I AM ADDING THIS TODAY BECAUSE I HAVE RECEIVED SOME EMAILS. I GUESS I DID NOT EXPLAIN IT ENOUGH, FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT BEEN FOLLOWING.
I HAVE BEEN DEAF IN MY RIGHT EAR FOR 48 YEARS DUE TO A BLOW TO THE HEAD AT AGE 3. IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE SAME EAR I HAVE HAD MULTIPLE SURGERIES ON THIS YEAR. MY LEFT EAR I HAVE BEEN USING TO HEAR WITH FOR ALL THESE YEARS, IT'S MY GOOD EAR, THE ONE I CAN NOW HEAR OUT OF, EVEN THOUGH THE IMPLANT IS ON THE RIGHT SIDE, IT TRANSMITS SOUNDS WAVES TO THE GOOD EAR ON THE LEFT TO IMPROVE MY HEARING. MY RIGHT EAR IS NOW COMPLETELY EMPTY, NO INNER CANAL, NO EARDRUM, NO NOTHING, THE DOCTOR TOOK SKIN FROM MY HEAD AND MADE A NEW LOOKING EAR FOR ME.
Today, something amazing happened to me. I had appointments at Mayo Clinic, I met with Kelly Conroy in the hearing department to have my Baha hearing device finally connected to my implant. I was not prepared for what would happened, I normally go to Mayo Clinic without thinking much about why I'm there or who I am supposed to see, I just don't let my mind think about it unless I'm going to the 3rd floor then I need to prepare myself.
I have met with Kelly before for hearing tests and to be fitted for my Baha, but it's literally been almost a year since my implant was placed, so much has happened since then, the Baha has not been on my mind. Today, I was blessed with a Tender Mercy from Heavenly Father, one that I really needed right now. I now have a new person to love at Mayo Clinic, I will never forget today, and I am so grateful Kelly Conroy was the one I shared this moment with, she was so compassionate and loving.
Kelly placed the device on my implant then made some adjustments on her computer to customize the hearing device to my hearing needs. What happened next was simply amazing, I wish I had it on video, or that Eric could have been there to share it with me. When she activated the device I could hear everything so clear and crisp, I smiled, we sat and talked for quite awhile so she could make sure it was working well. We both cried as I explained some of my feelings I've had this year. This was not even the amazing part, because we were in a closed small office it did not register with me that I could actually hear things better, until I got to my car.
I opened the door to get in the front seat, when I started the car my music was so loud, I quickly turned it down, I smiled, backed the car up--and the sound of putting the car in reverse was something I had never heard. As I drove down the beeline highway, I noticed a man walking, I pulled over and asked him if he needed any help. He was so out in the middle of nowhere, I was worried for him. He assured me he had AAA on their way, and thanked me. I wondered "why is he talking so loud?" I was overcome with emotion, I had to pull the car over a few miles away, get out and walk through the wild flowers, never before had I seen anything more beautiful, I looked to the sky, brilliant blue with fluffy white clouds and cried, I heard a bird chirp it was absolutely beautiful. All these years I thought I knew what that sounded like, but today it was clearer than I had ever felt it or heard it. I knew at that moment and time, He loves me, He really, really loves me, and not only me, He loves my biological father Colby Belshe. I could feel his presence, this was more than an emotionally draining day for me, but at that very moment standing with my arms high, twirling in the Arizona desert I could feel that finally Colby was happy, his daughter could hear. Colby never could forgive himself for being the fault of my deafness, I had forgiven him I don't ever remember being angry with him, not hearing was all I ever knew, I had told him many, many times I was OK, that I didn't blame him, but even to his death I believe he took that guilt with him. Today, that is over for him, he watched me, I felt him and I know he is now able to move on. Thank you Heavenly Father for such a beautiful gift you have given me.
I picked myself up and got back in my car, called Eric and could not believe how loud he was, I smiled tears running down my cheeks I smiled.
When I got home, this is when the real magic happened for me. I opened the door and I heard the door knob turn, I smiled, when the door shut behind me I screamed it was so loud, it scared me. I did the same thing when my phone rang, I have "Happy" as my ring tone, I about jumped out of my own skin, but I smiled. Walking across my wood floors I heard every step, in the kitchen I opened the microwave and shut it several times to hear the sound, did the same thing with the refrigerator, I smiled.
When my hand touched the staircase to walk up, I heard my hand even softly dragging, I smiled. I sat on my bedroom floor weeping, all alone just the way it should be, I'm sure it was not too pretty. I could even hear the carpet as I ran my hand across it, all I could say was thank you, thank you so much for this unexpected miracle. Tonight I pulled the string on the dental floss and the sound was nothing I'd ever heard before, I did it over and over again until the container was all gone. Turning the pages of my scriptures was amazing, I heard every crinkle, and I smiled. I sat on my bed in awe of what my Heavenly Father has blessed me with, at such a critical time in my life. I wanted to shout it out on the top of my lungs, HE LOVES ME. I don't think I have smiled like I did today for so long, and even though it was a half smile, I didn't care, I couldn't help it. Nothing, and I mean nothing is as beautiful as being able to hear everything, all the creations He has created for us to see, hear, feel and smell we take for granted.
I can't wait to hear more things. I immediately turned my primary music on, my favorite song has always been My Heavenly Father Loves Me....I cry every time I hear this song.
My Heavenly Father Loves Me:
Whenever I hear the song of a bird,
or look at the blue blue sky,
whenever I feel the rain on my face
or the wind as it rushes by.
Whenever I touch a velvet rose
or walk by a lilac tree,
I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world,
Heavenly Father created for me.
He gave me my eyes that I might see
the color of butterfly wings,
he gave me my ears that I might
hear the magical sound of things
He gave me my life, my mind
my heart, I thank Him reverently
for all his creations of which I'm
a part, Yes, I know Heavenly Father
Today these words mean more to me than ever before, I can't help but think that Heavenly Father has been waiting for this day, preparing me, and refining me, preparing Colby too as he has suffered with this guilt for so long, I am so happy for him too. I cannot stop crying, I am just so blessed, the tears are flowing like a river with no end in sight. I just want to open and close things, I want to hear my grandkids laugh, oh I can't wait for that, I thought I loved those belly laughs before but I have a feeling as I get used to this new blessing I am going to continue to have tears, learning so much of what we take for granted. So if you see me tear up, I'm ok I'm just hearing something new and enjoying it for the first time. I don't know if I can say thank you enough to Him who gave me this gift today, and I know He is smiling down on me too. I've been so lost these last few months, trying so hard to understand what I am supposed to do, what I am supposed to be learning, and maybe I will still continue to ask, but not today, today I am grateful, this is a feeling I will never ever forget.