Monday Mormon Myth's and Truths #8

Ok, so I finished up with all the questions that were emailed to me about the LDS women--I'm hoping all of your questions were answered, if  anything needs clarifying please email me and let me know.

I have been emailed by 3 different people asking me about the same question, each person has asked in a different way but the question is the same.

Do Mormons believe if a person is not sealed (married) in a Temple here on earth, they will not be permitted to live in the presence of God when they die?

ANSWER: NO -- remember there are a majority of women in the church who have never had the opportunity to be sealed (married) in the Temple

LDS members believe there are 3 degrees, or levels of Heaven.  The Celestial Kingdom is the highest degree-the terrestrial kingdom is the middle degree-and the telestial kingdom is the lowest.  I'm going to try and explain all of these degrees of Heaven.

In the Bible it speaks of 3 heavens in the resurrection: "There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another of the stars, for one star differeth from another star in glory.  So also is the resurrection of the dead" I Corinthians 15:41-42)  In 2 Corinthians 12:2  the Apostle Paul spoke of being "caught up to the third heaven" in a vision.  The Prophet Joseph Smith had a remarkable vision where he saw each heaven and the characteristics of each one of their inhabitants Doctrine and Covenants 76.

Please remember all of these levels are a part of heaven. Even the lowest kingdom--the telestial--is still a kingdom of glory.

LDS members believe that the mercy and grace of Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice will allow all people a place in one of these kingdoms.  We believe those who are in the outer darkness, will inherit a degree of heaven which is much better than anything we can relate to here on earth.  We believe this is God's plan of salvation.

The Celestial Kingdom:  This kingdom is the highest degree of heaven. It is truly where we, as LDS members want to inherit.  In the scriptures, it is compared to the brightness and glory of the sun (1Corinthians 15: 40-41) In the celestial kingdom, we live in the presence of God and Jesus Christ, we are eventually able to become like them, we can live together forever with those of our family who qualify, and we will receive a fullness of joy.  Anyone who has exercised faith in Jesus Christ, repented of their sins, received baptism and the Holy Ghost by those in proper authority (Priesthood) and continued in faithfulness in the gospel will attain celestial glory.

The Terrestial Kingdom:  This is the middle heaven. In the scriptures, is is compared with the brightness and glory of the moon. (1 Corinthians 76:97) Generally, the LDS people believe that those who live an honorable life on earth but who deliberately choose not to accept or fully live the gospel of Jesus Christ will go to the middle kingdom, the Terrestrial Kingdom.

The Telestial Kingdom: In the scriptures, this kingdom is likened tot he glory of the stars (1 Corinthians 15:40-41)  The people who never accept the gospel of Jesus Christ, in this this life or in the spirit world and who do not repent but continue in rebellion and major sin will receive this kingdom, which we believe is the lowest kingdom of Heaven.  We believe that the people who go here will have to wait in the spirit world for a thousand years after the 2nd coming of Christ before they will be resurrected and receive their telestial glory (Revelation 20:5)  This kingdom is basically for those who are not honorable people and who do not repent of their sins, these are the liars, adulterers, murderers, rapers, etc.  We believe that these people will still suffer sins and pay the price for their rebelliousness here on earth, they did not obey the laws of God, but had a knowledge of them. the difference is that we believe their suffering will eventually come to an end and they will receive a kingdom of glory, the lowest kingsom. They will not dwell in the prescence of the Lord. 

DO MORMONS BELIEVE IN HELL?:

Answer:  We do not believe in the "common" thoughts of HELL, no eternal flames, and wailing or gnashing of teeth.

We believe more that the eternal suffering of the wicked is more of a figurative than literal HELL.  The actual suffering that people endure for rebellion and sins comes to an end once the penalty for their transgression has been paid and served it's purpose.  "Endless torment" and "eternal damnation" are more figurative than literal, but we used these words to help us change our hearts, I think that in the scriptures when these phrases are used it means 'God's punishment' that will one day come to an end after the person has paid for their sin before God.

Outer darkness is "hell" the LDS people believe that is where Satan and the lowest kingdom of Heaven is where these people will go and dwell.  These are people who commit the unforgivable sins against God and who are not saved in any kingdom of glory.

Monday Mormon Myth's and Truths (Women) #7

Is the Relief Society one of the oldest and largest global women's organizations functioning in today's world? and what exactly is the LDS Relief Society?

Answer:  YES the LDS relief society was founded in 1842

As of today there are over 5.5 million women who belong to the Relief Society spread throughout 170 countries across the world.

Any woman who is a member of the LDS church and is 18 years of age is a part of the Relief Society Organization.  Women with or without children, married or not married, young (18) or old, employed or unemployed.  We meet together to learn from and strengthen each other, we serve each other.  The purpose of the Relief Society "is to build faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and to help those in need"

The Relief Society meets once a week in a class during Sunday meetings where we teach other the doctrines and principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  There are time we meet during the week for activities, usually at these activities we learn new skills or ways to help strengthen our faith, our families or do some type of compassionate service for an organization or family in need.

