Memories, looking forward and Dixie Cups

 When my children were babies, I wondered when they would be potty trained, or done with nursing and able to take a bottle, I loved  when they were sick in the night they always woke Eric up for comfort.  I wanted kindergarten to start, I looked forward to summer vacations with them,  I despised constantly cleaning up after them, day in and day night I tried my best to teach them right from wrong, reading scriptures, teaching them to pray, gathering for Family Home Evening every Monday night, which usually ended in frustration and tears on my part.

I have always wanted to believe my children would never move out of this home with memories we have created together. Now, well now they are all gone and as I look around tonight I see memories in every room of the house. In the kitchen, my children heard me say a very bad word one time and when it happened they scattered like mice, to this day I have wished that didn't happen upon their sweet ears to hear. But also in that very kitchen, we gathered and learned to bake, cook meals and share stories from our busy week while doing dishes.  Our "pretty room" was and is saved for special visits with friends, blessings from Home Teachers and Stake Presidents.  The table we ate every meal on is now old and jagged, ready to be replaced but we have many memories of games played as a family, many Sunday meals learning from each child what they had learned in church that day.  The family room, where our FHE lessons are taught, many tears and much laughter has come out of that room. Eric gave all of our children fathers blessings in that room as we all gathered to listen on the night before school started every year.  The laundry room, many, many lessons on how to wash clothing, how to separate and how to work the washer and dryer, after a few pink t-shirts came out Blake finally got it down, and to this day I think he does all the laundry at his house. I specifically remember locking the door in my office and having a dance party with my girls and I, singing at the top of our lungs a Carrie Underwood song.   Every bathroom in our home has been decorated and redecorated several times.  I will never forget spending many nights on my knees next to Blake's bed while he was on his mission, begging and pleading with the Lord to bring him safely home to me. But my favorite memory of all is the front door, everyday when it opened and those little voices would yell out "mom? where are You?" ready to wrap their arms around my neck and show me their latest art project or grade on a paper.  Also through that front door came many acts of service to my family, many hands have brought meals, many friends have come through that door to bless us with their love, to pray with us on behalf of children, oh behalf of threatening health issues, those are sacred doors open to anyone and everyone I meet.  My home has become a refuge for many of my children's friends, and a few of my own--I remember one time when a friend was struggling with her marriage knocking on my door with her 4 young children, needing a place to stay, of course she was welcomed with open arms--the next day another knock came to my door with criticism for allowing them to retreat to our home--at the time I didn't fully understand, and I was angry, my response was "Christ would never turn anyone away" the difference between my response then and now is that NOW I truly believe that statement and understand more fully the Atonement of Jesus Christ, perhaps this person does too.

Oh what I would give to have those little foot prints of mud dragged in from a puddle outside, or sticky finger prints on the windows and refrigerator or freezer, the continuous teasing his sisters, Blake loves his sisters so much, I miss those things.

Now they have their own families, hopefully bringing traditions and good from both sides of their families to create their own, their new lives.  I hope to continue to make memories in this home.

Saturday, we buried Betty Williams, my mother in law.  While I listened to her girls talk about her, I wondered what my family would have to say about me--I really do not want a funeral, it is a continuous disagreement in our home casket vs. cremation with a memorial instead of a funeral. Let;s face it, none of us want to see a dead body, it's uncomfortable, and I certainly don't want you all staring at me either.  Just burn me, put me in a pink Dixie cup and spread my ashes at my happy place, with a few words from close friends and family.  I know it won't happen that way, Eric will spend money on a beautiful casket that will get put 6 feet under covered in dirt--what a waste of money. Just please let it be known to someone out there reading this, that my request is for a Dixie cup of ahses.  I know who I am, I know where I came from and where I am going, the memories are all in the heads of those I loved and learned from.    I want my grandchildren to know my love for them, my children to know my admiration and respect for them and my lover boy Eric to know I've loved him from the beginning, as frustrating as he can be, I loved him dearly and will be saving a place for him in Heaven.

