Friday, January 29, 2010

SEES Candy

Monday was chemo and I have been really sick and my bones, breasts, and muscles ache. No matter how much I wish it away or pray for it to not be, I awake every morning hoping this is a horrible dream and yet it is still part of my life I'm learning to embrace. Sometimes I reward myself with an extra long bubble bath, or a sweet treat, today while I was at the Mayo I bought a SEES candy bar with toffee chips, I was so ready and excited to bite into it, when I put it to my lips I was dreaming of the smooth taste of Chocolate, one that only SEES can offer. (I am not a big chocolate eater) I was instantly disappointed, not because SEES didn't deliver the finest of chocolate, but because the CHEMO delivered the nastiest of tastes. I sometimes forget that the CHEMO is doing it's job on my body, but on my taste buds I wish it would "give me a break" OH how I wanted that chocolate to taste remarkable, something I could rely on. Ha Ha probably a good idea it didn't I might be getting hand packed nuts and chews by the pound full if it worked.
Today I had an appointment in the cardiovascular department at Mayo. Lately I have had some heart palpitations, so just to be safe they hooked my heart up to a monitor that I have to wear for one month. Then next week I will go to the Mayo Hospital for and echo. The monitor will record any unusual heart beats and report them to my oncologist. I'm pretty sure it's just a weird reaction to some of the medicines I am taking, I think my heart is the strongest organ on my body. I am not looking forward to one month of monitoring. The echo will show any blockages in the arteries, and show actual pictures of my heart and arteries, so there are no surprises.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Music Fills My Soul With Light

Today I spent my day at the MAYO chemo clinic. This time was no different than the last, I had the restless legs again during chemo but the doctor called in some OXYCODONDE for my pain and it really helped alot along with my Ativan for anxiety they worked well together. Tonight I feel a lot of pain in my hips, back and legs, it's seems that the aching in my breasts will never go away, I wish I could say I am used to it but breasts are such a huge part of women and are recognizable to us. I just took more meds and I am going to soak in a warm bath, this seems to always work for me. Again, food tastes like a metal to me, so I will lose some weight until I find something that will taste good. (oranges work this week)
I love music and have received some beautiful music from Debbie and President Slade family, and from Norm Watkins and his wife. I want to give a warm thank you to them, this music gets me through some of the roughest days and I have not given you the acknowledgment that I think you deserve. Listening to the words gives me such a better perspective on my life and my journey and helps me on the days when I think I cannot go on. The have become invaluable to me in so many ways and I thank you so much for taking time out of your busy lives to think of me and know me well enough to know how much I love up-lifting music. I have made promises to the Lord, because of the music there are days that I am able go forward and listen for Heavenly Fathers calls. I am ready to put all my trust in the Lords hands and finish this battle with dignity knowing I am ready, and when this war is won and I am holding the final torch at the end I will fall on my knees and give complete thanks to HIM. I will give my soul to him from now until the end, being worthy to stand and listen for more instruction.
Being a good mother and wife has always been my priority, I wish I could say I have always 100^% been the absolute best at both, I have made too many mistakes along the way, but because of the ATONEMENT and the teachings of Steve Petersen I have read every scripture on the ATONEMENT, I do not fully understand the concept of the pain Jesus went through in the Garden of Gethsamane but I do understand this, he did it because he loves me and he loves you, we wants us to be happy in our lives, being happy means sometimes he has to raise the bar, and it seems way too far. I believe will all my heart when this happens he wants to see us if he has our heart with him, which means some raging fires to hurdle over, he gives us more fierce desire to stand against the hard winds, he wants us to feel more LOVE that is inspired from within ourselves, so that there is more and more of us to give. I know he wants more and more of each one of us and we all can do a little better.
I just want to be able to give more of my self, more love, put more purpose behind it, more faith and patience. In order to be more and more like HIM who gave us life we all need to to more to be like HIM. WE have made all these promises if we will give our ALL, now it is time to do our part, take at least one day this week and try to think only of someone else and not yourself, do something to make someone else feel of his love for them. I know for me my heart is fixed on getting home to HIM who loves me so much and has blessed my family immeasurably, there is more hope, more purpose in this world and I commit to put on my Temple voice and strengthen my heart by serving others. There may be someone in our own family who needs to see the light in your soul. Because of the ATONEMENT of Christ, Heavenly Father knew we would make mistakes, but he also gave us a plan that allows us to be forgiven and move forward with a fullness of heart leaving all sin behind. I have learned that in order to do this without being resentful, you have already had to give your full SOUL to him, dedicate your life to his teachings and be ready for when he calls upon you to do hard things. Right now is the time for us to stand as Soldiers, the Lord is harboring the strong to go out and serve him, are you ready when he whispers to your soul?
and when he offers to send you if you are faithful and anchored in the gospel you will be ready, no matter what the challenge is. I think some journeys are harder than others and sometimes it is hard, as the natural man, to understand why. I along with some many other worthy people wish we could answer this questions. I know when chains are around your heart, it is possible to have those chains broken, but only by putting on the full armour of God, then going out and finding other broken hearts and help them find the way back to the Lords Mercy, which we all not matter what we have done deserve. When the clouds break they give light, broken lives soil gives grain, broken bread feeds man for one more day, I truly believe that the Lord not only loves but wants us to seek out Broken things and give them hope once again.

