Saved by Grace Monday Mormon Myths and truths #3

MORMONS DON"T BELIEVE IN BEING SAVED BY GRACE

ANSWER: I hope you will hear this loud and clear this is 100% FALSE

Amen and Hallelujah!!  If you ever hear someone answer "no" to whether Mormons believe they will be saved by Jesus' grace, then they simply don't understand our doctrine.  The Book of Mormon is laced throughout the pages on this doctrine and teaches us that "there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah" (2nd Nephi 2:8)  THERE ARE MORE THAN TWENTY EIGHT REFERENCES TO "grace" in the Book of Mormon, and the concluding message of the Book of Mormon is this:

"Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in Him and deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might mind and strength, then is the grace sufficient for you, that by His grace ye may be perfect in Christ"  (Moroni 10:32)

The idea that Mormons believe in salvation by doing good works is not true.  Mormons try to do good works for a few simple reasons

1. we love Jesus and therefore worship Him by striving to follow His teachings and example
(John 14:15)
2. when we do good works, we become more receptive to and influenced by God's spirit, which produces increased joy, love and happiness in our lives (Galatians 5:22-25)
3. we want to be worthy to make and keep sacred covenants  with God that will bind us to Christ eternally.

However, I will say this, even if every Mormon in the world, fed all the hungry people in the world, put clothes on all the naked, gave all they had to the poor, prayed 100 times a day and studied the scriptures until our eyes popped out, we still do not think those works would save us.  So really what we believe is that it is ONLY through the grace of Jesus that we will be SAVED.  There is no end to Jesus' ability to SAVE.

Gettin' Old Eric turns 55

I have no regrets marrying this guy.  However,  he gets relentlessly teased by our family for a few things.  He cannot tell a story--my mind gets terribly scrambled when he starts to tell one of "his" stories.  The stories usually start in the middle, with a few of "then he .... and it went over there...." by the time he is done with the story, none of us have any idea what was just said.  Another annoying thing he gets constantly teased about is how he eats his popcorn at a movie theatre, NO ONE wants to sit next to him, he's loud and shovels it in his mouth like its his last meal--I can live with this, no problem--over the 30+ years I've know this guy I have not met anyone who does not love him, have never heard a curse word come out of his mouth, and he does not gossip but finds the good in people--thank you to his parents Viola and Ray Williams for instilling those qualities in him.

When I first met Eric it was not love at first sight, we met at an ASU singles dance.  Brent Stapley (who I really liked) introduced us, we danced, Brent went off to BYU married the love of his life Julie then Eric and I continued to date and eventually marry.  The night I came home from our 1st official date my mom asked me "so, what did you think of this guy?"  I said, "he's OK, I really like his family though"

As time went on and we dated on a regular basis, I began to see what everyone else saw this was a great man who wanted nothing more than to please his parents and family, he had a great love for his mother and father.  Over the next 3 years as we dated his mother became the biggest influence in my life.  Year after year when we did not get engaged on birthdays, or holidays I began to question whether this was right for me.  I will never forget a Christmas when Vi (erics mom) set me down and told me how much she loved me, and that she could see the sadness I was feeling, but told me not to give up on Eric.  I was given a blessing and I knew this was what I should do, but still it was frustrating.   We got engaged that year on Christmas day, the date was set for April 28th.  Vi went into the hospital in February and passed away 10 days later.  One day while I was visiting her, she was asleep and sat straight up stared me in the eye and said "no matter what happens to me, promise me you and Eric will get married"

We did, and we have experienced a lot of trials and hardships through the years, but with all of it we have truly become best friends, he was deeply compassionate with me when I was diagnosed with cancer and has continued to be my biggest fan and cheerleader during this fight.

I love you Eric and hope you love your Birthday--Paris here we come.

Monday Mormon Myths and truths #2

WHAT HAPPENS INSIDE THE MORMON TEMPLE IS "SECRET"

ANSWER: False

It's not a secret. It is sacred--and there is a difference.  If something were secret then it implies that we don't want other people to know about it.   This is simply not true, Mormons would love everyone to gain the knowledge and blessings available in the temple..  But because what happens and is taught in Temples is sacred, then we are careful not to discuss it with those who might not understand or appreciate its significance.
Jesus himself often told His followers not to publicly discuss certain sacred experiences such as what happened with Peter, James and John on the Mount of Transfiguration, charging them to "tell no man" (Mark 9:9 also Mathew 8:4; 16 and 20)  Most everyone has had a special or personal experiences that they wouldnt share or discuss with just anyone, fearing that sharing something near and dear to their heart with someone who is unappreciative wouldn't be understood or would be taken lightly.  Aslo, LDS people are instructed to discuss certain aspects of the temple only within the safety of the sacred setting of the temple.

