tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91114274734419158842024-02-28T23:49:06.036-07:00Monya MomentsThis blog is a journey of my life, my life with breast cancer,facial paralysis being a mother, grandmother, wife and simply loving life through it all.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger639125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-43100187502767272972016-11-10T06:00:00.000-07:002016-11-10T06:00:15.042-07:00Love The Ordinary <span style="color: #444444;"> Sometimes it's good to sit back and enjoy an ordinary, normal day. It is a treasure to be completely aware of who you are and where you are going. I love to learn from other people, I'd love to learn from you!</span>
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<i><span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">“Anyone can love a rose, but it takes a lot to love a leaf. It’s ordinary to love the beautiful, but it’s beautiful to love the ordinary.” --Unknown Source</span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As I stumble through my life, I've come to realize how many things I have taken for granted. Mostly the <i>'typical</i>' everyday stuff we all seem to skip over. The ordinary is often overlooked for the beautiful. There is so much to love and appreciate about the routine day to day affairs of our lives</span></span><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiflGauSfMWoGt3PTSAD4UqOtAc5uOzrGe51QFbJ-yBrPqgqpK52tZ8F8xwFl5WsGV5xJd4mDuPa5TRB-cNbGo4AEXRALqKnO8NUJgbd6FQtxEICuzgq6WpgHeE2k-VEWQcS-EWXZ6ne9Y/s1600/beeline.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiflGauSfMWoGt3PTSAD4UqOtAc5uOzrGe51QFbJ-yBrPqgqpK52tZ8F8xwFl5WsGV5xJd4mDuPa5TRB-cNbGo4AEXRALqKnO8NUJgbd6FQtxEICuzgq6WpgHeE2k-VEWQcS-EWXZ6ne9Y/s320/beeline.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">a view from the road</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Recently I was driving towards Mayo Clinic for an appointment-I take the beeline highway which I have usually viewed as not very scenic; but on this day I noticed everyday beauty. I had seen these a thousand times on that drive, but on that day they were beautiful.</span></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit;"> I wondered why I had never taken the time to notice the cactus, or the artistry of the desert.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My personal philosophy leads me to believe our Heavenly Father, who created all things loves ordinary people as much as he loves what the world deems as </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">'beautiful'</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> people. My personal beliefs also affirm that there is goodness in all of God's creations, not just the things that are easy on the eyes. I'm convinced that the ordinary-both people and nature-deserve much more of our attention.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I am more spiritually in tune and mature than I was seven years ago--now when I recognize beauty I'm able to see with a different lens-viewing <i>'ordinary'</i> things through the eyes of God is a beautiful sight indeed. </span></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">Wouldn't it be nice if we all could see the world through the looking glass in this manner? How lovely it would be.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">--Monya</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-89671902281444294392016-11-08T23:17:00.000-07:002016-11-08T23:17:06.325-07:00Presidential Election 2016<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't necessarily love our President!!</td></tr>
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In what has been deemed as the most controversial Presidential Election in all of history, I have to admit I am not proud of how this election has been presented to not only the American people but the entire world; who seems to be laughing at us right now.<br />
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If ever there was a time in history we need love, acceptance and inclusion it is now. Neither candidate seems to be on the same page with me on this issue. I'm afraid our country is headed into the worst future it has ever seen. Neither candidate is fit to be working as the President of the United States of America. I remember when I was eighteen voting for the very first time. I was proud of President Reagan and what he represented. We all loved and admired him as a nation-whether you were democrat or republican, we worked together to a make America a Great Nation to live in.<br />
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The confusion and deception is inconceivable, the mainstream media has seized from fairly presenting facts. They are now a political driven media, controlled by the candidates and who will offer them the best monetary compensation for reporting what the candidate tells them to report-simply put they are controlled by political parties and instead of reporting the truths. Never in my lifetime have I been weary of the future of America-nor have I ever felt like I was forced to vote for a candidate just because one is less evil than the other.<br />
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Today Frenchie and I went to the polls like we always do but instead of being proud to be an American with the right to vote it felt as if we were marching to the beat of a different drum. Tomorrow we will wake up and have to be faced with a new President of the United States-Donald Trump vs. Hillary Clinton-who will win? I don't know the answer to that quite yet, but I do know no matter who wins-American's lose either way.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-13740740474736683032016-11-07T06:00:00.000-07:002016-11-07T06:00:04.081-07:00Love Your Mistakes<b>You Will Do Foolish Things, But Do Them With Enthusiasm --anonymous </b><br />
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Right now I am here, where I am supposed to be ! Boy have perspectives in my life and the way I see other's changed. Living with permanent facial paralysis has given me opportunities to live the life I was meant to live. I don't look back EVER ! My eye's are looking forward with great enthusiasm.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">One day last week I lowered my standards and chose to react to a situation. I allowed another person's ignorant choice 'get to me' I haven't felt anger like that in a long time, it didn't feel good and it goes against everything I have worked so hard to change. Although I realize anger is a natural emotion that most of us have experienced, I felt shame and embarrassment for my reaction. Why? Because it is my choice to let anger engulf my thoughts and feelings, I could have handled this situation so differently-shameful? Within the moments after yes--Now? Not necessarily, a learning experience? Absolutely !</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have no control over another person's choices but I do have over my own. Sincere love comes from an inner freedom. One which you are not controlled by the thoughts and negative feelings of other's. Love leads to allowing your mind to be free of the world's view on healthy relationships. I've learned through the journey of loving myself, love is kind-it's living free from the neurotic tangled up messes in our head of what the world defines love as. I have had to let go of my vulnerability and not allow the negative influences of other people penetrate me to the point I lose control of that freedom.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I learned from this situation I can offer my compassion and good-will for this person without agreeing with their decision. If I had stopped, taken time to think <i>perhaps this person is having a bad day, </i></span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">or that th</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">ey</span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"> simply see things different than I do </i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">I could have avoided that useless anger I felt. Perhaps this would have made a difference in their life and I know for sure it would have in my own life. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My love would have still been sincere and their point of view still validated but without the bitterness I felt. One thing I have learned is that what others do with the love I have to offer is on them, not me. All I could have done differently was to make that simple offering. I can love even as I disengage from tacky entanglements, wishing people well even if I need to step back from them. </span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-23926440958725465772016-11-06T20:41:00.000-07:002017-04-01T23:53:38.784-07:00Possibilities <div>
<span style="color: #444444;">"For You, Whose Day It Is, Get Out Your Rainbow Colors and Make It Beautiful" --Nootka Song</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;">Finding joy in possibility is magical. Living in a world as a child where possibilities were stripped from me I now see endless possibility for my life as an adult. Never in a million years would I have dreamed of actually writing a book about my life--but I did it!! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;">So many times people see the gloom in life because that is what they have been taught. I hope I have overcome seeing life through those lens's. I want my grandchildren to see their life with endless possibility. They need to be taught they can achieve anything they put their mind to, they can dream the impossible and make it possible. I hope they embrace every opportunity and challenge in life with zest and live in the moment.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;">My oldest grandson Recker was diagnosed with autism when he was just a very young toddler, he is now almost seven year's old; and still is non-verbal. I wish I could see life through his eyes. We, as a family know he understands so much of what is going on around him; but communicating is difficult.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444;">Just last week my daughter Kayla, his mother received this from his teacher. Four out of five.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He understands more than I realized<br /><br /></td></tr>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-25873242402552960672016-11-06T06:00:00.000-07:002016-11-06T06:00:00.170-07:00Cubs Make HistoryOn November 2nd 2016 the Chicago Cubs made history. 106 year's have come and gone since the Cubbie's won a World Series.<br />
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Frenchie and I were on the edge of our seats watching the 7th game of the World Series. I told him I wonder how many people actually had a heart attack tonight--sounds crazy? Not really if you watched this history unfold before your eyes you know exactly what I am talking about. Sports announcers, and social media made this fact very clear several times proclaiming if you have a heart condition you should use caution watching the game.<br />
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Going into overtime we watched as fans from both Chicago Cubs and Cleveland Indians were biting their nails, sitting on the edge of their seats, covering their eyes and some watching with blinders on as they tuned out all worries of the world to see the ending of the great Bambino Curse. A win for either side was going to make history Cleveland Indians have not had a win for over 60 years. Frenchie and I would have been happy for either team, but watching grown men cry, and embrace each other was touching and gave hope for people to NEVER GIVE UP.<br />
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As with all games, there has to be a winner and a loser. I knew with thousands of people watching half would leave very happy and half would leave very sad-but all would leave completely exhausted as they cheered on their team. Knowing Dr. Kreymerman is from Cleveland I began texting him-needless to say he went to bed disappointed. I was very impressed with the classy response from the Cleveland Indians manager Terry Francona-who has never lost a World Series Game -- he gave a very compelling speech in congratulating the winning Cubs team.<br />
