Live Happy

A couple of weeks ago my dear sweet friend Liz Decker asked me to give a testimonial at our Nerium Event, I  knew I wanted to but was not sure what to say. How could I possibly inspire or be an example ? I have done ok with Nerium and fully enjoyed meeting new friends and taking my mind off of my cancer journey, but I am surely not an example of success in the Nerium world.  I had goals written down, simple things I wanted to achieve daily, weekly then monthly when the tumor in my ear arrived and killed the nerve in my face all my goals had to be put on hold. I had 3 surgeries in one week, making it 18 surgeries within 5 years. While I was in Mayo Hospital for 3 weeks, my Nerium friends came to visit--what a surprise that was to me, I barely knew these people. That act of service was a truly heartwarming experience, I realized I really am loved by other people than my own family.  These past couple of months have been incredible as I have fought my way through thick and thin to stay alive......right now I'm a little thick because of the steroids I am on, but guess what?  I simply don't care, if those steroids can help me get to a healing place, bring on the thick.

Look at these beautiful, happy successful women

Don't go anywhere without this magazine--every nurse, doctor
and resident got one from me at Mayo and Cleveland Clinic

Liz and Danny--great leaders, great friends
Love Danny's shirt, I have it too it says
TODAY CHOOSE HAPPY

This subject of Living a Happy Life has become so dear to me over the past 12 years or so.  Being raised in a fully dysfunctional home, then meeting the man of my dreams was quite an opposition from what I was feeling in my home , hearing Eric say "I love you" it was shocking to me.  I remember going home that night at the ripe age of 19, kneeling by my bed and promising the Lord I would live worthy of this man, if He would keep His promise and get me out of this toxic environment.  Promises made were not broken, we were happily married, blessed with 3 beautiful daughters and one magnificent son--they are all married now, and we have been blessed with 2 grandsons from my oldest daughter Kayla and her husband Jeremy--oh how our family has been blessed with great son and daughter in laws--I love them all-they make me smile.

So back to this subject of really Living a Happy Life, is it possible? There was a time I did not know what love was, not to mention true happiness.  But the second my daughter was born, I was instantly in love with her, my happiness was filled to the brim, nothing could or ever would compare to this.....wait 13 months later my son came along, big 9 lbs 8 oz, Eric cried.  I wasn't sure he was crying because he was blessed with a son to carry on the Williams name or if he was just happy for that special moment of being told "congratulations, he's a handsome healthy boy" All four of my children have brought such joy and happiness to my life, they lived the young life that I was never granted and I loved watching them make mistakes, figure out the problem and fix it.

When Kayla had her 1st child Recker, the doctor induced her so that I could be there for the birth, I was going through my chemo treatment and didn't want to miss the birth of our first grandchild.  He was blond, beautiful and big--with a mixture of characteristics from both Kayla and Jeremy. Talk about happiness, there is not much more that compares to the unconditional love between a father, mother and their new baby, a gift from Heavenly Father, he has entrusted in parents to take special care of these special children of His.

Although those moments and days after a baby is brought home is such a happy time of life, trials do come to all of us.  My question, even to myself is how do we maintain a happy life through sometimes what seems to be an endless amount of sadness, sorrow, anger and disappointment?  I don't have much science to back it up, but would like to give my opinion on this subject. I believe each child is born into a family with their own spirit, some of those children will be born naturally happy all the time, smiles, giggles, hugs, kisses and eating may make him happy. Seeing both of my grandchildren laugh, giggle, run and play always changes my serotonin levels  and creates a smile or two from me too. Recker our oldest grandson was diagnosed with Autism at age 16 months, I had no idea how to feel about that, should I cry or should I feel blessed that he had been sent to our family to teach and help us grow in compassion, and unconditional love? Now Recker is 4 and a half, he still does not speak, but tries hard to communicate--my daughter and son in law are amazing with him.  Many times I have wept for them, not because of the diagnosis, but because of not knowing how to react when people are rude. I love to just watch him, no words, just watch....he seems so happy, he absolutely brings happiness to me.  I'm not sure he knows he is different, he laughs and plays and hugs and kisses us--he truly is happy.  Heavenly Happy.  

Ezra visiting bonbon at Mayo--he never stops smiling

My sweet little Recker boy, dirty from doing what he loves
playing outside--gave me the #1 for the RedSox

When I was a child my family called me BonBon, I've been told because of my super white hair, the only thing I can see is a likeliness is that the ice cream bonbon's are white inside, covered in chocolate on the outside. No matter, the name stuck with me and even now when I  repeat this name for my email, or to explain why my grandchildren call me bonbon---it always brings a smile to those who hear it. So does smiling mean a person is happy? I'm not sure that qualifies as complete happiness, but it sure is a great start. I believe there is power in a positive mental attitude.

