Recker Turns 5

Recker has turned 5, I cannot believe it's been 5 years.  Our lives have been so generously blessed over the past 5 years, it's hard to imagine what my life was like before.  We have grown in numbers, our 3rd grandson will be born within a few weeks.  Ezra will be 2 February.

Have I said lately how much I truly love him?  He melts me heart.  I can honestly say there has never been one time I've been disappointed or upset with him.  He just lives in a world I wish I could enter for just a few minutes.  I love when he takes my hand and leads me to the candy jar, or to the back door, hoping bonbon will take him out to play, only to be stopped by dad or mom saying "Recker, you can't go outside right now" usually because he hates to wear shoes.  I love how sweet he is to everyone in our family, and how the boys wrestle with him, and when I say boys I mean Jeremy, Blake, Brian and Scott. Sunday nights at my house are pretty crazy, and Recker loves every minute of it.  I love how he can take his little IPAD and maneuver it better than any of us adults, he loves Disney movies, and try's to sing along to the Lion King, I love when he covers his ears or eyes when a character in the movie is being cruel or mean to someone else.  He has appropriate feelings for those emotions, some typical kids love those parts the best, but not my little Recker, sometimes he gets a look in his eyes of complete sadness, he understands compassion, he understands authentic love and embraces all he can get from all his aunts and uncles.  I'm pretty sure his hero is his daddy, the rougher Jeremy is with him the more he likes it, sometimes it scares me but it never seems to bother Recker.  I know for a fact his favorite woman in the world is his mom.  He misses her when she's gone, he searches for her around the house, and he runs from her when he thinks he can.

He now understands so much about his surroundings, and the differences he has.  Kayla has taught us all about teaching him he may be different, but not less.  This sweet little boy has taught me more in his short little 5 years of life than I've learned in my almost 52 years.  I could seriously sit and watch him all day long, he cracks me up then brings me to tears within minutes.  I've never seen a child so curious, he knows every hiding place in my house and many times since he will be very quiet while we are all searching frantically for him.... he knows what he's doing.  He may be non-verbal, but this little guy is anything but quiet, unless he's hiding. A few weeks ago he was upstairs playing in our playroom, well we thought he was anyway.  He was actually in the hall closet up stairs trying to figure a way to climb to the top shelf.  In that closet we have a laundry shoot but he  

Ezra's Third Birthday

It's hard to believe our little Ezra is 3 years old.  He is the cutest little guy.  He laugh's, I mean belly laugh's at just about anything.  He seriously puts a smile on my face.  He now says Bon Bon, Mom, Dad, Bye Bye, I love you, and can make most animal noises.  Kayla has diligently worked with him and although not everything is clear when he speaks we know what he is saying.  I love how he follows everyone around repeating whatever they have to say....On his birthday I met Kayla, Ezra Kaitlyn and Phoenix at Kneader's for breakfast.

The Nice Dinosaur is a movie Ezra loves, so I showered him with Nice Dinosaur toys, dishes and gifts.  Ezra is such a joy to be around, we all love him so much.

Happy 1st Birthday Phoenix

February 13th, 2016 Phoenix turned a year old.  Where does the time go? This past year has been such a blur.  Phoenix is darling, white hair just like his mom and dad had when they were his age.  He makes all the funny faces Kaitlyn used to make; he says mom, dad, papa, bon bon, coco, hi, bye bye, tree, dog,  he points and jabbers.  I'm not quite sure of his language but I'm pretty sure he is saying how crazy we all are.  I have always loved being a mother, I've always thought nothing in the world could ever compare to being a parent; how wrong I was.  Being a grandmother is exhilarating, my perspective is so different, these children can do no wrong.
Kaitlyn planned such a fun and cute birthday party.  Thanks to Mysti and Timmy Brown for allowing us to hold the party in their backyard.  Kaitlyn and Brian live 2 doors down and Mysti has been an incredible friend, neighbor and fill in mom for me as I've wandered this past year.  I will forever be grateful for friends like her.

