Saturday, April 30, 2011

Royal Wedding-April 29th 2011

This morning was the ROYAL WEDDING of Prince William and Kate Middleton, I was up and getting ready for work when Eric came from downstairs and said he just watched the wedding, all TV's were tuned in at our house.  I remember watching as Prince William's mother and father were married in 1981, it seemed like a fairy tale, except they didn't live happily ever after.  All week I've listened as the news announcers have talked about Kate "getting" her prince, and that this is every little girls dream.  It actually bothers me when I hear them say it, because I believe Prince William is "getting" a princess.  It goes both ways, every Prince has a Princess by his side right?  You don't have to be Royalty to find a Prince or Princess.  The actual wedding ceremony I found to be pretty boring, I loved when Prince Williams mouthed to Kate "you look beautiful" every girl wants to hear that on her wedding day from the man she is about to marry, it was sweet.

and now for the most entertaining part for me...THE HATS.... the British are known for their hat wearing but seriously, it is a requirement? wearing one of those hats would be a deal breaker for me.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


Tonight Brian and Kaitlyn invited me to come along with them while they played Tennis at Highland High, I put on my running shoes and decided I would try to walk a lap or two while they played tennis.   Knowing full well that my hip would probably not allow me to even walk one lap without being in too much pain, I ventured out with headphones on Mindy Gledhill. What an overwhelming flood of emotions I felt as I stepped onto the running track.  I was thinking about and comparing this moment to an artist with a brand new clean canvas, not exactly knowing what the finished product will be, I too am not quite sure what I can accomplish tonight however, I have to take the first step and pray it will turn out to be a success.
 There were 4 woman walking together and enjoying each other's company when they passed me up, I said to myself "Oh Heck No... they are not going to pass me" so I stepped up my pace,  the 1st lap I cried like a baby, I did it, I walked an entire lap and had virtually no pain. Going into the 2nd lap I looked up into the stands and remembered a year ago sitting on those benches, bald as a cue ball, but proud as I watched my baby girl graduate from High school. It's amazing what  we can learn about ourselves in just one year, and how much has changed.  I can honestly say I would not change anything, my life is where I want it to be right now.  When I think about the times I have begged and plead with the Lord to please let me have peace in my soul,  to let me accept whatever plan HE has for me, I get tears in my eyes, and tonight as I was walking all of these thoughts were going through my head, before I knew it I was finishing 4 laps (one mile) this 4th lap as I crossed the line I not only had tears rolling down my cheeks I had the biggest smile on my face.  With my thoughts all over the place I had finished a mile and not even realized it, I was not going to stop now, this is the best therapy I could have given myself tonight.  I watched a younger man doing sprints, if I'm completely honest with myself .... I was jealous, I love sprints.  This makes me think about cancer again, it's not a sprint, it has definitely been a marathon,  one that I hope to finish with dignity, hopefully I can teach my children something from what I have learned.  I wonder, do they know how much I love them? Do they understand that it is never OK to give up?  There were times in my life when I felt like I was in a drought  feeling completely defeated, needing something or someone to fill my cup , and HE always came for me, picked me up and held me HE actually changed my life forever. I am totally aware that I just finished 8 laps (2 miles)... are you kidding me right now? 
All about your Heart by Mindy Gledhill came on the IPOD, perfect timing as she sang the words 
"Oh I've loved you from the start, in every single way, and more each passing day, you are brighter than the stars, believe me when I say, it's not about your scars, it's all about your heart"  
I smiled big, knowing my Heavenly Father loves me just like that,  no scars, physical, mental or spiritual will ever keep HIM from loving me.  How privileged I am to have this knowledge.  I suddenly get this surge of energy and decided to run, my legs were actually picking up pace and I was running.  This track makes me feel at home, it feels right and comfortable, this is a place where I can think clearly.  I have not felt this free in so long, I am kicking cancer butt and it feels good, still I know there is so much more to learn so much more I want to accomplish in my life, and I owe so much to the Lord for seeing me through the toughest times of my life, it's time for me to give it back, time to move forward finally I feel like I can be true to myself,  all the baggage is gone, service to others is constantly on my mind as I finish RUNNING the 10th lap.  I was thinking about all the hats I wore during chemo and after as my hair began to grow back, I cleaned them all out of my closet tonight and wondered what to do with them, I have a few ideas, honestly those hats represent so much more than I can explain in words, today has been emotional and finishing 12 laps (3 miles) I raised my hands in the air as if I was crossing the finish line in a great victory, all by myself I celebrated with tears of joy.  I'm pretty sure tomorrow I will have some regrets but for now I am so happy, oh and one more thought, my boobs did not hurt when I ran, that might sound a little weird but 2 years ago when I ran they were too big and they hurt,  thank you 
Dr. Kreymerman... ha ha ha  I came to the conclusion tonight that I am an ATHLETE, it is my passion and that has not changed.  I am so grateful for this time I had tonight alone in my thoughts, happy for what I accomplished not only on the track but for realizing it's OK to shed a tear or two for seeing where  my life has been, what I've learned and where I want it to go.  

Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter 2011

One more Holiday gone, closer to the day Blake returns from his mission.  I mailed off an Easter Basket this week to him, along with a new pair of shoes some Scotcheroos (his favorite and by his request) I'm pretty sure by the time those got to the DR they were a pretty melted mess.  It's really hard to believe I will be speaking to him again in 2 weeks on Mother's Day, then in a few short months he will be home.
I have always loved this time of year, Spring time in Arizona is beautiful and I love the feeling of family together and sharing in the knowledge we have of the Savior's love for us.  I was blessed to have the opportunity to sing with the choir today in Sacrament.  The song we sang was I Believe In Christ, the arrangement was absolutely beautiful and with Stephen Phelps at the organ it moved me to tears along with so many others who were in attendance.  The Bishop asked 2 of my favorite people in the world to stand up and bear testimony today.  Cindy Packard, I adore her,  she lights up a room when she walks in, not only is she a spiritual giant with a testimony of Christ, she is down to earth and a woman who knows the importance of laughter and eternal families.  Her testimony today touched my heart and soul, I love her.  Stephen Phelps another one of my favorite people, quiet and reserved yet strong and poised.  The testimony that came out of his heart today touched me and again I was moved to tears.  He talked about moving forward, knowing none of us are perfect, the importance of having a knowledge of the Atonement, one of the things he said today is something I have always told my children "it does not matter how you start the race it's how you finish that matters" we are all going to make mistakes, we just need to keep moving forward and trying our hardest to be the best we can be.  I left Church today feeling like my cup was filled, the sacred gifts that were shared today helped me understand just a little bit more of who I am and the person I want to be.  I believe in Christ and I know the greatest gift that has ever been given was the gift of the Atonement.

Now for the fun part of the Easter Holiday....... family, and when I say family I basically mean Recker... we all enjoyed so much watching in his delight as he ate a whole sucker from his Easter basket.  We wanted him so badly to hunt for those eggs,  I think we still need another year for that to happen, still we all loved watching him pick up the plastic eggs off the grass and put them in his basket.  I miss those days with my children, this is a new chapter for Eric and I, grandchildren are the best.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Boys and Girls

Recker is getting bigger everyday, this week I have observed him when I take him to the park, play areas, or when we went to dinner the other night at Joe's Farm Grill for Jeremy's birthday.  The rest of my family was waiting in line (over an hour) and I decided to take Recker out in the yard and play while they wait.  I definetely got the better end of the deal... as I observed Recker and the other children playing, I could see such a difference between the boys and girls.  Recker loves to pick up rocks and throw them, he loves to dig his hands into the dirt, shuffle his feet through the dirt and make dirt clouds, he watched some older boys playing with a football and wanted to be a part of it, he tried to pick up a spider, I had to intercept that one.  I took him over to a grassy area where the other children where playing, this is when I took note of the differences between boys and girls, even at this young age.  I loved watching the little girls playing together so nicely, sitting on the grass looking at each others toys and quietly playing "pretend"  the girls were a bit older than Recker however, the difference just in gender was so obvious.  These girls are all dressed in pink, hair curled and some type of bow in their hair, I watched them hold hands and play a game together, when one of the girls fell and hit the grass she immediately got up and brushed off any evidence of dirt or grass that my have been left behind.  Clearly the boys were rolling in the dirt, it was all I could do to keep Recker out of a mud hole.

I truly believe that all children come to earth with these special spirits, each with their own unique personality.  Heavenly Father created boys and girls obviously physically different for a reason, but to watch the difference in their spirits, it hit me that HIS plan is perfect, it's perfect in every way from the time we are conceived until the day we return home to HIM, there is a plan, it is definitely not by coincidence that the genders are so different.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Easter Pageant - I Know HE Lives

The Easter Pageant Set

Me and the beautiful Jenna Allen

Me, Jenna, Brett Lewis and the amazing Emily Holicky

Emily, Brett and Jenna

Emily and Jenna with one of the cast members

Taylor Brown (I love this girl) and Haleigh as Virgins

Taylor, Me, Hales and Daddy-O Eric

Haleigh and Chad

Brett, Hales and Chad (both great friends)