 The Temple is to Mormons what Mecca is to Muslims and the Bodh Gaya is to Buddists.  The Temple is literally the house of the Lord and figuratively the place where heaven meets the earth.  Entering the Temple and receiving its ordinances is the pinnacle of Mormon activity.  Therefore, although I am speaking openly about this and this is open to the general public to read, these things are sacred and highly reverent and I hope that they are received in the same way.  To Mormons, when we enter the temple, like Moses at the burning bush, we feel that we are walking on holy ground (Exodus 3:5)

From the   beginning of Old Testament times, God told His people to build temples--sacred places where the Lord could meet with, teach, bless, and make known His will to HIs people.  We believe that temples and temple worship have always been vital to Gods plan for His children.

There is a difference between normal Mormon meeting houses, like the chapels where Mormons meet each Sunday for public worship.  Mormon chapels are open to all visitors-those who are members of the church and those who are not. On Sundays we we sing, pray, teach each other, and partake of the sacrament, and conduct church business for our local leaders.  We baptize new members of the church in our church buildings. But Temples are reserved for our most holy ordinances, such as performing sealings for eternal marriages, and only practicing Mormon members who are prepared and been found worthy can attend.  Many people wonder why there is certain qualifications that must be met before someone can ender the Temple.  To make this easier to understand, Remember when you were in school? Addition was always learned before division and multiplication, then comes algebra before trig.

There are certain ordinances that are necessary to learn and partake of before entering the temples.
1. a person must be a member of the LDS church (baptism is our first important ordinance)
2. a person must be a member of the LDS church for at least one year, be at least twelve years old, and be found worthy to hold a temple recommend.

To determine ones worthiness our LDS leaders, such as a bishop (like ministers) conduct a PRIVATE INTERVIEW and ask certain questions about the persons faithfulness.  If we have complied with those requirements, then we are granted a recommend to enter the temple and participate in its ordinances.  Anyone who is prepared and found worthy is welcome  and encouraged to attend the temple.

LDS Apostle Boyd K Packer wrote--"Here in the interview with their local LDS minister the member is asked searching questions about his or her personal conduct, worthiness and loyalty to the Church and its leaders.  He or she must be morally clean and is keeping the word of wisdom, paying a full tithe, living in harmony with the teachings of Christ and not maintaining any affiliation or sympathy with any apostate groups.

In the temple we learn about God's plan for His children and make covenants with God to be obedient and to dedicate our life to Him.  Much of the work that goes on inside aLDS temples is related to families.  We believe that the ordinances performed in the temple help us to fulfill the fundamental purposes of life, which are centered on forming an eternal family.

An "endowment" is a gift, when Mormons go to the temple, we receive many gifts, gifts of knowledge, understanding, covenants, ordinances and blessings. These combined make up the "endowment" The endowment helps us focus on the Savior, His role in our Heavenly Father's plan and our commitment to follow Him.

The eternal marriage is actually a sealing of families to be together forever.  When a couple kneel across the alter and are married in the temple by the proper priesthood authority, we believe they are "sealed" together for time and all eternity, unlike many religions who perform marriages outside of the temple will say "till death do you part"

One of the ordinances performed in the temple is called baptisms for the dead, but not to worry we don't actually baptize dead people.  We believe it is a labor of love, to baptize in proxy for and in behalf of our deceased family and friends who died without the opportunity to be baptized.  Some people have often asked me "why would you do that?"  I simply reply that LDS people believe that baptism is necessary for our salvation (Mark 16:16 or John 3:5)  Many people without any fault of their own have lived and died without the opportunity to be baptized by those holding the proper authority.  With that being said, we believe in a just and merciful God who has provided a way for EVERYONE to accept the ordinance of baptism.   The deceased person then has the opportunity to voluntarily accept or reject the temple baptism that was performed in their behalf.  This way, all mankind can receive baptism if they want it, and if they choose not too they can say "no thank you"

Like many religions that have special clothing as part of their worship, such as Orthodox Jews wearing a hat, Muslim women covering their heads or body, or a Catholic priest who wears symbolic robes, LDS people have symbolic temple clothing that is very meaningful and sacred, and is a part of our temple ceremonies.