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Days after the game ended Chicago Cubs fans across the nation are celebrating I imagine they will be honoring this win for years to come. Frenchie and I attend the spring training games every year here in Arizona-with that being said....Arizona for the most part are all Cubbies fans. They maintained a <i>'never give up' </i>demeanor throughout the entire season and it paid off--Congratulations are an understatement-they deserved to feel proud and grateful for this historical win.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsFxE0_CSaktiIIUpo3V7pinMbtYamGf5U2yTqbWskRQkWZhT3IL62xCJA3wkSyPhfVJ_6kurRnxdSLWCNNPAFToPg8Ywx7_mLKjcD0lnc05XPrSFh_fNVFVHnQUd5_KFgqIfuMhcZb44/s1600/IMG_2644.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsFxE0_CSaktiIIUpo3V7pinMbtYamGf5U2yTqbWskRQkWZhT3IL62xCJA3wkSyPhfVJ_6kurRnxdSLWCNNPAFToPg8Ywx7_mLKjcD0lnc05XPrSFh_fNVFVHnQUd5_KFgqIfuMhcZb44/s320/IMG_2644.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Winning Game Was Played In Cleveland-<br />
But Wrigley Field In Chicago Was Full of Cubs Fans</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Captivating Moments</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Final Score</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2a2j7R0poEOvX_CKeRlRtMW4Lur9fqFEBbFhDqxYQbcJG1uQsMbOlZQX2eViQIq0Nf7MJLx_YX6herkQiU2Zt7xa5Zn9sUM9HYiLDxdszWaU7iFjQ_3Bb8D-ZSvJYZd-e2PuAtHzJ614/s1600/IMG_2659.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2a2j7R0poEOvX_CKeRlRtMW4Lur9fqFEBbFhDqxYQbcJG1uQsMbOlZQX2eViQIq0Nf7MJLx_YX6herkQiU2Zt7xa5Zn9sUM9HYiLDxdszWaU7iFjQ_3Bb8D-ZSvJYZd-e2PuAtHzJ614/s320/IMG_2659.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">History</td></tr>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-36421534079487601562016-11-05T21:27:00.000-07:002016-11-05T22:57:26.724-07:00What is your life for?<span style="color: #783f04;">Abraham Lincoln inspirationally asked the question:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04;">"What is your life for?"</span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04;">and answered his own question with this answer:</span><br />
<span style="color: #783f04;">"It is for you."</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04;">I ask "Do you love your life?"</span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04;">A few months ago I bought front row seats for Hilary Weeks concert, two weeks ago was the concert. I had no idea her Song Love Your Life would be her theme. I love Hilary! She is a woman after my own heart trying to make a difference in the world with a positive, happy attitude. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq250ykEp1qvJvQDMcHONQbcibh4Q6blvjpNkiHwhuq-XG8Thhx50mU7d4Qv2O742XLQHHdgCVbY6Epivf08MdFQxm6KWw138-yIlboPMwIBq8PsAXGppREl9z1pes8ukswzDrH4up3Is/s1600/IMG_2497.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq250ykEp1qvJvQDMcHONQbcibh4Q6blvjpNkiHwhuq-XG8Thhx50mU7d4Qv2O742XLQHHdgCVbY6Epivf08MdFQxm6KWw138-yIlboPMwIBq8PsAXGppREl9z1pes8ukswzDrH4up3Is/s320/IMG_2497.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hilary's set was absolutely inspiring</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #783f04;">We only have one life to live and I personally want to love my way through mine. There is so much negative influence in the media, you don't need to search for it. I believe feeding your mind with constant adverse information is not only damaging to your soul it effects your life. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: inherit;">You don't need to be a monetarily rich person to make a significant contribution in live. So many people worry they need to have an amazingly great idea, be famous or powerful to make a difference. This is simply not true. I've seen small children make purposeful decisions that connect them with other's. If we could all see the world through the eyes of a child we'd see some amazing things.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: inherit;">Sadly many people go through life believing if they were to die no-one would miss them. They truly think it would have been best if they had not been born-this saddens me and makes my heart hurt. I wish so badly for everyone in this world to know their life matters, they are important and they alone can make a difference. How? By the small acts of kindness they offer other's daily. A smile say's I care and does not cost anything. We each have a chance to write our own story, it does not matter what adversity or trial you have had, make a choice everyday to be happy wake up with the attitude of joy and good-will.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: inherit;">Intentionally make a difference in the lives of other people and yourself by making a difference with whatever you have, wherever you are. This does not require being in a position of power, it just requires you to be you. Love your life and I promise it will rub off on the people surrounding you. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: inherit;">My life is half over and that is if I intend on living until I am 106...maybe I will!! Truthfully I have spent the first half of my life selfishly worrying more about my own problems. It literally took a life altering experience to change my story, I now understand the only person who can write and finish my story is me...I am the author of my life and I cheerfully realize there is no limit to the transformations I can and will make. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: inherit;">Using my own life to positively impact and help change the lives of other's is exciting. How powerful is it to have complete control over your own thoughts and feelings? Once you understand and internalize this type of thinking there is no limits to the change you can make in the world. If you have a heart and you see a need to make revision in the world you are on to something good; go with those feelings. Make a difference. Act on your instincts. The passion you have will give you leverage you need to make a significant change not only in someone else but in your own life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: #bd081c; background-image: url(data:image/svg+xml; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 193px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 240px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: #bd081c; background-image: url(data:image/svg+xml; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 193px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 240px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-62258105582547773402016-10-11T20:38:00.000-07:002016-10-29T01:14:23.732-07:00The skinny on skinny<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and Taryn, dinner before the show.</td></tr>
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The truth is skinny does not equal happiness or health. I am the thinest I've been since my twenties, I'm also the most unhealthy I have ever been. I know friends who with age have gained weight--it happens but they are healthy--they run, cycle and eat well balanced meals--they are beautiful.<br />
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I was recently asked to be on a Q and A panel immediately following the documentary called Embrace. Taryn Brumfitt did incredible research on the subject of body image. She interviewed some pretty amazing people. One common thread that most of them had was they never learned how to love themselves, or their body. I too struggled with body image as a teenager, I was too skinny and 'boobless.' (more about that in my book I CAN-cer vive) Some people are pre-disposed because of their genes to be thin or heavy. It's not the <i>'fatty's'</i> against the <i>'skinny's' </i>we are all a part of the human race and deserve love and laughter.<br />
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What if I were to say "I wish I wasn't so thin? or I wish I could gain weight?" If you are honest most people would say or think "I wish I had that problem." I know this to be true because I have heard people say it to me. Be careful with your words, what may be an acceptable weight for yourself may not be a healthy weight for another. When as a youth I heard friends say "You are so skinny!" It hurt, those words were as hard for me to hear as someone saying to another person "You are so fat!" I tried hard to gain weight and never quite accomplished my goal. When I graduated from high school I was 5' 9" and weighed only 96 pounds--that my friends is not healthy!!<br />
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When I speak to youth about body image it's interesting to open up for Q and A--most hesitate to ask questions knowing their peers are surrounding them and what they have to contribute may not be acceptable. The few moments of silence tells me they all are squirming in their seats because the thought of talking about their body is embarrassing--<br />
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I usually break the ice by asking this question, "If you could change anything about your physical body what would it be?" I laugh and say "I'd change my smile I loved my smile before my paralysis" When the dialogue begins it is magical to hear--most of our youth are not happy with something, usually I hear them talk about their weight, or things they were born with--like a not so perfect nose or believe it or not their feet or toes. I love that one. I remember a very handsome kid in high school who determined the girls he would date by looking at their toes--he needed the <i>perfect </i>shape- no toes were allowed to be taller than another--Say whaaaat? Seriously, toes? You may be wondering why I find this conversation magical--let me explain. When our youth collectively come together and are able to say out loud "I don't like___about myself" It gives everyone in the room a safe environment to talk about these issues, the youth usually walk away realizing they are not alone, but more importantly they are not perfect, imperfections are what make them unique. For some of them it is the beginning of embracing who they are and the endless possibilities they have to make a difference in our world.<br />
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When I was diagnosed with permanent facial paralysis, it was devastating. I went into a deep depression wondering how I would<i> fit in, </i>I still have moments of doubt but now I've learned how to harness that silly thinking by allowing myself a few minutes to mourn then looking myself in the mirror and telling myself I am uniquely beautiful from the inside out. Another healing thing I did was write a letter to myself, I scribbled down a few things I needed to <i>let go of and let be.</i> Those unimportant things that were serving no good purpose to my life are now a part of my past not my future, then I burned the paper.<br />
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This sweet lady is featured in the documentary Embrace. I was privileged to meet and talk to her. She has facial paralysis, obviously not as pronounced as mine but just as real. This was a moment I never thought I would have. Permanent paralysis from a nerve dying only effects 2% of people. Jade had a benign brain tumor that caused hers. I have to admit I teared up talking to someone who knows exactly what I am feeling--the messy eating--and the frozen eyebrow were just a few things we talked about coming to the conclusion we are imperfectly perfect<br />
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So, I've asked myself plenty of times over the past couple of years "How can I make this a positive experience? How can I endure and be blissfully happy with a disfigured face? Who will I allow in MY circle of trust and friendship?" I cannot change the world, but I can create a ripple effect by speaking out, embracing other's and being inclusive. <br />