Haleigh & Scott Bigelow

It.s always been my dream to have all of my children's receptions in my backyard, Thursday night that was made a reality.  Our youngest daughter Haleigh was married to Scott Bigelow. We now have had all of our children married within 5 years, sounds crazy, but back in the olden days (ha ha) when Eric and I were first married I wanted to have all my children born before I was 30 so we could enjoy them, so they could enjoy being adults with their own children together.

 I can honestly and proudly say I have made oh so many mistakes along the way, raised my voice to many times, wished I had forced them to practice on that beautiful piano Eric bought for that reason, been more patient with everyday messes that truly didn't matter, not worried as much about what others thought and focused more on more important things.  I not always listened, but felt I was the adult and knew more than they did, turns out they are the ones who have now taught me to be a better person and grandmother.

Many people have asked me if I am sad about my last child leaving and getting married, my solid answer is NO.  However, today as I write this post I am teary, I think I am glad the planning stages for the weddings are over, but not having my children around on a daily basis is hard--I want to hear that front door open and the little voices say "mom? where are you?"  I am so blessed, all of my children have not only chosen to marry spouses who's family live within a few miles, with the exception of Brian who's parents live in Utah, however they raised him in Arizona and he has grandparents, aunts uncles and cousins who live here, but who are gentle kind and supportive of them and our crazy family.

Me and My Baby Girl Haleigh Bear

Betty Passes Away

Everyone knows of the love I have for Eric's mom Viola Williams, she was ultimately the single most influential person in my life.  I loved her dearly for her love of the Lord, her testimony of prayer and most of all for her love of family.  Her family ALWAYS came first, once when Eric and I were first engaged she told me if Eric ever came home from work and wanted me to take a ride with him, but I didn't want to because the house wasn't clean and there were dishes in the sink, that I should not think twice about it, leave the dishes and go with my husband, "the dishes will be there when you get home, but tomorrow your husband may not be, and you would of passed up an opportunity to make a memory  . am memory that could be your last"  I've always remembered the day she told me this, where I was sitting, what she was wearing and the smile on her face as she gently reminded me of keeping family a priority.
After Vi passed away, Ray married Betty, a woman from their ward who was single and who Vi was friends with.  This time of life was difficult for a few of the children including Eric, not because Betty was not a great pick for Ray, but more because of the memory they had of their mother and father together.
Yesterday, Betty passed away.  It's 3:55 am I've been up for hours not able to sleep, cleaning my floors, dusting my furniture and thinking of memories we had with Betty (Grammy) her personality was completely different than Viola, but none the less she loved Ray and he was happy, I truly believe if it had not been for the relationship between he and Betty, Ray would of passed much sooner than he did, she kept him in line and she kept him alive.
I'm grateful for the knowledge I have of our Heavenly Fathers eternal plan for Families to be together forever.
My youngest daughter Haleigh is getting married in two days, last night her mother in law and father in law had a dinner party for close friends and family.  Not only was the weather beautiful the words spoken by each person in behalf of Haleigh and Scott were beautiful.  How is it that my youngest is old enough to be married?  This has been an emotional couple of weeks, with Ezra in the hospital,  and now the passing of Betty, I am a little behind on the wedding plans--but I have faith it will all turn out and be a memorable night.
This week our plumbing in the kitchen went out, the freezer went on the blitz (that was a mess) it looked like Jeffrey Daumer had been hiding things in our freezer, and guess who got to clean it all out?
There is something I am really happy about, this is the best I have physically felt in a few years. I will see my oncologist in two weeks with a couple days of tests first then our little visit.  I'm assuming with how I am feeling right now that all will be a good outcome.

