Friday, July 27, 2012

Panick attack at the BATMAN movie

Last night, at a very last minute decision we decided to go see the Batman movie- Kailtyn, Brian, Blake & Chloe, Eric and I.  It was late and I don't particularly like going to movies anyway, but wanted to get out of the house. 

Even though the theater was still pretty full we were able to get seats up higher but I was in the middle next to Chloe and Eric--immediately I began to feel claustrophobic and a little un-easy as the lights went down--within the the 1st couple minutes of the show I could feel myself leaning towards a panic attack-- checking for the exit doors, watching every person getting in and out of their seats.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see a woman dressed in all black, something hanging from her pants which looked to me to be a gun, immediately I panicked starting breathing really harshly and told Eric I needed to get out of there asap.  I rushed out in to the lobby, pacing trying to get my heart rate to calm down, I was shaking so badly when Kaitlyn came up behind me to see if I was OK I jumped with fear and I think I even scared her a little.  Within a few minutes the woman dressed in black approached me and asked if I was OK, I told her I was fine just needed some air, I noticed the walkie talkie hanging from her pants was not a gun after all, she and I had a little conversation about my panic when I saw her walking up and down the aisles--but asked her to just let me be and I would be OK in a few minutes I just needed some time to get my head back where it should be.  I said a prayer and a few minutes later I walked back into the theater, still not brave enough to walk up to my seat, I stood at the top of the landing leaning against the wall watching both the exit doors and trying to comprehend what was happening on the movie screen--within minutes there was a shooting scene, where innocent people were being killed--I made a mad dash for the exit and back into the lobby.  "What the heck is going on in my head?"    My thoughts continually thinking about all of those innocent people in Aurora Colorado last week who were shot dead while sitting in a theater just like this one watching this exact same movie-- I'm not sure why these things happen in our world, what makes a person do the things they do, but it put enough fear in me, fear that I had no idea even existed in my soul.  When I finally got it together and was brave enough to walk back up to my seat, that is exactly where I wanted to stay, close to Eric-- he held my hand and could feel my entire body shaking, it was paranoia taking over--every time anyone got up from their seat to leave I would swing my head to see who they were and what they were doing--needless to say this movie was the longest movie I have ever seen and could not enjoy it, I was never so happy for a movie to be over.

As we walked out of the theater I was looking in the eyes of every person I could see, not sure what I was hoping to see, but wondering if any of them felt like I did, trying to decipher if any of them had it in them to do what this terrorist did, wondering how the lives of all those who survived that awful night will ever be able to get past it, their lives are forever changed--going to a movie will never be the same--will they ever go to another movie?  and for sure the Batman series will forever bring back those horrible memories for them. I was impressed with Christopher Nolan this past week as he flew to Aurora to be with the families of those effected by this horrible tragedy, this is what he had to say:

"Speaking on behalf of the cast and crew of The Dark Knight Rises, I would like to express our profound sorrow at the senseless tragedy that has befallen the entire Aurora community. I would not presume to know anything about the victims of the shooting but that they were there last night to watch a movie. I believe movies are one of the great American art forms and the shared experience of watching a story unfold on screen is an important and joyful pastime. The movie theatre is my home, and the idea that someone would violate that innocent and hopeful place in such an unbearably savage way is devastating to me. Nothing any of us can say could ever adequately express our feelings for the innocent victims of this appalling crime, but our thoughts are with them and their families."
-Christopher Nolan 

I came home last night opened up my scriptures and started reading anything I could get my hands on about peace-- there were many of those scriptures already marked by me, but one that stood out was saying that the peace makers here on earth will forever have peace in their souls for eternity.  I said my prayers, snuggled up next to Eric and was happy to be in a home safe, and peaceful, at least for the moment.


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