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**Just a side note and after thought, our youth need to understand they are beautiful they way they are, but they also need to know this is not an excuse to feed their insecurities with food, we are a nation of obese people--this too needs to stop and is not healthy. Childhood obesity is on the rise, as parents we need to teach them a healthy balance of all natural foods--and guess what? It's ok to eat dessert first, once in awhile.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-75541747172373321182016-10-10T20:09:00.000-07:002016-10-10T20:09:29.501-07:00Disneyland 2016I had a wonderful time sharing Disneyland with Kaitlyn-Brian-Phoenix--Blake-Chloe-Wesley--and Haleigh and Scott--<br />
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My legs were so heavy and in pain most of the time, but it was well worth the memories we made. I only wish Kayla-Jeremy-Recker-Ezra and Theo could have been there with us.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Haleigh and Phoenix mesmerized by the parade</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">During the parade</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Phoenix loves Woody</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love my family</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kaitlyn Brian and of course Phoenix</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cousins</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Blake and Chloe are the perfect match--ask Wesley</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvucX6MxglhqEAvlHAyunWXaBo_TNLlpO3Dj23ccJvjBssK97Y4HfYhMlxDhK0vswC9KKXJmIerpnZGLnCsnsDdBlBcBrcSl1P8J5Pqr_AjHVqFpgqZj1li2XIA1DO8YDYH0_NN0m7HOc/s1600/IMG_2089.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="309" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvucX6MxglhqEAvlHAyunWXaBo_TNLlpO3Dj23ccJvjBssK97Y4HfYhMlxDhK0vswC9KKXJmIerpnZGLnCsnsDdBlBcBrcSl1P8J5Pqr_AjHVqFpgqZj1li2XIA1DO8YDYH0_NN0m7HOc/s320/IMG_2089.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love this ride--it gives so much HOPE for our world</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVeEZPtXfFjx1kWGIwoNjSxwbsVrum7lLaZCe9PbC3qpV_sek3qTV9ZnQuuPMJEzYVqe2GY4yjUsfbJNjYAgxDB_hiGy0qmLGO8hybhsdZcLdccZC8Wyg5eVmZDTuo8bOlSoRe99ctRJk/s1600/IMG_2090.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVeEZPtXfFjx1kWGIwoNjSxwbsVrum7lLaZCe9PbC3qpV_sek3qTV9ZnQuuPMJEzYVqe2GY4yjUsfbJNjYAgxDB_hiGy0qmLGO8hybhsdZcLdccZC8Wyg5eVmZDTuo8bOlSoRe99ctRJk/s320/IMG_2090.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I couldn't believe I caught this picture with<br />no one walking through.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8XIuvHwpcfh8dmY7NJAwTjemq89oHvabqBJPfd80-Gt7V_Cw7nvnzLhKj_-vuQRB6phgEugA_seTJS2OCaDq1sBQ8qIIsJISSH_NKZY0A8ZuDBx3DgbuNMtNFWN6e4qVb3pW2P2Hy984/s1600/IMG_2092.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8XIuvHwpcfh8dmY7NJAwTjemq89oHvabqBJPfd80-Gt7V_Cw7nvnzLhKj_-vuQRB6phgEugA_seTJS2OCaDq1sBQ8qIIsJISSH_NKZY0A8ZuDBx3DgbuNMtNFWN6e4qVb3pW2P2Hy984/s320/IMG_2092.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My girls-Kaitlyn-Chloe and Haleigh</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5p3qGjWoLyailTldc3YPmH6fIaA6EWIWd1tqOhsAUzCtk7dn13-KM-xEtVADkBkEqcWSj-7-Ze6OGeMlW42kmn_o6jSU5b1Fd4mLOjvovvgcKuYPVEEaEW0E5bZQ4XPei8ZutT-WpM-c/s1600/IMG_2094.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5p3qGjWoLyailTldc3YPmH6fIaA6EWIWd1tqOhsAUzCtk7dn13-KM-xEtVADkBkEqcWSj-7-Ze6OGeMlW42kmn_o6jSU5b1Fd4mLOjvovvgcKuYPVEEaEW0E5bZQ4XPei8ZutT-WpM-c/s320/IMG_2094.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Blake and Brian-the competition is on<br />to see who could spin the fastest.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0VjnRhKxhWA-XjaKN572RqyjXSwn27jjc_H4s6ZzUBBTgwCzVdElF-azG7yBEzTwKG57CnMQoLsFU-up7MZ9NjgHFzVwCWM9qeXdZW7tjX6cxXNHEsNIW4kI7oQn_e7px3eaiASka2wg/s1600/IMG_2104.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0VjnRhKxhWA-XjaKN572RqyjXSwn27jjc_H4s6ZzUBBTgwCzVdElF-azG7yBEzTwKG57CnMQoLsFU-up7MZ9NjgHFzVwCWM9qeXdZW7tjX6cxXNHEsNIW4kI7oQn_e7px3eaiASka2wg/s320/IMG_2104.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love Mickey</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS7oTAXxah6dLe_iSFM57cUKyM30HbqDEtVQ59SAEPXE9FTPhW7gbEYgZ5zvj1xLTRN0k9Y5VLszj4lzfRHWsrBsvnK90YXfu_jFuVE_0VfROvlDSETz0o1JOs__aHSIMy-tqyuLOfaiI/s1600/IMG_2133.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS7oTAXxah6dLe_iSFM57cUKyM30HbqDEtVQ59SAEPXE9FTPhW7gbEYgZ5zvj1xLTRN0k9Y5VLszj4lzfRHWsrBsvnK90YXfu_jFuVE_0VfROvlDSETz0o1JOs__aHSIMy-tqyuLOfaiI/s320/IMG_2133.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Phoenix and Wesley loved the parade</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs3-JFDq8U1l7badmPBPVKygcC0RJiJe_JaJmNjofrftf1qmrYOtCS3ItvQnu2Q_6ACFQ20nIIP98veYWOx6xODLgXiw3fL_qcRdhAwEQAgmxQ17lTa3B3CrkfugP1oMzRLwVoh5GwE3k/s1600/IMG_2134.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs3-JFDq8U1l7badmPBPVKygcC0RJiJe_JaJmNjofrftf1qmrYOtCS3ItvQnu2Q_6ACFQ20nIIP98veYWOx6xODLgXiw3fL_qcRdhAwEQAgmxQ17lTa3B3CrkfugP1oMzRLwVoh5GwE3k/s320/IMG_2134.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Wesley- the princess among our prince's</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyd5ntJ54cP4ba5jD9NiXy48O1Xt0HobfYJJCtG7ouSLEouBKv036PeodyQO0F3JC9koH9SKinG_FdO2XuKsh_YA9K5_M9VhOSXGXy78pWzQ0G0YJO5tbk1U9B7BFn-Th4Ywhyphenhyphen5bWJRAQ/s1600/IMG_2080.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyd5ntJ54cP4ba5jD9NiXy48O1Xt0HobfYJJCtG7ouSLEouBKv036PeodyQO0F3JC9koH9SKinG_FdO2XuKsh_YA9K5_M9VhOSXGXy78pWzQ0G0YJO5tbk1U9B7BFn-Th4Ywhyphenhyphen5bWJRAQ/s320/IMG_2080.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brian and Phoenix--</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWG7w8K8spWp9NZbPKsOnpOpVI-RJam8rJtqAnTnvl4L-Og_XZq75qsS-Lzem6ybN_IEojgmUVdTnkl2N0iO5lm8kOR7xNeOjQdtDqp1X55nc9GCmx82eukQmc1xHzcuX5SnLkBp88rKk/s1600/IMG_2144.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWG7w8K8spWp9NZbPKsOnpOpVI-RJam8rJtqAnTnvl4L-Og_XZq75qsS-Lzem6ybN_IEojgmUVdTnkl2N0iO5lm8kOR7xNeOjQdtDqp1X55nc9GCmx82eukQmc1xHzcuX5SnLkBp88rKk/s320/IMG_2144.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I loved this, the maintenance man made this with<br />the leaves that had fallen from the trees.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvjym9PNxzNeqUayJTO7re1kM0GU74EvWnL-MmwAD7rApHz36dDXrVVWNtGO_Ayrxe4i060oBqeQt6CESQk8rXrHxjfKAFEVfL6O8Awjt57DN9HSwn0uELvW1AB0hwzgPxz6LUoC8aqEY/s1600/IMG_2149.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvjym9PNxzNeqUayJTO7re1kM0GU74EvWnL-MmwAD7rApHz36dDXrVVWNtGO_Ayrxe4i060oBqeQt6CESQk8rXrHxjfKAFEVfL6O8Awjt57DN9HSwn0uELvW1AB0hwzgPxz6LUoC8aqEY/s320/IMG_2149.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Phoenix and Mommy watching the light show</td></tr>
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<img align="left" src="https://i386.photobucket.com/albums/oo310/shabbycreations2/postsig-43.png~original" style="border: 0px;" />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-27285851314202788752016-09-19T17:42:00.000-07:002016-10-07T03:51:53.876-07:00Holding on Tight<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzXAQ-NWK1OIw6qr45y4UytFJ177V5jEzdaQ-TlrfBN96fM4fasJ4XR1D-QA14njJ4GdA7Gc44Bdw9hNew-hu-3vH_aU7JmOKI3uivi6E23Zoia3XnfYejmabv_Rh-p387akr21kKfpzM/s1600/IMG_1899.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzXAQ-NWK1OIw6qr45y4UytFJ177V5jEzdaQ-TlrfBN96fM4fasJ4XR1D-QA14njJ4GdA7Gc44Bdw9hNew-hu-3vH_aU7JmOKI3uivi6E23Zoia3XnfYejmabv_Rh-p387akr21kKfpzM/s320/IMG_1899.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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The last skin graft is looking better</div>
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Everyday! I love Dr. Lettieri</div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">With all I have going on in my life I continue to ask questions. I know the Lord understands He loves me, even when I question and ask "why is this happening to me?" I wonder often "haven't I suffered enough?" This should be the time in my life when I am looking forward to Eric retiring, loving and sharing time with my sweet grandchildren but instead I continue to feel as though my body is deteriorating at a rate faster than I ever expected.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Today as I studied the scriptures I came across passages I have read and studied over and over, but today they brought me to tears. When Christ was on earth and visited the people he <span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314); font-style: italic;">directs the people to ponder His words and pray for understanding—He heals their sick—He prays for the people, using language that cannot be written—Angels minister to and fire encircles their little ones. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">He </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">perceive</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);"> that the people were weak, that they could not </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">understand </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">all his words which he was commanded by the Father to speak unto them at that time.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314); color: #783f04;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">He said to the people "</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">Therefore, go ye unto your homes, and </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">ponder</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);"> upon the things which I have said, and ask of the Father, in my name, that ye may understand, and </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">prepare</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);"> your minds for the </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">morrow</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">, and I come unto you again."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314); color: #783f04;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">When Jesus had spoken, he cast his eyes round about again on the multitude, and beheld they were </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">in tears</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">, and did look steadfastly upon him as if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with them. I would have wanted more too.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314); color: #783f04;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">He said to the people "</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);"> Behold, my bowels are filled with </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">compassion</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);"> towards you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">Have ye any that are </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">sick</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);"> among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">leprous</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314);"><span style="color: #333333;">heal </span></span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">them, for I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy."</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">"For I perceive that ye desire that I should show unto you </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">I see that your </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">faith</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);"> is </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);">sufficient</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255 , 255 , 255 , 0.00784314);"> that I should heal you."</span></span></div>
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<div class="" style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; line-height: 25.200000762939453px; margin-bottom: 26px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/17.9">