Kaitlyn Rae

Friday March 6th, 2014

Happy Birthday to my cutie patootie Kaitlyn Rae.  This cute girl is married, works full time to help her husband get through school, and still manages to find time to visit her OLD MAMA and spend the day. I remember so vividly the day Dr. Lepetich did my ultrasound and announced to us as he pointed and said "you see that?, it's a boy" What a surprise it was to hear him say several months later, "oops, it's a actually a girl"  I didn't believe him, Eric and I had picked out a name for our new little boy, we had bedding made for a boy, and of course clothes for a boy.  Eric ran to Dillards and came back with some darling girl clothes, something special we could take her home from the hospital in.

We are so blessed to have Kaitlyn in our life.  She has brought so much joy to us, she has a personality bigger than life--she always has and always will.  People have always told me she looks so much like me, I can't deny that--she is a spitting image of me, sometimes it even freaks me out when I see a picture of her.  I think seeing her grow up to be the beautiful, strong woman she has become brings so much joy to my heart, it's been  like seeing my childhood all over again, only happy.  So many times I have watched her and been amazed at the similarity of how we think and feel.  She also has much of her dad in her too--she is a good combination of both of us.  I love you Kaitlyn, you have been a great daughter not only to us, but also to our Heavenly Father, he is pleased I'm sure with who you are.

I'M 51 TODAY

Today is January 14, 2014 (my birthday)

I'm 51 years old today....it's been a great year.  We started 2013 with a new grandson joining our family, Ezra Ray Roussel was born on February 23.  Not only did Ezra join this crazy family, Scott Bigelow joined us by marrying our youngest daughter Haleigh.

It's funny when you're 12, you can't wait to be 16 so you can drive and go on dates, then when you're 16, 18 can't come fast enough.  When I was 18 I thought anyone over 30 was old, and when I turned 30 I cried like a baby. Now in my 50's I am feeling like 80 years old is just around the corner--What the heck happens to our bodies as we age?

Today was a good day with my family.

WE ARE A HAPPY FAMILY minus JEREMY, KAYLA
RECKER AND EZRA

Gettin' Old Eric turns 55

I have no regrets marrying this guy.  However,  he gets relentlessly teased by our family for a few things.  He cannot tell a story--my mind gets terribly scrambled when he starts to tell one of "his" stories.  The stories usually start in the middle, with a few of "then he .... and it went over there...." by the time he is done with the story, none of us have any idea what was just said.  Another annoying thing he gets constantly teased about is how he eats his popcorn at a movie theatre, NO ONE wants to sit next to him, he's loud and shovels it in his mouth like its his last meal--I can live with this, no problem--over the 30+ years I've know this guy I have not met anyone who does not love him, have never heard a curse word come out of his mouth, and he does not gossip but finds the good in people--thank you to his parents Viola and Ray Williams for instilling those qualities in him.

When I first met Eric it was not love at first sight, we met at an ASU singles dance.  Brent Stapley (who I really liked) introduced us, we danced, Brent went off to BYU married the love of his life Julie then Eric and I continued to date and eventually marry.  The night I came home from our 1st official date my mom asked me "so, what did you think of this guy?"  I said, "he's OK, I really like his family though"

As time went on and we dated on a regular basis, I began to see what everyone else saw this was a great man who wanted nothing more than to please his parents and family, he had a great love for his mother and father.  Over the next 3 years as we dated his mother became the biggest influence in my life.  Year after year when we did not get engaged on birthdays, or holidays I began to question whether this was right for me.  I will never forget a Christmas when Vi (erics mom) set me down and told me how much she loved me, and that she could see the sadness I was feeling, but told me not to give up on Eric.  I was given a blessing and I knew this was what I should do, but still it was frustrating.   We got engaged that year on Christmas day, the date was set for April 28th.  Vi went into the hospital in February and passed away 10 days later.  One day while I was visiting her, she was asleep and sat straight up stared me in the eye and said "no matter what happens to me, promise me you and Eric will get married"

We did, and we have experienced a lot of trials and hardships through the years, but with all of it we have truly become best friends, he was deeply compassionate with me when I was diagnosed with cancer and has continued to be my biggest fan and cheerleader during this fight.

I love you Eric and hope you love your Birthday--Paris here we come.

