What is your love Language? Viola.

Besides one other time while I was going through my chemo treatments have I felt the spirit of Eric's mom so strongly as I did last night when I attended the Temple.  My favorite women of all time was sitting in the chair smiling so big from ear to ear, she looked me in the eyes nodded her head as if to say with those big blue eyes piercing through my soul "I love you, you will make the right decisions, I'm here for you" I looked back after slowly walking by, not wanting this moment to end and she was gone, it was just another cute lady sitting there greeting people.

Dang it I miss her, I know without a doubt when I pass through the veil to the other side (hopefully Heaven since I know that is where she is) Vi will be the 1st to embrace me, then her eternal companion, my father in law Ray Williams--I love them so dearly and have often had to humble myself knowing I would never want to disappoint them.

I had another incredible spiritual experience last night as I attended the Temple, one in which I will have to record in another journal that is not so public.  I'm grateful for the knowledge that Families can live together forever in Eternity together.

Another realization came this week, when I had lunch with a friend.  It was mentioned to me that we all "love differently" I have never thought about it the way it was so humbly explained.  Each of us are taught to love as the Savior did, unconditional right?  There has only been one person in my life I have ever met who has been able to successfully do this Viola Williams, I literally never heard a sore word about another come out of her mouth, she was constantly serving others as the Savior did, and in the end she died quietly in pain with breast cancer, leaving a legacy of complete understanding of our Saviors plan for her family to carry on.  I want, no I need to be more like her example.

The fact is my friend is correct we all do love differently, think about the people around you, the in your family, church groups, workout groups are they all the same? No, we all show our love in a different way, some are comfortable hugging and saying "I Love You" (that is me) some may care and love for you but not want to be touched or hugged, some show love by giving gifts, some by words of affirmation and appreciation, some want to hold on to their children and never let them experience the circle of life (this would be Eric)  AT the end of the day when we all understand how we love it is so much easier to accept and truly love the ones around us, just as the Savior did.  Thank you my friend for teaching me this principle.

HEAVENLY DREAMS🚩

Several times in the past month I have dreamed of Heaven, and in Heaven I am with Eric's mom Viola. I have been hesitating blogging about this because it's special to me, so I will journal as much as I feel comfortable sharing. I loved Vi, she was and is the most compassionate woman I have ever met. I really hate that my kids did not get to meet her or have her in their earthly lives. I have told them stories about her but it's just not the same. I loved her with all my heart, and told Eric just today how much I miss her, she passed away 25 years ago of breast cancer.

The DREAM:

Heaven is beautiful, when I pass through the veil from earth to heaven, Vi is standing there with her arms open (like always) ready to hug me. Her eyes are piercing, a blue that I will never forget, she's perfect in every way, her cheeks are rosy, she is wearing all white with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. Our embrace is soft and tender. I'm not quite sure if its this place that is so beautiful, or if it's the peaceful feeling I feel that is beautiful. I can't describe it. We sat under a tree, she asked me about Eric, if he was progressing in his life. The entire time she is smiling (I always loved her big smile) she takes my hands and looks at them, really stares at them then with tears in her eyes she looks at me and says "these are the hands that protected, hugged and watched over my grandchildren, these are the hands that comforted my son, and these are the hands that have served others" EricI wakes me... oh that made me mad, I wanted to sit with her forever it was so real. I quickly record everything so I will not forget. Within the next week I have the exact same dream only it takes me a little further on the heavenly journey.

Vi, tells me how much she loves me and how grateful she is that I married her son. She asks me about each one of my children. We laughed as I share experiences with her from the life of each one of my children. I remember telling her that motherhood is the best and most rewarding earthly experience I have ever had, I love being a mom. I tell her how Kayla has her smile, Blake has her incredible love for the outdoors, Kaitlyn has her spunk and laughter, and Haleigh has her heart. She and I walk and talk for what seems like hours, the things she shares with me are sacred and I have them recorded in another journal, but the feelings were incredible.... I wake up and again a few weeks later I have another dream

this time we are standing in a huge garden, the most beautiful garden I have ever seen, the greenery is stunning. She walks through the garden showing me everything as if this is her job here in Heaven to over see the garden. I am looking everywhere for Ray (Eric's dad) I want to get a hug from him too, but he is not anywhere to be found. She then explains to me that this will be our last meeting, I get tears in my eyes I don't want this to end. She asks me if I have done all I can do on earth to be the best I can be, have I forgiven those who have hurt me, have I served others enough, and the the question that stuck with me the most was do I unconditionally love everyone I cone in contact with? I don't remember answering her, but I do remember her saying "your time on earth is not yet finished" we hugged the best hug ever I said " I Love You" then I was awake.

I'm not sure if this is truly what Heaven will be like but I do know that the feeling of peace and serenity I felt there were incomparable to anything I have ever experienced here on earth. Having those feelings really made me not want to be anywhere else but there. I miss Vi so much, when I think about the example she was to her children it makes me so grateful to be a part of her family, her eternal family. I wanted so badly to talk to her about Breast Cancer ....but I guess it was not what I was there for, and in the whole eternal scheme of things I think that subject was not appropriate. It was so nice to see her in NO PAIN and in perfect form. I realize that this was just a dream but it felt so real and for those moments when I too had no pain and no worries it was HEAVENLY.

The Letter

Ray and Vi with the Kids
Raylani, Eric, Doran and Kurt


Ray and Vi on their Wedding Day


My most favorite woman in the world was Eric's mom Viola Williams, I really loved spending time with her, she always made everyone feel like they were her best friend, she made everyone feel important. She served a mission in Hawaii, the Polynesian people loved her dearly, as did so many people.
When Eric and I were engaged she passed away from breast cancer. Her marriage to Ray (Eric's Dad) was magical, they loved each other so much, I remember so many times coming into the house and Vi and Ray would be snuggled up on the sofa laughing they sincerely loved and cherished each other. When she died a part of him died, a part of everyone who knew her died, her children adored her and it seemed that their hearts were crushed.
Ray passed away a year and a half ago, his wife Betty cannot live alone and her children have placed her in an senior living community. Last week Eric and I met his sister Raylani and his brother Kurt over at dad's house so they could split things up. I went into Vi and Rays bedroom and in the closet was a very old yellowing envelope that said Eric on the front, I opened it not knowing what I was going to see and to my surprise was a letter to Eric from his mom. As I began to read the letter my eyes filled up with tears and it made it difficult to read. The part I loved the most about this letter was that Vi was really sick with cancer when she wrote it, she has asked Eric and Ray to give her a blessing, she said it was a very special experience for her, knowing that her son and husband could put their hands on her head and give her a blessing, she said it was every mothers dream to have her son be worthy enough to bless her. She went on to tell him how proud she was of him and the life he has built by including the Lord in his decisions, and that he should never take his Priesthood for granted, it will be such a great blessing in your life. Reading this letter was so touching to me, especially knowing her, knowing her spirit and testimony. I remember how much she suffered with breast cancer, and did not want to leave her family. Not knowing what the future will bring is difficult and Vi was a perfect example of someone who had complete faith and understood the atonement. It's interesting the things we cherish as we get older, it's not the car, or the house, not the lavish vacations but I have come to realize that what I treasure the most in my life are little things like this letter, they mean so much and are valuable not to the bank but to my heart. I think it's time for me to write letters to my children.