Sunday, November 20, 2011

What is Normal?

So the other day I was having a conversation with my son Blake-- I asked him how he was doing, and if he felt like he was adjusting to being back home--his reply was "mom, I feel like I'm getting back to normal again" I then asked him "what is normal son?"  then we had a long conversation about being normal.  My thoughts are still on that conversation.  I told him that our normals continually should be changing.   Two and a half years ago my normal was certainly different than they are now, I was worried about children, getting up going to work, worrying about children, making dinner every night, worrying about children, cleaning house, training for a marathon, worrying about children.  Then Blake surprised us with deciding on a mission, Kaitlyn got engaged, Kayla was pregnant with our first grandchild and I found out I had breast cancer--WOW did my normal change in a heartbeat.  Everything I thought was "NORMAL" was put on a back burner--now my normal was how can I do this? every thought that occupied my thoughts were -- worrying about Blake, worrying about the wedding, worrying about Kayla and Jeremy having a baby in the middle of all this, Haleigh having her senior year of HighSchool with her mom going through cancer, and Eric, my sweet husband having to see me go through hell, how could I ever allow him to see my mangled body again? how could I let him see me bald and sick? and more important than all I worried he would worry too much about me.... I needed everything to just go back to "normal"  Soon my normal became trips to Mayo Clinic on a regular basis, no exercising, certainly forgetting about my marathon running, missing my son terribly and worrying that he would be strong enough to make it 2 years without his family, I constantly worried about Haleigh and Eric.  Throwing up, losing weight, taking drugs and seeing oncologists were now my normal.  Soon my normal became kneeling and praying morning, day and night, begging pleading with the Lord to help me understand this new normal I was experiencing.  Educating myself about breast cancer was something I never thought I would be doing,  especially not for myself and now it was another normal for me.
The point to all of this is, our "normal's" change constantly in our life.  I was not prepared for my "normal" to change, but it taught me to understand that I am not in charge.  I learned to appreciate change, to figure out who I am and what I consider to be the most important, to live life to the fullest everyday living as if it were my last because things change constantly and without change we don't progress and grow.
One of the most important lessons I have learned during this journey called LIFE is the Lord is in control HE knows the beginning, middle and end HE loves me, and that when I listen for answers they always come, maybe not today or tomorrow but they always come.


tamy scheurn said...

I can relate to this post!Thanks for sharing!! I love you!!!