Sunday, January 24, 2010


Trust –verb-to believe in the honesty, integrity, justice, etc. of; have confidence in; to rely or depend on; to put something confidently in the charge of
Tomorrow is round 7 of chemo, and I am feeling like always very anxious, I always feel anxious the night before chemo. Today at church Teri Larsen was asking me about my chemo treatments and how they affect me. After I told her, she said "I wouldn't go"
I've been thinking about what she said all day today, because there have been a few times on the morning of chemo that I have sat in my closet and cried like a baby, I have said to Eric "I don't want to go today" and like always he gives me the "pep" talk then Tamy shows up and off I go, reluctant and angry at the world, but knowing that this battle rages on it's just a new day. It's so hard to be strong, but I will if I know there is even a small Rey of light.
Today I decided to read everything I could get my hands on about TRUST. I'm not sure why this word kept coming up in my mind, but I believe it's because I am being taught. President Greer talked in our Sacrament meeting today about our Bishop being teachable, that he is a good student, very easy to teach because he is able to listen and act upon what he has been taught. I want to be that person too, I think I have a long way to go, but I know the Lord is trying to teach me so much right now. The scripture that keeps coming to mind is in Proverbs 2:5-6 and 8 "Trust in the Lord with ALL thine heart; and lean not unto thine OWN understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge HIM, and he shall direct thy paths. It shall be HEALTH to thy navel; and marrow to thy bones.
I wonder sometimes if we trust ourselves more than we trust in the LORD, I've said it before but I think sometimes we think we know more and we get in the way of our own progression. Eric and I prayed about the doctors we should see, we prayed about all options chemo vs. natural, we have poured our hearts out to the Lord for help in making these decisions, so now it is time for me to stop doubting and go forward in faith. My son has told me over and over again how much he prays for me, and that he has a strong conviction that I am going to be here when he gets home and that all will be OK with me. This week I received a heart felt 3 page letter from a boy in our ward, he was one of our SONS when Eric and I went on the trek, we fell in love with him and have great respect for him. Without divulging the entire letter to you, I will tell you he had a trial that made him turn to the Lord and as he listened to the spirit tell him what to do, even when he received his answer he did not want to do it, but decided that if the Lord gave him this answer he would do it. In the end he learned to TRUST and have FAITH in the Lord, give it to him, and he learned a great life lesson from it. I learned from him, that on the days, like tomorrow, I give it to the Lord and Trust in HIM.
Tonight I feel like I am going to give all that I am, tomorrow I will not despair, I am going to put my life in heavens hands, I want to be worthy to stand before the Lord and say I did all I was asked of, I want to be able to hear the master when he teaches me. I want to TRUST.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Through The Years

Today is our Anniversary, I am married to a man who everyone loves. His children adore him and love to laugh at him, he is the funniest person, and does not try to be funny (thats what makes it so hilarious to them) Eric and I have been together since I was 18, we come from completely different circumstances. He had no idea what he was getting when he married me, but I know the Lord wanted us to be together. When I was a teenager I heard a song called "Through the Years" I fell in love with the words of it and over the years have deemed it to be "Our Song" these are the words and they explain exactly how I feel:

I can't remember when you weren't there
when I didn't care for anyone but you.
I swear we've been through EVERYTHING there is
can't imagine anything we've missed
can't imagine anything the TWO OF US can't do
through the years you've never let me down
you've turned my life around
the SWEETEST days I've found, I found with you
through the years I've never been afraid
I've LOVED the life we've made
and I'm so glad I stayed right here with you
through the years.
I can't remember what I used to do,
who I TRUSTED, who I listened to before
I swear you've TAUGHT me everything I know
can't imagine needing someone so,
but through the years it seems to me
I need you more and more.
Through the years, through all the GOOD and bad
I know how much we have,
I've always been so GLAD to be with you.
Through the years it's BETTER everyday
You've KISSED my tears away as long as it's ok
I'll stay with you through the years.
Through the years, when everything went wrong
together we were STRONG, I know that I belong
right here with you, through the years I've never
had a doubt we'd always work things out
I've learned what lifes about by LOVING you
through the years.