<span style="color: #783f04;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Once he had spoken, all the multitude, did go forth with their sick and their afflicted, and their lame, and with their blind, and with their dumb, and with all them that were afflicted in any manner; and he did heal them every one as they were brought forth unto him</span><span style="font-family: "palatino" , "palatino linotype" , "pahoran" , "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 18px;">.</span></span></div>
<div class="" style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; line-height: 25.200000762939453px; margin-bottom: 26px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/17.10">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="verse" style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span>And they all went forth, both they who had been healed and they who were whole, Then they bowed down at his feet, and did worship him; and as many as could come for the multitude did kiss his feet, insomuch that they did bathe his feet with their tears.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;">The word that continues to come to mine is 'desire'. It makes me wonder if I have enough faith, is my faith sufficient enough to be fully </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">healed?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #783f04;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have continually followed Him, I know too that I have let Him down in so many ways. When I'm in these weakened states I wonder if I hold back my heart and not allow His grace to pull me through. What on earth am I supposed to be learning? I am in continual pain, and now being diagnosed with kidney failure is incomprehensible. Just 2 weeks ago I told Frenchie how happy I was, that I was finally starting to physically feel better. I even told </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Dr. Lettieri I had a good feeling about the last skin graft. His answer was that we are still not out of the woods, but that he too felt good about the graft.</span></span></div>
<div class="" style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; line-height: 25.200000762939453px; margin-bottom: 26px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" uri="/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/17.10">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So here I am once again doubting myself, pushing myself forward trying to mask the fear I feel inside. I have three doctors appointments this week, then I am taking my grandchildren to Disneyland!!! Nothing any doctor tells me is going to get in my way of that trip even if they have wheel me around. Eric and I have a trip planned for Hawaii in a couple of weeks, I don't want to cancel that trip either--in fact I just want to fly first class, be as comfortable as I can and for once think of myself. I know we will not be able to do the things we had planned, this was as Dr. Lettieri put it "Finally, a much needed vacation before the next round of surgeries start." What I feel inside is an emptiness I can't describe, no one I know will or should have to understand it. The only thing I know for certain is that I am doing all I can to stay calm and be patient; only because I know the Lord has a plan for me.</span></div>
<img align="left" src="https://i386.photobucket.com/albums/oo310/shabbycreations2/postsig-43.png~original" style="border: 0px;" />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-52034457972732756892016-08-22T15:46:00.000-07:002016-10-07T03:53:00.437-07:00Another Surgery<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeTiYB8HJ2RR67oac_SJB-LL66Rug8_qIMow4Jfriy3-qABeQf3PkRAOVTjzV_KYcaO03VS7EKEqXqXYvahB9ppksuj1DzXzrSU_kqVrf5SVhlSQGPE281zcF0mn5v-er6aWhRE5qhAfg/s1600/IMG_0139.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeTiYB8HJ2RR67oac_SJB-LL66Rug8_qIMow4Jfriy3-qABeQf3PkRAOVTjzV_KYcaO03VS7EKEqXqXYvahB9ppksuj1DzXzrSU_kqVrf5SVhlSQGPE281zcF0mn5v-er6aWhRE5qhAfg/s320/IMG_0139.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Before Surgery this actually looks really good in comparison<br />
to the previous months.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHXRbblof32lKvh6bZuRI5IYjx_b8KqahlzTYv3AEFb8DAn8c2xdb9DVvbx8CEg9IRzya8THo9uOigAvMTrZXkM-mr56KuMpLNv1gcF74GVDbZsMIaED_btekQGZ0GzxKAYVAdIuE08zE/s1600/IMG_0142.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHXRbblof32lKvh6bZuRI5IYjx_b8KqahlzTYv3AEFb8DAn8c2xdb9DVvbx8CEg9IRzya8THo9uOigAvMTrZXkM-mr56KuMpLNv1gcF74GVDbZsMIaED_btekQGZ0GzxKAYVAdIuE08zE/s320/IMG_0142.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">After Surgery..I don't know what that yellow thing<br />
is but it stinks like the hospital<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPkDuwW0eoHBDwVs1KwO4mrZsNg_Hj5E4wRV5mvsMhq5CbLaiswjrkxW1DNuteM1jqhQIXid_pTFlRnwxwXQ52qJCaAHVMi-Gfc1hObzSDr6mW0xsEEf995XPtExbOfOas4omOvZR5Jbg/s1600/IMG_0156.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPkDuwW0eoHBDwVs1KwO4mrZsNg_Hj5E4wRV5mvsMhq5CbLaiswjrkxW1DNuteM1jqhQIXid_pTFlRnwxwXQ52qJCaAHVMi-Gfc1hObzSDr6mW0xsEEf995XPtExbOfOas4omOvZR5Jbg/s320/IMG_0156.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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I now have this doozie</div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Friday I had surgery with Dr. Lettieri. It was not a planned surgery, so I was a little shocked when he called me on Wednesday to tell me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">He did a skin graft taking the skin from my upper right collar bone area, I now have a new 3- inch scar but the good news is I think this will be my last surgery for awhile. Today I am very sore and still in pain.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">The last thing I remember saying before I was knocked out in the Operating Room was </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">"Dr. Lettieri....?"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">"Yes" Looking up from his paper work</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">"Dr. Lettieri, I love you" and out I went.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: small;">I woke up in recovery with a massive headache and pain in my chest. I didn't know Dr. Lettieri was going to take such a large area of skin for the graft; but I trust him and know he will take good care of me. I am home, recovering now, it takes me longer after each surgery to recover and get all the anesthesia out of my body. Surgery is becoming a monthly event, I'm happy Dr. Lettieri thinks this is the last one for a few months. I need time to enjoy the Fall weather that will soon be here.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-29373419354802713172016-08-19T00:25:00.000-07:002016-08-19T00:25:09.300-07:00What's Up?Ok so I haven't been the best at blogging my true feelings about the unfortunate facial paralysis I have. Here is a quick synapse of what has happened just in the last 2 years.<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Mastoid (layman's tumor) in the inner ear canal, burned black skin, very long difficult surgeries.</li>
<li>Woke up one day with the right side of my face partially paralyzed--spent 3 weeks in the ICU and had 3 surgeries to find out exactly what happened.</li>
<li>The nerve in my face that controls the right side went completely dead--no reason except an infection we had a hard time getting rid of.</li>
<li>I was told to go home and learn how to deal with the new face, Eric was told "Get used to your new wife, she will never smile again." (I love this Doctor, I am just stating how we heard it, not necessarily how he delivered it.)</li>
<li>Went to Cleveland Clinic for 7 weeks waiting to have another at least 12-15 hour surgery. Had what I thought was a near death experience.</li>
<li>Came home to Arizona, searched for a surgeon who specialized in facial trauma...found him, love him and he's at Mayo Clinic or Maricopa (options are nice)</li>
<li>Had a nerve crossover surgery (layman's...they took the nerve from my calf and threaded it through the left side of my head, down to my cheek.</li>
<li>Waited one year, and the nerve grew one inch a month--Dr. Lettieri very pleased..me too.</li>
<li>Had the next part of of the nerve surgery, everything was great until it wasn't...infection again this time compromising the parotid gland (Layman's--your saliva gland)</li>
</ul>
<div>
Yesterday Dr. Lettieri called me to advise I will be having surgery tomorrow. I realized tonight as I mentally prepared to enter surgery tomorrow....I am a professional at surgery. The hospital admittance receptionist called and said </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Monya, we are planning on seeing you at 5:30 am"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Ok I will be there."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So simple, so comfortable and so REAL. It's not normal for hospital staff to actually know a patient well enough to talk to them with such ease. No questions about health history or medications I take, not even the routine of no aspirin, no eating after midnight....nothing just "See you tomorrow"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'm so tired of telling my family and friends about surgeries, asking for prayers, it's almost embarrassing for me I done it so many times. I know those who pray for me don't feel like it's a burden but this story is getting old and needs an ending of Happy, and thriving in life.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
When I start to feel sorry for myself I think about all the people who have shown me so much faith and hope during the last seven years. I also think about my strength and the spiritual growth I have gained by going through these hard times. I'm not the same person I was pre cancer. I know Heaven is watching over me and everything that has happened is for a reason....I have no idea what that reason is but I know the Lord knows and has a plan for me. So as I retire to bed tonight I will kneel to pray once again to ask for guidance and inspiration for Dr. Lettieri to have steady hands and a clear mind as he enters the OR once again with me.</div>
<img align="left" src="https://i386.photobucket.com/albums/oo310/shabbycreations2/postsig-43.png~original" style="border: 0px;" />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-44266567584543680742016-08-11T00:51:00.001-07:002016-08-11T00:52:38.110-07:00Imagine <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/9Q0Eyw3l3XM" width="459"></iframe><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In my opinion one of the most powerful words in the English language is <i>Imagine; </i>this single word gives hope to a world that is in so much turmoil. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; margin-bottom: 30px; max-width: 620px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Of all the songs John Lennon wrote and performed, many of which have had tremendous impact on our culture, <i>“Imagine”</i> has the one I most resonate with. While its influence reaches across the globe, there are physical representations of it in the two places that most represented home to Lennon. The Liverpool Airport, renamed the Liverpool John Lennon Airport, has the line “above us only sky” painted on the roof. Yoko's monument to her husband, in the Strawberry Fields section of Central Park, is a mosaic of the word Imagine, where fans gather to mourn him as well as to celebrate his legacy. </span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Imagine there's no heaven</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's easy if you try</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">No hell below us</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Above us only sky</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Imagine all the people</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Living for today... Aha-ah...