Saturday, April 6, 2013

Speaking without Words

My sweet grandson Recker has moderate to severe autism, he is non-verbal.  This baby boy was born into a family who loves him unconditionally, he has a special place in my heart.  If not for him I remember a day while I was going through my chemo treatments that he was an infant and would lay with me on my bed. keeping me from literally wanting to end my life, so deeply in depression and pain, all I had to do was kneel and pray, get back in bed and look at his little face then I knew I could get through one more day, now I know why the Lord answered my prayers so many times.  I have some refining to do in my life so that I can live eternally with this sweet little guy eternally.

He was diagnosed at a really early age of 16 months.  We have still to hear him say "mom or dad" I can't imagine how hard this must be for Jeremy and Kayla, but there are times when he will look at me in the eyes, those piercing blue eyes,  starring intensely I know he is trying to tell me something.  As badly as I want to hear him speak, I also believe he knows so much, the veil is so thin for him still.  Many times before Ezra was born he would stop in his tracks look up on a shelf in my kitchen and smile, or jabber in Recker language as if he was talking to someone, every time he did this my heart would melt.

Recently, a person said to me "you must be so disappointed"  I have thought of this statement quite a bit, because for one, not once have I been disappointed, that word has never crossed my mind not even for a nano second, and for two I feel so blessed to know that my Heavenly Father has entrusted my daughter and her husband with such a beautiful soul, he is perfect in every way, we continually learn from him.  I realize there are people who do not understand the behavior of an autistic child, patience comes with raising a child with special needs and without this opportunity I would have probably never taken the time to learn more of just how special he is.

I don't have harsh feelings for those who do not understand, who judge,  and wonder why we cannot control his behavior or his ticks and noises, I wish I had an answer for those people, I don't understand either--but I am trying to understand, I am learning that speaking without words is something we all should learn to do--a smile can mean everything to a person, a hug can save a life, a note of encouragement can help self confidence--yes I believe speaking without words is having FAITH in a higher being--faith that HE has a plan, a plan for each of us, especially for those who cannot speak for themselves.

I love you Recker Jay--you will forever be in my heart

XOXO Bon Bon


Coplen's said...

Monya I know you don't know me but I love to read your blog and think you are an insparation. I especially like reading about Recker and his sweet spirit. I wanted to let you know I sometimes volunteer at a place called Angel Acres. It is a horse therapy foundation that helps with children with autism and other needs. It is out in Queen Creek. If you would be interested I believe it is closing down for the summer but will start back up in the Fall and I could talk to the founder as I know her very well and see if Recker could join when it starts back up. My email address is if you are interested. I want you to know that reading your blog is something I greatly enjoy. Your Faith and testimony has streghtened mine.