The Relief Society in each ward (I haven't been asked about wards or stakes yet) stake and the general Relief Society are all run by women, this is called the Relief Society Presidency--it consists of a President, 2 counselors and a secretary.  The RS president meets on a regular basis with the Bishop and the other ward leaders to discuss issues that may come up within their boundaries, ways they can help or serve someone who is in need of special attention.  Someone like me, when I was going through my chemo treatments, the RS brought meals to my home, offered to clean my house, do laundry and help in anyway that we needed until I could do it myself.

In addition to the service they give to one another and their neighbors who may not be members of the same faith, we as sisters of the LDS church watch over each other by visiting monthly in the homes with assigned partners, to help provide countless hours of service, sometimes just a listening ear, to a mother who is exhausted from the daily trials that life sometimes brings.  This Visiting Teaching calling is said to be the most important calling a woman can hold in the church, I know this to be true, when I was so sick from chemo the ladies from my ward and the stakes surrounding where I live brought food, they put up my Christmas tree and decorated it, and I know they did and still do pray for me daily, as I do for so many of them.

In a survey taken about 40% of LDS women surveyed said that the role and influence of women in the church was the "right amount"  The next closest faith measured was Evangelical Protestants, with only about 15% saying women had the "right amount" of leadership and influence in their church, followed by 10% of Anglo-Catholics and about 8% Jews.

In the LDS church women sit side by side and vote to sustain members and leaders in their church callings, (both men and women's callings)   They regularly pray and give talks or sermons in meetings.  Women teach adult gospel doctrine classes and other Sunday School classes.  The women of the church are fully involved in all aspects of the work of the LDS church, from full time missionary work to member missionary work, temple and family history work and to their serving the needy.

Are the women demanded to follow the rules of the husband? and is it a hidden secret that men rule their wives?

ANSWER:  A BIG FAT NO AND NO

One time I was at work and was approached by a woman who said in a very whispered voice "hey, if you need help getting away from your husband, I can help you, we can get you to a shelter"  I remember looking at her and laughing, I thought she was joking, she wasn't.  To the LDS member,  FAMILY is the most important calling of all, and we serve as equals to our husbands in making decisions, spiritually, physically, financially,  educationally, actually if you want to know the truth about Eric and I ask him who makes most family decisions around here?  ha ha sadly he would probably say "go ask Monya"  He and I have always made decisions together, we don't always agree on the way a situation should be dealt with but we always come to an even ground together.  I have not once felt like I was threatened or looked down upon in my marriage, and in the LDS church this is how the Lord designed marriage to be, equal, not one gender is better than the other.  Many people may not know this but the LDS women were involved in, and in some ways led, the US women's suffrage movement.  In 1870, Utah was the second territory (behind Wyoming) to grant women the right to vote under law, and after gaining statehood, Utah became the third state in the Union to give women equality.

In Genesis 1:26 God said equally to both Adam and Eve "let them have dominion, over all the earth"

The 1st presidency of the LDS church has stated that that men and women are equal partners in a marriage and family relationship.  There is no where in LDS scripture or official doctrine of the LDS church that it indicates or teaches anything other than God seeing both genders as equal to each other.  The LDS church does not embrace any type of doctrine which suggests otherwise.

Do LDS members believe there is a Heavenly Mother?

ANSWER: YES

The LDS theology holds women in very spiritual high regard.  We believe there is a Heavenly Father, so logically we believe there is a Heavenly Mother.  One of my favorite LDS Hymns asks:

In the heav'ns are parents single?

No, the thought makes reason stare

Truth is reason; truth eternal

Tells me I've a mother there

We believe we are all children of heavenly parents, and although we don't know much about our Heavenly Mother, she is evident in Mormon thought and theology.  One of the prophets of the church said this "You women, are daughters of God. You are precious.  You are made in the image of our Heavenly Mother"

LDS people theology is not saying that Eve was not the 1st mother of the earth but we praise her as the "glorious mother" of humanity and we celebrate her decision in the Garden of Eden. We believe that Eve chose to move God's plan of salvation forward by partaking of the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, Eve along with Adam acted in a manner pleasing to God and did exactly what they were ordained to do.  The Mormon religion believes also that women can receive personal revelation and be filled with the spiritual knowledge that Jesus Christ wants them to have.

I believe, as most mormons do, of all the creations on earth, women are God's crowning creation, His signature stroke in the masterpiece of the universe.

Hopefully I have answered all the questions about women in the LDS church.

