Sunday, November 6, 2011

It can always be worse

1/2 marathon in Mesa Arizona
I spent a few days at the Mayo Clinic this week--tests and more tests trying to figure out what is going on with my hip and back--
I met a new doctor,  he walked in said "hello, nice to meet you" in his darling cute German accent, then it was all business after that- he never smiled or looked at me in the face, he had me doing all these different walks,  on my toes, on my heels, walk there, walk here and never once smiled or looked at me-me, as in looked at my face or eyes--so I'm just going to say it --  he will never be a
Dr. Peter  Kreymerman-- he then ordered more tests and sent me to the physical therapist-- the entire time looking at his paper work, computer or elsewhere-- so it was "good- bye Dr. what's his face"
Funny thing about Dr. what's his face, the next day while I was waiting to see the physical therapist he walked by looked at me and smiled, I don't think he even knows I'm his patient and I am waiting in this waiting room because he ordered me to-- however, I Love my physical therapist her name is Pauline Lucas.  Good thing I like her we will be spending some time together, 6 weeks of PT 2 times a week.  I will also be getting cortisone shots in my hip and back to help with the pain-- they, (Dr. what's his face) diagnosed my hip with bursitis and my back is the arthritis caused from the amounts of chemo I received.  Pauline, wants me to keep a log of what exercise I am doing every week--she was a little concerned when I told her how much I was running, the cycling she said was a bit obsessive too, I was advised that a woman "my age" should not be doing an access amount of exercise because it is damaging more than healing..."too old, a woman my age?" seriously? what about the 100 year old man who finished a marathon a couple weeks ago?  I have now been told a few times by doctors that I should not be running the amount of miles I run every week--but a part of me wants so badly to run a marathon--it's difficult for me to embrace the words "you can't do it" I promised not to race next Saturday in the 1/2 marathon I've been so earnestly training for, but I did not promise not to do the 5K or 10K--WHAT A RIP OFF I'M BUMMED--I refuse to crawl up in a rocking chair and die -- for an athlete like myself it is really hard to cut back on the things I love to do.... I've always been drivin to do better and go further in each run, with my heart monitor watch on constantly seeing how much faster I need to go to beat yesterdays score I track my scores to be able to better my stride and endurance. I've learned from this experience that listening to my doctors advice is probably the best way to go about accomplishing in the end what I need or want for myself, every time I think I know better I end up right back at the beginning, with nothing accomplished--sometimes I feel Like this is what happens when I refuse to listen to answers to prayers too I get in the way of my own progression--I wonder why it is that sometimes we think we know more about ourselves then the Lord does--with that being said I am really, really sad not to be able to run the marathon next weekend--when the doctors talk to me this is what I hear "you are one of the most healthy patient I have ever had"  then the bomb hits "but-you are also the most unhealty patient I have ever had because every side effect you could possibly get from chemo and radiation has happened to you"
-but when I put it all in perspective it could always be worse--


kittrean tanner said...

Hello friend.... guess who?.. yah, I know... this is the 'serious place' to make contact with you...but, had to... I don't know where you are... did you 'get away' on your 'getaway'? (words are funny/strange, aren't they) Anyway, just thinking of you... so I had to come here and look... so glad it's bursitis and not... you know.. something else. If you want to run.. I will let you... but, if your physical self is arguing with your spiritual self... remember, your spiritual self is closer friends with Heavenly Father. ;) I love you. xooxxo