Life moves so fast

poor baby Ez

Just when I think life is moving as it should, a reality hits me hard and brings me back to the place where I need to be, a place in my heart that I've been missing for awhile.  Our beautiful baby Ezra joined our family, and then was struck with severe RSV.  He was put in the hospital and Kayla had to stay with him 24/7, Jeremy was there as much as he could be, but also had to work.  I had the privilege of taking care of Recker, he is our 3 year old autistic grandson, he is non verbal, but boy can he make some noise.  He too, has not been feeling well I took him to the doctor and he had a ear infection, sinus infection and croup.
My love for Kayla, the mother, has become more endearing as I have now seen 24/7 for a week what she deals with on a daily basis. Although, Recker spends a lot of time at our house it is a  completely different story when you are watching him non stop for that long of time.
While at the doctors office he went through every drawer and cabinet he could get his hands on, climbed under the desk, picked up the phone, played with the computer system and twirled on the doctors chair, it was all fun until..... the pediatrician came in to visit our little guy.  He had a complete melt down when the doctor looked in his ears, then came the news he needed a steroid shot in the arm, I thought to myself "oh boy, he is not going to like this"  HE DIDN'T.  He screamed and threw his body around like a rag doll, tears filled my eyes as he looked at me as if to say "why, why are you allowing her to do this to me?"  I tried so hard to get him to settle down, I sang him a song, tried to rock him and soothe him with calming words, but it just made it worse.  I thought I should get him calmed before I walked back through the waiting area, that idea was not going to happen, so I quickly made a dash for the door and out to the car, all the while he was out of control.  I sat him down to open my car door and he started to projectile vomit every where including on me, it looked like an alien shooting out of his mouth.  Oh my gosh, I felt so bad for him, all I could do was hold him and love him.  Kayla has told me about these melt downs he has, but I have not really ever seen him work himself up so badly that he vomits.  By the time I got his medicine at WALGREENS and made it home he had calmed down and fallen asleep.
Kayla and Jeremy were missing him so badly,  I felt bad for them too.  Luckily they were able to come and see him at least once a day.   I took Recker to our condo in Mexico for a few days, thinking maybe if he were not here in Arizona, it wouldn't be such a temptation for them to come visit him.  The reason why I use the word temptation, is because Recker has been sick and I'm pretty sure he gave whatever he had to Ezra, if Kayla and Jeremy were to transfer it bak to Ezra he would never get better.
I had a great time with Recker in Mexico.  This boy loves the outdoors, the ocean, the sand, the grassy areas, and especially the pool.  From 9 am to 6 pm he was outside running and playing.  One day he made a mad dash for the ocean, I was running after him, I watched him play in the water for over an hour, then decided it was time to go to the pool.  Of course Recker thought I was picking him up to take him inside, so he started to scream, and try to scratch his way out of my arms, he is extremely strong, I could barely hold him up.  Everyone was staring, my swimsuit top was down to my stomach and my breasts were fully exposed, I had to either continue to the pool area or drop Recker.  I chose to continue, all the while saying to myself "no big deal, my breasts have been exposed to complete strangers before,  I can handle this" then the Mexican vendor yelled "hey lady, want to buy some sunglasses?" I turned and looked at him and with a scowl on my face replied "are you serious?"
I finally made it to the pool area, where I am quite sure I gave a 80 year old man a slight heart attack, I was so mortified I wanted to look at him and say "what, you've never seen a 50 year olds boobs exposed while carrying a 3 year old screaming and scratching his way to freedom?"  Eric happened to be walking towards the pool, and with his hands in the air, as if to say "what the heck are you doing?" he ran over to help me--save the day, however just a little too late. I calmly sat down on the chair pulled up my swimsuit and laughed.  What else could I do?
Although my swimsuit never came down again, I will say it took two of us to get Recker up to the condo after a long day of playing, he never, ever wanted to go inside.
We face timed Kayla and Jeremy each night before Recker went to bed, and we could get an update on how Ezra was doing.  It was hard, Ezra would be doing good then bad, we never knew what each day would bring.  He is home now and seems to be doing well, Recker has been on his antibiotic for over a week now and is doing better also.  Today, while they were visiting us Recker had a complete melt down when he had to come inside, Kayla was chasing him around the house while he was screaming and not letting her get to him, I heard her laughing, it made me smile--at least she can laugh.
Any parent of an autistic child should be praised, autism is hard, none of us quite understand what it is and why some children have it, but I do know our Heavenly Father knows, and he has a special place in Heaven for these special little angels.