When Eric and I first got married he would go around the valley speaking to hundreds of people about how to have a positive mental attitude....so weird that he and I ended up being married, because I was as far from a positive person when we met----maybe that's why it took 6 years of dating---I've learned so much about having a positive outlook from him.  Imagine this, when we first got married Eric would make me stand in front of the mirror and tell myself I was beautiful, I was going to have a great day, and that I was happy. Laugh if you want, I did too, in fact I was so resistant at times he would laugh at me and tell me "if you don't believe in yourself then no one else will either, so hold your head up high and repeat after me"

yep...where it all started--Frenchy is
still my #1 fan even when I have a funk day
Positive all the time, never heard a swear word
from his mouth in over 30 years. Believes
no matter what there is always good in
people, we just need to find it and let
them know, they are important to him.

It took me years, probably until I was about 36  years old to realize the power of words, they can hurt worse than any physical pain or abuse they sting your brain and can last for years or even life, or they can lighten a room full of people,  perhaps make one of them feel empowered to change their sad life to a happy one.  I know this from an experience,   I had an experience that changed my life forever.  One day I was wallowing in my own sorrow, feeling bad for myself, actually I'll just say it I WAS VERY DEPRESSED. It had been 7 years since my mother walked away from me, I tried so hard to figure out how to "fix" it, I took on the blame and felt as if I was a failure on so many levels, maybe I should of done something different.  Why couldn't I get this emotional baggage I was carrying around and put it on a plane going far far away? I was far from a happy place.  One of my friends came by the house with her children so they could play with mine. While they played, she asked me what was wrong, and that she had noticed an obvious change in me. I was sensing my mental anguish and decided to tell her a portion of what was going on in my life. Remember at this point, the only people I had to talked to about this was my parents, Eric and my bishop.  She looked me straight in the eye and said "I hope you will understand this when I tell you, but I took psychology at BYU and learned that the percentage of people who have been abused as a child is very high that they too will abuse, so I cannot allow my children in your home anymore, in fact we need to cut our friendship and not allow our children to play anymore." She went as far as to make sure our children were not in the same primary classes together.  Now, to most people this story sounds cruel and unbelievable but for me it changed my life.  I never wanted to be "that" person.  From that day forward, I chose happiness.  Well I have to admit, not everyday since then has been "HAPPY" actually far from it, however, I've learned to find something to learn from each experience that comes into my life.  We may not all agree on the parenting skills of others, or what our passions are but I believe we can all agree living happy is far better than the opposite.

My teenage years were fun with my friends Linda and Jami, I loved them so much and always found happiness, a joy in their presence, mostly because we were girls who made good choices and lived the rules and regulations not only of our faith but also our family rules.  As I have thought about this question,"What is Happiness" the past 8 months I have deliberately made a decision to not allow negative influences impact my life.  (The loss of a family member or family excluded), I allow myself grief but with that being said, I also believe the Lord wants us to be happy while we are alive and that we are promised a life happy after death, so happiness is never taken from us in life or death.  We are the ones who make those decisions, "will I be happy today? or will I be angry or sad?" I found after putting this purposely to action when I walked or ran on the treadmill I am either reading a book or watch the TV in front of me, more than likely I listen to music on an Ipod.  I noticed the difference, when a few years a go after finishing my chemo and radiation treatments my doctor told Eric and I it was time for me to look at my bucket list and start doing them.  We first chose to go to Paris, my husband speaks fluent french and it was a place I always wanted to go.  While in Paris I found my "happy place": Porte Jaune, we were in nature riding bikes being forced to see the Lords creations, to pay attention.  I believe getting back in touch with nature provides endless abundance of happiness. We stopped and picked fresh flowers and berries, we sat and watch as an older generation of men played a game of horseshoes or chess. Children holding handing with their parents giggling so contagiously we had to see what was going on, it was a fish in the stream they were concentrating on for  what seemed to be  15 minutes. Eric and I then joined in their happiness. Every surgery I have gone through before I go into the OR Eric says, now go to your "happy place, I'll meet you there" Do you have a happy place?

the man feeding birds-so peacefully enjoying his day

MY HAPPY PLACE IN FRANCE Porte Jaune

with my favorite frenchy--selfies 

  I am a Facebook, Instagram contiributor, I enjoy hearing the good things my friends are doing, or knowing that I need to pray for a family in need, however, I too believe too much time can be spent on those things. For me, I have made it a habit to read from a good book, or listen to a positive CD or music.  I have turned my car into a NO PHONE ZONE and will always be listening to self help or inspirational stations, or CD's.  Once I have done what I need to do to feed my own soul, then I will check in on FB or IG.

