Different Not Less

IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH CURSE WORDS...DON'T READ THIS!!

Boy oh Boy, where to start.  The past 24 hours has been....well it's been eye opening.  1st off my book is well on it's way to being published.  I'm waiting now on little things like copyrights. This book writing stuff is serious business...not what I expected.

She's so cute, I love Weslie 

So yesterday I posted a picture of my new grand baby Weslie and I on Facebook. It was hard for me to post because of the way my face looked.  I take a look at myself everyday in the mirror,  I know what my face physically looks like. Most of the time I'm ok with the new look. I know doctor Lettieri is working hard to help me fight time with the nerve.  Realistically I'm completely aware my face will never, ever be the same but I find joy in the little changes I have been able to accomplish.  Sometimes I look at myself and feel sad or disgusted with what I see.  Then I tell myself I am beautiful, tell my lip to "move damn it" and go about my day.

When I got brave and posted an authentic picture of myself with Weslie, my mouth was not cooperating, neither was Weslies.  She had a crooked smile like mine, so I posted it with a sassy comment about she and I having the same smile.  Maybe I was trying to make other people feel better about what I knew they were seeing too.  I'm not sure but it was a monumental moment for me to finally be able to see it and say it like it is, I never want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me.

A man commented saying and I quote "You look like you're shitting yourselves" (excuse me I couldn't think of any other way to put it)  I'm so glad no one was here to see the reaction on my face when I realized what he wrote....I had to look at it several times to make sure I had read it correctly. I left my laptop went to the mirror and smiled, yep that's what people see! For the first time I was faced with the hurtful words of my reality.

I know the world can be a cruel place to live, but in my world I don't react the way this man did.  I was shocked and read it over and over again-then I cried, I cried like a baby.  I picked up the phone and called my sister Sonya, she of course thought I had been diagnosed with something new or perhaps someone I knew had died; that's how hard I was crying.  She soothed my pitiful heart, we hung up and I cried some more.  My friend Frank Filliapone text me a few wonderful accolades of kindness, to help me through the tears.  Danny Jones called at either the perfect time or the worst time possible....should I answer or not?  I did and tried to be a-ok, but again I started to sob. He was simply adorable and comforting with his words of encouragement. My friend Liz Decker text me too.  Then I had a Nerium meeting at my home, one that I have every Monday night.  I, again had to put on a 'happy' face and pretend everything was ok.  Inside I was dying, I couldn't stop thinking about every person in that room-what they see when they look at me.

On the playground as a child we heard "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me" While this was a good childhood defense mechanism, words can and do hurt.  Sometimes the words said can linger long past the healing time of wounds of cuts and broken bones. Words can also cause pain that my never go away. They create an invisible scar that delicate people carry around their entire life. It's been proven that painful words can cause a lifetime of anxiety, anger, resentment and stress.  

In today's society we unfortunately live in a world much different than when I was a child. Social media is where the mean people can hide and sneak out every once in awhile to strike like a snake with venomous words. Sadly, it's not just children who suffer from cyber bullying and they don't just use name calling like we witnessed on the playground.  The internet and texting is used to hide behind, there now is a power people have to use hateful words they wouldn't dare to utter to someone in person or on the playground.  Some of the words are so hurtful and cruel they cause children and adults who have bright futures to turn to suicide to help escape the bullies.  

On the other side of the coin, the bright side, social media can also be used to spread messages of peace, love and happiness to the world. Kind words and posts on the walls of Facebook supporting one another, loving each other from afar can be supportive and actually nurturing to help people feel good about themselves.  We have the power within ourselves to build people up.  So often, people say something without thinking, I too have done this. Believing what we are saying is justified or they believe what they have to say is right or they think what they have to contribute is helpful.  

Sometimes silence is golden. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  Choosing words of kindness and sincerity are beautifully powerful. I'm not sure about you but I want to spread happiness.  Honestly, there are times I want to slap someone, I want to give them a piece of my mind; but I've learned through having life threatening scenarios happen in my life; those things just don't matter.  The person matters, however my opinion does not, and it doesn't do anything but open up a huge can of worms.

When I walk away, give myself some time to process and connect my head with my heart I believe I walk away a better person.  I learned something from this message yesterday, no matter how much I try to spread happiness there are always going to be serpents I cannot kill, but I can learn from it, remember how it felt and never ever do that to someone else.

Blaise Pascal said "Kind words do not cost much. They never blister the tongue or lips. They make other people good-natured.  They also produce their own image on men's souls, and a beautiful image it is."  I choose to be someone who tries to make a beautiful image, one that unfortunately is not going to be a physical beauty, it is a beauty that will come from within me.

Both Liz and Danny left me with these words, go and write down as many things you can think of that you are grateful for.  I did that, and it helped it really helps because I have so much more to be grateful for than I do to be worried about.  The words of an obvious person who needs and desires attention through the expense of other people is really sad and sucked a lot of quality time out of me, time I could have spent on uplifting someone else.

I realized today, like my two grandson's with Autism we are different, not less.