Recker at the doctors office

Ezra hooked up to the machines

He looks sick

he looks so little in that crib

Ezra joins our family

I think this is the longest I have gone without posting on my blog.  Things have been crazy around the Williams home, so much to catch up on now--
Eric and I are so overjoyed with our new little grandson Ezra Ray Roussel, he arrived on February 23, 2013 weighing in at 9 pounds 8 ounces and 22 inches long.  I was blessed with the opportunity to be in the delivery room with Kayla and Jeremy again.  There is nothing more miraculous than a baby being born--just a couple of days before Ezra was born I was at the Temple and felt Eric's dad really strong, on my way home I called and told Kayla what a great experience it was to feel him right there with me again.  I am thrilled they decided to name Ezra after Ray, he was an amazing man.  We will have fun telling Ezra all about his humor and big spirit.
I have to brag on my oldest daughter for a minute, Kayla is amazing at giving birth--I know that sounds weird, but she really is.  Never a peep out of her, in her mind she thinks she is screaming but we never hear a word out of her.  I know she was worried about having a C-Section, the doctor came in the room and told the nurses to get the OR prepped for a C-Section and I could see in the face of both her and Jeremy they did not want that to happen--problem is the doctor did not want to put the baby at any risk--since Ezra was so big, the doctor was worried about the width of his shoulders, if she got the head out but could not deliver the shoulders they would have to push him back in and do an emergency c-section.  Kayla did awesome, little Ezra's arm was behind his back while coming out, they were worried his arm would break, and I have never seen a delivery doctor work as hard as hers did to get this little guy out safely, after his head was out the nurse stuck both her hands in and turned him.  I know the pain was excruciating especially since the medicine had worn off by then, but they did it.  I watched the doctor turn red and shake as she pulled on Ezra's head, I got teary thinking she was going to break his neck--finally he plunged into the world--HUGE was the only thing I could think of--I was so proud of Kayla-she has been an amazing mother to Recker and now she gets the joy of raising another wonderful son--it's such a spiritual experience to watch a baby enter the world.

doctor had to suction him out--poor little head

We love Him

Welcome to the Family

Ezra Ray Roussel 2.23.13

Recker giving little brother his 1st kiss

This is perfection at it's finest, our family has been extremely blessed.

The Impossible

I'm not one to recommend movies, but I do recommend THE IMPOSSIBLE, a movie based on true events from the Tsunami in the Indian Ocean 2004.  Eric and I went to see this last week.   I had no idea going into this movie it would have such a profound impact on me.  After seeing The Impossible, I decided my cancer journey is a cake walk.  It's interesting what we think we can handle and what we actually can handle.

Sometimes when I think my life is impossible to bear,  I try to think about the people around me who are suffering 10 fold more than I am, perspectives change as I have learned to listen with my heart when patients talk to me about their own journey with cancer, knowing their lives are going to end soon.  I've learned no matter what is happening in my life, there is always someone who is in need of comfort, I believe they are put in my life at just the right time.

Some of the impossibles that I thought I could never live through have become my sacred memories.  Life is precious, it is supposed to be filled with fun, laughter, cake and ice cream,  family, friends and yes, the inevitable journey of life comes with hardships and trials--it's all part of the plan.