On my nightstand--tried to edit out the pill bottles sorry

I loved this so much, I gave the CD and book
to all of my son in laws, my son and husband

This is the book that can change
your perspective

Something I love to do this book
is a good way to change your
attitude towards the blessings
you have in your life-and share
it with others

You're never too young to learn how to
live
a happy life

In the most recent Live Happy Magazine I read "Does Happiness Matter?"  We've all heard that success won't bring happiness. But have you ever heard that the reverse is true? Choosing happiness is not just the right thing to do--it's the smart thing to do for your health, relationships, and believe it or not your business. A Harvard study proved happiness fuels success, happier people are healthier, and live longer, they are more satisfied in their relationships, and they experience less stress.  When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I had two different doctors ask me a series of questions one of the 1st questions asked was "did you have any childhood trauma or unneeded stress, or did anything significantly difficult happen to you as a child?" Whoa--that question threw me for a loop, I did not want to admit it, but yes I did live 25 years of total stress, and trauma,  keeping secrets, pretending to be a "Happy Family" if I didn't do that,  I would be the blame for a hurt I knew my mom could not handle, so I kept it in until I was 29. Besides a family history the only other symptom I had was stress--Letting that go and not only being true to myself, but true to my family has been a mixture of emotions--It not only opened up a huge wound, it put a lot of stress on my husband and family.  Being the optimistic, I actually thought confronting this issue was going to finally change my life for good, and we could get some family help, I was wrong.

My life from that time forward changed, it took time, I had to go through every emotion and allow myself to feel pain, hurt, anger, guilt until finally after many years I was able to forgive and feel what joy and happiness, I mean true happiness is.  I began taking my children for walks, going to the park, and being the mother I always wanted to have.  I changed, I made a difference by being involved with my children, I did not do the best job but I did OK, and I know my children are going to be even better than I am as a mother.  So the answer to the Question "Does Happiness Matter?" a huge resounding YES it does.

http://goodthinkinc.com/2012/01/harvard-business-review-positive-intelligence/

Researchers have found that "getting in touch" "earthing" "grounding" or "connecting with nature" regardless of what we call it, There is an obvious connection with a person's "we'll being, as well as our physical well being. So how do we start? One thing I have learned personally, there are like I mentioned before, some people who are naturally born with a happy positive attitude. I myself was not, I have had to work on this continually.  Many times children are born into a family that is very structured and teaches them organization, which in many associations in life and at home is very important.  I always wondered how people who taught their children at home could do it....I would of said to my kids "OK let's go to the park, or a movie, then we'll come home and do our math" In other words I am not a structured person--I love spontaneity--I look forward to doing small things for other people, I love to help people in need (which sometimes blows up in my face)  I believe a person who leads with a positive mood is contagious, I would rather surround myself with uplifting, positive, compassionate people than the person who never has a good thing to say, or is a pessimist.

8 months ago my mother passed away I was not close to her and had a difficult time understanding her thinking.  I decided at that moment I was going to take the next few months and do a kind service or something nice for for someone, anyone.  What I did first was get a clicker I carried in my hand, every time a negative thought came into my mind or out of my mouth I clicked. After a week I decided to check out the clicker.....oh boy was I disappointed, there were more clicks than I wanted to have. Now what do I do? I knelt and prayed that night and asked the Lord to please help me to change those thoughts and actions.  I've always been a little bit scared to ask the Lord for these types of helps, because if you ask for help He will give you more oppositions to increase your accomplishment of mastering this trial you have. So knowing this I pondered why I wanted to do this.
I reset the clicker and started clicking all of the service and good things I had done,  good thoughts or comments I had expressed to others, unexpectedly after a week I took a look at my clicker surprising my positive thoughts and service had tripled in numbers. I bought 100 clickers and give them to all the people who want to work with my Nerium team--one week doing the negative, one week the positive, then make the adjustments,  I started writing down my goals for the day, the week and finally the month. I check it everyday and re-evaluate whether those goals are realistic, in other words I don't set myself up for failure.  Failure isn't  falling down, it's refusing to get back up.  I've learned if I had never experienced failure, pain or hurt, I would not appreciate the great blessings I have in my life.

Without ever feeling sorrow or trials--
you would never know what success
and happiness is.