Thursday, January 21, 2010

Recker the Man

One good reason to kick VILLAIN butt...... Recker my grandson !!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Excepting a Compliment is Hard for Me

Today I had an appointment with my endocrinologist at the Mayo, the appointment was really late in the day 4:30, I went by myself. Earlier in the day I took lunch over to Haleigh at the Seminary building and I ran into Jenny Scow Ruttinger she and I have been friends for over 20 years, I love her and always loved having a conversation with her, she came over to my car and we talked for about 25 minutes. She is so sincere and always concerned about others, as I took the long drive to Mayo today I had a lot of time to think about Jenny and some of my other close friends who are so supportive and fun to be around. I have surrounded myself with people who are positive, have integrity and love life, during this time in my life I am so grateful for these people.
Since being diagnosed with the VILLAIN I have had to learn how to deal with some of the things people randomly say to me., I've definitely learned what NOT to say to a VILLAIN victim, I have learned how to approach other patients at the Mayo who are obviously going through the same journey as I am, some of the strongest women and men I know I have met since being diagnosed, I'm not the same person I was a year ago. On my drive to Mayo today as the rain fell down and the mountains were absolutely beautiful to look at, somethings were so clear in my head, somethings the Lord is trying to teach me became very clear today. Most of my life I have struggled with self identity, I have never enjoyed someone giving me a compliment, most of the time I didn't believe they were being truthful, I have always self doubted myself and felt like I had no friends, and that I have nothing to offer, you know what I mean, I know I have friends but I've felt limited and chose my friends very wisely for fear of being hurt or disappointed. Through this journey I have learned a lot so far, but I will never doubt the amount of people who have prayed for me, people who I don't even know have prayed for me, strangers come up to me and ask my name so they can pray for me, and I KNOW they do. I have felt the overwhelming love from people who I normally did not talk to before. I have more friends than I ever thought I did, I love them all, even the ones I don't know anything about, but I want to change that, I want to open myself up, but to do this I need to trust in the Lord more. Why did I waste so many years in self doubt? I know the Lord loves me but I have always doubted the sincerity of MAN. I know now that most people want to reach out, they want to have friends and help when they can, I have had more service for my family in the past 5 months than I ever thought we deserved or could be possible. I will continue to pray for help from Heavenly Father, ask him to help me understand myself so that I can understand the heartfelt love of others.
When I checked in at the Mayo today, the cute young girl said "oh my gosh I love your hat, more people should wear hats, it really brings out the color of your eyes, and your smile" I looked at her and simply said "thank you"

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Today is my Birthday

AFter Monday's chemo treatment, they told me that I may not feel the effects until Wednesday or Thursday and expect them to last through the weekend. Tuesday night I started getting the extreme back and leg aches, also my lower stomach is extremely painful, very sharp pains. Today I called my oncologist to find out if this is normal and if there is anything I can take to get some relief. I am now back on the pain medicine. The pain medicine makes me so tired, so I either live with the pain (kinda not an option) or take the pain medicine and sleep all day and night.
Today is my Birthday and my wonderful friend Mysti Brown put together a girls night for me and my close friends, I felt so badly to have to cancel but I am not functional, and I have been in a fetal position for 2 days. I hope that we can do the "girls night" next week, I need something to look forward to.
The woman in my ward made this quilt for my birthday, I was asleep when Ruthanne VanWagoner and Lynette Peterson brought it over. I woke up feeling pain and just wanted to get some medicine and go back to sleep, Eric said to me "wait until I show you what the ladies in the ward made for your birthday" when I saw it, I seriously broke down crying. I am so overwhelmed, on each square women wrote a personal note to me, It took me so long to read them all because I was crying so hard, I had no idea so many woman felt the way they do about me. I can never explain in words the feelings I felt as I read each one of them, every single one of these woman have made such an impression on my life at one time or another. I am surviving somedays because I know I want to be like these woman, strong, worthy, incredible wives, mothers and friends. How can I ever thank them, Not only for the time and effort it took to make this quilt, but mostly because of the message behind it, I think everyone wants to feel loved and needed, today I felt it, I felt the love from each one of those messages and I know those words will give me strength as I read them in times when I am feeling down. Thank you, thank you.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Earthquake in Haiti (Blake)