Some people wonder why they cannot go inside the temples. Before temples are dedicated for official Church use, they are opened for several weeks so the general public can go in and see what these beautiful temples look like inside.   We have a temple opening in the fall of this year right here in Gilbert, the LDS people in this area feel extremely blessed and I myself invite anyone to enter the temple and see it before it is closed for dedication.  After the temple is dedicated, a person must be a worthy LDS member to enter and participate in the ordinances.  For some it is hard to understand why they cannot enter and see their child be sealed (married) if they are not members, hopefully what I have just posted will help you to understand and respect the sacredness of our Temples.

When we enter the temple, we make promises to God to obey His commandments, live pure and virtuous lives, and serve our fellow man.

Jeremy Roussel

Meet my son in law Jeremy, he is kind gentle and the best father.  Jeremy is married to my oldest daughter Kayla.  This week will be there 5th wedding anniversary.  When Eric and I first met JJ we knew from the 1st date that he was a good man.  He comes from a family of 9 children, his mother and father raised him to work hard, they also taught him how to treat a woman with respect.  I have never had to bring in my groceries from the car when he is around, he always opens the door for me, and without a doubt he always gives the biggest bear hugs to anyone who enters our home--He has a laugh that is contagious, when Jeremy starts to laugh EVERYONE  in the room laughs, not necessarily because of what is being said or done, most of the time we don't even know why we are laughing, we all laugh because he is so happy and his laugh makes us all happy, sometimes to the point of tears.

I love when Jeremy comes to the house, he usually looks at me and either says "what's up tuts?" or "Hey Monya, guess what?" then I say "what" and he says "I love you" he gets me all the time.

Jeremy is a peacemaker in our home, he loves and protects us all, he deeply loves Kayla, Recker and Ezra.  He has a sister who is mentally disabled, being raised with her has given Jeremy the ability to show unconditional love to most everyone he meets.  Recker, oh my gosh Recker just loves his daddy, when Jeremy comes in the room Recker runs hugs and kisses him, then leads him with his hand to the door--he knows daddy will take him outside to play, throw a ball, jump the trampoline, swim in the pool or just sit and watch Recker be Recker--I LOVE THIS ABILITY IN JEREMY--

I have been so blessed to have Jeremy as a son in law, he was here through my entire cancer process and with deep caring and compassion in his heart he helped care for me when I needed it the most.
Thank you for being a hard worker,  providing for your family,  being gentle and kind to me, and especially for helping to bring these two special spirits into the world--my grand babies,Recker and Ezra will carry on your Roussel name, and be proud of who there daddy is, and was, long after you are old and grey and have left this mortal life--your name will be praised by your children and family--We love you.

Mormons Mormon Myths and truths #1

When I started this blog it was for the purpose of sharing my thoughts and feelings, it seemed easier for me to do on a regular basis, I have always been a journal writer, but wanted to start something new along with my hand written journal.  I have said many times in the past few years since starting this blog, I want my family to have a history of my life.  Many times when I write I forget my blog is public for all of the world wide web to read, I usually sit at a quiet time with my church music and write what I feel. (Music usually provided by The Slade Family, or Josh Menden)

I'm sad to say I have probably offended some people, no, I know I have, but to those people I will not apologize for my beliefs, and I respect what you believe.  When I put my stamp of approval on this blog and push PUBLISH, I take responsibility for my words--to those of you who leave me anonymous comments I would love if you would put your name on it, if you honestly believe in what you are saying then put your name on it--OWN IT. Shout it from the roof tops, maybe we can bring together both of our beliefs and make this a better world to live in, that is what Christ wanted for all of us, to serve each other, help each other, we can at least agree on that.  I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, so yes, we believe in Christ and I believe it is Christlike to be kind to others and share HIS light.

