Monday, May 2, 2011

Hold on, the light will come

Welcome to the world Tanner Justen Watkins
Today my nephew Justen and Courtney had their baby blessed.  Jeremy drove Kayla, Brian & Kaitlyn, Recker and myself to Phoenix so we could be there.  All of my nephews are special to me, Justen was the 1st born to my sister Sonya, I was just a teenager and I loved it.  I would drive to her house and pick him up to take him for ice cream or candy, now he is a man in medical school and married with his own 1st born Tanner Justen Watkins.  
I was kinda shocked when I walked in and Susan Lundberg (one of my mom's friends) approached me with her beautiful smile and embracing hug.  I said "I didn't know you and Ron were in this ward" she said "we're not, we brought your mom to the blessing, Justen invited her" my heart started to beat faster and harder, I looked to my right and there she was sitting only 2 chairs away from me. Not knowing exactly how to react to that, I asked how she was doing, Susan said she had some health issues and was going to be having foot surgery soon.  I think my mind was racing as fast as my heart was, I have not seen her since Gary died a few years ago, and I was so hurt by her I never thought I would see her again, and to be quite honest I was OK with that.  I have tried and failed so many times to heal the hurt that has penetrated my heart and soul over the years, I finally just came to the realization that the Lord needs to be in charge, HE would resolve these issues but not until death.  When I was diagnosed with the VILLAIN my sister Sonya tried to keep her updated but once again that communication failed.  Now here she is sitting within a few feet of me, I looked over to her and she smiled and waved.  I told Susan I wanted to go say Hi to her sweet husband Ron, so I got up and walked over to him, have him a hug and he whispered to me "how does this feel?"  I replied "very awkward"  he and I chatted for a few minutes, I seriously love Ron his heart is kind and compassionate.  I then did something I never thought would ever happen in my lifetime I leaned down and hugged my mom, when I did she whispered in my ear "I love you" I replied "I love you too" this was the most uncomfortable I think I have ever felt in my life.  Never, ever has my mother said "I love you" to me.   I wondered if her heart was softened, if she really meant it, was it as hard for her to say to me as I think it was?  She had tears in her eyes and for the 1st time, I could see some regret, her grandchildren were sitting next to her and she had no idea who they were, now she has 2 great grand children, in all these years (19) she has missed so much.  As the meeting started I could not keep my eyes off of her, tears filled my eyes too, I have to believe the Lord was trying to teach me something today, again I heard HIM say quietly to me,  like He has done so many times "be still, know that I am God" I'm not sure what today was supposed to teach me, I'm not sure that I am even supposed to do anything with this information, but I do KNOW one thing for sure, the spirit was whispering to me, and if it was only to teach me a little more about forgiveness and the Atonement of Jesus Christ it was worth it, that message was so clear to me.  Just as Brent Slade sings in the song Hold On....  "the answers never come without a fight, and when it seems you struggled far too long, just hold on there will be light"


Anonymous said...

Monya I am so thankful for all your stories on here. You are always so positive and so honest. You help me so much with trials I have in my own life. I LOVE YOU!

Love, Emily

Courtney said...

Thanks again for coming! We loved having you there!