We heard about the earthquake yesterday and of coarse our thoughts went out to Blake our missionary son who is serving close to the border of Haiti. When we then heard about the Tsunami scare for the Dominican Republic we were even more interested. This morning we got an email from Blake he said he was in a discussion when the earthquake hit and they felt all the pipes under ground move, he was drinking a glass of water and wondered when he saw the ground moving if the investigator they were teaching gave him water or something else (last week someone gave him some juice with alcohol in it) ha ha it was funny. He said they saw a woman trip and fall in the road, it was pretty strong where he was, so we know the disaster in Haiti has to be horrific. One of the good things is that during a disaster like this people start to want to listen to the missionaries. Blake said maybe people will start listening to them now.
He told us that yesterday he was walking down this road and starting playing hacky sack with some kids and their mom came out and wanted to know more about what these white boys were all about, he said before he knew it there were people surrounding them listening (he said it was awesome and weird at the same time) then when they asked if they could pray with them, most of the people scattered, so now he said he hopes because of the earthquake people will start to listen.
We are pleased to hear that the Tsunami effect was called off. I'm grateful he was able to get some communication to us today.

Monday, January 11, 2010

1st round of Taxol

My good friend and confidant Tamy Scheurn picked me up at 9am this morning to head to the Scottsdale Mayo for round 5. I was feeling so anxious and not looking forward to my stay at the Mayo Suites ha ha. I love that I can be "real" with Tamy and tell her just what is on my mind, well actually I don't hold back much with anyone do I? I guess that is just who I am, I think for most of my life I held so many secrets that now as an adult I have learned to express myself, and sometimes it is to my dismay I fear I hurt people with my words and that is the last thing I ever want to do, I promise I am working on that one !!!
OK so back to Tamy I love her and I am able to really get down to the nitty gritty feelings with her, other than my husband it's always been difficult for me to open up to people. It has been so good for me to have to rely on someone to take me to chemo, Eric has to be at a mandatory meeting every Monday, plus I do not think he could handle it, he has a hard time seeing what I go through when I get home let alone the access of the PORT and the side effects during the actual chemo infusion. He takes me to MAYO on Thursdays and Fridays when I get labs drawn or need to actually talk to my doctor or PA.
The needle they use to access my PORT is the size in circumference to a nail and it is very painful going in, but important to have because it is accessed at least once a week, it is much better than them poking around for veins and after awhile those become hard to find and can collapse. I will usually put a cream on the PORT about an hour before I have it accessed, this helps to numb the area, but even with the cream it is painful and when I took Kayla with me on Friday to get some labs done by the look on her face it is not fun to watch, she almost fainted when she watched them access it and then pull out vile after vile of blood, she said it was the most blood she had ever seen at one time. I myself don't watch because I am a fainter also.
Good thing I have Tamy there she is a trained scrub nurse and has seen much worse, she too has a PORT and knows the pain, so I rely on her for strength and support.
I was told by my oncologist that I will have 4 rounds of Taxol, a new chemo drug they are trying on me. Today was my 1st round which puts me past my 1/2 mark whoo hooo.
Taxol is and anti-cancer chemotherapy drug. It is used for people who have breast, ovarian, lung, bladder, prostate, melanoma,esophageal and other tumor related VILLAINS.
Taxol side effects:
-Low Blood Counts, (white,red and platelets may temporarily decrease, this can put patients at a high risk for infections, anemia, and bleeding.)
-Continued Hair Loss (it can't get much worse)
- Pain in the joints and muscles (already experienced those with the neulasta shots)
-Pain in the lower back ( this started today)
-shortness of breath (been there done that)
-pressure in chest (never experienced this)
-abnormal heartbeat (had a bit of this too)
-Nausea and Vomiting (with Taxol it should be mild, but I have experienced the puking NOT FUN)
-Diarrhea (oh yeah....embarrassing but I have experienced sitting on the toilet while puking in the trash can)
-Mouth Sores ( I have these all along the way nothing new)
-Fever, facial flushing, chills, shortness of breath, or (hives within the 1st 10 minutes of injection--I did not experience this)
-Swelling of the feet or ankles (so far so good)
-Foot and hand tingles or sores ( I experienced this for about 4 days it felt like I was walking on glass a couple times)
-liver problems (so far nothing)
-low blood pressure (blood pressure has been normal)
-darkening of the skin (none)
-nail color change (I had the red fingernails the 1st and 4th week of chemo)
-you may experience drowsiness and dizziness (I have fainted a few times)
-wash your hands often (yes I do, my hands are so dry from anti bacterial wash)
-Get plenty of rest (I do)
-avoid alcoholic beverages---(DANG IT HA HA...I'm proud of the fact that I have never tasted alcohol in my life and I am not going to start now) (however I have been in so much pain that there have been days I wished I had some "special brownies", but if you bring them I don't want to know the ingredients, because I have also never tried that either hee hee)
- avoid contact sports and keep your workouts to walking only minimum, down the block and back (I look forward to the day when they say I can run to the end of the block)