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Imagine there's no countries</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It isn't hard to do</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Nothing to kill or die for</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And no religion, too</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Imagine all the people</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Living life in peace... You...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You may say I'm a dreamer</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But I'm not the only one</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I hope someday you'll join us</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And the world will be as one</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Imagine no possessions</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I wonder if you can</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">No need for greed or hunger</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A brotherhood of man</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Imagine all the people</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sharing all the world... You...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You may say I'm a dreamer</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But I'm not the only one</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I hope someday you'll join us</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And the world will live as one</span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 30px; max-width: 620px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;"> </span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 30px; max-width: 620px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">These words were sung by a somewhat complicated man, in 1971 I didn't realize how </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: x-small;">inspiring these words could be. Now, as we fight and are at war with the world over religious beliefs and pride I can see that Lennon had great insight and wisdom to write and sing these words. Even today I am teary eyed when I hear this song. I love the hope it gives us.</span></span></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 30px; max-width: 620px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">7 years ago this month I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it has been a wild ride since that day I heard the words "you have breast cancer." I am blessed to still be alive and so many other health issues have come since then. I've learned to hear a diagnosis of breast cancer is not a death sentence to all and for me the words that crashed my world were "your face will never be the same again." I took my smile for granted, I will never smile the same again, I still have no feeling in the right side of my face I have chronic dry eye and am in constant pain even with the weight Dr. Lettieri placed in my eyelid I still have trouble seeing. Expressions that come so natural for other people I took for granted; like raising your eyebrows being able to eat without my eye blinking is impossible; I rarely eat in public places. I am recognized by my new look. Interesting enough I have always been self conscious about my looks and certainly never felt beautiful. Trying to embrace who I am and who I represent in life has been and is an ongoing struggle for me. I know beauty comes from within, but trying to look in the mirror and be ok with the woman staring back at me has also been frustrating and brought many tears.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Tonight I watched my grandson Phoenix who is only a year and a half old laugh and giggle at silly things he saw and heard. I love and adore my children and grandchildren, with that love comes a responsibility one I don't take lightly. I want them to be happy, not only through their innocent laughter but as they grow I wish for them to find joy in the small things, to never take anything or anyone for granted. I hope I can relay through my eyes and my heart their Bon Bon has had struggles in life but that I learned to embrace them, grow from them and then share how to be happy through those trials.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I, like John Lennon hope everyone, especially my grandchildren will live in the moment, I imagine them all living in peace, judging no-one along their path but instead handing them a dollar or two, and asking the Lord to bless them in their trials. I imagine them having no greed and living true to their believes with integrity. I wish for them to see ALL men and women as a brotherhood and sisterhood giving, sharing and helping each other. Yes, and just like he was judged as a dreamer I am judged as an optimist--dreaming and optimism are wonderful attributes to have. As gloomy as the world seems right now we all have so much to be grateful for and as the song says Imagine all the people living as one and sharing one world. I see this happening and often times it is when I am asleep dreaming; so there you have it I'm a dreamer and an optimist.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<img align="left" src="https://i386.photobucket.com/albums/oo310/shabbycreations2/postsig-43.png~original" style="border: 0;" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-58356789179286470772016-07-23T16:22:00.001-07:002016-07-23T16:27:26.966-07:00The Art Of Being Happy <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioVtLgxTDerFUmOUxo5fgjdD-BXdvhobtb6_em5J9rDzqpiCMA89CiHnUtsT9wkOu1H52Acf2CsYZDAE7lWekNuqT97sgHKxS67SMWGdIQVJuhakq6UlsbHNeY-7NSHR7BoGob5bMTDIs/s1600/IMG_3992.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioVtLgxTDerFUmOUxo5fgjdD-BXdvhobtb6_em5J9rDzqpiCMA89CiHnUtsT9wkOu1H52Acf2CsYZDAE7lWekNuqT97sgHKxS67SMWGdIQVJuhakq6UlsbHNeY-7NSHR7BoGob5bMTDIs/s320/IMG_3992.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I'm so glad I attended the 1st Festival of Positive Education this past week. I had to evaluate whether this would be a good idea or not, given I just had surgery and still have a drain hanging from my head. Dr. Lettieri thought it was ok when I told him I was going. Boy am I glad I went, nothing quite compares to being in a room with others who share my same interest in making the world a better place, by teaching our children to love one another and themselves. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEindpVV-k4Fd3eVvlS1jNAa92Anh8OJXOjLwIwPd98HVhJ3QOVMx2wNGdQJ6eT6UYSKnp2VTQzv9Lj3udQPlFfz9YsycuXN68_udReUwcy3jyZmdNkwn8MZe4xkYJXU56mF2V4keoHz5zQ/s1600/IMG_4029.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEindpVV-k4Fd3eVvlS1jNAa92Anh8OJXOjLwIwPd98HVhJ3QOVMx2wNGdQJ6eT6UYSKnp2VTQzv9Lj3udQPlFfz9YsycuXN68_udReUwcy3jyZmdNkwn8MZe4xkYJXU56mF2V4keoHz5zQ/s320/IMG_4029.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">China</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQzJHQ5g6hFMdmtKw6pfv4wwde_hMHJwKX0wfvAe_IbYyc2dP4TO_MDJTC_-OJAtGAWOk0_gssp_DyVUG_GVQkx3g-Eohj27706phlHUXa9ZRAdtS7kE8Z1nw3_-EK4POq4xLfl9uOgbE/s1600/IMG_4083.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQzJHQ5g6hFMdmtKw6pfv4wwde_hMHJwKX0wfvAe_IbYyc2dP4TO_MDJTC_-OJAtGAWOk0_gssp_DyVUG_GVQkx3g-Eohj27706phlHUXa9ZRAdtS7kE8Z1nw3_-EK4POq4xLfl9uOgbE/s320/IMG_4083.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mexico</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
I was shocked at how many people came from other countries to be involved with this positive movement towards happiness. Dubai, Africa, Australia, Belgium, Bhutan, Brazil, Canada, Chile, China, Columbia, Finland, Germany, Greece, Iceland, India, Iran, Ireland, Israel, Japan, Jordan, Mexico, Napal, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Philippeans, Portugal, Slovakia, Spain, Turkey, U.K., USA, Singapore and Switzerland. That is a lot of countries included in the Global representation. Well at least I was impressed!<br />
<br />
Our country, the world as a whole is in turmoil right now. This is a Presidential election year in the United States and while I can't speak for everyone, a majority of people are perplexed and undecisive about who they should vote for. I usually agree and vote republican, but over the the last few years I've tried to listen with a silent voice trying to discern right from wrong, now I realize we are choosing good from evil. Maybe our politicians should be attending the IPENfest.<br />
<br />
One thing I learned is to practice like an expert, be deliberate in all you do. Focusing 100% in the moment of what you are doing at the time is essential to accomplishing pure joy and happiness. Talent matters, but those are not necessarily the people who show up, it doesn't matter what your talents are if you can't show up and be present in the moment. When we allow our lights to shine on other people we are creating a ripple towards positive mindsets. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1AHt8hMxiL84olB5QZHhftHT20EN6hmOWxDF1dTDlPh8nZHr1K9IWnK8SxUZd7b5tRY2Kzng6BnUWk_buw1qZ8rvQDMoaTzeoEMyYOMP4Dk1bz8k6b2tgj3vIZmKXdFO_LP-XUKXf0xg/s1600/IMG_4068.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1AHt8hMxiL84olB5QZHhftHT20EN6hmOWxDF1dTDlPh8nZHr1K9IWnK8SxUZd7b5tRY2Kzng6BnUWk_buw1qZ8rvQDMoaTzeoEMyYOMP4Dk1bz8k6b2tgj3vIZmKXdFO_LP-XUKXf0xg/s320/IMG_4068.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sir Anthony Seldon</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Martin Seligman--</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcu7mEYIBaonsaQfS0MMgzhibsDuvmchTkTSpkFVY3CF3b93wsbrUVlUcyIne5s6FgtsalzTseL162yDz2ol4WDTYPF_q7lDfB6vEYm4KxnW5jPCeFSNiY-Ub7Ka5jdWRYeYdjsUnNLhs/s1600/IMG_4014.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcu7mEYIBaonsaQfS0MMgzhibsDuvmchTkTSpkFVY3CF3b93wsbrUVlUcyIne5s6FgtsalzTseL162yDz2ol4WDTYPF_q7lDfB6vEYm4KxnW5jPCeFSNiY-Ub7Ka5jdWRYeYdjsUnNLhs/s320/IMG_4014.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shawn Achor</td></tr>
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When my children were very young I took them to a park most Sunday's after church, I learned an incredible lesson one day as I walked hand in hand with my son; he was only five or six years old at the time. We went home after church and changed our clothes, my children were ready to feed the ducks. I was ready for a nap; needless to say they won me over and we went to the park. My mind was not at the park, I was thinking about everything I needed to do when we got home. We brought a blanket and a loaf of bread to sit and feed the ducks. Blake wanted to take a walk, and so we did. Hand in hand we all walked. Like most young children Blake was curious about the outside world. Imagine my perspective when he started saying things like this<br />
<br />
Oh look at that rock<br />
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Wow that duck is hungry<br />
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Why are the trees so green?<br />
<br />
Mommy, did you hear that bird?<br />
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The wind feels soft on my cheeks<br />
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That is a cool garbage can (it was pink)<br />
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The lesson I learned on that very simple light hearted walk was amazing and something I have taken with me throughout the rest of my life. Children don't care about how many calories we are burning while we are walking, or that his hair was messed up and clothes unmatched. He didn't care because he chose them, it's what he wanted to wear and he did. I wrote in my journal that night, today I was not prepared to be Amazed by a child; yet I was.<br />
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What makes us change our perspectives? Look for the positive? I've tried and failed so many times at being 'in the moment' then I'm reminded of this walk and remember 'I can change at that moment; I have choices.' There was so much clarity on that day as we strolled along the lake at Freestone Park.<br />
