Still a little Out of IT

This is what I wrote down as I waited at the Mayo Friday.  My hands are shaking so bad, my thoughts are with Trys, its hard to believe we are both having surgery today-her in Rochester Mayo and me Scottsdale Mayo.  Walking from the car through the Mayo hospital doors, I told Eric feels like I'm walking the Green Mile. It's 9:30 am, check in time.  The sitting, anticipating, watching, waiting and pacing is terrible I hate this part.  I feel like I need to throw up, my stomach is sick, partly because of my nerves, and partly because Mayo smells of sickness today!  I'm in my most comfy jammies with my breast cancer blanket wrapped around me, Eric is rubbing my back and reassuring me...this waiting is terrible.  I am going into the OR today with 3 wallet size pictures, one of Eric and I in Paris, one of Recker, and the last one of me letting balloons go to Heaven for Paige, this one reminds me to let go and the let the Lord do his stuff. They finally call my name over the loud speaker to take me back for pre-op, they tell Eric he can come back in about 40 minutes, right before I go into the surgery.  I know the routine, it's always the same, only this time I am really, really scared I'm shaking and in a fetal postition, Dr. Magtibay comes in to see me and tells me it's all gonna be ok, as soon as he leaves I curled up under my blanket and cried like a baby, I could hear nurses coming in the room and scurrying around, but I didn't take my head out until one asked me if I was ok, I said "I'm fine"  then I wonder what is happening to Trys right now, is she ok?  While going into the OR the nurse told me she liked my blanket, and that Recker was such a cute little boy, I was clinging to those pictures, they help take my mind off of what was about to happen.  I got the best surprise ever....while I was waiting in the OR for them to put me out, Dr. Kreymerman came in to see me, he stayed until I went to sleep.  He will never know what that meant to me, his face was the last one I saw and his voice was the last I heard, thanks PK, you really are the best doctor in the Universe. I'm going to miss you the most, how many doctors leave their office and go over to the hospital to see a patient get put to sleep for another doctors surgery?all because he knew I was scared.... I love Doctor Peter Kreymerman.
I woke up in recovery, and was ready to go home, well not physically but mentally I just wanted to get out of there, I have this love/hate relationship with Mayo Hospital.  I remember waking up and asking about Trystan, how is she? They had no idea who I was talking about.Where is my husband?  Where is my uterus? The nurse said "are you in pain?"  I responded 'very much so" "FROM ONE TO TEN HOW WOULD YOU RATE YOUR PAIN?"  well I'd say when it gets to the point that I want to kick you then it's time, I hate pain meds and will put them off as long as I can but....... it;s time, right now or I am going to start kicking and screaming. My post op nurse is so nice she stayed with me util I went to my room on the 7th floor. Room 64, never been to this room I always come to the 7th floor though.
Taking me from the OR bed to the regular room bed was difficult, I had to lift my own weight, I did good they readjusted me a little, but I could see some blood. They quickly replaced that with a clean sheet, thank you.  I don' t remember much about this night except my children came to visit, and Recker was all over the place he laid his head on my shoulder a few times and gave me a little kiss.
If I stayed awake to enjoy them I don't remember, I just remember waking up with Eric in a bed on the floor next to me, and right now as I write this I am dozing off....so I will write a bit more later