Today I felt the Taxol entering my system like a black plague, every drip penetrated me, immediately I was sleepy, my back ached and my legs were so restless, I could not sit still, my nurse Tina called Dr. Northfelt to see if it was OK to give me some Ativan for the restlessness, he agreed and that seemed to help me. It was a long day, but I am excited that we are 1/2 way through. Tonight I am feeling tired and my stomach is aching, along with my back and legs, I think I will take a long hot bath and get ready for a long night. Tina told me if I was restless during the chemo treatment that I will be restless during the night, nothing new a lot of the side effects are what I have already been experiencing, so I will just put on my gloves and get ready for a continued fight.
I heard from Doctor PK, he called me just to see how I was doing. It was surprising but that is the type of Doctor he is, he cares about his patients even when they are not seeing him on a regular basis. (I will not see him until chemo is over) I have still been experiencing extreme pain in my breasts, I asked him about it because I wanted to make sure I am not just a wimp ha ha... he said that the aching will not go away until after chemo and radiation, because I have no tissue in my breasts and the lymph nodes were removed under my arm, I am not like normal women my breasts are extremely hard (like a brick wall) this causes pain especially if I use my arms a lot, and he explained because of the low blood cells being divided and taken away from my body there is nothing to protect my breasts from the aching and pain. He is such a great doctor. Just one more tender mercy in my life, I will always have a special place in my heart for him and doctor Northfelt.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

God has a Plan for Me

Today was a great day!! Usually on Sunday's I am still feeling the chemo in my body and I am usually good to go to Sacrament only, for those who don't know, we attend 3 hours of church on Sundays, 1st is our Sacrament here we partake of the bread and water and remember the covenants and promises we have made with our Heavenly Father, it is sacred and important for me it helps me to get through the week, when I cannot attend Sacrament men who hold the Priesthood will bring it into my home and I can partake of it here, 2nd is our Sunday School we brake up into classes and learn about the gospel, 3rd hour is Relief Society for the women and Priesthood for the men. I usually have to go home after Sacrament to take my medicine and then I am knocked out and cannot attend the other meetings. Today, I went to Sacrament then went home and rested and was able to go back for Relief Society, while I was home the spirit was telling me to go back and listen to the lesson in Relief Society. I am so glad I listened to the spirit. This was a lesson I needed to hear, Erica Garner was the instructor today and her spirit spoke to me like the lesson was written for me. I have been really feeling down lately, the depression has been hard to get over. One of the things I took away from the lesson was that this life is not going to be easy, if it were we would not grow, our lives would have no purpose. We need to be able to look back on our lives and see growth, without any adversity in our life we would have no growth. Just as we allow ourselves to have joy and happiness, we must also realize there are going to be days of sadness, depression and disappointment. I know this, I have learned this, but sometimes when I am going through it, I forget. Today I was reminded and I can see the growth in my life the past 6 months, I wish I could say I am looking forward to the growth I will get the next 6 months, but I am not that strong, I do not look forward to the rest of what I am facing.
I also realized during this lesson that we are all born of Heavenly Father, we are a part of him, and sometimes Satan wants us to think we are of "Man" he puts thoughts in our head that we are not good enough or that we are defeated by our trials, when in reality Heavenly Father is refining us and purifying us, if we allow the trial to teach us we will become more like HIM.
During this journey of mine I am so grateful I have the knowledge that the Lord is on my side, that he is watching over me and that he is good to those who wait for HIM, and to the souls who seek HIM.
Tomorrow morning I face the 5th round of chemo, I have alot of anxiety knowing what I am facing this week, but I also know God has a plan for me.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Getting Some Fresh Air

