I'm so sorry for your Loss

Today was a sad day for so many people who knew Dennis Barney. My daughter Kailtyn spent so much time at their house and really loved him. I feel so bad because I don't know what to say when this kind of thing happens. He passed away this morning. Kaitlyn was in Utah with his daughter and wife, getting Lindsey moved into her new apartment. When I called Kaitlyn to tell her she just fell apart on the phone, I didn't know how to comfort her. The six chicks Kaitlyn, Lindsey Barney, Kelsey Webster, Jaime Patterson, Ashley Scow and Emily Brinton were constantly at the Barney's house. These girls are best of friends they all lovedDennis Barney so much and talked about it many times. I am grateful for the knowledge I have of the plan of salvation. Dennis Barney is a man of righteousness and goodness, he is going to be waiting for his family in the Celestial Kingdom. I wish I knew how to comfort people when tragedy strikes but I don't and it seems that nothing you say is significant. These girls will be a good source of comfort to Lindsey

Happy New Year 2009

Are you kidding me right now?????? I can't believe 2008 is over and done. So much has happened to our family this year. In February Gary my dad died, then just 5 weeks later my birth father Colby died. Then we lost the best dad in the world on October 1st, Eric's dad Ray and the only father I have known for the past 22 years past away in the hospital with all of his family around him. He was one of the greatest men I know, the best father husband and grandfather. We are surely going to miss him. We love you dad

Keep It Clean

For all of you who like to stash things away and keep them forever....get rid of it all
Last week a flood in the basement of Erics dads house forced us to get rid of junk, it was not a pretty sight, a huge dumpster outside of his house of coarse all the locals (and he lives on Broadway/Stapley so you know who I am talking about) found their way into the garbage bin, our junk is their treasure????
On the other hand we found some amazing things down there, pictures from Dad in the Navy, Love Letters from him and Vi to eachother, missionary journals and so much more that I will soon be publishing in a Heritage Book for my kids.
So....moral of the story keep the important and get rid of the rest, or your kids will have to someday, and they will be cussing your name the whole time.

.

Takin Some Time To Myself

My very good friend Mysti Brown invited me to spend the weekend with her in Pinetop at the family cabin. I am so looking forward to this, it was nice this week to have the last Doctor appointment of the week done on Tuesday, and to look forward to some non CANCER time.
I am getting better at looking at all the beauty around me, I am usually sweating and swearing the Summer months away. I noticed the beautiful bright yellow flowers on the side of the road the other day and realized that even as darn hot as it is, those flowers need this heat to grow, also my trees in the backyard are green and full of leaves, they too need this heat to grow. I on the other hand I do not need this heat to grow ha ha, so I try to stay inside as much as possible.
Going to the cabin with Mysti is exactly what I need right now. I love the Brown family and they always have a way of making me laugh and forget that I have BC. The cool weather and beauty surrounding the pine trees is always a spiritual experience to me.
A friend of mine brought over this card I love it and wanted to share it

"Cancer is a villain
who doesn't play fair...
but it can't dim your spirit,
and it cannot silence PRAYER"

I am going to refer to the cancer for now on as the VILLAIN, because that is exactly what it is. I am ready to beat the crap out him (notice I refer to it as a him) strange to me, but I never thought of BC being a woman. Looking forward to a relaxing weekend and I am goint to try really hard to not talk or think about the VILLIAN inside of me.