Taylor, Brett, Haleigh, Jenna, Chad and Emily

Brett and Chad being silly

Haleigh in full Costume-she was a foolish Virgin

Ernest, Haleigh and Shane -more good friends

Eric is the Love of my life-notice his bracelet? He loves me
Today was not only my baby's birthday, but she also performed in the Easter Pageant.  I can't think of a better way to celebrate her birthday then to support her tonight.
The show started at 8 pm, Eric and I arrived at 5:15 and saved some seats for Haleigh's friends.
The time went by quickly as we listened to the beautiful gospel music playing.  Haleigh was able to come out in costume and visit with us before the show, she looked beautiful and I was so proud of her, knowing how much she gave up  to volunteer for this incredible show.
During the show I was overwhelmed with the Spirit in a few different places. The first was when Jesus was healing the sick and afflicted, a father brought his daughter to Him, as Jesus took her in His arms I was so engrossed in the moment I began to cry, I immediately felt His arms embrace me, like He has done so many times, for some reason tonight I felt that He was talking directly to me through the Spirit,  I could feel it from my head to my toes and a burning in my heart. I Know He lives, I can never, ever deny what I know.  When Jesus was denied three times by one his closest friends and apostles, it literally made my heart hurt.  I can't imagine denying what I know to be true.... Jesus is the Christ and died for each of us.  He chose to feel the pain of each one of our sins, so that we can repent and be with Him again.  Mary Magdalene was such an inspiration to me, I felt her love for the Lord her devotion and pure heart penetrated my soul, and I wondered if I have that kind of faith. Of course my favorite part was watching my daughter Haleigh dance, but not only dance she shined as she bore testimony through it.  She has been dancing since she was 4 years old and I have never missed one of her performances, but tonight I was more proud of her than ever before.  I left tonight wanting to be a better person,  wanting to be more Christlike.

Monday, April 11, 2011

MRI Results

Still not exactly sure what is going on with my hip pain.  I am now being referred to an orthopedic surgeon.
The "spot" on my hip is still there, it has something to do with my lumbar, they will try to inject it to help relieve the pain. I am still just so thankful for the results from my bone scan, Mayo Clinic even sent me a written page of results, just to see it in writing "no bone metastasis" made me smile.  It has been an emotional couple of weeks for me, now I finally feel like I'm beginning a new chapter.  I wish I could articulate exactly how overwhelmed and grateful Eric and I are.  I'm not sure why the Lord has chosen to bless us over and over again, still I continue to pray and tell HIM how thankful I am that he listens and answers.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

My Friend Jayden Flake

I love Jayden Flake.  He was in my Primary class a couple of years ago, and never has a child made such an impact and impression on my heart like he has.  I was actually diagnosed with Breast Cancer while I was teaching him.  He is a very intelligent boy, and his heart is as big as Texas.  During the time I was going through chemo, his mom would bring him to my house and together they would deliver treats and cute notes of encouragement and Love.  He was baptized last month and guess who got invited?? Yep, me I felt so privileged and special,  there was nothing that would of kept me from going to see him make this commitment to the Lord.  I have no doubt in my mind that Jayden is going to serve a mission someday, and that he will continue through his life to make an impact on hearts of many people.
This is the note I received from Jayden
 Dear Sister Williams

I am thankful that you stayed from your vacation to see my baptism. I am also glad that you don't have cancer. I fasted for you because I really don't want you to have cancer. I love you very much. You are one of the nicest people on earth.
p.s. Thanks for the birthday present.

Jayden gives the best hugs EVER !

Jayden and his OLD primary teacher ME

Jayden and his Daddy

My Testimony of my Baptism
Juddson Jayden Flake
I am an eight year old boy. I got baptized on March 12th 2011. When I was in the water it felt like I was being burned by something in my insides. Not in a bad way it felt good. It was warm. I shook hands with the Bishop and all the boys who gave me the Holy Ghost. My Dad confirmed me. He said Juddson Jayden Flake I lay my hands on your head and say unto you receive the Holy Ghost. When he said that I got the Holy Ghost. It felt like I was going to have a good time with the Holy Ghost. My Grandma and Grandpa Jensen, Grandpa Jay and Grandma Audrey, and lots of my cousins and aunts and uncles came. My old primary teacher came; it was nice because she stayed home from her trip to see me get baptized. It was very nice that my cousins traveled 3 to 17 hours to come. It made me feel special that they all did that. I really wanted to get baptized. I had a good time with my cousins the week after the baptism. Right after we had a luncheon I went to Amazing Jakes and I played with them. I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet. I know that this Church is true. And that getting baptized was the right thing to do. I read the scriptures to get ready for my baptism and I did Moroni challenge to pray and ask about the scriptures. I knew that the scriptures are true. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.     
I wish I could say that I always have the faith of a child, when I read this testimony written by Jayden a special spirit filled my heart, and many tears filled my eyes.  I've learned so much from this little boy, and I am grateful the Lord brought him into my life.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Wigs on Boys

