Monday, November 26, 2012


 What did I learn this year?  Change is inevitable!  Sometimes I love it and most times I'm uncomfortable with it.  I'm sitting on my bed thinking about all that has changed in my life the past year, how much I can control and what I could not.

It's been a year now that I have been volunteering , this experience has brought great joy to me.  Interacting with patients who, as we read this are agonizing over burned skin,  bald heads, and medicines they can't even pronounce, trying with all their heart to survive and enjoy another holiday season with the people who mean the most to them, family and close friends.  I have tried to learn from those people who have entered and exited my life this past year, some survivors and some not so blessed.  The most important lesson I've learned from these wonderful people is that life is precious, not meant to be taken lightly.  Every person who I have met this past year has dealt with their journey differently, some have embraced it and some have turned themselves into angry not pleasant people, however, even those people I love and have learned great lessons from.  I also love all the men and women that I work with at the cancer center, they are caring and compassionate, exactly what I would of wanted when I was going through my radiation treatment.

Another change in my life came when I realized it was time to give up holding on to the thought of ever running a marathon--I am not going to ever be able to fulfill that dream of mine--but I have come to grips with that reality and now I embrace  those who I can watch run, I can cheer them on from the sidelines with a smile on my face, I can close my eyes and envision myself crossing the finish line when I see friends do it for me.  I loved watching the Olympics this year, while being engrossed in the gymnastics, soccer, cycling, and  swimming, my favorite was track and field I was sad when it all came to an end, when some of these athletes were finished for the final time.  I was touched by Michael Phelps, he has grown up so much, he announced he will not be competing in an Olympic event again, tears filled my eyes, he was encouraging to his team mates as he passed on the torch.  Somethings just have to come to an end, as sad as it can be life goes on.

We added a daughter in law to our Williams family journey--we love Chloe she brings out the best in Blake.  I've always thought he would be a great husband and father, with Chloe I know he can be himself, they will be wonderful parents. (someday, not making any announcements)

Changes with my  children have been difficult to live through, it's difficult being a parent when you want happiness for every one of your children, you know exactly how they can accomplish it, however, they don't see it exactly the way you do.  If I had my way they would all live at home with us, if Eric had his way they would all move out and be on their own, I guess that is just a maternal thing Heavenly Father has cursed and blessed me with.  I get so lonely without my children around, I was extremely sad when Katilyn and Brian moved out and Haleigh moved to Utah--I miss hearing them come in the house and yell "mom?" changes are hard on me.

When Mitt Romney lost the election I mourned for a couple of days, I fear for what is going to happen to our country.  I really thought Romney was going to win, I don't lose well.  The night of the election I went to my room, while the rest of the family waited and paced the floors downstairs, I was in my room watching a recorded session of General Conference, I could not watch the election.  I said my prayers went to bed and found out in the morning.  This is one change I really wanted to happen.

 Friday,  Eric and I got home after spending some time together and all my children were here except for Hales.  I got a text from Kaitlyn asking when we were going to be home, and that my favorite person was there waiting to see me, I knew it must be Recker, or it could of been Kaitlyn Brian, Kayla, Jeremy, Blake, Chloe, surprise to me it was all of the above.  They decided they wanted to have a little intervention with me, there were some tears and emotions were high as they told me their feelings about me moving forward and dealing with my health.  I had no idea they even knew I was struggling with this, I know they don't read my blog and I am not good at communicating to them because I don't want to worry them any more than they already have been.

 I got tears in my eyes when Blake said "mom, you can't give up you have to fight, Heavenly Father wants you to fight, we want you to fight"  Then Chloe told us about when her mom was sick with cancer, she kept things from Chloe, not wanting to worry her.  She continued, telling us as tears rolled down her cheeks she wished her mother had shared more of what was happening so she could of been  a part of her life while she was still alive.    I reassured them all that I am NOT dying, well at least not today ha ha, but that I would appreciate them letting me have until after the Holidays to talk about what I plan to do moving forward.  Then Eric, Jeremy, Brian and Blake gave me a special blessing.  I will never forget the words of my son as he lay his hands on my head and ask the Lord to help me feel peace and comfort.

Change comes in many forms, and is truly inevitable in our life.  As much as I want life to be normal, I understand "normal" is CHANGE.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Visit with Doctor Peter Kreymerman AGAIN

I have stayed away from my blog for a few weeks, I consider my personal thoughts here on this blog to be sacred, I simply have had nothing to say.

Last week I had several appointments at Mayo Clinic, tests and exams continue to be a normal part of my life.  It has been really frustrating. My hip pain is back in full force, a bone test was done and the spot is still there, time for another cortisone shot.  After going to my oncologist office last week, MaryAnn told me that my blood work looks good right now, but wanted to know what I have decided as far as treatment on my thyroid.  I do not have an answer for her, however I told her my concern about the Dr. I had been seeing, she agreed if I feel the way I do that I need to change my doctor and do it asap.  I'm working on that, but want to stay at the Mayo Clinic.

Some new things going on, a few of weeks ago my right breast had a lump and it started to turn red.  I was really thinking the cancer was taking over again but decided to wait to see my oncologist so he could look at it.  MaryAnn looked at it and said it was a breast infection, and that I should see plastics.  Yesterday, I made a visit to Dr. Peter Kreymerman.  I thought I was done seeing him, and yes I still love him.  He explained to me how important it is to let them know when I have something like this going on, any time I have an infection in my body (UTI, sinus infection etc even dental procedures) it can go straight to my breast and attach itself to my implant, when and if this happens I could be back in the OR with him getting my implants out. (my thought when he told me this was "who cares?, take them out") I am now on an antibiotic hoping the infection will go away.  Like always, I learned something from Doctor Peter Kreymerman (PK) and I am reassured once again why I love Mayo Clinic, my doctors do care about my health and want me to take every precaution to prevent more appointments and surgeries than needed.  I have a great team of Doctors, and although I never thought I would be seeing Dr. PK again it was good to see him.

I know it sounds like I am skipping around the elephant in the room, but really I'm not.  I totally understand what is happening with my body, Eric and I are on the same page and we, together will decide what doctors to see and believe we will be blessed.