2nd Round of Chemo

The Red Dragon being inserted into my Port


Ginger and I



I literally just walked in the door from my 2nd chemo treatment and thought I better write before I get sick. Yesterday was an aweful day, I threw up all day long, I think my nerves were getting the best of me. Knowing what I was facing today makes me anxious and even the best meds were not helping me yesterday. Plus I have all these pictures I want to post about my wonderful Thanksgiving, however I think I will post this one first then the Thanksgiving one later when I feel better. My appointment was at 10:10 am, we checked in to see the PA Margot Henderson and she did not get into the room until about an hour later, Tamy and I didn't mind we were laughing and carrying on like little girls. When she did come in she said all my labs looked really good after the 1st treatment, I'm happy about that. When she told me I should not be flossing my teeth anymore, I was not happy, I told her I would take my chances. If you know me well you know I carry floss in my purse I have it in the kitchen, next to my bed, I floss my teeth all the time at least after each meal, I told her I would try to knock it down to once a day. She told me some other things I should not be doing, but I am not going to blog them, too many of you will be looking out for them ha ha. I can't give up everything, I'm like an addict, cold turkey will not work for me, baby steps, baby steps....
Margot also told me I was supposed to bring the Emend meds with me to every chemo appointment, I told her on the script it said only to the 1st chemo appointment, she looked it up and sure enough that is what it said, but it was a mistake, she said you have to have that medicine to do chemo or you will get really sick....at this point I'm thinking "how much more sick can I get?" So today she wrote me scripts for 8 meds one being the Emend. My chemo treatment starts at 12:30 but by the time we got out of Margot is was 12:15 and I needed to go to the Mayo Pharmacy. Mayo Pharmacy said that my insurance would not approve it so it would cost $400 (for 3 pills), I said "uh I just had this filled 2 weeks ago and it was only $50" they said
"your insurance is not showing you ever had Emend" I called Walgreens sure enough they had it and said they would have it ready for a refill in one hour. This was a nightmare....I will never use Mayo Pharmay again, this is the 2nd time we have had a problem with them....love Mayo.....don't love their Pharmacy.
Now I am off to get the red dragon poured into my veins. Today my nurse is Ginger, so sweet and she appreciated our humor, I tried so hard today to think of Blake and his mission and all the blessings I have in my life, it helped for the 1st hour, then I got worn down, today the red dragon hit my organs hard and it was cold. I imagined again my heros, Blake, Eric, Brian and Jeremy going in fully loaded and ready to fight. During chemo it's difficult for me to concentrate, my mind is wondering all over the place, I turned on the TV to distract me, no luck today I guess I am going to feel every drip going into my body, but I know my boys are fighting for me, it's a long hard battle and they are with me every step of the way.
During the drip, I get a text from my Sister Sonya, "I Love You, I'm here for you"
My sisters are incredible and I love them so much, the support I get from them comes from the heart, and is sincere in everyway. I get a call from Eric, and Haleigh "I love you" from Kayla a text "I Love You" I need them to know that is the best distraction EVER and "I LOVE YOU TOO" I often think about my family and all they are going through, it is hard on them and I feel so bad, I say "I'm sorry" to Eric all the time and know that his love is also sincere and unconditional. On the way home, my hair is falling out all over the place, I say sorry to Tamy for getting it in the car, she says "I want it in my car" ok seriously? Who says that? Tamy Scheurn says stuff like that, she loves me and has been a great strength to me through all of this, especially when my family cannot always physically be there for appointments. I love Tamy and know that we have stayed friends over the years for a reason, now is the time we lean on eachother unconditionally showing compassion, building eachother up when its needed.
Tonight I am getting Chicken Noodle Soup delivered from Cheri Toolson, she claims its the best ever for chemo patients, I don't know Cindy Packard made me some chicken noodle soup last week that I would die for. I am so lucky to have such great women in my life and I do not take one minute of life for granted, I am grateful everyday for the new and old friends I have in my life, and know my life is forever changed, no looking back, I tell my kids all the time "it's not about where you have been but about where you are going" for me It is going to be about where I have been and what I learned from it.

Girls Trip to New York

After graduation my dear friend Jenny and I took our daughters to NYC...Kaitlyn and I had been there several times before but it was the 1st time for Jenny and Ashley. We had so much fun, I enjoyed every minute of the time I got to spend with Kaitlyn.

We laugh so much our sides hurt,,,,Love you Jenny

I love my sweet little girl

I love Jenny!!!!

we jumped on the beds at the hotel...like little girls on their first trip

the "SEAMEN" were walking all over NYC while we were there, they saw the girls and wanted to take pictures with them, it was fun but they had alot to drink that night I think...they were going out t0 sea the next morning for a few months

gotta love a man (boy) in uniform.

The statue of Liberty is always a must while in NYC

Shots at the park with Kaitlyn, I love her!!

we took pictures everywhere...Radio City Music Hall

anything can happen on the streets of NYC we saw this guy dancing with himself so Kaitlyn just joined him, it was so funny

A day in flip flops on the streets of NYC

Our photo shoot

Dyland Candy Bar (owned by Ralph Laurens daughter Dylan) funnest candy store ever!!!

we saw Mary Poppins on Broadway

jenny and i on the subway

kaitlyn and ashley in the park

kaitlyn and ashley in the "I love New York" t shirts

Emergency Surgery With Dr.Sal Lettieri

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions.  Once again I am stuck in either a hospital bed or now in my own bed. I ran into the same problem I had with the first surgery. Dr. Lettieri warned me this surgery would be tedious. Besides the complications of waking me up from the first surgery the right side of my face has swollen up and began to drain not long after I came home from the first visit to the hospital.

Dr. Lettieri was out of the country, I called his office and was able to see another surgeon at Mayo Clinic.  Unfortunately the inflammation needed to be drained.  A fistula had formed.  Dr. Lettieri explained to Eric after surgery he was afraid this may happen. While he was in surgery the paraded gland (saliva gland) was in the way of the nerve he needed to connect with. Dr. Lettieri could not get to the nerve he needed without disturbing the paraded gland.  In the long run this slight unfortunate problem was unavoidable.