I have allowed the anonymous comments but when someone leaves comments with words that are simply untrue- I cannot have those published.  I have no problem with you asking me what is true and what is not true, but it is not fair to TELL me what I believe, I have prayed, searched and pondered about all different religions, and for ME the LDS church offers what is best for ME and MY family.  I did not force my children to be LDS, and I do not force my beliefs on anyone else either, I also do not force anyone to read this blog.  If someone asks me a question I will always tell the truth,
I respect and honor those of other religions, we all have the right and agency to believe whatever we choose.  Like I've said, and I will continue to say,  I have no problem when others want to ask me a question about what I believe in and are willing to listen to the truth of what we believe in, but I do take issue with others who "think"they know what we believe because they have heard it from Mitt Romney, or read it on a website--not everything we hear or read are exactly true, it is always best to go directly to someone who you know lives what they believe in and ask for the answers instead of assuming, because it can hurt others.

 If you claim to be Christian, to me this means you try your hardest to live as HE did, when I think of Christ life,  it is evident  people wanted to be around him, the children wanted to sit on his lap laugh and sing with him, they felt safe, men and women flocked to be in his presence because he offered something that none of us can offer--COMPLETE AND ABSOLUTE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO EVERYONE--in return HE has asked us to do the same.

-I stand behind everything I believe in, I am honest in all that I say and do, sometimes to a fault. But one thing I will never do is discard what I believe in for the approval  of another person,  I LIVE WHAT I BELIEVE and although I am not perfect I am trying my hardest to be more like the Savior and accept all that is thrown at me.

I have dear friends of all races and religious backgrounds. I have a brother and sister in law who were not blessed to bare their own children and adopted 4 bi-racial children, some from the LDS church social service program.   I am always so impressed and interested in hearing  what others believe, but mostly I love when they teach me new things and new ways of understanding,  the spirit has come into my life through others who are not of my faith, it has helped me to be more tolerant and to come closer to my Heavenly Father. However, I am also human and I am not in anyway perfect, I have said cuss words in front of my  children, I have even asked a bishop if I threw out the "damn and hell" words every once in awhile if it would keep me from ever being called to be a Relief Society President? his answer was "hell no"  so as you can see not ALL MORMONS think they are better than anyone else.

With that being said, I have decided to dedicate every Monday blog to Mormon myths, what is true and what is not, maybe this can help.

Monday Mormon Myth #1
BECAUSE MORMONS BELIEVE THE CHURCH IS TRUE, MORMONS THINK THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO WILL GO TO HEAVEN AND THAT OTHER CHURCHES ARE BAD.

ANSWER: ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE

Thinking about this, if it were true, heaven would be a very lonely place, considering that 99.98 % of the worlds population are not members of the LDS church.
We firmly believe that God is a God of perfect justice and mercy and that no heavenly blessing will be given to one person that is not made available and offered to everyone.
God has a plan and a purpose for each and everyone of his children (YOU) whether LDS or not.
Additionally, although we humbly claim that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the Lords official church, we honor the goodness and virtue of other churches and belief systems as well as their faithful and wonderful adherents.  The LDS handbook of instructions for its local leaders say "much that is inspiring, noble, and worthy of the highest respectis found in many other faiths"
I think one of the LDS church Prophets President Gordon B Hinkley stated our viewpoint best in 2002. "This  must be our great and singular message to the world.  We do not offer it with boasting. We testify in humility but with gravity and absolute sincerity.  We invite all, the whole earth, to listen to this account and take measure of its truth...To those of other faiths we say in a spirit of love, bring with you all that you have good and truth which you have received from whatever source, and come and let us see if we may add to it"

Simone and Rochelle ♥

Rochelle and Simone April 2013

I invited Simone and Rochelle to go to Stake Conference with me today.  They are such great girls.  Heavenly Father has a way of placing people in my life who have blessed me and taught me so much about life.  These girls are two very special girls, I am endeared to them forever.  I met their mother at Mayo Clinic 4 years ago, she is a single mother raising 4 teen children, and I am impressed at how well she has done.

I love spending time with them, teaching them to bake, going to lunch, and sharing thoughts.  We have so much in common with our up bringing--they too, do not have a father figure in their life who is respectful or loving to them, as they share their thoughts and feelings,  my heart is full to point of wanting to burst into tears--so many memories are flooding my mind, memories of a childhood that should of been different, could of been different.

