Tuesday, February 15, 2011

What is Normal ?

It's late, I'm tired but can't sleep another insomnia night I suppose.  My doctor cancelled my appointment for Thursday.  I'm not sure if I should be happy or upset, we did reschedule, still I was sort of looking forward to hearing some results and him telling me how great I am doing.  I miss seeing doctor PK, I thought about him when Eric and I went to see a movie with Adam Sandler as a plastics doctor, I just don't remember the name of it.  In the past year and a half there have been very few weeks that I have not spent at least one day at the Mayo, it has been 5 weeks now, yippie, maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel.  I have so much to look forward to in my life, Blake is coming home in 7 months, we will get his release date in April, so looking forward to April.
My hips, especially my right hip continues to be in pain constantly, last night as Eric and I layed in bed I told him it felt like when I was having chemo treatments this time last year.  My legs were hurting so bad, he rubbed them and it helped.  What is NORMAL? if any of you know please give me a clue, because that is my goal right now, and it's hard to have a goal when I can't even remember what it is.
One thing I am grateful for today is that I finally have hair I can blow-dry, and tuck behind my ear, that is cool, this time last year I was shiny bald.  Having hair I can actually run my fingers through is way cool. People ask me all the time if I am going to let it grow out again, I think I am... I love long hair on women, but boy this short hair is easy to manage. I just wish sometimes I could put it up in a ponytail, and I want it to be grown out a little more before Blake gets home.
I think life is finally going to get back to a normality I can handle, not sure what that is yet but I will make it work for me.  I love you all so much.


Loretta said...

Monya - NORMAL is right where you are and doing what you're doing. What a beautiful soul you are! Love you.

tamy scheurn said...