Curve Balls

Man life throws many curve balls, I was not expecting one that came flying at me last week.  I was Fired from my volunteer work.  Not quite an accomplishment I had expected, and it was devastating for me.  I loved that job, I loved the people I worked with and I especially loved all the patients who touched my life.   I violated HIPAA law, and took pictures of patients, 1st off I just want to say they all had my permission to take their picture and 2nd I would never post something about a patient without their consent.  However, I recently had my blog redesigned and all the  journal entires I had written and drafted, posted public without me knowing.  They were written a year or year and a half ago, when I was asked not to mention the facility that I was volunteering for or the patients, I immediately drafted all of them for my children to have, and for myself to look back and remember. For those of you who do not know about drafting, it is basically a journal you write and never post for all to see, but is kept secretly and I eventually want my blog to be made into a book for my children, so I did as I was asked and I took all the posts off of my blog immediately.  To be honest, I have a ton of drafts, things I don't want the world to see but have saved for my family to read, long after I'm dead and gone.

When I went to my "volunteer" job 2 weeks ago, I was called into a meeting where I was "let go" I was told if an employee had done this they would be "let go" so they felt it was time for me to be "let go" I asked them if I could delete the entries, and the answer was "you have 3 days to get them off your blog, or we will be forced to file a federal suit"  so sad, I took off my scrubs and handed in my badge out the door I went feeling like I had just been defeated by the world, I cried uncontrollably for hours, well actually the crying went on for days, I finally got it controlled to a slow tearful drip after a few days.  When I got home I asked our attorney if this could happen to me, he said NO, that the facility I was volunteering for cannot sue me for violating HIPAA laws the patient would have to be the one to sue me, --and since everyone of those patients or their caregivers still email me on a regular basis, (except for one) I contacted each person who I had ever posted about, got written permission from them or in a couple cases the patients had passed on and I got permission from their caregivers, who by the way also asked me for a copy of what I had written, by this time I had already deleted them.  However, I told them once I had their written permission I would send them a copy of what I had hand written.  Each were so grateful, I had journaled and each had already known about the experiences and the intimate talks I had with them, so it was not a surprise to any of them when I read the journaling to them.

 I'm not sure what this world is coming to, I do understand the HIPAA laws and I do understand the right to have privacy, I would never post something without 1st asking the patient.  There was only one post that I had written where I felt was imposing without permission, names were never mentioned and if this person had found it on the world wide web,(1 in a billion)  they could of guessed it was them I was talking about, but there were no pictures, or proof.

I learned a lot from this experience, and although I think "they" were being a bit dramatic in their decision, I know the Lord has something else planned for me.  It's important for me to be in a place where I am not only needed but appreciated for the service I love to give.

Mormon Women Monday Myth's and Truths # 6

Picture taken from mormonwomen

Some of my friends who are not LDS do not understand the devotion Mormon women give not only to their families, but to the church.  In today's world there is so much rage and negativity going on around us, so why is it that most mormon women are so happy?  It is thought by LDS women that we have a divine calling to be a mother, to raise children our Heavenly Father has sent to us and entrusted to our care.  Mormons believe the family is central to God's plan for the happiness of His children and family is the fundamental unit in society.  With that being said, I can say we believe no work can be nobler than that of a mother, those who rear and raise, nurse and nurture their families.  We also believe that all women, whether they have children or not, are mothers in the sense that the female gender has a divine, innate capacity to nurture and teach and care for others.

So, What about women who don't marry or have children but who would like to?
There are many women who do not have the opportunity to marry and bear or raise children but very much want to.  These women make up a large and significant portion of the LDS church, and they contribute an equally large and significant portion to the Church and all of its programs.
Latter Day Prophets have repeatedly taught that those "whose circumstances do not allow them to receive the blessings of eternal marriage and priesthood in this life will receive all promised blessings in the eternities."
This is so hard for many, many women who want so badly to have a child of their own, but I truly believe our Heavenly Father will provide motherhood to those who are obedient and continue to do good.  My sister in law and brother in law were unable to conceive their own children, so they adopted 4  children to complete their family, and to bless our entire extended family. My nieces and nephew were sent here to earth to be a part of the Williams family, they just used a different body to get those little spirits here, and how grateful we are their mother's were able to allow Doran and Shannon to raise them.

CAN MORMON WOMEN WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME?

ANSWER: YES

Latter Day Saint women across the world hold professional titals of CEO, VP's, doctor, professor, author, artist, teacher, athlete, and business owners.   It makes me laugh when I hear people say this, especially when I'm at work.  The idea that faithful mormon women can't, shouldn't or don't work outside the home with a career  or pursue schooling is absolutley not true, nor is it what the LDS leadership teaches.
We do place the family as our 1st priority and highest regard,  we believe that all decisions regarding a wife or mother's employment should be weighed carefully on how it will effect the family and the rearing of their children, husband and wife make these decisions together.
"The Family Proclamation to the World" teaches that although husband and wife are equal partners, each gender does have a principal role in the family. Mother's are primarily responsible for the nurturing of their children, and fathers are primarily responsible to provide the necessities of life, but so many times "life" is a disability, a death, or other circumstances that may require us to adapt.
However, the fact is an LDS woman working outside the home or pursuing a career is left to her to decide and is entirely dependent upon her individual, marital, family and social situation.  We as mormons are taught not to judge any mother who chooses to work outside the home, regardless of the situation.