I was impressed a few weeks ago by the spirit to invite them to our home to watch General Conference and have breakfast with our family.  Audrey (their mother), the twins and one of their brothers and his girlfriend came over.  What a delight they are, I enjoy spending time with them.  Audrey is a greeter at the church they belong to and could only stay for the 1st half of conference.
I noticed Rochelle crying, she and I went into my living room and spoke, she hugged me tightly, telling me how much she loves me and Mr Williams, that she loves the feeling in our home and how she wanted that for herself--she then shared some personal stories with me and at that moment I knew the Holy Ghost was whispering to me every word to say--

1.pray for light, pray to know HIM--HE knows you and he loves you
2. serve someone everyday, a smile, a hug or a special note can mean so much
3. be prepared that darkness does not always leave immediately, sincerely look for LIGHT
4. ask for the Light to be with you everyday, live what you believe, walk in the light
and lastly " As you walk toward the HOPE of God’s light, you will discover the compassion, love, and goodness of a loving Heavenly Father"


After conference today I had the opportunity to talk to the girls and answer any questions they had.  One of the things they were wondering about was why there were not any other black people at church.  I told them what a myth it is that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints does not allow blacks to be baptized, the girls actually had heard this. THIS STATEMENT IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE AND OPPOSITE OF WHAT WE BELIEVE IN.  We just happen to live in a geographical area where not many African Americans live.  I explained to them, as I will explain to any of you who are reading this and also have this misconception.  The LDS church has never NOT allowed blacks to be baptized, across the nation and throughout the world we have active incredible members of the church who are of African American Heritage--we are inclusive, we invite all who are willing to truly listen to the truth of what we believe in to come to church with us.  I explained to them at one time in the church history the black men were not able to hold the Priesthood, for what reason I do not understand, but just as many things in life change, this was a change the church was impressed to make.  I explained to them, across the nation and around the world no matter what language every church building in the world is teaching the same thing, on Sundays we take the water and bread in remembrance of HIM who died for us, the sacrament helps us to remember the covenants we made when we were baptized, I also think of it of a time to repent for all the little things I do during the week, the Atonement is available to each and everyone of us. I also explained to them, "you girls can walk into any church from here to Africa, and you will not hear anyone from the pulpit talking bad about another church, we love all people, because we know our Heavenly Father loves all his children the same. Walking in the light of Christ means trying your hardest to be exactly like HIM, of course we know this is impossible but trying and repenting and trying and repenting is what we do everyday to try to be more like HIM"

Every talk that was spoken today was perfect for what these girls needed to hear.  A member of the Stake Presidency spoke about the presence of Satan in our lives, Rochelle told me she was so glued to the words he spoke.  There are times in our lives when Satan wants us to feel as though we are not quite good enough, he wants the young mother who is trying her hardest to raise strong healthy, spiritual children that her house is not clean enough, the father who has lost his job that he is not quite doing is job as a husband and father, the young girl who did not get invited to prom or homecoming that they are not quite beautiful enough or good enough.  I told the girls, I remember feeling inadequate as a child of God, I was too skinny, to ugly, and not quite good enough for anyone to ask me to prom or homecoming---I never went, and yes, I did feel those pains of not being quite good enough--how sad is that?  If we could all feel the spirit enough to know, our Heavenly Father loves us for who we are,  and what we contribute to life.

There have been times in my life when I felt small, and insignificant, I felt that the world was my Goliath,  I yearned for the feeling of surety that HE loved me.  It took me searching in my soul, and truly asking for guidance,  there were things I had to let go of, when I questioned choices I made I finally realized it was Satan trying to keep me from the light. Satan is smart and cunning as he travels and moves through the lives of our youth especially, he does not like to be alone either, he always snatches one, then cunningly says "now go and get your friend to partake" especially for our youth who are trying so hard to follow in Gods light, satan does not want that to happen, he wants them to invite their friends--misery loves company--and satan wants you to justify your actions with others around you who are doing the same thing--following in the darkness. Don't get caught in that trap.\

It honestly took me going through my cancer journey to realize that it was OK even though I was 46 years old to start to listen to my heart, to turn things over to the Lord, to accept the Gift HE had given me, the gift was the Holy Ghost--listening and preparing myself for the day to day, HE is leading me through this journey of life--we all have more strength then we know, and when we start to LIVE WHAT WE BELIEVE we will gain the confidence we need, no matter what we are  experiencing in our lives, no matter where we are in our journey,  for some the journey towards the light starts at birth and for others that light of Christ comes when we are adults,  if we follow in HIS light HE will guide us home.

