CHANGE

 What did I learn this year?  Change is inevitable!  Sometimes I love it and most times I'm uncomfortable with it.  I'm sitting on my bed thinking about all that has changed in my life the past year, how much I can control and what I could not.

It's been a year now that I have been volunteering , this experience has brought great joy to me.  Interacting with patients who, as we read this are agonizing over burned skin,  bald heads, and medicines they can't even pronounce, trying with all their heart to survive and enjoy another holiday season with the people who mean the most to them, family and close friends.  I have tried to learn from those people who have entered and exited my life this past year, some survivors and some not so blessed.  The most important lesson I've learned from these wonderful people is that life is precious, not meant to be taken lightly.  Every person who I have met this past year has dealt with their journey differently, some have embraced it and some have turned themselves into angry not pleasant people, however, even those people I love and have learned great lessons from.  I also love all the men and women that I work with at the cancer center, they are caring and compassionate, exactly what I would of wanted when I was going through my radiation treatment.

Another change in my life came when I realized it was time to give up holding on to the thought of ever running a marathon--I am not going to ever be able to fulfill that dream of mine--but I have come to grips with that reality and now I embrace  those who I can watch run, I can cheer them on from the sidelines with a smile on my face, I can close my eyes and envision myself crossing the finish line when I see friends do it for me.  I loved watching the Olympics this year, while being engrossed in the gymnastics, soccer, cycling, and  swimming, my favorite was track and field I was sad when it all came to an end, when some of these athletes were finished for the final time.  I was touched by Michael Phelps, he has grown up so much, he announced he will not be competing in an Olympic event again, tears filled my eyes, he was encouraging to his team mates as he passed on the torch.  Somethings just have to come to an end, as sad as it can be life goes on.

We added a daughter in law to our Williams family journey--we love Chloe she brings out the best in Blake.  I've always thought he would be a great husband and father, with Chloe I know he can be himself, they will be wonderful parents. (someday, not making any announcements)

Changes with my  children have been difficult to live through, it's difficult being a parent when you want happiness for every one of your children, you know exactly how they can accomplish it, however, they don't see it exactly the way you do.  If I had my way they would all live at home with us, if Eric had his way they would all move out and be on their own, I guess that is just a maternal thing Heavenly Father has cursed and blessed me with.  I get so lonely without my children around, I was extremely sad when Katilyn and Brian moved out and Haleigh moved to Utah--I miss hearing them come in the house and yell "mom?" changes are hard on me.

When Mitt Romney lost the election I mourned for a couple of days, I fear for what is going to happen to our country.  I really thought Romney was going to win, I don't lose well.  The night of the election I went to my room, while the rest of the family waited and paced the floors downstairs, I was in my room watching a recorded session of General Conference, I could not watch the election.  I said my prayers went to bed and found out in the morning.  This is one change I really wanted to happen.

 Friday,  Eric and I got home after spending some time together and all my children were here except for Hales.  I got a text from Kaitlyn asking when we were going to be home, and that my favorite person was there waiting to see me, I knew it must be Recker, or it could of been Kaitlyn Brian, Kayla, Jeremy, Blake, Chloe, surprise to me it was all of the above.  They decided they wanted to have a little intervention with me, there were some tears and emotions were high as they told me their feelings about me moving forward and dealing with my health.  I had no idea they even knew I was struggling with this, I know they don't read my blog and I am not good at communicating to them because I don't want to worry them any more than they already have been.

 I got tears in my eyes when Blake said "mom, you can't give up you have to fight, Heavenly Father wants you to fight, we want you to fight"  Then Chloe told us about when her mom was sick with cancer, she kept things from Chloe, not wanting to worry her.  She continued, telling us as tears rolled down her cheeks she wished her mother had shared more of what was happening so she could of been  a part of her life while she was still alive.    I reassured them all that I am NOT dying, well at least not today ha ha, but that I would appreciate them letting me have until after the Holidays to talk about what I plan to do moving forward.  Then Eric, Jeremy, Brian and Blake gave me a special blessing.  I will never forget the words of my son as he lay his hands on my head and ask the Lord to help me feel peace and comfort.

Change comes in many forms, and is truly inevitable in our life.  As much as I want life to be normal, I understand "normal" is CHANGE.