I have not blogged in a few days so I decided to get updated today. Part of the side effects of chemo is DEPRESSION, I have really been feeling down the past few weeks, not sure if it's the medicines, Christmas Season, children being away or the chemo, I finally found out from my oncologist it is a side effect and the best thing for me to do is get away from my house for a few days. As I have mentioned before Eric and I decided along time ago to take time once a month for ourselves, away from the worries of the world, away from the MAYO, away from the constant smell of the VILLAIN. We took a little trip Tuesday and Wednesday and just got away from it all. The obvious spot for us is to go to our condo in Mexico, its close and its free. The weather was beautiful in the 70's, Eric was able to golf with Tom Scheurn while Tamy and I decided to walk on the beach for as long a walk as I could, not only did I walk on the beach I took off my hat and walked, just me and my bald head. It was good therapy for me, and I got some vitamin D. I walked the path that I normally would run, I imagined myself taking off running, sweating, dodging a few sand traps, then when we hit the smooth sand I told Tamy "this is the best sand to run on". The next day when I took the walk by myself I was thinking about my life, a few tears fell from my eyes as I thought about the sand and the run, In the beginning of 2009 I was training for a 1/2 marathon, Kayla and Jeremy announced they were having a baby, Kaitlyn and Brian announced their engagement, and Blake got his mission call, everything was going smooth and we felt like nothing could get in the way of our success or strength as a family, then when we hit the VILLAIN sand trap everything changed, nothing was smooth anymore. WOW did I it a sand trap, one that is difficult to get out of. The thing is about taking journeys, usually you start a journey with excitement and anticipation looking forward to the new adventure, we get prepared by reading all we can about where it is we are going, we prepare with the proper clothing taking care of packing and schedules. On a spiritual journey it often begins the same way, anticipation and wonderment, we go forward with faith, hoping the Lord is going to teach us along the way. I continue to learn every step of this journey, I am finding out how far I can be stretched spiritually, physically and mentally.

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010 Where to Begin

Although this was a chemo week, Eric and I managed to get out of the house today, and tonight we spent the evening with my sister Sonya and wonderful brother in law Greg Watkins, it was quiet and fun, their son my nephew Justen and Courtney Watkins his darling wife , Kayla and Jeremy and of course the PRINCE Recker were all there, we had pizza,they played games and I got to sleep with Recker on my chest for a couple of hours. There is nothing better in the world then hearing your new born baby grandson breathing while sleeping on your chest. Katie Mills got tons of pictures I just wish I had them right now to post on my blog.
I've decided that 2010 is going to be a year to look forward to, 2009 was a year of discovery, finding out about the VILLAIN in my body was quite a discovery, one in which we are still dealing with and looks like we will be for the rest of this year, NO WORRIES.
The discovery of LOVE, my daughter Kaitlyn has always been the "I'm going to explore marriage can always wait" well she fell in LOVE with Brian Wright and got married In November, everything is good in the LOVE corner in Utah.
The discovery of a new baby joining our family was an amazing discovery, but even better when you get to hold him in your arms and have to pinch yourself to see if it's really real...we love Recker Roussel, he is a part of us now.
The best discovery of the year, was hearing my son stand in my living room and bear his testimony of the Gospel, to finally let us know how he feels about going on a mission. I will never forget the feeling of being surprised when he got his call without telling us he was sending it in. Now every Wednesday I look forward to the lifeline I have to him through the Internet, when those emails come always, no matter what without a doubt tears fall from my eyes as I hear the discoveries he is having in the Dominican Republic, no running water, no electricity and he is happy and loves what he is doing.
Will all these blessing that have come into our lives in 2009 how can we ask for anything else? The LORD has truly blessed us with so much already. So tonight as I ring in the new year with my husband we wonder "where do we begin, in 2010 " We are looking forward not back and remembering all who have blessed our lives with their comments, notes of encouragement, food, treats, gifts, books, smiles, testimonies, tears, flowers, candy, blankets, key chains, hugs, emails, Christmas lights, Christmas decorations being put up, I know I am missing some but I can never ever repay all those who have blessed our lives just by being our friends and being our constant encouragement. We love each and everyone of you and do not take you for granted.