. After a week I decided to check out the clicker.....oh boy was I disappointed, there were more clicks than I wanted to have. Now what do I do? I knelt and prayed that night and asked the Lord to please help me to change those thoughts and actions.  I've always been a little bit scared to ask the Lord for these types of helps, because if you ask for help He will give you more oppositions to increase your accomplishment of mastering this trial you have. So knowing this I pondered why I wanted to do this.
I reset the clicker and started clicking all of the service and good things I had done,  good thoughts or comments I had expressed to others, unexpectedly after a week I took a look at my clicker surprising my positive thoughts and service had tripled in numbers. I bought 100 clickers and give them to all the people who want to work with my Nerium team--one week doing the negative, one week the positive, then make the adjustments,  I started writing down my goals for the day, the week and finally the month. I check it everyday and re-evaluate whether those goals are realistic, in other words I don't set myself up for failure.  Failure isn't  falling down, it's refusing to get back up.  I've learned if I had never experienced failure, pain or hurt, I would not appreciate the great blessings I have in my life.

Without ever feeling sorrow or trials--
you would never know what success
and happiness is.

Think  Happy-Be Happy-and the success
will come--it's more important for you
to love yourself love your life and be happy
with who you are, than it is to struggle for
financial freedom, this secondary to
your living happy

Being astonished by the results of my positive week, I continued with the clicking method and I keep track of those happy thoughts and how they effected not only me but others.  When I started this experiment I was 50 years old (essentially half my life over) Imagine if the people in the world all wore happiness clickers.  I am a partner in a company called Nerium International, one of the reasons I joined was they were on the same thought pattern as myself. You may ask what types of things do I do to help others have a happy day.  I started very slowly by opening a door for an elderly person who could not reach the door handle at Mayo Clinic. One day I was at a grocery store where all the floral's that
morning were being thrown out because they had a few brown spots on them, I asked the manager if it were OK for me to take a few, his response was "take them all", and I did.  I then went to a local park and began handing them out to all the people who walked by me, I  loved this, everyone had a smile. I went one morning and picked up trash that had been blown into the field where our children play soccer, I bought groceries for a family I knew needed them and dropped them on their door step, I bought lifesavers took them to a cancer facility and gave them to all the cancer patients, I gave a man a ride who was hitching, when I drove up and picked him up, he said "why are you helping me, no blonde woman has ever given me a ride, usually I hop in the back of a workers truck" I was listening to  inspirational music, he asked me if I was scared, I said "should I be? do you have a gun or knife?" he said 'no' then I said "then you should be scared" and we both laughed BTW MY FAMILY WAS NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS ONE. I don't regret it.  Giving a smile to an unhappy person, telling someone  you love their blouse or outfit, does world of good and does not cost a thing. I remember a guy who was in chemo every time I was there, he looked so sad one week I brought him a bag of kisses, with a note, the smile on his face was priceless and we remained friends through email until one week he was not there anymore.....I cried the whole way home, but realized he is happy now, he won his battle--he gets to  continue his journey in happiness just not from earth.  I choose everyday to see happiness in others, I've found since doing this I get the rewards of contentment, no regrets, and simple joy. If you want to make the world a better place join the live happy movement today it's free to sign up and you will not believe the map you can follow of you paying forward, and then them paying forward it's global and I love it.  http://Monya.mylivehappy.com/happy-reach  go to this link and start today, it's free and so fun, when you get to the website click on join now from my website, so we can keep a count on the map of how many people we have reached.

My visit with Dr. Northfelt🚩

This past week my husband turned 55 years old--we decided to go to Paris for the week.  We always have an enjoyable time together, but I don't think we will go back in May again, it was rainy and cold. We went to my "happy place" to ride bikes and it was pouring down, no bikes and very cold.  We walked around, drank some hot chocolate and talked about having my ashes spread there in that beautiful place--they painted the house/chateau a red and white color, I think I liked it better when it was just white--Eric spoke to the guard at the gate and he said for a fee we can rent out an area, or room for family--could it be that he is finally warming up to the idea of my cremation?

Porte Jaune my "happy place"

the walkways and bike trails in Porte Jaune

This is the cute little hot cocoa/sandwich shop we love

the river, usually with huge white swans

the private chateaux

Paris, is and always be "our place" I love spending time with Eric there, it never gets old to me, we have our favorite places we like to go, but mostly just spending the days alone together holding hands walking through the beautiful parks and streets is the best.

Frenchie

Notre Dame picture for Dr. Northfelt

These are what I save up all my sugar for--days to look
forward to--pastries are my favorite sweets and I will
wait a year if I have to knowing I can have them

I have to admit I'm not always forthcoming when it comes to my visits at Mayo Clinic, especially with my family.  I really just don't want them to worry--if there is concern I will tell them but to go for regular appointments with my doctors and for tests and more tests, I usually just go and don't give any reports.  I saw Dr. Northfelt just before we left for Paris, (he is my medical oncologist) we visited for awhile, lots of questions, not many answers...NO I'M NOT CANCER FREE is all I pretty much heard. He asked if I wanted to change my cancer medicine I take everyday and see if I would get less side effects from it.  My question was "what does it do?" his answer "blocks estrogen" then I replied "what does the medicine I'm taking now do" his answer "blocks estrogen" we both looked at each other and laughed, he shrugged his shoulders and all he could say was "1/2 of my patients do really well, the other half don't, but they all have side effects" I then smiled and said "well, OK then, lets try it" until I went to get the prescription filled and found out it costs $299.00 pp, and that was with my insurance, I decided to stick with the original medicine and live with the side effects, if I was 100% sure there would be a change for the good I would pay it, but I'm not willing to take the chance of even more side effects and a huge possibility of no changes.  I emailed Dr. Northfelt from Paris and told him, he replied back that my decision was reasonable, and to please send him a picture.