I wish for every youth out there in the world, member of the church or not, that they could just HOLD ON-we all try and fail, some have been in darkness longer than others, but one of the lessons we can learn is that HE has promised the answers will come when we ask.  There have been nights I have prayed, thinking I was the only one who was walking in the darkness, oh how NOT true that is, there are so many who walk in darkness, and fear, but if we can HOLD ON continue to pray, serve, and be obedient, repeating this day to day until we finally GET IT, he will never leave our side.

Sticks and Stones🚩

Remember the phrase? "sticks and stones, may break your bones, but words will never hurt you?" Who ever came up with that saying was a little off their rocker--sticks and stones will certainly hurt bones, and scratch the skin, but words, oh words can leave a lasting sting on the heart and soul.

Even at my old age of 50, words can hurt.  They can penetrate a heart and soul and for many leave a lifelong scar.  It's interesting, we sometimes say the harshest words to the ones we love the most. Why is that?  Maybe because we know them the best and we know what will hurt them, maybe we know they will forgive us, especially when it is family.  I was so upset a couple of weeks ago, my daughter was wearing a pair of pants that belonged to me, and although this was not the source of my anger, it escalated into me telling her to take them off before she went home, I did this in anger, and immediately felt the pain I had caused her--of course an apology was necessary, and I'm quite sure this will be a comical story told at my funeral or memorial service one day when I am long gone, but truly as I write this now I am embarrassed and sorry for how I treated her, it was not necessary.

I was deeply saddened by words spoken to me recently, it's going to take a long time to get those echoing words out of my mind, and then out of my heart, not necessarily by a family member, but even a complete stranger can not knowingly trigger a memory or  thought that can hurt.

One of the only compliments I ever heard my mother give me growing up, was that I had the ability to be stung by the words of others, sting back (sometimes unnecessarily) get over it, and move on.
In so many ways I am still that little girl,  I am usually not effected by the words of others, unless they are words of wisdom I can use in my life. Other than those words I try to keep the negative out, but I have this nasty side of me that comes out like the devil sometimes, you know when someone says something mean about one of your children?  That mother hen comes out and fights for her own.

It's amazing to me how a song or smell can take me right back to my childhood, or teen years.  There are certain songs I listened to during difficult times in my life, that now I cannot stand to have my ears hear.  There is a smell that will take me back to an awful memory of life.  However, there are tender moments with music that will immediately take me back to a grateful place, a place to keep me grounded and happy for who I am, and what I believe in.

The Lord gives us the ability to forgive others, this is a commandment.  For so many years I wondered how this was possible, how could our Heavenly Father ask us to forgive those who had hurt me so deeply, especially the people in my life who I was sent to from Heaven to be protected by and loved unconditionally for eternity.  I soon realized it was my responsibility to form my own relationships with others respectfully and worthily.  As a young mother, I was unsuccessful in doing these things, I tried so hard to keep my covenants, but many times missed the mark by raising my voice or speaking unkindly to my children or my husband.  I realize now after attending the temple on a regular basis that Satan has his ways of  getting us to follow him, then he says "now go and get someone else to do this too" oh how evil enjoys company, and so many of us follow as it is so tempting to act out instead of embrace and say "I'm sorry, I was wrong" so much of this selfishness we portray is Satan getting his way, prompting us to follow in his ways. I promise those ways will bring you into the darkness and can be a black whole hard to get out of.

Recognize the good in others, not their stains. At times a stain needs appropriate attention to be cleansed, but always build on his or her virtues.

When you feel that there is only a thin thread of hope, it is really not a thread but a massive connecting link, like a life preserver to strengthen and lift you. It will provide comfort so you can cease to fear. Strive to live worthily and place your trust in the Lord.

We need not worry if we can’t simultaneously do all of the things that the Lord has counseled us to do. He has spoken of a time and a season for all things. In response to our sincere prayers for guidance, He will direct us in what should be emphasized at each phase of our life. We can learn, grow, and become like Him one consistent step at a time.--Richard Scott.

