Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Bottom Line Is...Time Heals

Someone asked me a couple of days ago, "when are you going to get over this cancer thing and move on...?" They went on to tell me that they were tired of looking at my blog and reading about the VILLAIN and the effects it has had on me... also that they have known other women who have gone through the same thing I have and they are doing fine....blah blah blah....I instantly tuned out once I heard this person say that... I felt as if they were acting like I had the flu or a winter cold.
I am not sure how to react to this... sooooo this is what I did.... I called Tamy and cried like a baby. After seriously thinking about the words of this person and taking the advice of my dear eternal sister Tamy, I decided to answer a couple of those questions now since I was so dumb-founded at the time I didn't know how to respond.....

✔ when I am I going to get over this? ........ probably never, and to be quite honest I hope I never forget what I've learned and continue to learn. I am moving on, I have no choice ....my life goes on, however... this IS MY LIFE, and I think about it all the time. I will not apologize for that, it is what it is. I wish I had a BLOG to write on when My brother died, it would of helped me heal a lot faster, I love my BLOG, it's real and again it's part of my life right now.

✔ so, you know someone who has had BC and is living and thriving in their life? ....... I am so happy for them, this is my dream too but for now I am living with a lot of pain, and I choose to BLOG about it so I can never forget and so that my family can understand and have a record of my REAL LIFE. One thing I have learned is that you can never compare your VILLAIN journey with someone else who has gone through it, everyone's journey is different. Depending on the stage of BC the experience could and probably will be completely different. Example: I know people who have had stage 4 cancer and have come out of it with no side effects and are living and thriving, and then I have also met women this past year who have died with stage 2 BC. I only know what my body tells me, and what my doctors tell me, these things are REAL and cannot be denied. The reality in my life RIGHT NOW is that I will probably never run that marathon I have always dreamed of, I will live with pain for many years to come, but I am also very grateful to be alive.

The bottom line is, time heals, I know it does and I look forward to it. Believe me when I say I don't want this VILLAIN to be a part of my life, I wish I could wake up and have it be a bad nightmare, I wish I was the woman who didn't get every side effect possible, I wish my oncologist would look me in the eye and say "its over, your cancer free" I can wish, wish, wish all I want the truth is THIS IS MY LIFE AND I AM HUMAN, I have feelings and I record them, if you don't want to hear it don't tune in.

I will continue to rely on the Lord for my strength, and I also realize that NO-ONE else but HIM can understand the fear, the pain or the anxiety I feel.

6 comments:

Daryl, Natalie and Sadie said...

I cant help but to leave a comment, I've seen your blog a couple months ago and love your recipes that I have made. And I truly believe your blog was something that came into my path of life to inspire me and make me feel comfort. You are a REAL person and REAL about your feelings and emotions and I have learned so much from you. and the things you feel or think going through this experience.

I appreciate the HONESTY and how BLUNT you are. Your an amazing example to me and I will continue to read no matter what the subject will be because I enjoy your insight on life, not just yours but the things you've learned through this experience that has also opened my heart and mind a little bit more. All the power to you!

Natalie Gumm

Kiersten Hart said...

Well said Monya! You are a strong beautiful woman and your blog is inspiring to many people. Don't let anyone stop you from telling your story, because you never know whose life it affects.

xoxo

Teri said...

I know how you feel. I have been asked when I'm going to move on from Kambers death. We have experiences in our lives that change who we are. They send us to the depths of hell and then back again. I hate going through adversity but if it makes me more like the Savior then it will be worth it in the long run. Keep telling your story and don't worry about those who want you to move on. You will never be the same Monya you were before, but you will be a new and improved one. I love you and hope all goes well with your surgery. Call me if you need anything. Teri

lorie said...

I am flabbergasted. Why oh why, do people say cruel things to others about their blogs instead of just NOT READING THEM?!!

Monya, keep writing. You have answered questions about BC I could never ask anyone. You have been honest and straight forward. It is so refreshing.

I love how you keep people in check when they looked at your bald head or said mean things to you. Big knuckle bump for that one, my friend.

Marathon schmarathon. When, if you are ever ready, I will run with you every step of the way. But if not, you can snuggle with Recker, enjoy your day and hug your family at night.

Love you Monya.

Anonymous said...

Dear Monya,

First--I feel this new entry will generate a LOT of comments. You will find people rallying to your defense, as they should. You will find acceptance and reassurance and that the Lords Angels will be among those supporters.

Second--people are odd...aren't they? They say the Darndest things! Emotional pain and Physical pain both require time. I had a person not only say that to me but to my children as we faced our devastation of 'family in crisis' as our 'eternal family' shifted and changed and splintered. I was frustrated by the person, for sure, but ANGRY on behalf of my children!! There is a 'season' and a time for all things, including healing...this is your race, your marathon, your journey. Like many before you and after you, you are individual and must never pay attention to the naysayer MORONS!

Third---Im so sorry that people can say such stupid things and Im sorry you had this kind of temporary 'set back'. Those remarks do that to us for a bit. I am glad you have Tammy to process this garbage! I had many people who helped me and my children through our darkest hours, and...we did get through them by-the-way, in our own time and our own way and our own SEASON.

Bless you and your family. Every thought is my prayer for your family and particularly for you!
Love to you and to Eric and to the kids.
Patti Beck

Tracey said...

What an ignorant thing to say to someone who has walked your path! The reason we are given adversity is so that we will dig deep and learn what the Lord is trying to teach us! I love that you share your feelings and growth through your blog. You have helped many people through your tribulations. And quite frankly... that is what it is all about!

You have inspired me, watching the way you have over come your health challenges and I admire and respect you for your honesty.

Keep it up!
xoxo