Physically my body has taken a harsh toll, nothing that I have ever been used to. Side effects have literally kicked my behind end. I still deal with lymphodema, neuropathy, hip pain, migraines, blurry vision, insomnia and some even more personal effects that I won't talk about hear on my blog. I have always been a person who deals with the rigors of daily life by going full out 100 percent in my workouts 5 -6 times a week, not being able to workout has been extremely hard for me, it's always been a part of who I am and what I enjoy. I have had to learn to accept the things I cannot do and be grateful for the things that I can do--I have no doubt in my mind I will be able to cycle, run and workout again someday, just maybe not at the level I was previously used to doing. I have also learned to control what my cravings for food are, I have been successful for 2 years now controlling the amount of sugar, white flour and processed foods I eat allowing me to now be in more control of my mind and body. Giving myself the pleasure of enjoying whatever I want while on vacations or Holidays and Birthdays, helps me to have dates to look forward to.
Mentally, well this one may be still negotiable by my family--ha ha. Knowledge is power in my opinion. I read a lot more than I have ever done before, trying to find ways to better my life, giving myself some alone time everyday to meditate and calm my spirit from the world. I have come to the conclusion so much of how we deal with life and circumstances is in our mind, we all have the ability to feel fear, hurt, pain, and in many instances we are the ones who have created those feelings. I definitely have not mastered being able to warn off those feelings with my mind, I WISH.
Spiritually, I am in no way an expert in this area, however, compared to where I was 3 years ago I feel like I have come along way. Being diagnosed with a life threatening disease seems to put priorities in order for most people. I have learned to put aside the things that really don't matter and focus on my eternal perspectives. I have no idea what will happen today tomorrow or next year, I know those things are in the Lords hands, but what I do have control over is how I react to the people who bless my life with their kindness and maybe even those who struggle with their own demons. I know without a doubt in my mind that when I serve others and give my whole and heart and soul to those in need, HE hears me and knows my prayers for those people are real. I want so badly to leave this life with NO REGRETS. I ask for peace and for my spirit to be blessed with HIS presence, do I fall short sometimes? YES, but I also know that is expected, none of us are perfect, the most wonderful thing I have learned is this, I can quickly be comforted by a sweet spirit every time I ask for help, when I kneel to pray or if I'm on a crowded street or in a hospital waiting room, my thoughts are racing at times but HE always hears me and feels my pain. HE knows me and I know HE lives, the reassurance of that knowledge gives me strength at times to move forward and try to become the best that I can be.
I would never wish cancer upon any person, EVER, it is a difficult road. I am just grateful that I have the knowledge I have, the overwhelming experiences I have had, and the eternal friends I have made during this journey I would not trade for anything in the world. I count my blessings everyday--beginning with FAMILY.
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