CAN MORMON WOMEN PURSUE EDUCATION?

ANSWER: WE ARE ENCOURAGED TO---SO YES

Theologically we are encouraged to gain an education and develop our minds, talents and abilities.
Spencer W Kimball who was a prophet when I was growing up said "The emphasis on education for LDS women continues, we want our women to be well educated"
The modern day Prophet President Monson has given counsel to both male and female "God wants you to educate your mind and to develop your skills and talents, education will prepare you for greater service in the world and in the church.  It will help you better provide for yourself, your family, and those in need.  It will also help you be a wise counselor and companion to your future spouse and an informed and effective teacher of your future children"
In a 2010 study they found that women of all faiths "believe more fervently in God" than men, and that "by virtually every meassure they are more religious" than men.
This goes along with a quote from President James E Faust a leader of the LDS church when he said "Surely the secret citadel of women's inner strength is spirituality. In this, you equal and even surpass men, as you do in faith, morality, and commitment when truly converted to the gospel.  We believe that God planted within women something divine."

Beautiful Boy, Perfect Love🚩

I simply adore this little boy.  Recker is such a special, special boy.  Sometimes I wonder what is going through his beautiful little head.  I watched him yesterday from a distance playing with some of the children in his neighborhood, he was off alone in the corner by himself, then at one point he heard one of the little girls talking to another little boy, Recker walked up and took the girl by the hand as if trying to get her to follow him, and she (like most children would do at her age) walked away from him.  For just a slight moment I could see this sadness in his face, I think he is starting to understand more and more what his limitations are and what he cannot do, soon he will realize what he CAN do, we try to emphasize the CAN'S, because there is a lot more he CAN do than he or we even realize yet.

  I want so desperately for the family to hear him just say something, mom or dad would be preferable.  He has now began to wave goodbye to us and once in awhile we can even get a little sound that we think is "bye bye"  and when Blake counts ... one...two...three...jump ...we can usually here him say when Blake gets to the two, Recker will say "twooey" it's so cute, we all jump for a joy and have him do it over and over until he is fed up with it all, shakes his no and off he goes to a new adventure much cooler than us.

He loves his daddy !!

Precious baby boy born 12-14-2009

really? another picture? I'm barely awake

I'm never getting out of the tub

bright eyes

just cuteness

fresh out of the tub

1st day of pre-school

helping bonbon get through a tough day

team bonbon--my biggest supporter

loves the OCEAN, OH AND OTTER POPS

YALE

uncle blake gets home from his mission

being an outside boy

Christmas 2012

  This little boy's heart is bursting with LOVE to be shared--Although he keeps it bundled up and sealed for special people in his life--I know he loves, and feels love. Recker has helped me to understand that Heavenly Father has a plan, a plan for each and everyone of His children, we may not always understand THE PLAN but if we let the process happen and listen for the spirit to teach us, we can hear the Love, especially the beautiful love this boy has to offer.

Mormon Women Monday Mormon Myths and truths #5

I was asked by several different people over the past couple of weeks to discuss Mormon Women, with that being such a big interest with a lot of you, I have decided to break it up a little, and answer a couple a week until they are all answered--

There is a Pulitzer Prize winner by the name of Wallace Stegner who wrote a book in 1964 about the Mormon pioneers going westward in their migration to Utah and other western states. This is one of the things he said "I shall try to  present the Mormons' in their terms and judge them in mine.  That I do not accept the faith that possessed them does not mean I doubt their frequent devotion and heroism in its service. Especially their women, their women were incredible"
The LDS women today do not wear the pioneer dresses of the 1800's, but the women still lead remarkable lives and have a profound effect upon other people.  This coming from a self professed late 20's childless over educated atheist feminist "I confess that reading Mormon house wives blogs, I have learned they are uplifting" she  said that "their lives send out the message to the world, it is possible to be happy.....they love their homes, they love their husbands, family is their biggest priority, and life is meant to be enjoyed"
So who are LDS women, and what makes them so incredible? Where and how do they fit into the church, it's society and theology--I am going to answer all of the questions regarding women in the next few weeks.