Think  Happy-Be Happy-and the success
will come--it's more important for you
to love yourself love your life and be happy
with who you are, than it is to struggle for
financial freedom, this secondary to
your living happy

Being astonished by the results of my positive week, I continued with the clicking method and I keep track of those happy thoughts and how they effected not only me but others.  When I started this experiment I was 50 years old (essentially half my life over) Imagine if the people in the world all wore happiness clickers.  I am a partner in a company called Nerium International, one of the reasons I joined was they were on the same thought pattern as myself. You may ask what types of things do I do to help others have a happy day.  I started very slowly by opening a door for an elderly person who could not reach the door handle at Mayo Clinic. One day I was at a grocery store where all the floral's that
morning were being thrown out because they had a few brown spots on them, I asked the manager if it were OK for me to take a few, his response was "take them all", and I did.  I then went to a local park and began handing them out to all the people who walked by me, I  loved this, everyone had a smile. I went one morning and picked up trash that had been blown into the field where our children play soccer, I bought groceries for a family I knew needed them and dropped them on their door step, I bought lifesavers took them to a cancer facility and gave them to all the cancer patients, I gave a man a ride who was hitching, when I drove up and picked him up, he said "why are you helping me, no blonde woman has ever given me a ride, usually I hop in the back of a workers truck" I was listening to  inspirational music, he asked me if I was scared, I said "should I be? do you have a gun or knife?" he said 'no' then I said "then you should be scared" and we both laughed BTW MY FAMILY WAS NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS ONE. I don't regret it.  Giving a smile to an unhappy person, telling someone  you love their blouse or outfit, does world of good and does not cost a thing. I remember a guy who was in chemo every time I was there, he looked so sad one week I brought him a bag of kisses, with a note, the smile on his face was priceless and we remained friends through email until one week he was not there anymore.....I cried the whole way home, but realized he is happy now, he won his battle--he gets to  continue his journey in happiness just not from earth.  I choose everyday to see happiness in others, I've found since doing this I get the rewards of contentment, no regrets, and simple joy. If you want to make the world a better place join the live happy movement today it's free to sign up and you will not believe the map you can follow of you paying forward, and then them paying forward it's global and I love it.  http://Monya.mylivehappy.com/happy-reach  go to this link and start today, it's free and so fun, when you get to the website click on join now from my website, so we can keep a count on the map of how many people we have reached.

"Oh Dear, Now What?

Wednesday February 19, 2014

I woke up this morning in a puddle of blood on my pillow, all over the side of my face, neck and ear.  How did I sleep through that?  I went to the Mayo to have it checked out, by the time I had gotten there I had to change out the bloody cotton balls 4 times, they were saturated.  It was not painful, just messy.

When I arrived at the Mayo I had to wait a bit in the waiting area because I did not have a scheduled appointment--I looked around at the people who were there today--no one I knew, but I watched a woman in a wheelchair, I was intrigued by her for some reason.  I could hear her and her partner talking about different things, but I was more interested in why both of her legs were amputated and one arm gone--I kept to myself, until her partner asked me if I would pass her a magazine.  I said "sure which one do you want?" we began a conversation, the three of us and I was able to ask about her medical issues.  She was in a horrible car accident, she was rushed to the hospital and when she woke up they were gone.  I asked her how that made her feel, and that it must of been hard to process.  Her answer was "at first I didn't know they were gone and I was just happy to be alive, but when I realized or was told about the loss of limbs I was very depressed, almost to the point of suicide" "understandably so" I said.  "How are you dealing with it now that it's been awhile and you have had to get out into the world and live again?"  She graciously said "I'm alive, that is a blessing in itself, but I had no idea how kind people could be, I normally just considered people to be judgemental and rude, and there are those who stare but for the most part people care"

I too, believe that inside every person is a caring heart.  It is a natural instinct for people to look at a person who is bald with cancer, especially a woman, or someone who has lost limbs, most of the time we just pass them by and forget to give them a smile or two.

MONYA WILLIAMS is announced over the loud speaker and off I went--saying good bye knowing I will probably not ever see this woman again, but wanting her to know she left an impression on my heart I will never forget--I started to leave then went back and told her what an impression she had made on me, and gave her my email address to keep in touch.  With tears in her eyes, she said thank you.

