Relay For Life 2010

My sister Sonya organized TEAM MONYA. This is the 1st year I have ever participated in this event. Everyone of my children have been apart of Relay for years but I never really knew what it was about until tonight. It was an emotional night for me and so many survivors of the VILLAIN. The night began with all the survivors making the 1st lap around the track, I walked with Dena Weech, a friend of mine from my ward she is a survivor of non-hotchkins lymphoma for 5 years now. As Dena and I walked we had a conversation about this VILLAIN that both of us know all too well. I told her that I am realizing that VILLAIN victims are in a society of their own, no-one can understand that society unless they are a victim to it, and breast cancer patients also in a world of their own, I feel their pain and know the anxiety of losing breasts to the VILLAIN. I also know that the way I feel right now, if I were to be told the VILLAIN is taking over other areas of my body I would not do this fight again, yes you heard it right, I would give up, I can't do chemo again ..... however, Eric made a good point to me when he said "I know you, you would fight again, it's like having a baby, no-one ever thinks about having another baby right after they have one" I agree, right now it's all too fresh, I remember the pain and the sickness and since I am still in treatment I guess I should not be too eager to say what I would do.
Last night I met so many survivors who have fought and won their battles, they have been free of the VILLAIN for years and years, going through this it's easy to get discouraged when you hear about the ones who fought and lost their battle. I think the stories that touched me the hardest were the children who have become victim to this awful disease. Knowing what I know about the VILLAIN I don't ever want my children to experience this like I have, and to see such young children was heart wrenching, as a mother it would be so difficult to watch your child suffer. I wonder how Heavenly Father could watch his SON suffer in the garden for all of our sins and pains, HE must of wanted to take away HIS SONS pain. It makes me think ..... besides all my fellow breast cancer patients, HE is the only other who understands, truly understands our pain HE felt the pain of neuropathy, the sickness of chemo and the fatigue of radiation. This is comforting, I can't explain it but I am overwhelmed knowing that when I pray for peace and for hope HE gets it, HE knows me and what I am feeling, when I can't explain my fears to anyone HE understands, I know Heavenly Father would love to take away my pain, but HE can't this is my journey, and I have learned so much about myself, our family has had so many blessings come because of and in-spite of the VILLAIN.