Faith Hill & Tim Mcgraw

In August I bought tickets to give to Eric for Christmas.  Tim McGraw and Faith Hill 2nd row seats were incredible, worth every penny.  We flew to Las Vegas (not my favorite place in the world) stayed at a very nice hotel, smoke free, no casino and off the strip it was perfect.
Here are a few of the pictures from that night

Tim waiting for Faith to get on Stage--right before this he shook my hand
and tipped his hat to me--woot woot

2nd row

Favorite part--he gave this man his guitar, Tim said
"any man who wears a pink shirt to a country concert
deserves to have my guitar"

She is beautiful

Live like you were dying--brought tears to my eyes

I'm 50 today

OK I said it out loud, I'm 50!

Today I am spending the day at Mayo Clinic,  before starting this story I just want to explain something about Mayo Clinic, every patient has to give their full name and birth date every appointment they have, so if you have 5 appointments in one day you would say it 5 times, my 1st appointment is for labs, Latisha is drawing my blood today, she called me Montoya a few times even after me repeating my full name and birthday,  I didn't have the heart to correct her however, after her 5th poke and no vein was working I wanted to yell "my name is MONYA it's my birthday, don't make me cry, just find the freakin vein"  6 pokes later she found it, sucked  out as many viles as she needed  and I was on my way to appointment number 2.

Welcome Back

As I wait in the large area with coughing sick people, I decided to put on my mask.  I heard a lady checking in saying "today is my 90th birthday" boy I hope I live to be 90, she was so cute and proud of the brown scarf her daughter had gotten her.  Looking around the room I realize I am most definitely the youngest patient in the room-- hallelujah --  the grandpa sitting in front me has the largest ears I think I have ever seen-- is it true they keep growing with age? If it is, he looks 90,  I think if makes it to 100 his ears will far out grow his head-- I snap back to reality when they announce my name. You know you're a frequent flyer with Mayo when the person announcing your name remembers you from previous appointments,  he even pronounces my name correctly, then proceeds to say "happy birthday, oh your 50 today" he said it as though it's amazing, WOW image that, you made it to 50. Well what did I expect from a 20 something year old?  looking at all the people in the waiting area, staring at me I realize I'm young in comparison ha ha so it could be worse. Good to know!

"Undress from the waste up" easy enough I wish I had a nickel for every time I've been given that line over the past couple years. The cute girl doing my ultrasound today, is super quiet, I tried to crack a few of my silly jokes, but could not get a smile or even a grin out of her, man she is all business today.  Ultrasound done now waiting for the biopsy. As I am writing this post for my blog my cell phone rings (definitely a NO NO at Mayo) I scramble to answer as fast as I can, I can feel the breathing down my neck as other patients and staff members stare at me as if to say "turn off your phone please" it felt like I was sitting in the Chapel at church and my cell phone goes off during the sacrament--seriously, they take cell phone use in the waiting area a complete and utter lack of courtesy--by the time I could get the phone and read it was Mayo Clinic calling, I almost wanted to laugh out loud--this is ironic--they were calling to tell me my white blood cell counts were really low and the doctor was cancelling my biopsy for today--I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad, it's my birthday and I really did'nt want to have a biopsy today, but I know I am going to worry until they finally do call me back for the inevitable biopsy that is going to happen, I am told to keep a mask on in crowded places or where I feel vulnerable to bacteria--are you kidding me? that pretty much describes everywhere I go and every person I come in contact with.

Dinner with Eric & Family

Surprise visit from Mike

Love of my girl life Jenster

The Family & Friends I love so much !!

My favorite part of my day was spending it with my family and close friends.  When I turned 20 I thought anyone over 30 was old, if you were in your 40's I could not relate to you at all, 50's you were just plain senile, turns out in my 20's I knew nothing, 30 is a baby, and 40's well the 40's was a blurr as I raised my teens and was diagnosed with cancer. 50, well being 50 means I am day closer to my 60's, not young, not old just in the middle trying to survive.  I have dear friends who visited with me and a family who surprised me with a dinner at BJ's then a cake from Nothin bundt Cakes-thanks Kaitlyn for organizing it all, I loved every second of it.  I loved seeing Jenny and visiting with her about pat birthdays when we thought we knew so much--but my favorite gift was a book my family gave me, they all wrote in it 50 things they love about me--it brought me to tears and made me laugh, I will treasure that book for the rest of my life--I love it.