I love you my sweet children, there is nothing you will ever do or say that can take away my unconditional love for you--

   

Let The Light Shine

I think sometimes it's hard in life to keep ourselves in the "Light" for me it has been a constant and continuous struggle.  I remember being a young child and wishing my life was different, the darkness of my life seemed to continue to spiral into an endless tunnel of blackness.

 There was a time when I was profoundly misunderstood by so many people around me, teachers could not understand why I stared out windows during class, obviously not able to concentrate on what was being taught in class.  I recently found my report cards from elementary school, for many years each teacher would comment saying "Monya seems to have a difficult time concentrating during class" or "Monya is  not able to keep up what is being taught" year after year these were the comments by each teacher, I wonder now, why my mother did not pay more attention to the signs.  Being deaf in one ear and the tallest child in class always landed me a seat on the back row of classrooms. Maybe this is why it was so difficult for me to concentrate, perhaps I could not hear what was being taught, it was at those vulnerable young years that I learned to read lips in order to see what the teachers were saying, and even then I only caught half of it.

 We had wooden desks that opened where we could put our books and # 2 pencils, for me they were a place to smash my fingers between the wood trying make my fingers bleed, maybe the pain would take a bit of the pain I was feeling in my heart,  Young and impressionable, I didn't understand divorce, it was not explained to me, where was my dad and who was this other man taking, or trying to take his place?  I know my mother was doing the best she could, but now looking back I realize she was a victim also, and perhaps was even afraid of her future with 3 young girls to raise.

For a child who endures the process of a divorce, they sometimes become more of a commodity than the most important piece of a puzzle.  For so many of us we become like leftovers in the fridge, only looked at or considered if there is nothing new or more interesting to engage in, pushed to  the side hoping to one day be discovered,  unfortunately by that time it is too late, and the leftover has spoiled and needing to be thrown out.  For some, even most people especially those raised in a home of respectful love and unconditional love the thought of this type of life is unthinkable.  For me it was a reality, for so many children today it is a reality. 

As years moved forward, I never really pulled myself from that darkness, the wounds were deep and seemed to scar my soul to the point of not actually letting any person in, sure I had friends in my ward, Linda and Jamie were my best friends and I still love them deeply, however, those two were truly best friends I was just the tag a long.  I distinctly remember one time Linda came to pick me up and as we were driving, I remembered I had not kissed my father goodbye, I asked her if she could please take me back.  Later as we discussed some of the dysfunction that was happening in my home she too remembered that story, only she remember thinking "I wish I had that type of relationship with my father" Linda's father is a quiet humble man, and not a member of the church, I think she silently always wished he had joined, and I always silently wished my dad was more like him.  I had plenty of "friends" in high school, I was the one everyone thought was funny, made jokes I tried to disguise the ridicule and abuse happening in my home with either complete silence or a joke to cover up an awkward situation.  Yes, I think it is safe to say, on display for everyone to see,  was a perfectly well put together family, loving, kind and respectful.  But truth is, I dressed in my closet, feared my fathers voice and  flinched every time he raised his hand to scratch his head, for fear he was going to slap or hit me.  Many times the hurt was not the physical or sexual abuse that hurt the most, it was the words, the penetrating words of belittlement and discouragement--protection came from not letting myself feel--believing and accepting the fact that this was my life, this was who I was and there was no future for me, "no man will ever want you and no doctor will ever be able to heal you"--those words rang clearly in my head--I became numb to any compliment that would often come my way through others in the church.

Stan Johnson, my seminary teacher during high school, was a great influence in my life.  He showed a movie called Cypher in the Snow, in Seminary one time, WHAT? was this real? There were other children in the world who were being miss treated, were there children actually dying of a broken heart?  I did not want that to happen to me, but deep inside I knew I was one of those cyphers in the snow.  I needed to find a way to bring myself out of this aching heartbreak I was feeling.
As Brother Johnson taught me day after day in class, I learned that the Heavenly Father I had been praying to was real, I learned about the spirit of Jesus Christ, as soon as I began to consciously yearn for that spirit to be in my life. I began to open my eyes and see the goodness around me, to hear the spirit whisper to me saying "you are a daughter of God, HE has a place for you, choose to walk in the Light of Christ"  There is an amount of faith that comes with leaving the darkness and trying to let the light shine in our lives. I was, and still do sometimes sneak back into a little shadow of darkness, this is the darkness in which Satan wants us all to live in.   Happiness and Light in our lives is a choice, no matter what our circumstances, we have a choice to lift the lives of others with our light or to bring others down with our darkness.  Satan, well Satan does not want to be alone, he always grabs and takes who he can, then he encourages them to go and get others to follow--I choose to stay in the Light.  There are many times I still feel fear, have loneliness, and need reassurance from my Heavenly Father, it is in those times I get on my knees and pray for that light to enter my heart.