  Mormon Myth: LDS women are more depressed than other women

Answer: NOT TRUE

I loved this question I have gotten a few emails about this--to be quite honest with you I had heard Utah had the highest usage of antidepressants in the nation and wondered about it myself--so this was great to study--thank you for the question--I guess I never thought about the fact that Utah with its 60%  LDS population would obviously be the reason why so many believe it has to be related to the lifestyle we live. 
There is a common myth that has been circulating that LDS women are more depressed than any other women in America due to the demands, expectations and religious lifestyle of Mormonism.  This rumor started when Scripts reported in 2001, and in 2007, that Utah with its population of 60% LDS people led the the nation in the use of antidepressant medicines.  Of course people jump to the conclusion that the high rate of depression were directly related to how the "mormons live."
There have been many studies conducted examining the relationship between religion and depression, and specifically Mormonism and depression.  The majority or the research indicates that LDS women are no more likely to experience depression than any other women in any other religious groups.
 There was a study done in 2010 that compared thousands of LDS men and women with thousands of non LDS men and women on twelve indicators of depression and found that, on average, LDS men who served missions (indicating their high religious activity in the church) reported less incidence of depression than any other.
And, you are now wondering about the women right? LDS women who served a mission (once agian, indicating high activity in the LDS church) had significantly less depression than the national sample, reporting an average score of 1.0 days per week where depression symptoms occurred, compared to 1.39 days per week by the women on the national sample (LDS women who did not serve a mission also reported a lower number than the national average of 1.11 days)
All of this research concluded that "this study found no evidence that members of the LDS church experienced more depression than others across the nation.  In fact, they discovered that, on the whole, LDS men and women with higher rated of religiosity had significantly lower levels of depression than that of the average American.  So Apparently, the religious LDS lifestyle acts as a buffer against depression rather than, what a lot of LDS and non LDS people have believed over the years.

  I have struggled with depression throughout my life and for over 20 years I have taken an anti-depressant to help balance the serotonin levels in by body. For many years I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable to discuss this with people, not only LDS members but non-members too.  The reason:

for me, it was because I felt if I told people then they would have a lower opinion of me and that I would be looked at as a failure, not having the ability to control my thoughts or feelings.  When I found out I had cancer I stopped taking all of my antidepressant medicine, I have no idea why I did that, except maybe I thought it might be adding to the problem, no doctor ever told me to stop taking it.  Within a few months, I became extremely depressed to the point of wanting to just die.  When I went to the Mayo phychiatrist he asked me why I stopped taking my medicine, my answer was "I don't know, I just was so consumed with the cancer I just stopped taking anything else, including vitamins" He then asked some questions about my childhood and we talked about why I was initially taking the drug, he explained it so simply to me, he said "If a person who is diabetic does not take their insulin, or a person who has heart problems does not take their medicine they could get very sick and die, YOU and people like you who suffer with this anxiety and depression are no different, society sees them different but medically you need to respect what your body is telling you and take the medicine that helps you"  I have never worried about it since, I take my medicine, I'm balanced and I feel better. This has nothing what so ever to do with my mormon lifestyle of living, it has to do with genetics, there is a history in my family of depression and chemical imbalances.

LDS Women and the Priesthood:

Latter Day Saint women are not ordained to priesthood offices in the LDS church, and we don't really know why.  President Gordon B Hinckley said "Women do not hold the priesthood because the Lord has put it that way.  It is part of HIS program" Although Mormon women do not hold the priesthood office, all the blessings and saving ordinances through the priesthood are made equally available to both men and women.
To make it easier to understand, Priesthood is not a prideful thing, or for power, position or prestige- it is strictly designed as a means to serve others.
Women are called to serve in organizational leadership positions of the church from the general Church level (In Salt Lake City) down to the congretional level, and they work hand-in hand side-by-side with the male Priesthood holders to serve all of God's children together.
There is no Priesthood "ladder" that is necessary to climb in the LDS church to reach heaven; only priesthood ordinances are necessary for salvation, and they are available to both male and females.

Hangin with T Swift

For Christmas I bought all the girls and I tickets to see Taylor Swift in concert, tonight was the night.  WOW how that time went by quickly, seems like they just opened those tickets up.
I like Taylor Swift, I know she gets a lot of publicity about all the songs she writes about her brake up with the boys she dates, but tonight I heard it from a different perspective and I have to say I agree with all she said.  She writes about what is happening in her life at the time and how she feel at the moment, this special times, or difficult times is what will eventually help her to become the person she ultimately wants to be in life.... in other words she learns from each experience and her songs are almost like writing a journal of her life, not much different than all of us who journal or blog about our lives.

The girls and I had great seats and it was so fun to be together with all of them, not sure what the guys did tonight, but our girls night out was fantastic, and I wouldn't trade these memories for anything in the world, love my girls and really enjoyed the concert.

