Monday, December 21, 2009

Do I have the strength to endure?

This has been such a rough week for me. I am definitely being tested. Tonight when Eric got home from work I told him I need to get out, so we went for a ride, I am feeling weak and depressed. I don't want to feel this way, but this last round of chemo really knocked me out, physically, mentally and spiritually. I can't sleep because I am so nauseated, I think because of my sleep deprivation my body is mentally shutting down, so I do what I know will help, I pray for strength, when that strength does not come I start to doubt myself.
Today is one week since I had my chemo treatment and I usually am feeling pretty good, but today I am still sick, I have lost over 10 pounds and I have no energy. I know I have 2 doctor appointments this week and it makes me sick to my stomach to think about going, if I have to think about chemo next Monday I am going to scream, I literally do not want to go. I think about it everyday, how do I get out of it? Do I have the strength to endure this?

3 comments:

Vickie said...

Yes you do, because you can do difficult things. And because Heavenly Father loves you, your family loves you, and your friends love you. You will beat this villain.

Anonymous said...

You DO have the strength! You are a strong, amazing woman. The more you are "tested" the more you will be blessed as you endure.
Stay strong my dear friend, there are such brighter days ahead!
Jenster

Angie and Cory Brian said...

Monya you totally can do it. You are the tough, stong, mother that i know you are. Remember when i first came over and we would talk about the secret with the girls. At some points in life you feel like you can do anything and nothing at all will stop you... but then the unexpected happens, and we feel hopeless. I have so much confidence in you, you the women you made me laugh for hours, listened to my stories after stories. Your Monya! I have always looked up to you and wanted to be like you. Your daughters confide in you because they know that you are not only a mom but a friend. You are truely amazing! :) LOVE, Angie Brian.