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As times moves forward each new chapter or journey in our life is a chance to be renewed, take on a positive perspective and make adjustments where needed. We sometimes need to take a brain break; train ourselves with mindful awareness through our senses; touch, sound, sight and yes taste. Treat yourself once in awhile to a simple piece of chocolate, just don't indulge in the entire bar. Savor those moments in time we seem to want to move so quickly through. <br />
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One of the powerful lessons I learned at the IPENfest came from Martin Seligman. He said "Pessimism is a risk factor for depression, as smoking is to lung cancer." Wouldn't it be nice if we could diminish depression while our children are in elementary school by teaching positive education? Children need to learn the art of being happy before they hit puberty. In fact I would say they need to learn it before they turn the age of five, those first five years of life are detrimental for learning and soaking up like a sponge what happiness is. This starts in our homes, then should filter into our schools. Boy had I learned this as a child I would be far better off. <br />
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I loved each and every class that was available for me to learn from but I think the person I took the most from was Sir Anthony Seldon. He talked about depression, the demons he battled in the 1970's trying to get himself out of the space of depression and anxiety. I could relate to everything he talked about, I too have suffered from depression and learned a new way of dealing with anxieties. He talked about his wife who has incurable cancer living with this type of disease is extremely stressful on the entire family....yes, I know. I wanted to talk to him one on one, so during his book signing I waited until the line was gone and he was sitting by himself. I asked him how or if mindful happiness has helped his wife deal with her diagnosis. He spoke very softly, which was very much different than his presentation -where he seemed to have a 'bigger than life' personality, but now we were talking perspectives on the same level. He had a sacredness about him while talking to me. He didn't actually answer my question directly, but said they pray a lot. He could see the drain I was trying to disguise in my shirt...(it actually looks like a 'third boob' as Dr. Lettieri described it) and asked<br />
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"And what is your diagnosis dear?" I loved his english accent.<br />
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"I started with breast cancer in 2009....." and with a brief few sentences I gave him the gist of what was happening in my world. <br />
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We shared the same emotions in that moment of tears; an understanding that both cancer patient and care givers are brave and live in a world no one else can comprehend unless they've 'been there.' Yes, happiness is a choice and I believe we can control our thoughts and feelings by being in the moment however he and I both agreed on another theory. Trying to be happy every second of every day is difficult, it takes training and complete awareness. Life and tragedy happens if not to you yet, it will be knocking on your door eventually; how will you deal with it? Our theory is that even when life 'happens' it's ok to be sad, mad, anxious and scared those are natural God given tendencies, it's how we deal with the problem that really matters more than the actual diagnosis.<br />
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My awareness was heightened to a new level as I learned from the best positive psychologist and scientist in the world. I am so glad I took the time, got out of my own world and went to this festival of happiness.<br />
<br />
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<img align="left" src="https://i386.photobucket.com/albums/oo310/shabbycreations2/postsig-43.png~original" style="border: 0px;" />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-89215506915142821602016-07-15T09:35:00.000-07:002016-07-15T09:35:05.655-07:00Poo Poo On Dr. LettieriI had an appointment with my favorite smile doctor, hoping Dr. Lettieri would take this drain out of my neck imagine my surprise when he said<br />
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"That drain is not coming out today."<br />
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"There's no blood, I want this thing out."<br />
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Dr. Lettieri has beautiful blue eyes, they were staring through me with a smile as he said<br />
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"I'm worried about the fluid that is in your drain, I just want to send it off for testing."<br />
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"Um.....testing for what?"<br />
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"Not to worry, but before I take out your drain I want it tested to see if your perodid gland is leaking."<br />
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"I understand Dr. Lettieri but I need this drain out, it's driving me crazy and I'm going out of town."<br />
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"No you don't understand."...he smiled, but with a concerned look continued "We have a huge problem if it's the parodied gland, then we are back to square one. I'm not taking it out yet."<br />
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All I could think of was he's trying to help me, I need to listen to him. I looked at him as he walked out of the room, totally confused.<br />
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When the nurse came in he said "Are we ready to take out that drain?"<br />
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I immediately said "Yes, let's take it out...." the door was open and Dr. Lettieri came running in and said<br />
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"Don't let her talk you into taking that drain out" Raising his eyebrows at me still smiling I wanted to smack him.<br />
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Then he proceeded to tell the nurse to go get what he needed to inject BOTOX into the parodid gland.<br />
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I said "BOTOX? What the heck for?"<br />
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"Before you get all bent out of shape, the BOTOX is injected into the perodid gland to help stop the draining, don't worry it will help."<br />
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The first shot of BOTOX was so painful I yelled out in pain saying "I'm going to kill you."<br />
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As he continued "No your not, I know it hurts like hell but it's what is going to stop that draining"<br />
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I'm not sure how many shots he actually shot into my gland I think it was about eight shots. With every shot the pain intensified. I could hear and feel it crunching through the scar tissue. When he thought he had hurt me enough, he asked<br />
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"So I'm assuming you don't want the remaining shot into your forehead?"<br />
<br />
"Uhh....that would be an astounding NO."<br />
<br />
The next day he called me with the results....."Yes it is the parodid gland draining, that drain is not coming out yet."<br />
<br />
..."Seriously? Of course it is, you do know I am supposed to go out of town and won't be back until August 3rd?"<br />
<br />
"Yes I realize that but it is not coming out, this is a potential serious problem."<br />
<br />
Later I text him "Thank you for taking good care of me, I'm sorry if I was mean to you."<br />
<br />
"Belive me, I've heard worse, let's just get you better so we can start on the nerve situation. I know the shots hurt but they will help close down the gland."<br />
<br />
So for now I still have the drain hanging out of my head, and now my BAJA is leaking something.<br />
<br />
<br /><img align="left" src="https://i386.photobucket.com/albums/oo310/shabbycreations2/postsig-43.png~original" style="border: 0;" />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-62497400287527164032016-07-13T08:51:00.002-07:002017-04-01T23:53:38.796-07:00I never imagined being a grandmother would be so rewarding. <img align="left" src="https://i386.photobucket.com/albums/oo310/shabbycreations2/postsig-43.png~original" style="border: 0;" />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-61835164615737427022016-07-11T09:32:00.000-07:002016-07-11T09:32:35.283-07:00Surgery #35On June 30th I entered Maricopa County Hospital with Dr. Lettieri (my smile doctor)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Myself and Dr. Lettieri-just before surgery</td></tr>
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I wasn't nervous or afraid, after all he was just repairing some of the skin that was ripped off after my skin graft. This should be an easy surgery....right?<div>
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<div>
Afte surgery they doctor usually takes Eric in a private room and discusses the finding of the surgery. Not expecting much change imagine Eric's surprise when Dr. Lettieri told him he found a lump with the consistency of cancer he needed to extract and take to the lab. During that extraction he had to cut through muscle and down to the bone. This has been very difficult to recover from; he also left me with no appetite and a drain hanging from my head.</div>
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I was texting Dr. Kreymerman the other night, he was asking how I was doing....I sent him a picture of my drain and told him these always remind me of him.</div>
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PK's answer back "Gee Thanks"</div>
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My reply "It's not a bad thing, It just brought back memories of me wanting to kick you when you asked me to wear it for another week. Now I realize the reasons why.?"</div>
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Dr. Lettieri has been so kind and compassionate with me on Tuesday I was back in his office. Hoping for the drain to come out but realistically knowing that was not going to happen and it didn't.</div>
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On Wednesday I was in so much pain I could not turn my head, lying my head on my pillow was excruciating pain also exploding me into tears. I called Dr. Lettieri and asked if he could meet me take out the staples, which I thought was help relieve. He took out all of the staples, the relief from that pain did not improve for a few days. With lots of ice packs and patience the pain finally subsided well at least a lot less than what it was. I do not like pain medicine, so I resorted to ibuprofen on the proper requested amount from the Dr. Lettieri.</div>
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The best news of all was Dr. Lettieri telling us the lump was 'CANCER FREE' this was encouraging. </div>
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The lump was full of scar tissue and muscle from previous surgeries.</div>
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My family seemed very pleased. I had many people praying for me from every religious beliefs. Thank you to everyone person who helped the those prayers meet the Heavens because it worked.</div>
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I thought I had been so spoiled going to Mayo Clinic, I still love and adore all my doctors who I still see. However, Dr. Lettieri who is hired by Mayo Clinic also works through Maricopa County Hospital is brilliant in all he does. Meeting him at MCIH is so much easier for me and for him. </div>
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The staff at MHIS is by far the nicest people I have ever met. They remember me when I return and call me by my name with a huge hug and smile. I am never left alone, one of them is always with me and I appreciate their attention and kindness.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just to give you an idea of the seriousness of this<br />infection. It is getting so much better.<br />Thank You Dr. Lettieri<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">