Move a Mountain

Sunday, my daughter Kaitlyn and her husband Brian were asked to speak in church on the subject of FAITH.  I was moved by their talks, Kaitlyn spoke of her respect and love for the FAITH her brother showed as he went out to serve a mission for the Lord in the Dominican Republic, she spoke of how he left behind so much as he journeyed out into the unknown, relying fully on the strength within himself and the Lord to help him through 2 years.  When he left, he was 21 years old and had been struggling with some of his own demons and trials, through those struggles he was blessed with the ability to pull himself out of the hole he dug himself into by moving mountains with his faith.  I continued to explain to him the great blessings that would be his if he would obey and follow the gospel plan the Lord had set in motion for him.  I know thought I was a nag and probably did not really listen much, but the spirit somehow was able to speak to him and help him to get back on the straight and narrow way, a path that would eventually lead him to decide to serve a mission.  I know he was under an extreme amount of anguish and pain as he left his home, but I will never forget the look of pride when he walked into the MTC--maybe a little bit of fear was involved too, at least I know there was on my part--oh how my heart ached for him, yes I knew he was worthy to be there, that was not what put me in such anguish.  Being his mother I knew it would be the most difficult thing he had ever accomplished in his life, and the people who he loved the most in the world were going to be facing some life changing moments in their lives, he would not be attending his sisters wedding, the birth of our first grandchild, the graduation of his other sister, but the most troubling part was me, what had I done to prepare him?  I felt helpless, I too had to put all of my faith in the Lord and rely on him to protect and watch over my son, to lead him in direct passages that would eventually bring him home to us safe and sound and worthy to stand as a witness.  My eyes were constantly teary wondering how he was doing, knowing he was worried about my diagnosis with cancer and that he could not be hear to comfort me, what he didn't know was I felt his loving arms around me on more than one or two occasions, he showed such tremendous amounts of Faith while he served I am still overwhelmed by some of the mission stories he has told me.  He left unsure of the gospel, unsure of his future, and unsure if he would ever see his mother again, but he came home with a perfect knowledge that the gospel is true, knowing that his future is bright if he continues to follow God;s plan for him, and he came home to a mom that welcomed him with open arms and a huge heart.  Kaitlyn is right, Blake is amazing and I continue to thank Heavenly Father everyday for the great man he has turned out to be--

Brian's talk was equally touching, as I listened to him speak tears filled my eyes and the tears seemed to stream down my cheeks untouched as I listened intently to the words that came out of his mouth.  These words were not ordinary words, he was telling the story of my life without using my name.  I was prepared to hear him speak about his grandfather who has surely undoubtedly taught Brian the principle of FAITH.  Brian and Kaitlyn have spoken of him several times with sweet regard to his knowledge of the gospel, and I know he has been a forcing influence in Brian and Kaitlyns lives.
However, in this talk he gave about FAITH he was telling the story of a young baby girl born into a family broken, parents who were battling one with another, her father who because of drugs and alcohol led him to the pathway to prison.  When her mother was remarried, this new father role in her life abused her physically, mentally and sexually.  Tears began to now run down Brian's cheeks and I could hear the lump in his throat he tried to continue with the story.  He talked about how this daughter of God had made promises to the Lord, stayed worthy and close to her Heavenly Father yet abuse and trials still seems to be a big part of her life.  When she was in her twenties another trial of faith came when she was faced with the death of her younger brother, yet she continued to trust in the Lord and give her heart and soul to the church and to others she served.  As Brian is saying these words out loud, I am becoming more and more agitated in my seat, the anxiety was starting to surface and I was not sure I would be able to hide it from Eric.  It was like watching your life flash before your eyes, but from a different perspective than what you actually lived.  It sounded so easy as Brian described my life, not necessarily easy was the life, but easy was the FAITH he described me as having.  It has caused me to think the last few days, do I have that FAITH engraven in my soul? I certainly don't remember feeling as though I was showing great faith, it felt more like survival mode I was in--negotiations were happening on a daily basis with the Lord--"get me out of this alive, and I will serve you, I promise" 
Brian continued with his talk, speaking of the cancer I was diagnosed with, I really had no idea that my cancer had been seen by anyone as a FAITH builder...I know I speak a lot about having HOPE and FAITH, but never realized those words have penetrated the souls of some of my family members.

