Why?

***I wrote this last week, but just finished it this morning***

Today I took the long way home from Mayo Clinic, worlds away from the noise of the world. It felt so good to be in my own thoughts.  I have been so afraid to go see Dr. Magtibay.  It's hard to explain to anyone who does not know the journey of my life.  Questions why are always on my mind lately.  The questions Why are not Why did these things happen to me?  I am way past that.  Now I say WHY NOT ME? In that respect.

 I know I  chose this life before I came to this earth, I have dreamed of being in a little white dress with the angels surrounding me when I said good-bye to my friends and family.  Heavenly Father had and has a plan for me.  The questions in my mind are more like how did such an abused and neglected child stay so close to the plan, how did I continue to have FAITH and HOPE in a world that seemed so dark?  Why did Heavenly Father have so much FAITH and HOPE in me? I have made so many mistakes,  Why has the Lord blessed me with so many miracles in my life?  Eric, oh how I love him and realize more and more everyday that he was such a blessing to my life when I met him, I was lost and alone, he saved me.  He was part of the plan, I know the Lord knew I needed a man exactly like Eric to get me through the rough years that would be ahead of us.  

Why, would the Lord give me his trust?  There was so much destruction in my path and I could of taken a different road, the only thing I knew and know for sure is that I want to be worthy in his eyes, inside and out, HE has blessed me with so much in my life.  I know everyday I live,  HE has divine intentions for me, it's up to me to stick to HIS design for me.

Why have I been so blessed with the best doctors?  I love Dr. Peter Kreymerman and know that Eric was inspired when he chose to have me go to Mayo Clinic.  Now I have  Dr. Magtibay to add to my list of blessings, my appointment went great with him and he too is a kind and a gentle man, he works in the same office area as Dr. Kreymerman.  It felt weird to walk through the office space and not see Heather, or PK.  I miss them.

I'm going to start exercising again, this time taking it slow, knowing I will have an uphill challenge, being more realistic this time knowing I will never be the athlete I was, it's ok though I will do what I can and be grateful.