Sunday, March 1, 2015

What is good enough?

I don't ever want to offend or hurt anyone, but really at the end of the day I am who I am.

It’s time to care less. Yep, that’s right. So many times I take the world on my own shoulders, and

instead of making the world a better place, all I end up doing is creating more stress for myself.

I've kind of always danced to my own beat. Been dumb. Done whatever I have to but I've had to learn to not take on board what others think. It’s my life, my decisions and my choices. Some people love to judge, and why should I care if they do? I'm the only one who can define myself, so I choose to let them be amused if it makes them happy. When I care too much about what others say, I 'm wasting time on them instead of putting that effort into myself.
We all make mistakes and mess up in life. That’s just how life goes. It's taken me years to stop being hard on myself. Accept that everyone gets it wrong sometimes; it’s part of the human condition. You really are allowed to cut yourself some slack. Learn to forgive yourself more often.

FAILURE The big “F” word that everyone fears. It doesn’t have to be a scary concept. However,  ultimately, it depends on what your opinion and attitude to failure is. If you see failure as not being perfect, you’re going to be permanently miserable. A more realistic idea of failure is giving up. If you haven’t given up, you haven’t failed.  I  see failure as a learning curve, a trial and error process. See failure as your friend – it’s no big deal unless you allow it to be.

I have worried so many times about what I don't have, rather than what blessings and gifts I've been given. The human default position tends to err on the side of lack rather than abundance, which is not conducive to feeling carefree. I have focused so many times  on what I don’t have and end up feeling thoroughly deprived. What’s the point of that? I often tell myself to focus on the positives of what I have and leave the negatives of what I don’t have alone. Why should I  want to torture myself with all the things I don’t have? That type of thinking will not serve me in any productive way at all. I made a list of all the things in my life that I appreciate.  Eric taught me many years ago there will always be others with more and others with less. What you have is enough. Over the years I've come to realize how true those words are. I don't think ambition and money have anything to do with this either.  I've met people who seem to think money is evil, not true.  It's what you do with that money that can become evil.    

I have driven myself crazy worrying about what might happen in the future. No one can predict the future, and there is no point in torturing myself unnecessarily about things that may never come to pass. I have to remind myself that this type of worry is wasted energy and distracting to what is really important. It's hard but I face worry head on – if I can do something in the present moment,  I go for it. If not, I'll distract myself and put those worries on a shelf for another day.

Have you ever heard someone say  “I’ll be happy when…?”  I think when we believe that we will be happy once something has happened, we effectively put our life on hold until the event happens. Wishing our current life were different is a precious waste of happy moments in life. Life is short live  in the moment more and care less about being happy in the future. Decide to be happy now. Happiness is not a destination, it's a manner of traveling.

Those who either read my blog or know me personally, know that I say I will live and die with no regrets. Regret is a part of life. The past cannot be undone, so it pays to look at what you have done in life philosophically. Did you learn something from it? If you learned never to do it again or to try a different approach, then you’ve ended up with a positive result. NOT A REGRET Accept what has gone before, make allowances for human error and move on. I refuse to live my life with regret, if we are honest with ourselves, we know when it's time to apologize or to forgive.

There is a part of me that is so afraid of rejection, I stay in my comfort zones and never risk true intimacy. This past year I've been trying to wear my heart on my sleeve and risk being vulnerable. The more I hide out of fear, the greater the fear will grow. I'm trying hard to show myself that I can express my feelings and live with the consequences. I can conquer fear of rejection in this way and feel more carefree. Even if the outcome is not as expected, I will soon realize that it wasn’t as bad as I anticipated and that I can deal with it. My daily affirmations and goals have helped me be a little more thick skinned, be brave and see life as an adventure.

I am not one who has bought into society's expectations of be thin, be beautiful. Show off your wealth and status and then you’ll be adored. What nonsense. When you like and accept yourself as you are, you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone. I don’t buy into the constant media images of perfection. Most of the images are airbrushed and lead us to believe that we should all look as perfect. I try not to take it to heart. We all like to see perfect images, but should not lose sight of the fact that most of it is digitally enhanced and not natural. Love yourself, imperfections and all. Self acceptance is true freedom. It's been almost a year since my partial facial paralysis forced me to come to the fact that I am never going to be the picture perfect woman, but has also taught me to soften my heart and listen with intentionality when others are struggling with these same issues, especially the youth of today.  Don't mistake my thoughts with me thinking it's ok to be unhealthy--I just believe we each know when we are doing our best to look and be the best we can be.  With that said, we also know when we could do a little more, not for society's view of perfection but for our own sense of approval. You are the only one who can make that decision.

Being good enough, is it enough? It’s easy to feel that we don’t measure up somehow. We live in a competitive world. It’s okay and even healthy to want to improve and grow as a person. It becomes unhealthy, though, when we internalize negative ideas about how we aren’t good enough, or we compare ourselves to the successful marriage next door, or the sports car parked in your brothers driveway. Always challenge this type of thinking. What is “good enough”? Where is the international rule book that clarifies what “good enough” is? As long as you feel happy with who you are, where you are and how far you have come, that is all that matters.
I don't know about you but I have  worried unnecessarily and created inner misery for myself over the years. Worrying about things that are completely out of my control. I can honestly say these have usually ended up being my biggest blessings, and growing experiences. Time is not endless, for me I've learned and understand from experiences this life will end, we all will die eventually.  I am in that last act of my life, I want it to have a happily ever after ending--beginning my new journey with a smile and a feeling of accomplishment. Leaving a footprint big enough for my grandchildren to be proud to follow in.


Michelle said...

Monya I just read your post and then read this recent post from Josh's mission president's wife when he was serving in Spokane. I absolutely love her blog that she is keeping while she serves there and I think you will like her post as it seems to mirror what you are saying or maybe feeling. "God looks on the heart." Please read if you have a minute...