Julie Greer once taught me "the spirit can only grow in the light, nothing can grow in the dark"

Ezra Ray Was Blessed Today

Kaitlyn asked me, "mom is it weird to see your grandchildren, knowing that your own children created them?"  Oh, yes it is weird, well maybe weird is not the appropriate word, it is a beautiful blessing to the circle of life,  our Heavenly Father has taught us as a perfect circle of love.  I believe our family will be together forever, so it brings great peace to my heart knowing if I live righteously and obey the Lords commandments I will live with these wonderful people forever.  I am thankful for the families who my children have joined, they too have taught their children the importance of having a belief in Jesus Christ and in the power of the Atonement.

Today Ezra was blessed and given a name on which in the records of the church he will be known, Ezra Ray Roussel.  I have listened to many blessings given to babies, but today as Jeremy blessed this sweet baby, no words connected with me more than his.  He blessed Ezra to be a strength to his older brother Recker, blessed him to watch over Recker and teach him.   It will be a blessing to have a brother for Recker, already we see this connection between the two of them.  Recker is extremely soft and gentle with Ezra, it is my opinion Recker has patiently been waiting for Ezra to join us, Recker has been trying to desperately to communicate with his sounds, trying to make them into words, concentrating on each sound.

I so look forward to more grand babies to join our family, and I sincerely hope my children will take traditions and values from both their families to incorporate the best possible family values for themselves--I already know they will be far better parents than Eric and I have been and will instill in their children a stronger healthier bond--this is the traditions of the fathers, for each generation to be better than the last--the best have been saved for the end.  I moving into a new journey and phase of life, a bit hesitant to live up to the task as a grandmother worthy of these beautiful spirits HE entrusted us with, and a bit relieved knowing my children will be so much better than I ever was.

Speaking without Words

My sweet grandson Recker has moderate to severe autism, he is non-verbal.  This baby boy was born into a family who loves him unconditionally, he has a special place in my heart.  If not for him I remember a day while I was going through my chemo treatments that he was an infant and would lay with me on my bed. keeping me from literally wanting to end my life, so deeply in depression and pain, all I had to do was kneel and pray, get back in bed and look at his little face then I knew I could get through one more day, now I know why the Lord answered my prayers so many times.  I have some refining to do in my life so that I can live eternally with this sweet little guy eternally.

He was diagnosed at a really early age of 16 months.  We have still to hear him say "mom or dad" I can't imagine how hard this must be for Jeremy and Kayla, but there are times when he will look at me in the eyes, those piercing blue eyes,  starring intensely I know he is trying to tell me something.  As badly as I want to hear him speak, I also believe he knows so much, the veil is so thin for him still.  Many times before Ezra was born he would stop in his tracks look up on a shelf in my kitchen and smile, or jabber in Recker language as if he was talking to someone, every time he did this my heart would melt.

Recently, a person said to me "you must be so disappointed"  I have thought of this statement quite a bit, because for one, not once have I been disappointed, that word has never crossed my mind not even for a nano second, and for two I feel so blessed to know that my Heavenly Father has entrusted my daughter and her husband with such a beautiful soul, he is perfect in every way, we continually learn from him.  I realize there are people who do not understand the behavior of an autistic child, patience comes with raising a child with special needs and without this opportunity I would have probably never taken the time to learn more of just how special he is.

I don't have harsh feelings for those who do not understand, who judge,  and wonder why we cannot control his behavior or his ticks and noises, I wish I had an answer for those people, I don't understand either--but I am trying to understand, I am learning that speaking without words is something we all should learn to do--a smile can mean everything to a person, a hug can save a life, a note of encouragement can help self confidence--yes I believe speaking without words is having FAITH in a higher being--faith that HE has a plan, a plan for each of us, especially for those who cannot speak for themselves.

I love you Recker Jay--you will forever be in my heart

XOXO Bon Bon