The Art Of Being Happy

I'm so glad I attended the 1st Festival of Positive Education this past week.  I had to evaluate whether this would be a good idea or not, given I just had surgery and still have a drain hanging from my head.  Dr. Lettieri thought it was ok when I told him I was going. Boy am I glad I went, nothing quite compares to being in a room with others who share my same interest in making the world a better place, by teaching our children to love one another and themselves.

China

Mexico

I was shocked at how many people came from other countries to be involved with this positive movement towards happiness.  Dubai, Africa, Australia, Belgium, Bhutan, Brazil, Canada, Chile, China, Columbia, Finland, Germany, Greece, Iceland, India, Iran, Ireland, Israel, Japan, Jordan, Mexico, Napal, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Philippeans, Portugal, Slovakia, Spain, Turkey, U.K., USA, Singapore and Switzerland. That is a lot of countries included in the Global representation.  Well at least I was impressed!

Our country, the world as a whole is in turmoil right now.  This is a Presidential election year in the United States and while I can't speak for everyone, a majority of people are perplexed and undecisive about who they should vote for.  I usually agree and vote republican, but over the the last few years I've tried to listen with a silent voice trying to discern right from wrong, now I realize we are choosing good from evil.   Maybe our politicians should be attending the IPENfest.

One thing I learned is to practice like an expert, be deliberate in all you do.  Focusing 100% in the moment of what you are doing at the time is essential to accomplishing pure joy and happiness.  Talent matters, but those are not necessarily the people who show up, it doesn't matter what your talents are if you can't show up and be present in the moment.  When we allow our lights to shine on other people we are creating a ripple towards positive mindsets.

Sir Anthony Seldon

Martin Seligman--

Shawn Achor

When my children were very young I took them to a park most Sunday's after church, I learned an incredible lesson one day as I walked hand in hand with my son; he was only five or six years old at the time.  We went home after church and changed our clothes, my children were ready to feed the ducks. I was ready for a nap; needless to say they won me over and we went to the park.  My mind was not at the park, I was thinking about everything I needed to do when we got home.  We brought a blanket and a loaf of bread to sit and feed the ducks.  Blake wanted to take a walk, and so we did. Hand in hand we all walked.  Like most young children Blake was curious about the outside world. Imagine my perspective when he started saying things like this

Oh look at that rock

Wow that duck is hungry

Why are the trees so green?

Mommy, did you hear that bird?

The wind feels soft on my cheeks

That is a cool garbage can (it was pink)

The lesson I learned on that very simple light hearted walk was amazing and something I have taken with me throughout the rest of my life.  Children don't care about how many calories we are burning while we are walking, or that his hair was messed up and clothes unmatched.  He didn't care because he chose them, it's what he wanted to wear and he did.  I wrote in my journal that night, today I was not prepared to be Amazed by a child; yet I was.

What makes us change our perspectives? Look for the positive? I've tried and failed so many times at being 'in the moment' then I'm reminded of this walk and remember 'I can change at that moment; I have choices.' There was so much clarity on that day as we strolled along the lake at Freestone Park.

As times moves forward each new chapter or journey in our life is a chance to be renewed, take on a positive perspective and make adjustments where needed. We sometimes need to take a brain break; train ourselves with mindful awareness through our senses; touch, sound, sight and yes taste.  Treat yourself once in awhile to a simple piece of chocolate, just don't indulge in the entire bar. Savor those moments in time we seem to want to move so quickly through.

One of the powerful lessons I learned at the IPENfest came from Martin Seligman. He said "Pessimism is a risk factor for depression, as smoking is to lung cancer."  Wouldn't it be nice if we could diminish depression while our children are in elementary school by teaching positive education? Children need to learn the art of being happy before they hit puberty.  In fact I would say they need to learn it before they turn the age of five, those first five years of life are detrimental for learning and soaking up like a sponge what happiness is.  This starts in our homes, then should filter into our schools. Boy had I learned this as a child I would be far better off.

I loved each and every class that was available for me to learn from but I think the person I took the most from was Sir Anthony Seldon.  He talked about depression, the demons he battled in the 1970's trying to get himself out of the space of depression and anxiety.  I could relate to everything he talked about, I too have suffered from depression and learned a new way of dealing with anxieties. He talked about his wife who has incurable cancer living with this type of disease is extremely stressful on the entire family....yes, I know.  I wanted to talk to him one on one, so during his book signing I waited until the line was gone and he was sitting by himself.  I asked him how or if  mindful happiness has helped his wife deal with her diagnosis. He spoke very softly, which was very much different than his presentation -where he seemed to have a 'bigger than life' personality, but now we were talking perspectives on the same level.  He had a sacredness about him while talking to me. He didn't actually answer my question directly, but said they pray a lot.  He could see the drain I was trying to disguise in my shirt...(it actually looks like a 'third boob' as Dr. Lettieri described it) and asked

"And what is your diagnosis dear?" I loved his english accent.

"I started with breast cancer in 2009....." and with a brief few sentences I gave him the gist of what was happening in my world.

