I'll never forget the day we got home from taking Blake to the MTC, (Mission Training Center) September 23rd, 2009 I went in his room sat on the bed and cried. I have a lot of faith but to be quite honest I wasn't sure what my future would be, or if I would have the opportunity to hold and hug my son ever again. I know for him it must of been so difficult to leave. I worried night and day about him, wanting him to have a successful mission without worry or stress about me. Now I understand why the Lord has order and precision, things are more clear than ever before- TIMING IS EVERYTHING- Most boys leave on their mission when they turn 19, my Blake was not ready, it broke my heart at the time. I now know the Lord is in full control of all we endure and HE understands more than we realize. Blake made the decision to leave when he was 21, all of his friends who left at age 19 were just getting home from their missions. Only 6 weeks before he left I found out I had breast cancer, during that time I remember thinking "this is the worst timing ever" when I look back on that time, I realize now how much I needed to learn, TIMING truly is EVERYTHING...
I know with all my heart and soul I am alive because my son chose to serve the Lord, if it weren't for his service and Recker's love, I think I would of checked out a long time ago. When I look back at the last 2 years of our lives, I can see the blessings, oh so many blessings, tears run down my face as I think about what the Lord has blessed us with. My son, my hero I love him so much. He endured the last 2 years with strength and reliance on the Lord to help him through some tough days and nights.
Tonight I am sitting on his bed writing this blog- so many emotions are running through my head--he will sleep here tomorrow night, he will kneel and pray here in this room where I have knelt and prayed so many times for him to be safe, for him to not worry about me or what is going on at home, so many pleas to the Lord in his behalf have been in this very room. Looking around I see scriptures sitting on his night stand--my scriptures the ones I have studied. The Preach My Gospel book is right next to my scriptures, the pages are tattered a bit from me turning pages trying my hardest to learn the Christlike Attributes, reading every scripture I could get my hands on about faith, hope, charity, love, virtue, knowledge, patience, humility, diligence and obedience. Boy, I have along way to go before I a can say I have mastered even one of those attributes. Yes I believe TIMING IS EVERYTHING .... it's now time for Blake to come home, be with his family and start his life--I know he must have some mixed emotions too. I have been dreaming of the hug I will get from him, praying that my health would be good enough to greet him at the airport without him being disappointed or discouraged. He made it through, I made it through, we all got through 2 years that I would not trade for anything in the world. The knowledge I have of our Saviors Love for me and my family has been strengthened ten fold, I have said it so many times, I KNOW HE LIVES. I am so thankful to my friends, family and to the Lord for lifting me up on the days when I thought tomorrow would never come.... now as I pick up my scriptures to walk out his bedroom door, I am closing it like a chapter in my life is over, but opening it to walk towards a bright and beautiful future.
P.S. another reminder of Timing--exactly 2 years ago tomorrow I was in Mayo Hospital having a radical mastectomy and being told my cancer had spread--and now we celebrate.