This is my sweet baby boy.... I found a great use for my chemo-days wig, I never wore it not once. Kaitlyn brought Recker into my room yesterday with this on, I told Jeremy this is what his sweet little girl will look like..... ha ha  I THINK HE LOOKS BETTER AS A BOY!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Hurry Up to Wait

Today as I entered the Mayo Clinic underground parking garage, it was so full, I decided to take my chances and try to find a parking space close to the elevators... I was blessed today I found a space right next to the elevator. Hopefully this will be an indication of how the rest of my day will go.
I'm waiting in NUCLEAR MEDICINE for an injection.  1st I have to fill out some paper work, it brings a smile to my face, the heading read PRE-PREGNANCY ASSESSMENT ha ha I thought to myself
The beautiful waiting area at Mayo Clinic

This did not give me a warm fuzzy feeling as I waited

Bone Scan Machine I used today
"Those eggs are hardboiled"  Just as I finish the assessment, Jimmy Buffet came an sat down next to me he had "the hat" "the shirt" and "the laid back" attitude, maybe he will make us all laugh as we wait.  Right now my hip is really hurting, I think it's going to be a long day at Mayo, I need to find some humor where ever I can.
I keep seeing people coming out of the room with a sign on the door that reads CAUTION RADIOACTIVE MATERIALS.... what is going on in there?  Well there goes Jimmy Buffet.. now they call my name... Boy there is something about being told " we're now going to inject you with NUCLEAR MEDICINE"  As the medicine goes in, I suddenly wonder if I'm supposed to expect anything to happen like my eyelashes falling out, or my insides burning from inside out...I said to  myself "Oh Monya, stop it, you've made it through worse than this, pull it together"   
Now I'm waiting, I've become a professional at waiting.  It's been 2 hours since my injection, I'm walking talking and still have all my eyelashes, all's good so far.
When I'm called to go back for the bone scan, I was surprised that I was not asked to take any clothes off, I think this is a History Making day for Me at Mayo, I have never come here and not had them ask to undress from the waist up or waist down, today my bone scan is done without taking anything off, except for my necklace.  The bone scan consists of laying very still on a table that will slowly scan my entire body, it takes about 20 minutes.  Then the doctor asked for more pictures of my hip, this took another 20 minutes.  Finally, the doctor was satisfied with all the pictures and said my doctors office will call me when the results are in, so again we are waiting.

As I write this today, Mayo Clinic Called from the Breast Clinic and said the bone scan was NEGATIVE for bone cancer, but that they will do an MRI on Friday.  I am so happy about this news, still I need to know why I am having this horrible pain in my right hip. Maryann said we will find out and get it treated.  Thank you to all of you who fasted and prayed we are overwhelmed with the Love and Support we have received.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Pain and Purple Tulips

Saturdday I watched conference and the talk that stood out to me the most was Kent Richards of the Senventy, he spoke about Pain.   I loved when he said "The Savior is not a silent observer, HE Himself knows personally and infinitely the pain that we face."  I know as I face this next week, those words will stay in my heart and mind.  I certainly feel peace and comfort, I know that whatever the Lord has in store for me, it is HIS plan and with HIS help I will follow Gods plan for me.
The last few days, the pain in my hip has escalated.  I finally called Dr. Northfelt's office Thursday and Maryann called in a prescription for the pain.  I'm sad when I think about going back on pain medicines, it feels like I'm going backwards instead of forward.  I refuse to take the pain medicine, unless it gets to  at least  a 7 on a scale from 1-10, and I won't take it during the day when I watch Recker.  The pain got so bad I could hardly walk, and even cried when I was at COSTCO getting some last minute things for dinner, yesterday.  Kayla begged me to take some medicine, but I just wanted to spend some time with my family tonight.  I realize I need to be smart and do as the doctors are telling me, at least until we have a diagnosis and can find out what the culprit to all this pain is, however, my family means the world to me and if I have to be in a little pain just to have some fun time with them, then dog-gone it I will.  I am hoping for another miracle, is it selfish to ask for one more?  I believe the miracle we received after my last surgery was such an incredible modern day blessing and we needed it, I still thank Heavenly Father for that miracle.
Yesterday I received a  bouquet of beautiful Purple Tulips,  I love all the spring colors and flowers they smell like Heaven, thank you to who ever you are that had those sent to me, it really made my day.  I also received a beautiful bouquet of florals the day before, someone dropped them off at my door, still I don't know who you are but thank you so much, those acts of kindness cheer up the sad and make me feel glad, glad I have people in my life who love my family so much and who don't care about getting recognized for it, you are true Angels on Errands, and I love You.