Decisions, Decisions

Being overwhelmed with decisions about my health and what direction I should go has been heavy on my mind.  I always rely on the Lord for my answers, but also know that HE allows me a choice.  I've decided I'm not making any choices right now, I know for sure one of my doctors needs to be changed--and a 2nd opinion given.  I am so exhausted from thinking about this 24/7,  so for right now I am not going to do anything, and I am not going to have any regrets.

my view from our condo

another view from our patio

Eric and I are in Mexico, he has gone golfing and I am alone in the condo with nothing but the music and my thoughts.  When I look out the window I'm mesmerized by the waves of the ocean.   This place has been such a great retreat for me.  So many times I have received answers to prayers on this beach, there have been times when it has only been me and the waves, no other person to be seen for miles.

 I hesitated to leave "last minute" with Eric and enjoy 2 days here, I'm glad I did this has been an extremely difficult week.  Now as I look at families enjoying each other all of those worries are gone, and a smile comes to my face.

Perfect in everyway

I took my grandson Recker for a walk last week, as most know he has Autism, diagnosed moderate to severe on the spectrum when he was 16 months.

While he and I walked through the neighborhood I sang primary songs to him, it was a peaceful and relaxing time I was able to spend with him.  I began to sing the song "Called to Serve" when Recker quickly turned his head look me in the eye and shook his head as if to say "no" I'm not sure what he was trying to communicate to me.

My heart sank, at that moment I realized this sweet little boy is perfect in every way, Heavenly Father has a special place for him in Heaven.  I want to be with him, I have much to work on in my personal life if I am going to be with Recker for Eternity.

So afraid of dying, we forget to LIVE

"For behold, I . . . have suffered these things for all, that they might not

Today while I was at Mayo Clinic I met an extraordinary person someone who I will never forget.  This special man was sharing his death experience with me.  I'm not sure why we were led down this conversational path, however I am so happy we did

I learned today that  many people are so afraid of dying they forget to live.

He taught me a great lesson about death, he actually died and could not be resuscitated.  In a humble way he explained to me his experience, he had a heart attack and the doctors pronounced him dead after working very hard to keep him alive.  While he was dead, he had every emotion run through his body, for every time he had been mean or hurt someone while he was alive he felt what that person felt when he had hurt them.  He told me he felt the sins all over again, ones he had never taken care of or apologized for while he was alive, he told of how the some of the feelings remained with him for short minutes, and some felt like months.  This led me to believe we all have a purpose in this life, we all have a meaning for being here.  Life is not a coincidence and the people we encounter are not mere coincidences.  His life has changed significantly since this experience and he values LIFE, not only his own but how he treats others now. It really was a casual conversation, but one that I will not soon forget.

Tonight, as I think and ponder more about what he said, it makes me shutter to think what our dear elder brother Jesus Christ went through, the physical pain he felt as he Atoned for ALL of our sins.  Dying and coming back to earth is something I have never experienced, listening to this man made me think about my life and the people who I have hurt or judged it makes me sad, I want to take it all back and do it all over again.  What a blessing it is to know I can do just that, I can say I'm sorry,  ask for forgiveness and know that the Lord will do the rest.  Today was exactly what I needed, I have been feeling a little beaten down and defeated lately, I pray tonight I will rest easy wake up in the morning and have a new chance to become better than I was yesterday.

 His experience once again reminded me of the importance of our lives, the responsibility we have to try our hardest to be kind to others and treat them with the respect they deserve, no matter what their religious beliefs are.

 I try really hard to be respectful and listen with an open heart when it comes to other people's religious beliefs--one of the greatest beliefs of the LDS church is that we do not look down on other religions nor do we talk badly about what other religions believe.  I love that you can walk into an LDS chapel anywhere in the world on a Sunday and you will never hear them speaking badly about another religion-- in fact quite the opposite, we are encouraged to be inclusive in our circle of friends and allow others the freedom to believe and live as they see fit for their own lives.