We shared the same emotions in that moment of tears; an understanding that both cancer patient and care givers are brave and live in a world no one else can comprehend unless they've 'been there.' Yes, happiness is a choice and I believe we can control our thoughts and feelings by being in the moment however he and I both agreed on another theory.  Trying to be happy every second of every day is difficult, it takes training and complete awareness.  Life and tragedy happens if not to you yet, it will be knocking on your door eventually; how will you deal with it?  Our theory is that even when life 'happens' it's ok to be sad, mad, anxious and scared those are natural God given tendencies, it's how we deal with the problem that really matters more than the actual diagnosis.

My awareness was heightened to a new level as I learned from the best positive psychologist and scientist in the world.  I am so glad I took the time, got out of my own world and went to this festival of happiness.

My Happiness Experiment

 I've always wondered why so many people who work in a customer service atmosphere whether through, text, an actual phone call or face to face; can have such lack of empathy. 

I've worked in the Airline Industry for over 30 years now.  Currently I work for American Airlines (formerly UsAirways formerly America West Airlines) Through the years of working with the general public I've learned to be a problem solver.  Yes, I've been called every name in the book. 

Many times I try hard to keep from laughing when a snow storm keeps a passenger from getting from point A to point B they are furious because the planes are obviously grounded for take off.  I can appreciate the frustration however God is in charge of the weather not American Airlines.  Finding some balance with people is sometimes a challenge especially when voices are raised and tears are falling. My heart usually reaches out and I am able to help them understand the reality of their situation. It's not always the ending they were expecting but showing a little understanding for their inconvenience whether American Airlines has a maintenance issue or nature decides to rear her nasty head of rain, snow or sleet it helps them feel validated.  

Today instead of ending my calls with "Thank you for calling American Airlines have a good day" I chose to say "Thank you for calling American Airlines, I hope you have a Happy Day!" In making a conscious effort to do this the cadence in not only my voice changed but the passengers noticed from the moment I answered their call.  In my job I have heard every heartbreaking story, every white lie and excuse in the book.  Today was no different, I just chose to hear things with a smile on my face. Call after call each and every passenger made a comment about my positive attitude, they thanked me for listening, apologized for attacking me and I hung up feeling happy myself.  I was less stressed, full of energy and excited to do it again tomorrow.

When I started working in the airline industry I was a totally different person than I am now in fact I am a different woman than I was two years ago.  I shutter when I think about how many times those heartfelt stories went on deaf ears as they would explain the tragic death of a child, husband, wife mom, dad, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, cousin etc.  I was so much about the business at hand I forgot to take into consideration these are real live people with real problems.  Perspectives have changed, today a woman started to cry when  I asked how I could assist her.  She proceeded to make arrangements for her son who would be flown home from the war--in a body bag--I tried hard to keep the tears from falling but was unsuccessful.  Her choice of words was shocking to me, however the pain in her voice was something I will not soon forget.  So, do I say "have a good day?" or "have a happy day?" Neither, because I knew the trauma she was experiencing I asked her if there was anything, anything at all left I could do to make this easier for her.  Her response was, "You were the person I needed to talk to today.  Thank you for listening."  It was a simple reply to a complicated relm of emotions she was feeling.

I had choices today, lots of choices.  I'm happy with the ones I made.  I promised this mother I would be thinking about the sacrifice her son made on Memorial Day in just a couple of weeks and hoped she would feel some relief knowing he was serving his country. 

Happiness is a choice, but I also believe we all have a triggers within us that can cause an uproar of emotions, they can cancel out any feelings of joy.  It would be inappropriate to be happy and jubilant with the death of a child or family member.  Having the knowledge of hope for a brighter tomorrow helps me to flow through difficult emotions, I've learned to literally feel the emotion but not allow myself to invest or linger in the immediate sorrow for more than necessary.  Losing a child, divorcing, being diagnosed with a terminal disease, having a child with a special need these are just a few examples of life altering situations and will surely take time to process and learn from.  My hope is that the people who are experiencing these hardships will take the time they need to mourn, get mad, be sad, feel fear, anxiety and depression then pick themselves up, don't look back and never ever give up on the living.

Miracle in the Desert

In 1954 Reverend Jim and Vera Dingman had a desire to give their lives to caring for children who were hurting and who had faith that God would provide all they needed. Today, Sunshine Acres still is a place of hope for children. No matter the reason why children come to Sunshine Acres – parents in prison, a parent too ill to care for the child or homelessness – they can count on this miracle in the desert for a safe place to call home, food, clothing, activities and, most importantly, love. No child is ever turned away for financial reasons.  

Since 1954 Sunshine Acres has been home to more than 1,600 children and still today children will not be turned away for financial reasons. They do not receive government support for the children and though they are donor funded, they do no fundraising or solicitation for themselves. Many friends, businesses, churches and volunteers contribute and host fundraising events on behalf of the home, and God is still working miracles!

The Dingman's out of pure faith bought 150 acres in the desert of Arizona for $125,000. On Thursday I decided I wanted to drive to Sunshine Acres to find out more about their mission, how many children were currently being housed and how I could help.  As I entered the front office I was greeted with a friendly smile.  I asked if it would be possible for me to assemble easter baskets for all the children.  The happy sweet lady said "Of course, the children will love it."  There are 70 children currently housed, 40 boys and 30 girls.  

