No room in the INN

The truth about life....... One day life seems smooth and good, we pray  for daily health and strength, we can beg and plead for our families to be comforted and blessed with eternal happiness and safety.  Do we really have control?  Yes, over some things in our lives we do, we control our thoughts and feelings, we control how we react to situations, how we treat others and ourselves, hopefully we are able to control the amount of time we dedicate to helping others who are less fortunate than ourselves, whether it be with a smile, a hug, a simple note of encouragement or a meal to help them get through to the next day.  These are just a few examples of  things we DO have control over, however I was taught recently by Bishop Bob Choules, not every trial in our life is in our control.  3 components to this are

1. trials we have caused by our own actions--bad decisions or choices-- for example
2. trials created by another person which effect our life--so many things fit into this category,  just a few--a husband or wife who choose to step outside the boundaries of marriage,  child abuse, the murder or loss of a family member because of someone else's choice, loss of a job--etc
3. trials that come from just living in this world we live in by no choice of yours or others, example would be a life threatening disease, economy, natural disasters etc.

I have been thinking about all of these components that can and will create trials in our lives, I myself, have experienced all three.  Boy have I made some wrong choices in my life, I wouldn't necessarily call them BAD choices but there have been things in my life I wish I had not done or things I wish I had not said, some of these have caused me to kneel and ask for forgiveness and to also go to others to say "I'm sorry I hurt you" in looking back at some of these choices I see how they effected not only myself but others who I love--however, I think the trials Bishop was talking about are probably much harsher or serious.  I have seen these trials in other people's lives within my own family--oh how grateful I am for the knowledge I have of the Atonement and how it can bless our lives and help us become whole again, fully loved and accepted by our Heavenly Father, lessons learned from these mistakes can and should make us better people, closer to HIM who loves us so much,

Trials in our lives that are chosen by another person and effect us are a little bit more tricky to forgive and move forward from.  However, no matter what the devastation this trial has brought into your life I truly believe we have been given the power from our Heavenly Father to truly forgive.  I don't necessarily believe we have an obligation to invite that person back into our lives, for example if one of my daughters were to get raped, I could eventually come to a forgiving heart but I would not invite this person to my home for dinner--does this mean I have not forgiven them fully--I think not--it means I can forgive the act of violence but I will not put my family through more devastation and I am not willing to have a sit down dinner with this person--the Lord will take care of the rest.  If someone has stolen from me, I could forgive them and yes, I could have them for dinner. ha ha

The third, well this 3rd component is near and close to my heart.  I don't consider a health issue or death from cancer or heart attack a devastation--a trial YES, but not a devastation.  There are so many things in our lives that happen just because,  nothing anyone else caused or by any cause of your own. Sometimes in health issues its all about genetics--When my diagnosis with breast cancer came, I was in shock because I thought I was very healthy, I always thought Eric would be the one in our marriage I would have to help.  Oh yes, lessons have been learned and still continue to amaze me.  I have done everything the doctors have asked me to do (well almost) I eat right, no sugar, no white flour,  (except for special occasions) no processed food, no running, exercising to my ability (this has been extremely hard on me since I love it so much and it has always been such a huge part of my life) I can sit and ask why? Why are these things continuously happening to me, and believe me there are days when I do--Eric and I just had this conversation the other night.

  I recently had a mini stroke, with doctors,  oncologist and neurologist debating what treatment would be best for me, I finally decided that I would take the blood thinner to help with the strokes.  I had the side of my face go completely paralyzed, major migraine, slurred speech, and short term memory loss.  For me the blood thinner is a much easier solution and less likely to kill me, it is not safe for me to be driving when I have these symptoms, if my cancer decides to come back I will go off of the blood thinners and a surgery could be put off for a few days to get the thinners out of my system.   So the truth about life is WE are somewhat in charge of our own choices, but ultimately the LORD is in charge--my friend Marian Priday text me an asked me how I was feeling and what the doctors had to say, I told her "obviously the Lord does not have any room in the INN for me right now"  Maybe when i finally learn what it is that I am supposed to learn a room will become available. For today,  listen to my body, and do what I think is best for me.