Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Silence is Golden

Today is Tuesday January 7th, 2013
Have you ever heard "Silence is Golden?" I remember being a young mom, a sister gave a lesson in Relief Society and she used this phrase, I do not remember to what context she was talking about, all I remember was thinking, "How would it be to have complete silence, my house has 3 young children running every which way, noise everywhere"

Right now that phrase means something completely different to me.  In joking my family has through the years made light of me not be able to hear out of one ear, not in a mean way or anything, but an example would be, at night when I go to bed I put a earplug in one ear, so I can have complete silence when I sleep.  My family has always thought it was funny to walk in when they knew I had he ear plug in and start signing to me, or talk really quiet so I have to pull the earplug out to hear what they were saying, for a long time I didn't realize they were playing around with me.  I just pulled the ear plug out and without fail, they would say "never mind" and I'd put the plug back in, again they begin to talk, I pull the plug out and again "never mind"  it didn't take long for me to catch on they were all in on this joke--and I have always been able to laugh with them, after all it's true I'm completely deaf in one ear.
I have, for years told my family I hope I never lose hearing in my left ear, they'll have a hay day with that.

I am hoping this loss of hearing in my left ear is temporary.  Right now I have 25% hearing in only one ear.  It is the most frustrating thing I think I've faced so far.  When I think of not being able to hear the beautiful music of the church that I listen to daily and love so much it makes me anxious and scared.  Today I went to pick up a prescription at Walgreens and I could not hear what the lady was saying through the speaker--when I was speaking to my sister on the phone through my car audio I had it turned up to the maximum of 30 and I could barely hear her.  This is a reality for me, when I am one on  one with someone or in a small area I do ok, but when I am in a restaurant or a place with a lot of sound going on, it is difficult to balance out where the sound is coming from.  I get anxiety and a fear that is hard to explain, right now I could careless about my right ear, I just don't want to lose the hearing in my left ear--oh please don't let that happen--but if for some reason it is thy will I can survive right?  It'll just take some getting used to.  I have to remember the other side of the mountain--do what I can and not worry about what I can't.