I'm not sure where to start. It's difficult for me to type, but I know I need to record what has happened this past week. I was so happy when Eric came for my surgery, he makes everything better, we have never been apart for this long and it has been hard on both of us. 7 weeks of waiting is a difficult road to ride. I read my new Live Happy Magazine over and over Knowing I Can Make A
Difference--figuring out how was the hard part.
On July 3rd I arrived at the Cleveland Clinic around 5:30 am, Eric and Diana were with me. As I paced the floor not wanting anyone to talk to me or touch me, I realized I was having a panic attack and prayed to Heavenly Father to take this pain and anxiety away. He did, and I was soon off to the OR, to get dressed in the hospital gown--It doesn't matter what hospital you're in, the robes are all the same.
Before Eric came back to see me off to surgery, I said several quick prayers asking Heavenly Father to watch over the surgeons hands, and if it be His will that he would allow me to heal from this odd, unexpected trial I was facing. I wanted to put my head under the pillow and hold it down so I can scream, cry and forge through this quickly.
|Frenchy sending me off to surgery|
|Ready for Surgery with Diana Lents|
|This picture still brings me to tears, Eric is the|
most positive person I know--thank you Frenchie
|Just out of surgery|
|So happy to be with this guy|
|a kiss from Frenchy|
Going back to my room I kept going in and out of consciousness, not only does Cleveland have bumpy roads, the driver taking me back to the room was bumping into walls and doors. He also asked me what I would like him to sing for me, really? He wanted to sing, I said OK Luther would be good, so he starting singing Luther Vandross 'Here and Now' I told him it was beautiful, but not to quit his day job. He put his pointer finger to his mouth as if to shhh me. We arrived at my room, I had a few minutes before Eric and Diana arrived so I cried a little. When Eric walked in my room I was overwhelmed with immediate love and peace. With Eric I don't have to say a word and he knows what I'm thinking sure don't want to disappoint him, He has been my rock and my best friend through all of this nonsense.
The other patients in the area where I was were complaining, telling the nurses to get my doctor or move them so they wouldn't have to hear me--I tried so hard to stop crying, the nurses were coming in saying how sorry they were but they couldn't do anything until they heard from the doctor. I could hear nurses at the station outside of my room, they were laughing and joking with each other. The cackling of laughter I heard I will never forget. My desperate cry for help was falling on deaf ears. After an hour and fifteen minutes the resident came into my room. He walked up to me and said "Why are you crying? It can't hurt that bad." I was covering my mouth, because I knew I must have looked horrible. Then he said something that made me want to kick him "Why are you covering your mouth?" Looking back on this I say "Are you kidding me?"I also recognize he was showing off as the senior resident to the junior residents. I didn't respond except with a cry and loud scream "Please help me" finally the pain medicine was surging through my veins with purpose and strength. I handed him my Live Happy Magazine and asked him to read this book with a humble heart. As he walked out of the room I heard the nurse ask "Where have you been for an hour and 15 minutes. we have been paging you?" Arrogantly as possible he turned looked at the nurse and said "I don't have to answer to you." When I could finally speak without trembling, I didn't want to, I just wanted Eric. I had been waling and gnashing from side to side for an hour and 15 minutes, it took every bit of energy I had. My heart was racing but my blood pressure was low. When Eric arrived all was calm, he had no idea except he asked me "Sweetheart have you been crying?" Uh--just a bit, and I could see the hurt in his eyes as I told him, He said no one ever called him, which now in retrospect I realize it was probably better. He never gets mad, but I'm pretty sure this was not going to be acceptable behavior, I know he would of gone crazy seeing me in that much pain.
Today I had my post op appointments with the surgeons, they told me my ear looks great and everything is healing perfectly, still I am in a lot of pain and I just want to go home.
I was told I can go home, and that I will need to see the doctor once a week for the next few weeks, then at 2 months we will see how the nerve in my face has regenerated. The doctors told me this type of major surgery with nerves takes at least 6-8 months to see results, so patience is going to be my middle name. Tonight I am exhausted from the appointments, I am grateful for my doctors and I am looking forward to seeing my family. The happiness I feel in my heart far out weighs the horrible experience I had at the hospital. I'm going to live happy with the results of my surgery no matter what.
Happiness comes from within and is found in the present moment by making peace with the past and looking forward to the future. I believe Eric was right when he said "you are beautiful" I'm learning that beauty is from within us, I choose to be happy and not let the new look define who I am.
|I think I look terrible here, but my sister|
said, "well you have no wrinkles, Nerium
I was able to send those beautiful nurses who took such great care of me the Live Happy Magazine, with a note telling them how grateful I was for them during such a difficult time.