In difficult times of our lives it is so easy to give up, turn away from the very thing that can help us through the most fierce adversity of our lives.  I know it is impossible to predict an end to our trials and problems of life, but I know I can promise this bit of HOPE  if we have FAITH in Jesus Christ, the hard times as well as the good times, can be a great blessing to us, this strength will give us FAITH to move a mountain.

Mayo Clinic Cancer Symposium

2nd annual Mayo Clinic Symposium was held at the Marriott just a mile or so away from the Phoenix Campus of Mayo Clinic.  I attended again this year, it was good to see my team of doctors there and ready to present information.

Dr. Northfelt, my med/oncologist and myself

Some of the information I learned from the meetings were new to me, some I already knew but this is the reason I like to attend these symposiums so that I can learn all I can about my disease and what the new techniques or statistics are.

I learned that 200,000 new cases per year are reported of breast cancer, the side effects of radiation are some that I am dealing with still. 

Lymphedema ✓

Lung inflammation

Fatigue ✓

Depression and anxiety ✓

Chest wall and or breast tenderness ✓

Breast swelling ✓

Skin burning

I only have 5 out of those 7 side effects, so feel blessed to not have to deal with lung inflammation or burning skin anymore.

I learned that Radical Mastectomy's no longer are performed and have not been performed on breast cancer patients since the 1970's.  They no longer perform these because the surgical procedures have been incredibly advanced since then.  In a radical mastectomy they used to have to take everything including the bone surrounding the area, this left women with horrible battle scars.  I had a bi-lateral mastectomy, both breasts were taken with all surrounding tissue but not bone, leaving surgeons the ability to reconstruct in an easier way, with much better results.

When someone has a lumpectomy they only have a 1.9% of recurrence
single mastectomy 1.1% recurrence and only 0/3% of cancer patients who have a lump in one breast will get another one in the other breast--in the words of Dr. Kreymerman "they are sisters, not twins"
BRCA 1 or 2 mutation only has 30% 10 year recurrence in the other breast.
Only 25% of breast cancer diagnosis are women under the age of 80.

Some great things to come are:
Cancer Vaccines
the studying of tumor clones
DCIS vaccines
Her2 antibodies

One bit of information I thought was interesting, 15% of patients who go through the cancer process will get Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  It's as if you have been through a war, the fear and anxiety of the return of the cancer or having to continue to deal with the side effects of cancer treatments can literally put ones body into traumatic stress.

With recurrent patients, 45% of women have treatable anxiety and depression within the 1st 3 months of 2nd diagnosis.  This is not a mountain to climb over,  but more of a terrain to walk through.

Did you know

55% stress over financial problems during treatment
46% cut back on food to able to pay their bills
6% lose their homes and have to relocate
50% are not comfortable talking about any of these symptoms, even to their doctors
50% of patients do not share all of what they are feeling or their fears with caregivers or family
history of abuse, physical, mental or sexual will increase the levels of anxiety and will not be
shared with doctors
most women post treatment will have low sex desire, vaginal dryness and feel embarrassed about asking or talking about it with their doctor.

I was not surprised by the fact that most women do not want to share a lot of intimate details with their doctors, but was reassured knowing I am one of them and it is normal.

I am still waiting to here back from Mayo about my ultra sound, and low white cell count--no news to report.

Faith Hill & Tim Mcgraw

In August I bought tickets to give to Eric for Christmas.  Tim McGraw and Faith Hill 2nd row seats were incredible, worth every penny.  We flew to Las Vegas (not my favorite place in the world) stayed at a very nice hotel, smoke free, no casino and off the strip it was perfect.
Here are a few of the pictures from that night

Tim waiting for Faith to get on Stage--right before this he shook my hand
and tipped his hat to me--woot woot

2nd row

Favorite part--he gave this man his guitar, Tim said
"any man who wears a pink shirt to a country concert
deserves to have my guitar"

She is beautiful

Live like you were dying--brought tears to my eyes

I'm 50 today

OK I said it out loud, I'm 50!

