Today I went to get my hair done for the last time in awhile. Kara Ellingson has been cutting my hair for over 10 years now, and I love her. We have become good friends, she has a wonderful husband and family.
I sat down in her chair like I always do, she put the breast cancer hair drape on me, started to comb out my hair and I began to cry. I don't want this to be the last time I get my hair done for awhile. Not only do I look forward to visiting with Kara, I love to get my hair done. I just kept thinking "why is this happening to me"
I was having this outer body thing going on, I tried so hard to get it under control, and I eventually did, but today I realized it is coming too fast, I can't stop it, I have no control. Even as I write this I am crying, I told Tamy today my hair is light and looks beautiful, but my heart is heavy, I am hurting inside and don't know how to control it. I miss my son, I miss working out everyday, I miss laughing out loud, I miss being normal.
This was definitely a day when I felt alone and needed the Lord to take it away. I came home and went to my room knelt down and asked the Lord to help me today. This is a hard journey, I try so hard to be strong and to rely on the Lord, I know he will comfort me and lift me when I need it, but sometimes, some days, it just STINKS.
Seeing growth
2 years ago
13 comments:
you are my hero mom...i love you. im sorry you have to go through this, i wish i could take away all your pain.
Oh, I am so sorry... I can't imagine the way you must have felt getting your hair done. I am sure at those hard dark moments, it just doesn't seem to be fair. You are a beautiful person and will come out of this even more beautiful. I am thinking of you! xoxo
Sorry. That was Tracey Simas....
You are right.....it STINKS!!!! It just does....and no one can argue with that. And somedays you just have to call a STINK BOMB a STINK BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you and if I were down there we'd make a big sign that say's VILLIAN on it....and throw eggs at it!
I hate CANCER!!
Monya! I'm so happy that I found your BLOG today. I'm sorry to hear that you have been dealing with cancer... it breaks my heart!! You will be in my prayers!! XOXO
That makes me want to cry! I know those moments have to be hard! Hang in there! We are continually praying for you!
Mom! I love you, I hope you know how much I really do! Just like Kayla said, I wish I could take all of your pain away! It hurts me too!
Remember everyday that I love you and that you are my hero! you are such a strong woman, i'm so thankful to have grown up with you as my mother!
I love you!
p.s. all of the songs on your profile are mine and yours!! it makes me feel so happy!
I know there isn't anything I can say or do to help you. I wish I could say it will get better and that it will be worth it. It's hard when you are going through trials to understand "why?" All I know is that you can never go back to the same person you were before. Know that we love you and pray for you every night. I know what you mean about your hair. I hate coloring mine every two weeks to cover my ugly grey, but I'm not ready to look 60 or 70 yet. Hang in there and know I'm thinking about you all the time love, Teri
Your heart is so good Monya!! Thanks so much for sharing . . .
Norm
Monya, I don't even have words to tell you how much my heart aches for you. Thank you for writing so eloquently and candidly so that the rest of us can learn from you.
I LOVE THE BRA :) I love you and Eric it was seriously SOOOO good to see you both last night :):) Smiles all around, you seriously looked soo extremly cute Monya, no matter how you think you look inside you looked the exact same and gorgeous to me :)):) Love you both!
ps.. please please please tell Blake I said hi in an email or letter :)
I'm sorry....ox
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