Saturday, August 3, 2013

4 years and counting

It's been 4 years now, this week, since I sat in the quiet, dark doctors office with Eric by my side and heard those terrible words "YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER"  WOW, time seems to creep up on me.   I feel like sometimes it was yesterday we heard those words, and then sometimes when I think about what has transpired in our lives since that date, it seems so long ago.   I have to dedicate this blog to my family who has stood by my side through this entire journey of mine, and I realize this has been their journey too.  Blake left for his mission for 2 years came home and got married, Kaitlyn and Brian got married lived in Utah, moved back to Arizona, Kayla and Jeremy have had 2 boys born into their family, and Haleigh married Scott Bigelow.  Look at all these blessings the Lord has allowed me to witness, I am so happy I have lived to see all of this, and I have faith I will live a long life, long enough to see all my grandchildren born, and I'm pretty sure we will have lots and lots of grandchildren---right? Kayla and Jeremy? Blake and Chloe? Kaitlyn and Brian? Haleigh and Scott?

 I don't think about the cancer as much as I used to.  Never in my wildest of dreams would I have imagined my body would or could go through what it has been through.  I was prideful and always thought "I am healthy, I eat right, I exercise,  I will never have health issues, after all I went from 1st grade through high school with perfect attendance in school and seminary, the 1st time I ever threw up in my life was when I was giving birth to my 1st baby during the transitional part of childbirth. My sisters both have health issues, Eric will die long before I do, and I need to keep myself in good  condition so I can be around to take care of my kids when he does"

It literally makes me want to throw up--what the heck was I thinking? Yes, it's a good thing to keep yourself healthy, and to exercise when you can, but I was seriously way off the map on this one.  The truth is my family has terrible health issues, autoimmune  diseases that I can't even spell, cancer up the kazoo--every kind you can think of, arthritis, thyroid issues and the list goes on.  Eric's family is really fairly different, his mother died of breast cancer, but as far as we know she is the only one on her side, and Eric's dad and siblings had heart problems but all lived well into their 80's.

I think I'm  aware of my body now more then I ever have been in my life, I feel when something is wrong--crossing my fingers on that one-- The only thing I'm not sure of is, what part of my aches and pains are from getting older and what is from family genes.  Running a marathon and crossing the finish line  does not replay in my mind over and over anymore, when I see other people doing it especially people I know and love,  it makes me smile instead of frown :}  For me, life is more beautiful then it ever has been, there is so much to look forward to, so much to still learn, places to go and people to meet, life is just beginning--many, many more rainbows to chase.....