Just Breathe

Eric and I drove down to Mexico a couple of days ago, I love having alone time with him we laugh a lot, we even cry sometimes together, life is good when I'm with him I feel safe.  This morning as I ran (yes I ran)  on the beach the sun was just coming up and the cool ocean breeze was hitting me in the face, I had an emotional moment thinking about the journey I've been on.  On the way I saw some foot prints in the sand and decided to follow them, I could tell it was a runner by the imprint.  Sometimes in Mexico when the water goes out it leaves ripples in the sand--these are hard to run on because it is very uneven I always fear I am going to twist my ankle,  when I saw the foot imprints I decided to follow them I could see that this runner knew where to step without twisting an ankle. I followed the prints all the way to the wall -- (a couple miles)  it made me think of the people in my life who led the way for me, who have been examples to me, the ones who taught me the gospel.  Stan Johnson was my seminary teacher and I learned how to pray to the Lord for help and answers, I also learned how to read the scriptures and love them he taught me life lessons that I still use, I will forever be grateful to him.  As I ran I thought about young women's leaders who paved the way for me,  their examples of faith taught me to have HOPE.  I found myself searching for my foot imprint on the way back so that I could just retrace my steps, to my surprise there were no imprints to follow--I realized I was on my own and I was in some rough sand trudging along, my pace was slowing down and I was really struggling to breath, soon I saw my imprint in the sand, next to my step was  baby footprinst--boy that brought me back to my 20's, having children learning how to balance life with children I sometimes got distracted and felt alone, without having a mother to lean on, I looked to women in my life who had already raised their children, maybe I could learn somethings from them, Debbie Slade became an incredible friend to me, I watched Cindy Packard for an example of strength and endurance, Carolei Phelps was a soft and gentle mother I wanted to be more like that,  they probably have no idea that I watched them for an example, they inspired me to try harder and endure a little longer.   I suddenly realized I was running on some rocks-or maybe they were coral whatever it was it shook me out of those memories and into the present--I turned and looked behind me--I've come a long way but up ahead I have so much further to go--my feet where sinking into the sand and now I was struggling to keep up--just like in life I have been through times when I feel like I am sinking and that maybe I can't make it hoping for some smooth packed sand, it started to rain on my already difficult conditions and I thought to myself "this is perfect" the waters are rough, waves are strong, the sand is sinking me and the  wind is blowing against my body.  Just when I thought it couldn't get worse I feel the sun peak up and say "hello", the warm on my back put a smile on my face--just like the light of Christ in my life, at times when I have felt defeated and weighed down I know I can get on my knees, get some answers and continue on just as I looked up I could see my finish line for the day-a song by Carrie Underwood came on my IPOD temporary home as I listened to the words, tears came to my eyes, what a great song to end my run with--my life has been filled with distractions, disapointment, failure, and unbelievable pain, however, I have loved, felt love, found joy, and discovered during all these rough times the Lord never left me--this life is all about learning and growing--this time on earth is just temporary this is not where we belong, it's just a stop on the way to where we're  all going,  now that I know that--I'm not afraid.