Birth Control and Mormons--Monday Mormon Myths and truths #4

THE REASON MORMONS HAVE SUCH BIG FAMILIES IS THAT
1.THE CHURCH TELLS THEM NOT TO USE BIRTH CONTROL
2.THE CHURCH HAS A MINIMUM OF 8 KIDS PER FAMILY

FALSE and FALSE

The reason Mormons have larger families than the average American family has nothing to do with birth control being prohibited (ITS NOT) but has everything to do with our belief that children are a blessing and that married couples have a divine responsibility to assist in God's work by providing physical bodies for God's spirit children.
The Church's official position regarding birth control is stated in the book True to the Faith married LDS couples should "prayerfully decide how many children to have and when to have them.  These decisions are between the husband and wife ONLY.  Church members are highly counseled to consider such things as the physical and mental health of the mother and father, as well as their ability to provide financially for the necessities of life.  My daughter has an autistic child who is non-verbal, he is extremely difficult to successfully watch over and take care of, imagine if she were required to have a minimum of 8 children--NO WAY--
After I had my 4th and final child, we decided it was time to upgrade to a different vehicle and we were in a financial position that we could purchase a Suburban.  One of my very dear friends, asked me if the church gives families a Suburban after they have their 4th child--Boy--that might be an incentive but the answer of course is NO--we are given no incentives, or told by any person in authority of the Church, that we are required to have a certain amount of children.
I know many women who cannot physically have any children, for those women and men my hearts go out to them--many of them are fortunate enough to adopt-My brother and sister in law adopted 4 bi-racial children, and as far as I know they too were not given a Suburban ha ha.

This brings up the subject of sex.  I also was asked if we are only allowed to have "sex" if we are pro-creating.  Is sex good and right, or is it evil and wrong?  Apparently there are a lot of Mormons having sex, Utah has the highest birth rate of all states.

We can pretty much boil down everything that relates to Mormons' views on sexuality to three things:
1. The human body is sacred and divine, including its power to procreate
2. Marriage between a man and a woman is central to God's plan of happiness for HIS children and
3. the family is the fundamental unit of society
Therefore, sex between a married man and woman is Good. it brings children into married families, and it is a way to express love and total commitment between husband and wife.
Sex between unmarried people? Not so good, it can lead to pre-marriage pregnancy, single parenthood, abortion, adultery, divorce, mistrust, guilt, and sexually transmitted diseases.

The basic rule of thumb is that Mormons should not have sex before marriage, abstinence before marriage shows commitment and fidelity to your spouse after you are married.  I've had plenty of people tell me "this is a very old fashion way of thinking" but when you consider the millions of abortions, the high incidence  of sexually transmitted diseases, the fact that 40 percent of all US births are to single women, and the countless broken hearts and homes that result from sexual immorality, adhering to the Mormon standard of sexual morality appears to be not only a spiritual blessing but a societal blessing as well.
SOME FACTS TO CONSIDER:
*between 1973 and 2008 nearly 50 million abortions were legally performed in the US, and four or every ten unintended pregnancies ended in abortion
*There are 19 million new cases of sexually transmitted diseases reported each year in the United States and one in four sexually active teenage girls in the United States has a sexually transmitted disease.
*The US census bureau data shows that the birthrate for unmarried women has risen in each reported year from 43.8 percent in 19090 to 52.5 percent in 2008

So call us "old fashioned" but the fact is abstinence is the one and only way of staying clean and pure before marriage.  Some may ask Why Wait? isn't it better to have sex before you are married to see if you are physically compatible?
In a 2010 study of 2,035 married couples across the nation, researchers found that the couples who waited to have sex until they were married rated their current married relationship stability 22 percent higher, their marital satisfaction 20 percent higher, the sexual communication between them and their  spouses 12 percent higher than those married couples who had sex before they were married.  Most Mormons believe waiting to have sexual relations until after we are married is key to having a marriage based on a foundation of communication and trust, respect, shared goals and social enjoyment.  To me it seems like it solidifies an already healthy relationship.  The longer the couple waits the better.  From what I have seen, there is no lasting happiness in immorality.  There may be momentarily pleasure for a time it can seem like everything is wonderful, but it seems to quickly fade and become sour...love begins to die, bitterness, jealousy, anger and even hate can begin to grow.  All of these things are the natural results of sin and transgression.

ABORTION IN THE CHURCH: Members of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints must not submit to, perform, encourage, pay for, or arrange for an abortion.
HOWEVER: there are rare circumstances that may result and justify an abortion form an LDS view, including when pregnancy is the result of incest or rape, when the life or health of the mother is judged by competent medical authority to be in serious jeopardy, or when the fetus is known by competent medical authority to have severe defects that will not allow the baby to survive beyond birth.  We believe when a child is conceived outside of wedlock, the best option is for the mother and father of the child to be married and work toward establishing an eternal family relationship.  If a successful marriage is unlikely they should place the child up for adoption.

Our bodies have the power to create another human life, think about that, we have the ability to create another human being, a unique human being, someone never has seen or duplicated, with eyes and ears and toes, and with a divine  potential and infinite worth.  For the LDS religion, there is perhaps nothing more divine that to share with God the title of "creator" and "parent"  This is why married Mormons have and enjoy sex as something sacred, but at the same time are not flippant or careless about it either.