I am coming up on my 4th anniversary of being diagnosed with breast cancer, I'm grateful to still be alive and know I still have a long road ahead of me, but don't we all?  Life is Good for me right now.

Gettin' Old Eric turns 55

I have no regrets marrying this guy.  However,  he gets relentlessly teased by our family for a few things.  He cannot tell a story--my mind gets terribly scrambled when he starts to tell one of "his" stories.  The stories usually start in the middle, with a few of "then he .... and it went over there...." by the time he is done with the story, none of us have any idea what was just said.  Another annoying thing he gets constantly teased about is how he eats his popcorn at a movie theatre, NO ONE wants to sit next to him, he's loud and shovels it in his mouth like its his last meal--I can live with this, no problem--over the 30+ years I've know this guy I have not met anyone who does not love him, have never heard a curse word come out of his mouth, and he does not gossip but finds the good in people--thank you to his parents Viola and Ray Williams for instilling those qualities in him.

When I first met Eric it was not love at first sight, we met at an ASU singles dance.  Brent Stapley (who I really liked) introduced us, we danced, Brent went off to BYU married the love of his life Julie then Eric and I continued to date and eventually marry.  The night I came home from our 1st official date my mom asked me "so, what did you think of this guy?"  I said, "he's OK, I really like his family though"

As time went on and we dated on a regular basis, I began to see what everyone else saw this was a great man who wanted nothing more than to please his parents and family, he had a great love for his mother and father.  Over the next 3 years as we dated his mother became the biggest influence in my life.  Year after year when we did not get engaged on birthdays, or holidays I began to question whether this was right for me.  I will never forget a Christmas when Vi (erics mom) set me down and told me how much she loved me, and that she could see the sadness I was feeling, but told me not to give up on Eric.  I was given a blessing and I knew this was what I should do, but still it was frustrating.   We got engaged that year on Christmas day, the date was set for April 28th.  Vi went into the hospital in February and passed away 10 days later.  One day while I was visiting her, she was asleep and sat straight up stared me in the eye and said "no matter what happens to me, promise me you and Eric will get married"

We did, and we have experienced a lot of trials and hardships through the years, but with all of it we have truly become best friends, he was deeply compassionate with me when I was diagnosed with cancer and has continued to be my biggest fan and cheerleader during this fight.

I love you Eric and hope you love your Birthday--Paris here we come.

Paris 2011-European Smile Experiment- My Happy Place

It's really hard to believe a year has gone by since Eric and I took our fairytale trip to Paris--Now here we are back again.   We loved it, stayed at a very nice hotel--it was all part of the Euro-Pass package--Euro Pass not so great--Hotels-- 5 star plus and beautiful--and free

Frenchie is back

The Park, the panini's the fountains

Bikes, Crepes, the beautiful buildings

The gargoyles, Frenchie, My favorite bird man

Eiffel Tower, Seine River, pigeon lady

Pastries, parks and castles

Self Portraits-waiting for our bikes

Bike Rides in My Happy Place

We loved this tree

Last day in Paris, the hotel, the man selling Sorbet out of his truck

Fontainbleau France

The Castle--European Smile Experiment

Michael Jackson dancing in the streets

Our last meal in Paris -- Frenchie eats Mussels-Steak & Potatoes-Chocolate Mousse
Monya-french onion soup-Spaghetti -Flan with Caramel Sauce

The Macaroons-buildings-doors, and graffiti 

Our time in Paris was magical,  one day I told Eric I wanted to try an experiment -- I told him to smile at every single person that he sees and see what happens--he then told me that in Paris you need to say Bon Jour first then the smile--I said "nope, this is my experiment no talk just a smile"  I did it my way and he did it his way--Eric was correct, every person he said Bon Jour and smiled at, gave the same respect back to him--me not so good, I noticed eye contact was difficult, I struggled to get smiles in because they were so busy walking and looking at the ground rather than looking at who was walking towards them.  The picture  above with Eric and the lady on the bus makes me laugh I smiled over and over at her, not only did she not smile she frowned at me, but good ole Frenchie says Bon Jour and smiles and she is his best friend. One little girl looked at me and I smiled--she immediately looked at me with a weird half smile,  half "whatever" look and turned away--the only people who gave me any attention were Americans -- I am in no way saying that Americans are better or that they communicate better , it is just a difference in cultural backgrounds.  I actually found the Parisians to be extremely helpful and quite polite, I think we live in a world that we all need to be more excepting of each other. I remember doing this same experiment last year when I was going through cancer treatments and had to be at Mayo for a day--for the most part every person gave me a smile and at least a nod of the head in acknowledgment.

The day we took the bus out to my "happy place" to ride bikes was my favorite day ever--last year we did the same thing and I took that memory with me every time I had surgery or had to face an anxiety attack coming on--I feel at  HOME in that place--it was beautiful nothing had changed--my thoughts as I rode my bike through the beautiful  tree lined paths was that this is peaceful, no outside world to influence me, no noise but the birds and wind blowing in my face.  I saw no cell phones, no computers, no distractions--I was deep in thought and as Frenchie and I sat on a rock talking next to the lake I told him "please don't spend money on an expensive casket for me when I die, just cremate me put me in a Dixie cup, bring me here and spread my ashes"  he laughed but I was serious.  I love that place, this is the place where I am completely FREE, free from all life's worries, here there is no VILLAIN, no-one to disappoint me or hurt me, everywhere I look there are people holding hands, kissing, hugging, laughing--simply put they are enjoying LIFE.  On my shirt that day were the words C'est Bon -- Frenchie said it means "It's all Good"  perfect words for the day I had -- Life is Good --