Happy Birthday to Me 2012

I ♥ Recker

I only have one more year in my forties, I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. When, and how did that happen? Five minutes ago I was 19 years old dating the love of my life and thinking anyone over the age of 30 was old, and definitely anyone over 50 was ready for the grave. Boy, oh boy how perspectives change. Today I turned 49, I spent the day at a Mayo Clinic cancer symposium in Scottsdale.  Eric surprised me with a night at the Westin in the Kierlands, this is where the symposium was held.  I know it sounds strange that I would want to spend my birthday listening to Doctors talk about cancer, but it really is what I wanted to do--I will post more about that later.  I was privileged to have lunch with my sweet friend Heather Lucas, I truly believe people come into our lives for a reason, I met Heather because I was undergoing cancer treatments she has become more than a medical care giver she has become a life time friend, I care and love her very much.

The best part of my day was coming home and jumping on our trampoline with Recker--he loves me, I have the hardest time explaining what my heart feels for that little guy--he smiles so big with his teeth showing and I can't help but laugh and squeeze him--he takes my hand and leads me outside to the tramp then climbs up on it, and grabs my hand to lead me on with him.  Just the act of leading me and guiding me is such an accomplishment for him, but more than that I love all that he has taught me about patience, and listening with my heart.  I'm convinced that unconditional LOVE is a gift from above.  Happy Birthday to Me.

Happy Birthday Eric

Today is Eric's Birthday, when I asked him what he wanted to do, or wanted me to make for dinner his reply was "taco salad, and German Chocolate Cake"  WOW that was easy.  I love you so much Eric, you deserve to have a great birthday.  Thank you for all you do for our family.

My Kaitlyn is 20 Today.

Even with dark hair you are beautiful..ha ha

Dear Kaitlyn Rae:  Happy 20th Birthday.  Boy I remember when I turned 20 like it was yesterday, dad and I were dating, and I was so in love with him, but you know what?  The Love I had for him then has grown and matured into a more intimate respect and admiration for him.  He is a good man, and I know he Loves me unconditionally.  I love him more today then the 1st time I thought I did, it seriously gets sweeter and a deeper LOVE as years go by, as you struggle and have difficulties together.  Those moments I would not trade for anything in the world simply because those times are what have defined your dad and I, they are what makes the Love we have for each other Eternal.  I see you and Brians pure love for each other and I am impressed with both of you.  Never let a day go by that you don't make him feel your love for him, I can see in his eyes how much he adores you and wants to please you.  He is spiritually in tune, follow his lead and he will teach you so much about the Gospel and about Eternal Families.  Dad and I both Love Brian and You together, you just fit, in fact you are a perfect fit, we could not be happier.  Continue to make the Temple a focus in your marriage, you will learn so much in the Temple, mostly you will always feel the spirit there, the second you walk in,  to me it feels as if the world just left and Heaven has started.  I see your testimony growing as you take on the role of Wife, it is quite a responsibility isn't it?  However, it can be fun and enjoyable if you let it be lead in prayer, if you will ask the Lord for help in the areas you feel you need, don't be afraid to talk freely with Heavenly Father, really talk to him, just like you would to me or your dad, Heavenly Father knows your heart and he knows your needs, he will answer your questions, God is Always Good, and the promises he makes are bound.  Since I was diagnosed with the VILLAIN I have learned to pour out my soul to him, I'm ashamed to say that I never really had to do that before, but I realize now that there were so many times in my life when I should have, I know without a doubt HE loves me, HE knows me by name, and He Loves you, and Knows you by name too, I think when days go by when we don't talk to him he is sad, I try to imagine him crying out loud because he didn't hear from me today, and I always take the time no matter where I am even if I am in my car to turn off the radio and talk out loud to HIM.

You are my daughter, and I love that you chose me for your mama, when I think about all the other homes you could of chosen to go to, I feel so blessed you chose dad and I, you have been such a great blessing in our life and I love you so much, you teach me to be more patient, to listen with a softer heart and to care about others feelings.  You truly are an example to me, thank you.  You have so much of life ahead of you, and I am excited to see what choices you and Brian make, I know all your choices you include the Lord in and this is why I don't worry about you....EVER.