For Mormons, sex in marriage is a symbol of the total union of a marriage.  When a man and woman have given their whole lives to each other, all that they are or ever hope to be, all their hopes, dreams, and desires--and have joined their lives together in a covenant marriage, then sex becomes a physical symbol of that union.  It is a reminder that in every way spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically a married man and woman can and should "cleave unto" each other and be "one flesh"
(Genesis 2:24)

Also, while we believe in controlling our appetites and passions, a celibate life is inconsistent with our beliefs that God's plan for HIS children and the purpose of life itself, centers on marriage and family.
The scriptures say "For marriage is ordained of God unto man....that earth might answer the end of its creation"

To answer one more question I received this week per email,
ARE MORMONS WHO HAVE SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE DOOMED TO HELL?

The simple answer to this is NO.  Although our moral standards are high and quite strict in the "worlds eyes" Mormons who have sex outside of marriage are subject to Church discipline, which depending on the situation, can mean not being able to participate in some Church ordinances like taking the sacrament on Sundays, maybe not being allowed to serve or teach in the Church, the suspension of membership, or most severe, removal of Church membership through excommunication.
We do believe sexual sin to be very serious, we also believe that God is merciful and that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ someone who has been sexually immoral can repent, change his or her behavior, recommit to follow Christ, and be totally forgiven for their sin.
I hope this has answered your questions, if not please feel free to email me and let me know what else needs cleared up.

My visit with Dr. Northfelt🚩

This past week my husband turned 55 years old--we decided to go to Paris for the week.  We always have an enjoyable time together, but I don't think we will go back in May again, it was rainy and cold. We went to my "happy place" to ride bikes and it was pouring down, no bikes and very cold.  We walked around, drank some hot chocolate and talked about having my ashes spread there in that beautiful place--they painted the house/chateau a red and white color, I think I liked it better when it was just white--Eric spoke to the guard at the gate and he said for a fee we can rent out an area, or room for family--could it be that he is finally warming up to the idea of my cremation?

Porte Jaune my "happy place"

the walkways and bike trails in Porte Jaune

This is the cute little hot cocoa/sandwich shop we love

the river, usually with huge white swans

the private chateaux

Paris, is and always be "our place" I love spending time with Eric there, it never gets old to me, we have our favorite places we like to go, but mostly just spending the days alone together holding hands walking through the beautiful parks and streets is the best.

Frenchie

Notre Dame picture for Dr. Northfelt

These are what I save up all my sugar for--days to look
forward to--pastries are my favorite sweets and I will
wait a year if I have to knowing I can have them

I have to admit I'm not always forthcoming when it comes to my visits at Mayo Clinic, especially with my family.  I really just don't want them to worry--if there is concern I will tell them but to go for regular appointments with my doctors and for tests and more tests, I usually just go and don't give any reports.  I saw Dr. Northfelt just before we left for Paris, (he is my medical oncologist) we visited for awhile, lots of questions, not many answers...NO I'M NOT CANCER FREE is all I pretty much heard. He asked if I wanted to change my cancer medicine I take everyday and see if I would get less side effects from it.  My question was "what does it do?" his answer "blocks estrogen" then I replied "what does the medicine I'm taking now do" his answer "blocks estrogen" we both looked at each other and laughed, he shrugged his shoulders and all he could say was "1/2 of my patients do really well, the other half don't, but they all have side effects" I then smiled and said "well, OK then, lets try it" until I went to get the prescription filled and found out it costs $299.00 pp, and that was with my insurance, I decided to stick with the original medicine and live with the side effects, if I was 100% sure there would be a change for the good I would pay it, but I'm not willing to take the chance of even more side effects and a huge possibility of no changes.  I emailed Dr. Northfelt from Paris and told him, he replied back that my decision was reasonable, and to please send him a picture.

I am coming up on my 4th anniversary of being diagnosed with breast cancer, I'm grateful to still be alive and know I still have a long road ahead of me, but don't we all?  Life is Good for me right now.

Love Shouldn't Hurt🚩

For some people who have felt the deep scars of inadequacy after being battered, whether spiritually, physically, verbally or mentally it may take longer to heal and recover, but the truth is when you love or are loved, it should never hurt.  This truth took me many years to figure out.

Being abused as a child leaves open wounds that can take years to remove, and in many cases there open wounds never completely heal, as years pass and abuse continues the victim often times molds into the life they've been accustomed to. In other words, it becomes NORMAL,  the perpetrator is successful, he/she wins the battle.

Constant hyper critical words can totally invalidate or erase the occasional words of affirmation the victim may hear.

EXAMPLE:  I was told I was ugly, too skinny, too stupid and ignored when trying so desperately to be heard and acknowledged as a child/teenager.  As a result of this I went to school everyday believing it was true--So I really was not that great of a student.