My ear still bleeding, but Doctor Barrs is in surgery and cannot see me, sent in his resident, the same one who saw me in the hospital and would not give me pain meds, the same one who over looked the huge softball size hematoma on my head--"Oh dear, now what?" was my thought.  Like always, went over my medication list, then started her vacuume sucking out of my ear.  My balance was off, for quite awhile--this is what she said to me "ummm, I can't see where the source of the bleeding is coming from, so I think you should see Dr. Barr's next week"  That is the extent of it for now--she stuck a cotton ball in my ear and off I went--"what a waste of my gas"  was my thought initially then I remembered the amputee I met....she is the reason I was supposed to come here today...I met a new friend and was able to spread some happiness, her with me and me with her.

This is my walk away from Mayo Clinic

All I have is yours

Today is Sunday Jan 12, 2013

Well I did it, I went to church today, and was able to sit through all three hours, yay, pat on the back for me.  I was not feeling well yesterday and stayed in bed all day, except to get sick.  I also spent a very quiet Saturday, literally.  The kids all went to Disneyland, Jeremy Kayla Ezra and Recker spent the day together, and Eric was at work, honestly I was relieved to be allowed to just do nothing, but rest and pray I can go to church.  I made a goal to at least try to get through Sacrament, but I was able to make it through Sunday School and Relief Society.

I wish I could truthfully say it was easy, I can't.   This was a huge eye opener for me today, and I caught myself several times in tears.  I walked in a little late, Eric saved me a seat.  Just before I left the house I went back and forth to my room twice to pray....."please help me to understand what they are saying" that was my 1st prayer and not feeling quite happy with it, I walked back upstairs knelt next to that all familiar place next to my bed and poured out my heart, "I know you are teaching me something, or trying to, am I so hard headed that I am not getting it? please Heavenly Father, help me to listen with my heart today, even if I can't understand what is being said"  I waited a few minutes with my head low and eyes closed, expecting something, but it never came.

I was met at the chapel doors by President Packard, (one of my favorite people of all time) he had his head down with folded arms, so by this I knew the prayer was going on, I waited watching him, I could not hear one thing being said so watching him gave me the indication when the prayer was over. He shook my hand and we greeted with a sweet hello. I'm wearing a mask, so our eyes smiled.  I have never been frightened to enter the chapel, but today I was, until I saw Eric stand and help me get seated.  Marian tapped my shoulder and smiled, what a comfort if she only knew what I was feeling.  How will I communicate with these people I love so much, I can talk--that's never been my problem--I wonder why not? why didn't my mouth get reconstructed?  It's usually  the one thing that gets me in the most trouble, if you've followed my blog or know me well you know I don't keep much to myself. This has always been one of my downfalls, and hardships in life......just say nothing.....maybe this is what the Lord trying to teach me....for so many years as a child and youth I kept quiet through the rough times, after all we were the All American Family, I think once I gave myself the permission to speak I never shut up....ha ha.

I sat through Sacrament, having to constantly ask Eric what the speakers were talking about.  Mary Greer Spoke today and props to her, I could read her lips for most all of her talk, she is amazing and has been through so many trials this past year.  Just an amazing family the Greers, Julie is wonderful I love her, and I can see the growth and comfort she and President Greer are giving to Mary and her very small children after the death of Mary's husband last year.  Sunday School I caught very little of what was being said, it's so hard to explain I have about 25% hearing in one ear, and it happened over night, I have a very difficult time hearing when there is a group of people, I had no idea who was reading, quoting or commenting (one of those tearful moments)  When I only had hearing in one ear, I thought I was a pretty good lip reader--come to find out--I'm not--If I am talking to someone one on one I do really good, but when noise is coming from all around me I have no idea where it is or who it is.  I'm so glad Haleigh was with me in Relief Society today--I've always been a believer that nothing happens in life as a coincidence, I know if Haleigh was not there I could of easily asked any woman in that room to sit on my left side and help me to follow along with the lesson, but I loved having my sweet baby girl there, she whispered in my ear when she thought I didn't understand and she was right every time.

Today I have been thinking about a dear friend of mine who was killed by a drunk driver years ago, she and I worked together.  She taught me so many words in sign, it was something I enjoyed and always wished I had taken more interest in a class or two--I know I wouldn't be able to communicate in this way with my family or with anyone else who didn't know sign. But Blake didn't know how to communicate Spanish when he went on his mission, he came home and knows the language. Is this what I am supposed to learn?  Could I go on a sign language mission?  Remember these are just my wonderings--my mind goes places sometimes--like today.

And now here I am tonight, I can't sleep, worried about too many things.  I took a bath, listened to uplifting music with my ear phones on, so as not to wake the family with the speakers full blast. I went into Haleigh's bedroom read some of the Preach my Gospel, and finally decided to pray.