I love You Eternally

your mama

The Best Birthday Ever

This is My Happy

Today is my birthday, and all I wanted for my birthday was for Trystan to wake up from her coma and talk to me one more time.  Trys is my friend who is in the Mayo Clinic Hospital in Rochester MN, we both had surgery on Friday at the same time but different Mayo Hospitals.  We were  both going into these surgeries with our own fears, mine very personal something I have never, ever found the courage to talk to anyone about until our friendship developed enough that I knew the Lord had put her in my path for this reason, she has been through similar life experiences and both of us were able to let those demons go with each other.  Thursday night we spoke on the phone all night until they came to wheel her away into her pre op surgery it was around 6 am her time, this surgery for her is life and death and the doctors are only giving her a 15% chance of survival it was a very emotional "later" to say we never say "good-bye" it's always "later-sis"
Since waking up from my surgery I have been so worried about her, she has flatlined more times than I can count, the doctors almost called it one time when she stopped breathing and was blue, then all of a sudden  her heart began beating again.  On Wednesday I got an email from my son who lives in the Dominican Republic serving a mission, he asked me about Trys and said he and his companion were continuing to pray for her everyday, but that he suggested we have a fast from noon to noon .  We sat it up as a family to start the fast Thursday at Noon and to End on Friday at Noon.  I also forwarded the email to Trys's brother and invited his family to do it too, they are not members of the same church we go to,  they really had no idea about fasting and prayer, but was humbly willing to try anything, and so we did my family, Trys's brother and wife, her mother, aunt Helen and two of her doctors. Immediately we started to see some improvements, she had not been urinating on her own, so for a few hours we were praying for pee, it started she started to pee, what a miracle in itself.  The day and through the night was agonizing for me (not because of not eating) my heart was aching for every report we would get of improvement. I wanted this miracle more than I wanted my own miracle I had just received. At noon on Friday (my birthday) they started to take her off the life support to see how her heart would do, after hours she started to move.  I remember going into my backyard and yelling as loud as I could  please Trys, it's time for you to wake up.  During those 24 hours I had some pretty special experiences with Trys visiting me, one time she even asked me to give her permission to go she wanted me to say it out loud and I said NO its not time.  All day I was calling her phone leaving her messages and singing her songs that her brother would put the phone  up to her ear, around 5 pm I got a text from her brother that said to please call Trys, I called and she answered "sis, I love you" and then I cried, and cried some more, if anyone does not believe in modern day miracles they just need to test it, the Lord knows what is best for us, he knows us and he will bless us when it is his will.
We talked until 3 in the morning,  laughing like school girls again and tearing up for the miracle that again happened twice in my life in one week.  I told her before she went into surgery last week that all I wanted for my birthday was to hear her voice, and I got my wish it was the best birthday ever.  God is Good all time, and I am so thankful that he worked through Blake to help remind us of the power of fasting too.  I love You Trystan, we have so much of life to live, no regrets, no looking back.

Today is my Birthday

AFter Monday's chemo treatment, they told me that I may not feel the effects until Wednesday or Thursday and expect them to last through the weekend. Tuesday night I started getting the extreme back and leg aches, also my lower stomach is extremely painful, very sharp pains. Today I called my oncologist to find out if this is normal and if there is anything I can take to get some relief. I am now back on the pain medicine. The pain medicine makes me so tired, so I either live with the pain (kinda not an option) or take the pain medicine and sleep all day and night.
Today is my Birthday and my wonderful friend Mysti Brown put together a girls night for me and my close friends, I felt so badly to have to cancel but I am not functional, and I have been in a fetal position for 2 days. I hope that we can do the "girls night" next week, I need something to look forward to.
The woman in my ward made this quilt for my birthday, I was asleep when Ruthanne VanWagoner and Lynette Peterson brought it over. I woke up feeling pain and just wanted to get some medicine and go back to sleep, Eric said to me "wait until I show you what the ladies in the ward made for your birthday" when I saw it, I seriously broke down crying. I am so overwhelmed, on each square women wrote a personal note to me, It took me so long to read them all because I was crying so hard, I had no idea so many woman felt the way they do about me. I can never explain in words the feelings I felt as I read each one of them, every single one of these woman have made such an impression on my life at one time or another. I am surviving somedays because I know I want to be like these woman, strong, worthy, incredible wives, mothers and friends. How can I ever thank them, Not only for the time and effort it took to make this quilt, but mostly because of the message behind it, I think everyone wants to feel loved and needed, today I felt it, I felt the love from each one of those messages and I know those words will give me strength as I read them in times when I am feeling down. Thank you, thank you.