I remember a couple of times being validated by teachers I will never forget:
In 1st grade (yes I remember this far back) Mrs. Davis told me the winter tree I had drawn was the "Best" she'd ever seen--
another example was Mrs. Fish, she was my 2nd grade teacher.  We were given a project to draw an insect and label the parts, the anatomy.  I spent hours on it, Mrs. Fish loved it so much she asked if she could keep it and use it for future students to see, she actually wanted to frame it and hang it in her room.  I will never forget that moment.  Those 2 compliments got me through elementary school.

One time in middle school I can remember my mom telling me one day "Monya, you have the great ability to forgive, forget and move on" I really don't remember why, or the context of the entire conversation, all I remember is how it made me feel, she noticed me, something about me she liked.
I remember this so vividly, exactly where I was standing in our living room, and even what I was wearing.  Those words of affirmation, although brief, validated me.  Those words have stayed with me for life.  I absolutely do not blame my mother, now as an adult I realize she was doing the best she could do, and who am I to decide what another person's "best" is?

Even though I never once heard the words "I Love You" until I met Eric, I believe those 3 little words are worthless unless you are able to show it.  So, even if I had heard those words as a child, I think it would of messed me up even more.  A person who smacks their wife or kids around one day, then the next day says "I Love You" does not know what LOVE is, this behavior is painful and confusing..LOVE DOESN'T HURT.

I can truly confess that I can't remember loving myself until I started my cancer journey.  The chronic betrayal I endured for years forced me to stop loving and trusting myself.  Irreversible damage was done---I am a typical "text book" victim of abuse, it is typical for the victims to feel unnecessarily guilty.  My main concern as a child was my mom, if I told her what was happening when she was not home, one of two things could happen:

1. she'd leave him and be forced to suffer through another divorce
or
2. He would kill her, me or my sisters (the textbook threats of a perpetrator)

either way, both of these choices were not an option for me because I would of caused this awful pain my mother would have to endure. I can't believe I actually thought this, as most victims of abuse do.

My biological father Colby, was indulged in drugs and alcohol in the 60's.  My mom was so young and "in love" they were high school sweethearts, his family loved her, he seemed to be "in love" with her and they married at a very young age.  One night in a drunken/drugged rage he hit me up side the head, broke my eardrum and then passed out on the sofa.  When my mother came home from work, she found her 3 years old little  blonde headed girl, sobbing, holding my ear blood running down my arm and she immediately took me to the ER.  From that point on throughout my childhood years I endured many, many surgeries trying to repair the damage, to this day I am deaf in my right ear.   My mother divorced Colby, it was devastating on him and on his family.  They were a large family and loved my mother so much, my aunt told me it was like having a death in the family.  Over the years they tried their hardest to keep a relationship with my sisters and I, but it was  difficult years.  Colby went to prison and remained there until I was at least 18, so honestly I didn't really remember him growing up.  I just remember about the time I was 14 thinking "where is he? why is he not protecting me?" When I was 18 he came back into my life--he scattered those connections with me for years a part, finally one day when I was visiting my grandmother  (his mom) in Eagar Arizona I decided to go visit him in the jail he was in--I drove to see him, and I told him exactly what I thought of him, it was not a pretty sight, anyone within ears distance of a 1/2 mile or so could hear, when I finished it felt to good--It was like I had finally released every negative thought I ever had of him, interesting enough, the issue of my deafness and my ear problem never came up--I was way past all that, it was part of my life and I really was so young I didn't know any difference.  What I did find out, was no matter how much I told him I had forgiven him for that one act of violence, he could never forgive himself for what he had done.  He was a sensitive man when it came to "his girls"  I truly believe he tried so hard to become sober, but when he did, he would call me and the wounds would open up again for him and the drinking would start all over again--sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest part of the Atonement of Christ.  It was a difficult process to watch him go through, up to the day he took his last breath he was worried about me and the pain he had caused me--having the knowledge of our Saviors Atonement tells me that he has been forgiven, and has now moved on to dwell in a better place than he did while he was on earth.
In respect to this post, do I think he loved me? Yes, I do, his behavior was random and not perpetual, the drug and alcohol abuse were more powerful, and controlled him to the point of not being physically able to raise three children and be an effective dad.  BIGGEST REGRET OF HIS LIFE.

I know this may sound like a contradiction to everything I just posted about "love not hurting" but there is a difference.  Although, Colby was unable to be an active responsible father in my life, he recognized his faults and asked for forgiveness, admitted to his wrong behavior and yes, he loved me.

The bottom line for me, is that families, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents we all say things that HURT--I've have most definitely done it as a mother and wife.  Does this mean I don't love my children or husband? Of course not, however, words can leave a scar that will not wound.  When this happens put your arms around that person tell them you are so sorry, that you love them and would never want to hurt them, and move on.  This is not chronic abusive behavior, this is family life--and not always at it's finest moments--I will never blame my childhood on the mother I am today, I am old enough to know right from wrong and I take responsibility for my own actions.
I am grateful for those lifetime experiences that brought me to where I am today, boy I have so much more to learn, all I can hope is that the next generation will be better than I was.