Today I am spending the day at Mayo Clinic,  before starting this story I just want to explain something about Mayo Clinic, every patient has to give their full name and birth date every appointment they have, so if you have 5 appointments in one day you would say it 5 times, my 1st appointment is for labs, Latisha is drawing my blood today, she called me Montoya a few times even after me repeating my full name and birthday,  I didn't have the heart to correct her however, after her 5th poke and no vein was working I wanted to yell "my name is MONYA it's my birthday, don't make me cry, just find the freakin vein"  6 pokes later she found it, sucked  out as many viles as she needed  and I was on my way to appointment number 2.

Welcome Back

As I wait in the large area with coughing sick people, I decided to put on my mask.  I heard a lady checking in saying "today is my 90th birthday" boy I hope I live to be 90, she was so cute and proud of the brown scarf her daughter had gotten her.  Looking around the room I realize I am most definitely the youngest patient in the room-- hallelujah --  the grandpa sitting in front me has the largest ears I think I have ever seen-- is it true they keep growing with age? If it is, he looks 90,  I think if makes it to 100 his ears will far out grow his head-- I snap back to reality when they announce my name. You know you're a frequent flyer with Mayo when the person announcing your name remembers you from previous appointments,  he even pronounces my name correctly, then proceeds to say "happy birthday, oh your 50 today" he said it as though it's amazing, WOW image that, you made it to 50. Well what did I expect from a 20 something year old?  looking at all the people in the waiting area, staring at me I realize I'm young in comparison ha ha so it could be worse. Good to know!

"Undress from the waste up" easy enough I wish I had a nickel for every time I've been given that line over the past couple years. The cute girl doing my ultrasound today, is super quiet, I tried to crack a few of my silly jokes, but could not get a smile or even a grin out of her, man she is all business today.  Ultrasound done now waiting for the biopsy. As I am writing this post for my blog my cell phone rings (definitely a NO NO at Mayo) I scramble to answer as fast as I can, I can feel the breathing down my neck as other patients and staff members stare at me as if to say "turn off your phone please" it felt like I was sitting in the Chapel at church and my cell phone goes off during the sacrament--seriously, they take cell phone use in the waiting area a complete and utter lack of courtesy--by the time I could get the phone and read it was Mayo Clinic calling, I almost wanted to laugh out loud--this is ironic--they were calling to tell me my white blood cell counts were really low and the doctor was cancelling my biopsy for today--I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad, it's my birthday and I really did'nt want to have a biopsy today, but I know I am going to worry until they finally do call me back for the inevitable biopsy that is going to happen, I am told to keep a mask on in crowded places or where I feel vulnerable to bacteria--are you kidding me? that pretty much describes everywhere I go and every person I come in contact with.

Dinner with Eric & Family

Surprise visit from Mike

Love of my girl life Jenster

The Family & Friends I love so much !!

My favorite part of my day was spending it with my family and close friends.  When I turned 20 I thought anyone over 30 was old, if you were in your 40's I could not relate to you at all, 50's you were just plain senile, turns out in my 20's I knew nothing, 30 is a baby, and 40's well the 40's was a blurr as I raised my teens and was diagnosed with cancer. 50, well being 50 means I am day closer to my 60's, not young, not old just in the middle trying to survive.  I have dear friends who visited with me and a family who surprised me with a dinner at BJ's then a cake from Nothin bundt Cakes-thanks Kaitlyn for organizing it all, I loved every second of it.  I loved seeing Jenny and visiting with her about pat birthdays when we thought we knew so much--but my favorite gift was a book my family gave me, they all wrote in it 50 things they love about me--it brought me to tears and made me laugh, I will treasure that book for the rest of my life--I love it.