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This last procedure will hopefully do the trick and clear this up so Dr. Lettieri can move on to the nerve problem. I know many people have asked me if this was a Doctor error.....I want to say with and inequitable answer ABSOLUTELY NOT. My mother and brother both died of infections, it's a part of the make up of my DNA. I cannot take them lightly when they occur.</div>
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Today I still have the drain, that will hopefully change tomorrow. Eric and I have not gotten away for quite some time and we have a trip planned. I'm leaving on July17th for a Happiness convention in Dallas. I will also be filming a video for them. Then meeting Eric in Cancun after ward I have to get Dr. Lettieri's approval, but I know as well as he does I need a break. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-16195216940531011962016-07-10T22:22:00.001-07:002016-07-10T22:22:34.099-07:00TIMETwo years ago I was diagnosed with partial facial paralysis, the doctor informed me my face would never be the same again. To describe my emotions during that time is impossible. I spent several weeks in the hospital, when released I was told to try and live a 'normal' life. Whatever 'normal' is to the world is not my normal...only 2% of people in the world have facial paralysis due to a nerve dying. The first year after my diagnosis I was miserable, trying to talk was unbearable knowing what I must look like to other people. My self esteem and self worth were in the toilet.<br />
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This past year I have been concentrating on loving myself. Focusing on who I am, where I came from and finding out where I want to be has been liberating. It has been the perfect prescription; it costs no money but required time and patience. I've studied the science behind happiness and in my studies have been completely blown away with what I didn't know. Evidence has proven that the connection between mind and body-between well being and physical health--it's real, I mean really real. There is no big secret here, sometimes I know at least in my life I've been in such a race to find what will ultimately bring me pure joy; when actually trying to FIND happiness is what has slowed me down. I do think there is some strategy involved and for me I deal with it daily to keep myself in check.<br />
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So many people have asked me "How do you stay so positive with all you have going on in your life?" The truth is I have times when I am feeling down or needing my well to be filled by someone else's truth, faith or hope. I've had a tendency to focus on being the 'perfect' wife, mother, sister or friend. I'm not saying those things are not important however there is a balance, at least for me that needs to be met. I've been forced to learn this amazing concept. I see so many people, just like I used to be who give up their personal happiness to make sure everyone else is happy. Slowing down and focusing on the thing that is right in front of me, right now has helped me to be present.<br />
<br />
I recently read an article about living in the moment and being present, according to a study done on 5,000 people by psychologists Matthew Killingworth and Daniel Gilbert of Harvard University, adults spend only 50% of their time in the present moment. Basically what that says to me is we are mentally checking out half of the time. In addition to checking when people's minds were wandering, they collected information on their happiness levels. What they found was when we are living in the present moment we are also at our happiest, no matter what we are doing. So when we are doing a project we really don't find pleasant you can still be happier if you are 100% consumed in the activity than when you are thinking about something else while doing it. <br />
<br />
This concept is so hard for some people to master, including me. Trying to bring your mind into the present moment can be a daunting task, however I have come up with some ways to help myself.<br />
I am constantly thinking about my next surgery before I've had a chance to recover from the last. When I notice myself doing this, I try my hardest to nudge myself back into the present consciously learning to observe my mind wandering behavior away from the future and into the moment. To retrain your mind you need to be consciously aware of the pattern your brain takes you in while it's wandering. Having my grandchildren around has helped me to stay in the present, I don't want to one day say "Wow, here I am with all my family around and I can't focus on them, I'm too worried about this or that." If you are with your family, put your phone away, turn off the television or radio. Take a break from modern technology and seriously enjoy life for a day without the stress of the phone. Who ever developed the 'smart phone' was truly smart, but did they take into consideration how much time would be taken away from family? On Sunday's all of our children and grandchildren come for dinner. Last night I was trying to discuss with them a new idea I had for our family to better strengthen our bonds. I looked up and every single one of them were on their 'smart phone' they didn't hear or listen to one thing I had to say! Them not listening to me was not the shocking part, it was watching all of them engage in whatever was so important on their phones. I decided we will drop the phones at the front door on Sunday's to enjoy the moments with each other. I'll have to get back to you on that one, I'm not sure how it will go over with everyone but I'm willing to try.<br />
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So how do I bounce back? Through my studies I've found that with practice, everyone can develop resilience. It's not easy, at least it hasn't been for me. I've learned my capacity to adapt to challenges has been unwavering. I'm not sure why, I haven't attended any resilience training I just know I am in tune with my own body and spirit. Just when I think I can't handle anything else along comes a new trial but I seem to thrive in the aftermath of adversity. Every person is different and needs to find what works for them. I find doing acts of kindness helps me with my resilience and helps me cope with the past, present and future. This is what I think it takes to be a strong resilient person:<br />
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1. Have core beliefs that no one or nothing can shake.<br />
2. Try to find meaning in the stresses of everyday life.<br />
3. Try to always be a positive person.<br />
4. Face the things that scare you; don't run from them.<br />
5. Reach out for help from others---I'm working on this one.<br />
6. Keep your brain active by learning new things.<br />
7. Get out and move, exercise everyday find something that is reasonable for you and stick to it.<br />
8. Do not dwell in the past, or beat yourself up over things you cannot change.<br />
9. Own your strengths and weaknesses, recognize why you are unique and write it down.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-78336564607564318562016-06-23T17:21:00.001-07:002016-06-23T17:21:16.195-07:00God is Good<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I am grateful for the good and bad experiences I've had in my life. I've had a few friends diagnosed with breast cancer over the past few months. Each one of them have had a lumpectomy no chemo or radiation. While a part of me wants to ask....why I didn't catch it sooner, the inner spirit in me says the Lord has a plan for me. I may never know what that is, but I continue to have faith and hope for continued strength to help me through this earthly life.<br />
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Today as I scrolled through Face Book reading updates on friends lives, I read one of them was told she was CANCER FREE by her physician, I was thrilled for her, but the comments were what intrigued me. Almost everyone of the 200+ comments said God is Good. I agree God is good, but for someone like me who has been dealing with health issues for almost 7 years now I had to question....isn't God Good to everyone? Although I continue to do all I'm asked to do by my physicians I also continue to have heartache after heartache; my body is not cooperating. Some people have been bold enough to say this is due to my lack of faith. I, in no way believe I'm not as good in the eyes of the Lord as these other woman are but I would be lying if I said it didn't affect me. While I am honestly happy for these friends, I never want anyone I love to experience what I've been through I do not believe it has to do with how much faith I have. I know without a doubt the Lord loves me and has a purpose for me here on earth. I'm trying to be the best woman I can be, trying to give unselfishly, serve others with a thankful heart....not because I think I deserve some great reward of complete healing but because I know when I serve others it makes me feel good, and in a strange way, maybe other people cannot understand it helps me feel hope for not only my future but for the future of those I serve.<br />
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Yes, God is Good he is in charge of my life, I am in charge of how I react to it. I have chosen to not step around the fire but to run through it knowing on the other side will be safety. The peace I feel knowing I'm ok with who I am from the inside out is becoming more and more real as the years pass and the reality sets in knowing my doctor was right....my face will never be the same again, at least not in this lifetime. I look forward to the day when I pass over to the other side knowing my body will be perfect again like a new born I will no longer have pain. Until that day I live each day with a smile on my heart and sincerity with my intentions.<br />
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God is good all the time, to everyone.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-80645800647133661462016-06-20T14:59:00.002-07:002016-06-20T15:47:28.701-07:00Love YourselfMy body is not responding well to the skin graft. I met with Doctor Lettieri this week, we both agree I will be returning for surgery #35 on June 30th. Frenchie and I needed some time together, he has been working a lot of hours and I have been dedicating a lot of time to Nerium. One of the benefits of working for an airline is being able to make last minute plans. We looked at non-stop flights from Arizona to evaluate where we could get away for a few days, away from REAL life. My least favorite place in the world to go is where the spaghetti stuck--Las Vegas.<br />
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Free forty four minute flight, we are staying at the Aria. Funny thing about coming to Las Vegas, I need quiet--it's NOT....I wanted serenity......It's anything but that......Just walking through the casino all I hear is noise, the chattering in my head reminds me of every MRI I've ever had....only it never ends. We have spent the days by the pool, or staying in our bed until three watching movies, and talking about life.<br />
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Yesterday I noticed a man in a wheelchair with only stubs from his knees down. In that moment I wondered how this happened to him, was he in the war? Did he have a medical diagnosis? Quickly my mind wondered how it would feel to never be able to walk again, to feel the sand in my toes or the green grass rub the bottom of my feet. My legs are valuable, they have taken me to places I've always wanted to go, like my happy place in Paris. Now that I have experienced the joy of riding a bike peacefully through the tree lined paths of Porte Jaune picking wild berries, stopping for a rest next to a beautiful lake with graceful swans commanding the water beneath their wings I can't imagine never being able to do those things again, they bring so much joy to me.<br />