When Dr. Lettieri arrived home I saw him right away, and he arranged surgery immediately.  I am now at home, recovering with a drain hanging from my head. I was able to see Dr. Lettieri in his office on Monday he took the head wrap off, left the drain in gave me an anti-biotic and now we wait.

How am I feeling? I am not on pain pills, you know how I hate those. With that being said, I also hate not sleeping.  It's always a fight with me to take the medicine and sleep or live with the pain and use another source for sleeping.  I guess that was clear as mud.....ha ha.  My honest feeling is some pain, but grateful for a surgeon who knows what he is doing and is attentive to my health needs.  Once again I have been lead to a surgeon who I love.  In fact when his office called on Monday to get me in I advised Sharon his assistant "I will not be seeing any surgeon but Dr. Lettieri, I will wait if I have to."  I didn't she and he got me right in.  I want to hug him every time I see him, he is a breath of fresh air--but not necessarily a hugger.

So for now I lay in bed, work my Nerium business when I can, nurse my wounds and again thank the Lord for seeing me through a rough surgery.

Surgery with Doctor Lettieri

 It's been difficult to blog current events. I've signed a book deal, however I am going to keep up my blog.  Soon it will have the logo from my book. I will also have a FB page for caregivers, survivors, or for anyone wanting to know how to comfort a friend, family member or loved one during and after cancer has been diagnosed.

I entered the Mayo Clinic Hospital in the early morning of December 2nd, 2015.  The last surgery I had with Dr. Lettieri was successful.  He took a nerve from my leg masterfully entered behind my left
ear through the left side of my face under my lip.  We were told if the surgery was a success we would feel it grow one inch per month.  It has done just that and now it is time to finish the job.  This is a very tedious surgery, trying to find a nerve that is workable from the right side of my face will take a few hours.

When I woke up in recovery, it was a little touch and go scary for Eric--not really sure if I was having a stroke or reaction to medicine--either way I dry heaved for over 24 hours, did you know dry heaving hurts?

After neurology was quickly called to the rescue I had CT-PT-MRI and brains scans--no sign of stroke--however since I was still in much pain and dry heaving I was kept for longer than expected.
My surgeon Dr. Lettieri is in Italy......What the Heck? Doctors get vacations?

I needed to go to Mayo Clinic since the surgery sight is bleeding.  I was temporarily fixed up, but will not be seeing another Surgeon until Dr. Lettieri gets back. (Monday)  There was nothing wrong with the surgeon I was able to see, but my ultimate choice is Dr. Lettieri--FOREVER- I made the mistake of going to Cleveland Clinic on a suggestion --HUGE MISTAKE --  I will never do that again.

While working on the nerve in my face, Dr. Lettieri had no choice but to try and work around my paraded gland.  I am well aware of this gland and the damage that can happen if I don't get it fixed but I am not seeing anyone else but Dr. Lettieri. The gland for those of you who don't know is the gland where your saliva generates. This gland was compromised my face has backed up blood, either running down my throat or running out of my incision.  We cannot keep it controlled with our own packing.

I'm looking forward to seeing Dr, Lettieri next week.  with more updates to come.

So Happy

My blog will be changing soon this site will only be available to my family.  I will post the new blog site before I do that. GOOD NEWS.....The reason the blog is being taken down is because I wrote a book and it was picked up by Archway Publishing a division of Simon and Shuster.  The book is finally finished, being edited and will be on the shelves soon.

I will continue to keep updates with my health, and will continue to use this platform as a journal and therapy session for myself, but with a new address and look. Thank you to all who have been such a great part of my journey thus far.

Dr.Peter Kreymerman is a DADDY

I drove to Mayo this morning to see Dr. Peter Kreymerman, so looking forward to him telling me I could pick up Recker now and that I could get rid of the BRA ... instead I was shocked when a different doctor walked in, mostly because he looked like he was 12 years old ... just kidding I think more like 21 ... maybe!

Dr. Peter Kreymerman and his wife had a baby girl on Friday November 5th at 4:59 pm. I'm not sure if I can post her name but she is a healthy 6 lbs 3 oz.baby girl. I got an email from Heather his assistant, and she sent pictures, however I would never post pictures without permission from Dr. Kreymerman, but I can tell you that she is beautiful, lots of dark hair dressed in pink. I am quite certain they are not getting much sleep, but that the baby is getting lots of love and attention, there is nothing like having a brand new baby they always bring such a sweet spirit to the home. Congratulations Dr. and Mrs. Kreymerman