Last night I told Frenchie what I was doing, he was surprised I had chosen Sunshine Acres because the builder he works for, Jeff Blandford has donated a boys and girls home on the property and is currently building another boys home.  He asked if he could come to help for a little bit.

This morning I arrived at Sunshine Acres around 9:30 and began to assemble the baskets.  When Frenchie showed up a sweet peace was in the room where we  began to place love into each basket.  He could not stay long but I appreciated the time I had with him.

I am Blessed

I wanted each basket to be perfect, as if it were for one of my own children or grandchildren.  Some of these children have been abandoned, when they arrive it is reasonably difficult for them to open up and trust.  They have been so hurt and disconnected from a real home.  Sunshine Acres is a shield of protection for them.  They teach the children how to be happy, no matter the circumstances. Yes, it is hard, most definitely lonely at times but soon they begin to understand no child is so damaged that they can't change.  They learn that God will always provide a way.  Eventually they discover they are loved, they have purpose and that they do have something to give to the world.  I see Sunshine Acres as a healing place.  From the very beginning it was all about loving a child.  When we give a child love it will change hearts.  We have the power within us to help change the next generation showing them their potential and purpose in life, stopping the cycle of abuse and neglect.

Entrance to the boys home

The Petting Zoo

Donation from Jeff Blandford

Girls Home, named after Jeff Blandford's
mother Bonnie

One of the canvas pictures in the Girls room

The Kitchen storage area

The beautiful kitchen

All the neighborhood children were hanging
out at Bonnie's today!!

Sunshine Acres is solar powered, and what a beautiful view

The front of Bonnie's girls home

The entrance to the church where
every child attends on Sundays

I love that everything including the Church
is on the property.

I was able to take a tour of Sunshine Acres, I was not allowed to take pictures with any children but I can tell you they are happy!!  I was extremely impressed with the cleanliness of each home, and the polite lovable children I met. Today was a great day, I decided my family will all be included next time; a new family tradition.

#365 Days of Happiness

Today is the International Day of Happiness. I began my day by attending church, during our services today the speaker talked about Happiness being a choice.  He asked if any of the congregation ever see people in their car as they are driving, Happy? He said once in awhile you'll see a person moving and singing to the music but for the most part people tend to drive focused and not looking too happy.

While I believe we all need to be aware of our surroundings while driving, it would also do us well to smile while we are driving, put on happy music, turn and smile at the person next to you the stop sign or light.  I think I will try that tomorrow and see what reaction I get. I asked him after the services if he knew today was the international day of happiness, his response was "No way?" I said "Yes, way!!" We both laughed and he loved it.

After our church meetings I went home and prepared to serve.  I knelt next to my bed and asked for the spirit to be with me today. Yesterday I bought happy face cookies from Sassy's Cafe.  I took cookies to share with friends and a few neighbors who have really supported and cared for me and my family over the last few years.

As I headed to the Assisted Living Home, it brought me to tears knowing today marks 730 consecutive days I have performed #happyacts for other people.  I began this happy acts campaign with selfish reasons hoping it would help me get out of my own world of problems by helping another person.  Well, it turns out it has helped me, it has changed me.  I don't believe it is selfish any longer. Yes, it has definitely helped refine me but I no longer do it out of an obligation to myself, it has now become who I am. I have self branded myself as the happiness queen. Not a bad branding to have considering I could be called a lot worse.

Today these people were gracious and kind, they were delighted when I asked them if I could explain what the International Day of Happiness was.  Then I asked them if I could read to them a few stories from the new Live Happy book by Deborah Heisz, they loved it and didn't want me to leave. I promised them I would return to visit-and I will, in fact I look forward to it.

There's a funny thing that happens when you reach an older age....you have no filter, and it seems to be acceptable.  Today it brought me both to tears and laughter. One of them asked me why I 'waste' my time sharing my time with other people such as them.  This question not only shocked me but it brought me to tears.  I took her by the hand and told her because she is important to me. I explained how infinitely important all of them are, and the contributions they have made to life mean something to me.  One laughed and told me I was crazy, this is when I laughed,  the other's said "Don't mind her she doesn't understand what she's saying....."  I asked them if they had family who visit with them.  They all said "not really, once in awhile we see one of them." I assured each one of them how special they are, and that they have a choice each day when they wake up to be happy.  They were sad to see me leave, but even more important I was sad to leave.

I spent the evening like we do every Sunday, as a family surrounded by my grandchildren, and their parents.  We ate dinner and enjoyed cake from Sassy's Cafe.  We made our own family Happiness Wall and I took pictures (the best we could) with my grandchildren.  I loved everything about today.

This month we were challenged to post on social media a happy act everyday.....this part was particularly difficult for me to do.  I have always been taught when we serve we do it quietly and with out expecting recognition.  I still do believe this, but for the month of March if wanted to truly make a ripple in the world I think it is important to share those small acts of service.