Feel Good, Look Better Class

The American Cancer Society offers free classes for VILLAIN patients, I decided this one sounded interesting so Tamy and I headed over to attend it tonight at the Banner Hospital on Dobson. It was a class on how to look good when you feel UGLY. They gave us all an enormous amount of make-up, moisturizers, lotions all donated from companies like Origins, Revlon, Aveda, Chanel, Estee Lauder, and so many more I can't think of. They showed us how to apply makeup, I actually don't wear alot of make-up, mostly because I have permanent eyeliner and eyebrows, my "get ready" time is 1/2 hour tops including my shower. So I went with the flow and did all the regimen they suggested. What I really wanted to learn was how to wrap the scarves, and I did.
There were 6 of us with the VILLAIN, most of them had already lost their hair. When Laura took off her bandana and announced that she had shaved her head just last night because it was falling out so badly, I was faced for the 1st time with the reality of what is about to happen to me. I started to have a panic attack, I looked at Tamy with the "get me out of here look" a shock of shear panic and fear ran through my body, but I concentrated on Tamy, she rubbed my leg to get me through it, and the tears went away along with the feeling of wanting to scream.
I remember asking Dr Northfelt how long it would take for my hair to fall out, he told me about 3 weeks after my 1st treatment,(which was exactly what it was for Laura) I will have had my 2nd treatment by then. So in less than a month I will have no hair. I told Tamy on the way home, I remember saying to someone once who was facing chemo "don't worry it will grow back" just so you know that is a stupid thing to say to a VILLAIN patient. Up to this point it has not bothered me when anyone has said that to me, but I think now that it is real I don't want to hear it. I am afraid I am looking forward to a mourning process, I also realize many people will say that is vain or that "it's just hair" but unless you go through it, it's hard to say how you would react. I thought the same thing when the doctor told me I would lose my hair "so what it's just hair" and I remember him telling me losing hair is sometimes the most devastating part for most women, I ignored it for so long because I have my hair, I wash it daily, I brush it, I blow dry it, I sometimes curl it, my girls style it for me, I can wear it up or down, it's here on my head and I like it. So what makes women incredibly attatched to their own hair? It for sure does not define a woman, but I have come to the conclusion, it is part of our femininity. We own it as woman, some like it short some like it long some like it spikey, some like it curled, some like it straight no matter what our choice is for style....it is our choice.....mine has been decided by the VILLAIN, well at least for a few months.