Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Living in the Moment

Practicing living in the moment has been an intentional goal for my everyday living.  I have to  remind myself daily of the reward.  I've heard it takes 21 days to break a habit so I'm assuming it also takes 21 days to form a habit.
Today I will be seeing my surgeon Dr. Lettieri.  The last surgery I had on Thursday took me a little longer to recover from, purging my body of all the anesthesia is draining. Getting up and walking to the bathroom is about as far as I can go, even then I am wobbly, shaky and nauseated. On Sunday I was finally able to eat something, however it tasted of metal.
I feel like the world is hastily passing by just outside my bedroom door.  I'm praying Dr. Lettieri will take out the stitches and close the open wound on my neck.  The skin graft he took was from another area on my neck and those stitches seem to be healing well.
It's hard for me to comprehend that I have gone under general anesthesia 34 times in less than 6 years. Each time the healing takes longer and seems to weigh down my spirit.  I want so badly for all these surgeries to be over.  I believe now that this nasty infection is under control we can finally get going with the important issue of the nerve--yes, there will be more surgery; and I will endure.

My view from pre-op
Heidi my pre-op nurse--these nurse are always so sweet to me

This is what it looks like now, after surgery.
I see some bruising on my temple next to my
eye...I always wonder what the heck happens
during surgery to cause these bruises.

My life is so different now, I've learned patience and empathy for other's during the past few years. I've also learned what is truly important in life, family first, then friends who truly love me for who I am.  I've had to let go of a friend who I sincerely thought would be with me from beginning to end. I simply do not want anyone in my life who cannot be authentic.  Friendships are wonderful but when they become complicated and draining--I'm out! I refuse to waste precious time with people who do not reciprocate the same feelings.  I choose happy, with that being said I am not perfect and do need to say "I'm sorry" at times.  Part of the reason I have not allowed too many people into my life is the fear of being rejected or hurt.  I'm so over that now, I know who loves me and who cares I've learned to discern good from toxic.
This brings me back to the initial reason for making this post, living in the moment. I truly believe we are the equivalent of the few friends we associate most with.  If I kept myself in worry constantly wondering if I am offending someone I'm not being in the moment.  Spontaneously giving service to those around me on a daily basis, strangers who I will never see again have given me more satisfaction and clarity of the direction I want my life to go.  Living in the moment allows me to flow through life daily intentionally looking for ways to better myself by seeing the needs of others.