Mayo Madness

This morning I needed to be at Mayo Clinic by 7am. When I arrived the underground parking lot was empty, no-one was playing the piano, there was no greater to say "welcome to Mayo", no-one else riding in the elevator, even the gift shop was not open yet, today the halls of Mayo were empty and and unusually quiet.
I love the cute lady that checked me in she is from Russia and she always checks me in, she remembers me because my name is Russian and is quite popular, every time I see her she always says "good morning Monya" today she even told me my hair looked so cute. After I checked in and got registered for my procedures I sat down in the chemo lab waiting area, I listened as a man talked to his wife sitting right in front of me (he was pretty loud) he was talking to her about FAITH. He commented about how he is not buying the whole "faith as a mustard seed" and if we have faith you will be healed, he was telling her "we have shown our faith, we have prayed day and night with a pure heart asking the Lord to help us, we read from the Bible everyday, but yet here we sit at the Mayo Clinic getting ready for you to go in to chemo treatment and you are dying" ... he continued to say "Jesus Christ had faith and he still died, his daddy could of saved him but he didn't he let him die" (the man was of African American heritage and I loved his southern baptist way of talking) at this point I was thinking "is this man trying to give a pep talk to his wife? because it's not quite coming out that way" then he turned to her and gave her a hug and said the sweetest things it made me tear up... "I just love you so much and I hate to see you going through this, I'm frustrated because we have done all that we have been told to do not only by the doctors but by the good Lord, and I feel as if we are not getting any answers here" .... WOW, I could not believe what I was hearing of all days for me to come to Mayo, I chose today when it's all quiet except for this one man who could be heard from across the room. I needed to hear what he was saying, I need to be tested and reminded about FAITH and about the fact that the Lord could take all this away if he wanted to, he could of taken away the pain of his only son and spared him his life, but he didn't because he had a plan for him, just like he has a plan for all of us, it sure does not make it easier to accept life's bumps and bruises but when I really think about what plan HE has for me I realize how special I am in his eyes. I love that the Lord put this man in my path today, I needed to hear what he was saying.

3 women come in and are sitting in the waiting room, all bald, all receiving chemo treatment today, and all looking really ill, a sudden attack comes over me, seeing where they are right now in their treatments, the reality of what I have been through flooded my brain like a Tsunami , how did I do that? They look so sick, did I look that sick? I remember how I felt, oh my goodness I just want to get out of here--seeing all this brings back some horrible memories right now, I can't breath, my chest feels like a weight is on top of it, I stand up and begin to pace, I know people are looking at me, I can here them say "is she OK?' I can hear them but I just want them to go away, I wish Tamy was here. Suddenly when they called my name I'm able to snap out of it long enough to walk over to the nurse she introduced herself and I am usually pretty good about remembering their names but not today, I just want to get this over with. We walked into the chemo lab and I was still a little dazed but able to fake my way through it...when she accessed my port I had to ask her to put on a face mask she forgot to do it, this made her have to start all over with the sterilization process, but I remember Tamy telling me to never let anyone access your port without a mask and gloves on, and honestly I have never had to tell a nurse at Mayo this was the 1st time. Finally when she did get the port accessed it was really painful this time, when she flushes it an immediate medicinal taste hits my taste buds and my face quinced. She asked if I was ok, I said yeah I just never get used to that taste, She took 6 vales of blood put a band aid over my port and scooted me out to my next appointment. Good thing, I hate the smell of the chemo suites, too many reminders.

My next appointment is not for 1 1/2 hours so I decided to go visit my favorite people in radiology/oncology, none of them were at work yet, they don't start until after 8 am that was a disappointment I really wanted to see some cute cheerful faces to help me get through the rest of the tests I have today. Oh, Well back to the concourse level to check in and wait.
At least this floor is not ALL VILLAIN patients, some of them have heart problems and other sicknesses, its hard to tell, at least with VILLAIN patients I can tell by the "no hair" and the fact that I can look in their eyes and know what they are thinking and how they are feeling. Whenever I enter the Mayo Building all of my senses are activated.

I SEE everyone and everything around me so clearly now, not foggy like it was a year ago
I HEAR the sounds of loving husbands and wives giving support and encouragement where it is needed
I TASTE the chemicals, the ones that are supposed to help me.
I SMELL the sickness in the air, and want to go throw up.

I sit back close my eyes and try to go to Paris, riding on a bike in the mountains, yes finally I'm at my happy place with my happy husband frenchie and we are smiling, and picking wild berries ..... then suddenly I hear "MONYA WILLIAMS" over the loud speaker, it's my turn for my bone test. I had to get dressed in the Lovely Hospital Attire for this one, after the bone density test, I also had the bone mineral test done, back to chemo lab to access the port again.....This has truly been an emotionally draining day, I can hardly stay awake as I blog but I wanted to get it all blogged so I would remember it.
I return to see Dr Northfelt next Tuesday, I am crossing my fingers that not eating sugar, flour or processed foods for 3 months has paid off. The labs will tell ..... I just want Dr Northfelt to walk in the room and say "you are cancer free, or at least say I'm in remission" I don't think based on our last conversation that, that is going to happen any time soon, but a girl can dream right? I always have that .....dreaming, hoping and praying