Visit with Dr.Kreymerman Kaitlyn & Brian Visit

I saw Dr. Peter Kreymerman on Friday, he said everything looks good, I still cannot pick up Recker until I see PK again in a couple of weeks. I am getting my strength back, and I am not depressed anymore whoo hoo, jump up and shout, do a little dance for me. It really helped me to be able to get out of the house and to spend some time with my girls this weekend. Kaitlyn and Brian are in town so I got to spend it with ALL the family. I seriously have the hardest time seeing my grandson and not being able to pick him up, and I'm not sure he understands why his BONBON is being so mean and not picking him up. ☹

Have I mentioned how much I love my son-in-laws ? Both of them are incredible. Jeremy is such a good husband and father and really works hard at school and work...Eric and I love him for his sensitivity and compassion too.

Brian, is extremely talented in sports, everything he does he does perfect. Last night he had a snowboarding competition at SKI PRO in Mesa and took 3rd place, plus got 1st place for best trick. I thought he should of gotten at least 2nd place he was much better than the guy who won 2nd, but still we are so proud of him, he too goes to school full time and works full time, at this time in their lives it is busy, we wish we could see them more it helps me working for USAIR so they can fly back and forth.

It;s Sunday and I have not been feeling good today, the head aches are back, Mr. HOTFLASH was in charge today, and my hips hurt like HELL---sorry if I offend anyone with that last one but it is what it is.

Menopause and Mondays

Being in menopause really, really stinks. Yesterday I was sitting in Church and I started to sweat like a pig at a slaughter house, I looked around to see if anyone else was dripping water from their head ...... uh nope just me. I always thought I would look forward to menopause, my thinking was that I would not have to have that monthly visit from aunt Martha. So instead of her visiting on a monthly basis for a few days, I get Mr. Hot Flash several times a day ...... what was I thinking? One of the side effects to menopause is weight gain. More than ever before in my life I have to watch what I eat, I lost so much weight during chemo but have now gained it back and although Doctor Northfelts office was happy about the weight gain, I am starting to get a little worried so today I am eating more of the Anti Cancer recommendations. I have to remind myself everyday that this is my new life, I need to embrace it and be happy about what I can do, or I can eat, rather than looking at what I can't. I had a few people ask me about giving up sugar, I will not give up sugar completely Dr. Servan-Schreiber says it is ok to give yourself a treat once or twice a week, for me Sundays are the day the whole family is together so this is now my treat day. The other days fruit is going to be my new sugar.
Today I am going back to Dr. Goodman, during chemo one of my teeth cracked in half and I was not allowed to visit the dentist because it stirs up bacteria in your mouth and could make a person even more sick (hard to imagine that) It has been almost 2 months now since I first went to see Dr. Goodman, he removed my tooth, took an impression and sent it to the lab. The color of the temporary tooth did not match my other teeth at all so I was anxious to get the permanent tooth back in. I have now had this tooth sent back to the lab 3 times, finally I went to the lab myself (Scottsdale) so they could do a custom color. Long story short, today is the day I get to visit Dr. Goodman again so he can take my tooth out again, send it to the lab, give me the temporary again and hopefully next week I will have my permanent tooth. I love Dr. Goodman, but I am starting to think he likes to see me more than I like to go to the dentist office. This is my menopause Monday.

Everyone has Good in Them

I never realized what women go through when they are in menopause ..... seriously not fun at all and to be forced into it, well all I can say is it is making me grumpy and crazy. Mr. hot flash continues to be a big part of my life, not sure if we are getting along too well. I called Dr. Northfelts office to let them know I am not sleeping and have had a headache that has lasted for several days, guess I will hear back from them tomorrow. It is so hard to feel completely exhausted then go and lay down to be disappointed by insomnia and fatigue. Just when I thought the neuropathy was gone and out of my life, my legs are aching again.
I'm so afraid to take the hormone medicine that Dr. Northfelt gave me, the possible side effects are really scary, and it seems like my track record for getting the side effects should make me afraid. I was told chemo would not make me sick .... no such luck I was sick for 5 months from the evil stuff, I was told a few women get lymphodema from lymph nodes being removed, I got it and have to wear that ugly sleeve on my arm, I was told that very few get neurophathy, you guessed it I have it ..... so Hormone therapy scares me .... I need to take it I've had it sitting on my desk for a week, I look at it everyday and say "tomorrow I will start" These are the possible side effects:

anxiety --- seriously I already have this one
back, bone, breast, joint, or pelvic pain----I already have all those (neuropathy)
constipation---
cough----
dizziness ---
flu like symptoms ---
muscle aches ---- went through that with the lovely day after pill during chemo
tiredness -----
hair loss---- are you kidding me?
headache ---- there already
hot flashes ----- Mr. hot flash has already welcomed himself into my life
loss of appetite ---- I wish
nausea ---- did that for 5 months
sore throat--
stomach pain or upset ---
sweating ---- comes with Mr. Hot Flash everyday
tingling or burning sensation in the fingers, wrists or hands
trouble sleeping ---
vomiting --- did that for 5 months too
weakness ---
weight gain ---- very possibly going to happen

If you could write these on a slip of paper and pick them out of a bowl, which 3 would you like to have? Not sure why I chose 3 to have but I decided that was a good number and quite possibly the number of side effects I will get from this treatment medicine, oh and did I mention I have to take it for 10 years? Can you tell I'm grumpy? I probably should not blog while I am in these moods, but like I have said so many times, I want to remember EVERYTHING.

One thing I can be grateful for today is that tomorrow is Wednesday and emails will come from my missionary son in the DR. I do love to hear from that boy, he seems to grow spiritually every week I try to keep up by studying my scriptures everyday and I am still working on those Attributes of Christ from the Preach my Gospel book, but I still seem to fall short of what Blake is experiencing. He is my hero, I love him so much.

One more little story before I head up to my bedroom and take some meds to get me to sleep. Eric has been in Mexico since Friday, last night Haleigh and I went on a bike ride through Val Vista Lakes. It was beautiful and the weather here in Arizona is incredibly soothing after the sun goes down. We were talking and laughing, really enjoying our time together when these two boys past us on their bikes, the first boy mumbled something under his breath I didn't quite hear, I asked Haleigh later she said she wasn't sure either. When the 2nd boy passed me (Haleigh was just in front of my bike on hers) he yelled something really mean "oh my ___ look at the d___" ( he used a slang word for lesbian) I felt so embarrassed not really for me but for him. Haleigh was so upset, she turned her bike around and was ready to take this kid on ..... they road as fast as they could away but Haleigh was faster, I stayed back just strolling along when I caught up to her she was engaged in a conversation with the boys. I still am not sure what she said to the boys, but when I arrived they took off. As a mother I'm thinking "this could be a great teaching moment" I should talk to her about turning the other cheek, walking away, or just letting it go, however, something told me to keep quiet and I did. I wondered if she was at all embarrassed to be with me. The fact that she stood up for me and defended what she knows to be right was impressive. I'm not shocked by what people say anymore and I know that there are more people who don't say what they are thinking, but I do believe that most everyone has good in them, and most everyone wants to be kind and considerate to others.

Life Goes On

For a couple of weeks now I have been experiencing HOT FLASHES, seriously? It's so annoying, at first I thought it was just because our house was warm and I needed to turn the air down, that's not it. I think I could be living in an Igloo in a snow storm and the flashes would still come. Doctor Northfelt said that the chemo sometimes throws women into menopause, or it kills your ovaries temporarily and makes your body think you are in menopause, then all of a sudden a few months down the road they start producing estrogen again. Chemo does some strange things to bodies, both of my big toes went black after I finished chemo, I was talking to some other women and they all said they experienced the same thing. Insomnia is another side effect to chemo and radiation, I have a hard time sleeping, well actually I have a hard time staying asleep my mind wonders. The skin around the 6 areas they radiated is so dry and red, also I am still experiencing fatigue and exhaustion. I'm not complaining I really just want to journal everything that is happening so I will never forget. Speaking of forgetting, I was in my spinning class the other day and realized that there is not a minute of the day that goes by that I don't think about the VILLAIN, I'm hoping that I never forget but that I will be able to function eventually without it consuming my every thought. It's a scary thing, probably one of the scariest health diagnosis a women could get. Until my diagnosis I never thought about the VILLAIN, I was more worried about Eric and his health, always thinking that I need to eat healthy and exercise so if something happens to him I will be here for my kids. I never, ever imagined the VILLAIN would be a part of my life. Now when I think about it, I think why not me? One in 8 women will receive the same diagnosis that I did. Life goes on, every life is important and the experiences we have in life is what makes us who we are.