June 24th 4:45am on our way to Mayo Clinic. I talked Eric's ear off trying to keep from taking any anxiety medication--hey, who knew.....it worked? While entering the Clinic I refused to look to the left, intentionally I jabbered to Eric about what a positive experience I was having with Nerium. I wanted----NO I actually needed to keep my head in a good place for at least a few more minutes while we got registered.
Just over a year ago was a dreaded day. I'd been discharged from this same hospital with a disfigured face. Hearing a doctor tell me "you need to get used to the new Monya, your face will never be the same" If I were to look to the left I would have a vivid remembrance of being wheeled out in a wheelchair and while waiting for Eric to bring the car around I watched a woman fall to the ground have a massive heart attach. I listened as "code blue" echoed through the corridor. I watched as healthcare professionals did all they could do to revive her life. They were unsuccessful, and I felt nothing but jealousy. I wouldn't necessarily say this was my lowest point of my life, but it ranked up in the top 5.
I've seen and felt tragedy, separation anxiety, depression, heart ache, enormous unexplainable pain, loss of hearing, sight, smell, both breasts and all my hair. I've had temporary loss of feeling in my hands and feet. I still look back at all of this and know the positive out weighs the negative. I'd do it all again, feel every ache and pain to know what I know now. What I know to be true is there is life after this earth life, it is beautiful and peaceful there is no pain, hurt or jealousy. It is a place like no other place you have been here on earth. I want to go there again, I will accept and take on all that happens to me hear on earth to have that feeling for eternity.
After being registered Eric and I headed up to the 2nd floor for surgery. When I got into the elevator
I couldn't help but look at that spot, it was empty; too early in the morning for visitors. The rush of reality came flashing back of that day a year ago. Eric asked if I was OK, I responded "yeah, sure I'm good" After checking in with surgery, they took me right back. I guess Dr. Lettieri is on time. After vitals, question after question about allergies and when was the last time I ate or drank anything, I started to dose off. My thought was "Read my chart, can't you see how many times I've answered these questions? this is not my 1st rodeo" I saw Dr. Magtibay walk by and into the patients room across the hall, I suddenly sat up and wanted to talk to him. The nurse continued with her questions, but I keep asking her to ask Dr. Magtibay come see me when he's done.....she was looking at me like really? I said to her I will answer all your questions, you can start my IV really fast if you promise me you'll get Dr. Magtibay. This time the IV only took a one time poke, that's new it usually takes several pokes then they have to get a different, more efficient RN to poke me.
Soon Eric came back and just after that came Dr. Magtibay, I just love him. He hugged me wanted to know about my surgery. I asked about his children and wife, then Dr. Lettieri came in. I didn't have to introduce them they knew each other. Dr. Magtibay excused himself, turned smiled at me and wished me blessings on a great outcome.
|ready to go, Dr. Lettieri took this picture so I could see|
the difference of my smile
Dr. Lettieri smiled at me and when I smiled back.....he said "do that again" not knowing what the heck he was doing I said "why?" he said "quit being difficult just do that again, that thing you just did with your face" I shook my head and said with a big smile "this?" he smiled big, he said "where's Heather?" "I haven't seen her yet" Dr. Lettieri went out to find her, but she was walking in at the same time. "do that again for Heather" I smiled as best I could they both in unison said "It's working" Dr. Lettieri asked me to do that same thing over and over. Apparently the surgery he did in February with the cross nerve was starting to show. By their responses I could tell this was good news, he was happy. Heather has been with me from my 1st diagnosis with breast cancer, and we have become great friends. I can honestly say she has been a true to the end friend. She watched as I suffered through chemo, radiation, expansions numerous surgeries she has assisted on for me. She was there last year when I was rushed to the hospital in horrible pain, curled up in a fetal position losing all control of my bodily functions. She stayed with my sisters and helped them to understand what was happening to me. I love her like a sister, I really really love her. She was happy for me, truly happy for this bit of HOPE I was finally feeling.
|Dr. Lettieri, Me, and Heather|
I love them both