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My legs have helped me run hundred's of miles and cycle thousands. More than the run or ride itself I have learned to appreciate, and love my legs. While on run's I have shed tears of pain, cleared my head of demons and crossed the finish line with a smile. I took my smile for granted, I believe we all take so much in our life for granted. Why do we wait until a medical diagnosis or tragedy to appreciate all that we have? This past year I have taken time to really get to know myself, I've been working on being ok with who I am and how I look. I've had to dig deep and find the potential in myself, the guidance from the spirit has helped me to overcome over whelming thoughts of desperation and loneliness.<br />
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With the diagnosis of partial facial paralysis comes a variety of issues I've never had to deal with before. Only one eyebrow lifts, only one eye freely blinks, my lip is completely paralyzed so eating is difficult. When I chew one eye blinks, food get's caught inside the right side of my mouth, and my mouth bleeds as I chew off the inside of my gums. I usually don't know it's bleeding until I either taste the blood or the napkin reminds me as I wipe my mouth. Going to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned is difficult for everyone, my mouth has to be manipulated with tools to keep the right side open and it hurts, flossing is even harder. My right eye does not blink naturally, I have a platinum piece in my eyelid to help but my eye dries out so easily and that too is painful.The truth is until each of us love ourselves, I mean truly be ok with the person we have become I don't believe we have the capacity to truly love other's unconditionally.<br />
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Whitney Houston sang a song that comes to mind the words are poignant and been extremely important to me this past year.<br />
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<i>The Greatest Love of All</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>No matter what they take from me, </i><br />
<i>they can't take away my dignity.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Because the greatest love all is happening to me, </i><br />
<i>I found the greatest love all inside of me. </i><br />
<i>The greatest love of all is easy to achieve,</i><br />
<i>learning to love yourself it is the greatest love of all.</i><br />
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Showing integrity when people are watching is easy, because we want to please those around us, those who watch every move we make. I would be lying if I said I am perfectly ok with what I see in the mirror everyday...but to say I am moving in that direction by learning to love myself is a great accomplishment for me. If I could have one moment in time when I completely forget myself, my physical looks, learn to see myself the way our God see's me--I suspect I would learn in that very special moment something I already know......In His eyes I am His child, I am beautiful--It's notabout the physical beauty--my heart is BIG--I love people--I haven't always! Now that the villain and the facial paralysis have invaded my soul I've learned to look deeper than the naked eye can see when I am confronted with a person dealing with their own demons.<br />
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I'm learning to love myself for the things I CAN do and not worry right now about the things I am physically unable to do. So, I may not be able to smile or feel the right side of my face but I have my legs and feet to take me to places I've never been. I have my arms to wrap around my grandchildren and I wouldn't trade that for anything. Simply loving myself, taking time every morning or evening to write 2 things I appreciate about myself has helped me to fight off negative thoughts the world throws at me. When I stumble I made a decision to re-direct, don't beat myself up being a kind and supportive friend to someone else is important for me, however I've now learned I need to be my own best friend.<br />
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Reminding myself of benefits such as better real life results, more perseverance, higher self-esteem, more inner happiness and stillness, more positive relationships with myself and other people makes it easier to stay kind to myself through life's ups and downs.<br />
<img align="left" src="https://i386.photobucket.com/albums/oo310/shabbycreations2/postsig-43.png~original" style="border: 0;" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-55245698234855518272016-06-12T16:52:00.000-07:002016-06-12T16:52:43.930-07:00Phoenix is Innocent and Honest<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYPLZU5WiXklJeQuwrkPLfmqCIlbw3_DkTGXBG0Rovt_TfvQS1OsFCDveO8AYFdw40cbH981B9FQzbYWOdlT0ob_Qj89oPcc3EHK-80YjNGPjG7j6XT7MdT3GDRpRShX0hm0_tvAaD-yI/s1600/IMG_3584.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYPLZU5WiXklJeQuwrkPLfmqCIlbw3_DkTGXBG0Rovt_TfvQS1OsFCDveO8AYFdw40cbH981B9FQzbYWOdlT0ob_Qj89oPcc3EHK-80YjNGPjG7j6XT7MdT3GDRpRShX0hm0_tvAaD-yI/s320/IMG_3584.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kaitlyn and Phoenix- so dang cute</td></tr>
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Kaitlyn and Brian's little guy Phoenix is incredibly sweet, inquisitive and loving. This week I was sitting with him watching old pictures of our family pop up on the computer roll. Phoenix took my hand and said "Chair" so I sat with him and watched as the pictures rolled--oh so many memories. He pointed at each family member and announced their name in his own way. I noticed several pictures came up of me myself when I could smile, he pointed and said "mom" I said "No that's Bon Bon" he then replied with 'No, mom" When a picture appeared of me in Mayo hospital just after my facial paralysis, Phoenix said "Bon Bon" Talk about a dose of reality, I love Phoenix, I loved that moment with him. The innocence and authenticity of a child is unmatched and sacred to me. I love his honesty, he has nothing to gain or lose by simply saying it like it is. In that moment I realized I'm not crazy what I see in the mirror is what everyone else see's, and it's ok I wouldn't want an adult to tell me what they really see, it would be rude and hurtful, but having this moment with Phoenix has been constant on my mind.<br />
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I am grateful the Lord hears me when I tell him I want to fight, I want to be reassured by Him. His loving arms have surrounded me when I want to give up. I live in such a lonely world, not having anyone to relate to has been difficult. I know I have changed in so many ways, I'm not as out spoken as I used to be, I listen in a different way. I realize there are no human eyes that can understand what I am going through--it literally has been the hardest experience I have ever had. Eric has been a great care-giver THE BEST but still he does not understand the loneliness I feel at times. I am so thankful for Mark Christiansen who has been a great friend for Eric to lean on. I do not eat in public, it's a hurdle I am trying to overcome. Eric and Mark spend time together especially on days or nights when I just don't want to face the world.<br />
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As much as I understand the Lord knows what I am going through, it sometimes has not been enough for me to get through lonely nights of sorrow. There are some heart aches that I know I have to work out on my own--in the end, when I've done all that I can do to get through--He finally rescues me, He carries me through to the next challenge, just enough to give me some peace. I count each new day as a blessing but I am not afraid of death. <br />
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I remember nights when Blake was on his mission I knelt at his bedside and poured my heart and soul out to the Lord, begging and pleading for him to lift the heavy load at least long enough for me to see Blake return home. Now I want so badly to ask "Why is this happening to me, how do I endure and why am I still alive?" I'm tired, really exhausted trying to keep my mind on happy things only to be surprised with more bad news, more surgery and the fear of one more recovery. <br />
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I've felt forgotten at times and wondered if my prayers were being heard, many times it takes the tears and pain to pass for me to realize He needed to withhold immediate relief because He has bigger and better promises for me. With all that I've gone through I know He has a purpose for me I know if He always gives me everything I want I would not grow and learn. It's so easy to write those words but quite another story to live through it. There have been so many blessings that have been disguised and difficult to recognize.<br />
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I'm still trying to learn how to trust and believe in myself, it's so hard to have heartbreak over things I have no control over. Trading off earthly needs or wants for Heavenly promises that are unknown at the moment has been hard to succumb to. I am so happy but there are times I let the world define my circumstances; at those times I wonder if I have let the Lord down by not fully trusting in Him and His plan for me. I've come to realize the natural woman in me will always have doubt, fear and tears but no matter what He loves me, even when I hold back my heart for people who really do care about me. In spite of all my faults and mistakes He will always love me. It may take me more time to truly understand I don't have to earn His love He loves me just the way I am. He knows me, all of me my thoughts, my fears, yet He is always there for me.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-23726544461711512382016-06-11T08:32:00.001-07:002016-06-11T08:32:09.687-07:00Theodore is born<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdwccHZUGd-sKn8P7XGAV2LfvE6FQ5_WuxrAF_VYpz4atUPhTNc0u5ETAxXMDCn6uifO3arQro7oqgosIiuTXHnTDuD9Puq8QhC7k3rXszVM8i64QkHMrn89bqz5iDLU0xZqnAY7jYcuE/s1600/IMG_3529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdwccHZUGd-sKn8P7XGAV2LfvE6FQ5_WuxrAF_VYpz4atUPhTNc0u5ETAxXMDCn6uifO3arQro7oqgosIiuTXHnTDuD9Puq8QhC7k3rXszVM8i64QkHMrn89bqz5iDLU0xZqnAY7jYcuE/s320/IMG_3529.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Recker had a hard time leaving his mom at the hospital</td></tr>
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May 31st Kayla and Jeremy welcomed Theodore Arthur to the family. Theo is our 5th grandchild, 4th boy 3rd boy for Kayla. Being a grandmother is still a little overwhelming. I look in the mirror and don't see a grandmother looking back. Can I be old enough? Am I good enough to be blessed with such beautiful children? It's strange.... getting older, thinking about the days when my children were little and I thought it would never end. We had 4 children in less than 6 years, those were both joyful and hard years. I think I took so much for granted, we all do. I remember being so tired thinking I would never have a full nights sleep again--an older woman said to me one time "This too shall pass" I remember thinking I wanted to punch her in the face...This was not going to pass, at least not quickly. Guess what? She was right, I was wrong those days are long gone however it feels like just yesterday I was rocking my own babies to sleep.<br />
Today as I sat at the hospital and rocked Theo to sleep I couldn't help but wonder what wonderful memories he will bring to our family. He is perfect, I simply love him. It's interesting when siblings are born into the same family with the same genes but all turn out looking and acting so differently.<br />
<img align="left" src="http://i386.photobucket.com/albums/oo310/shabbycreations2/postsig-43.png~original" style="border: 0;" />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-45917210537176450282016-05-20T23:23:00.000-07:002016-05-20T23:23:52.065-07:00Abundant BlessingsToday a whirlwind of emotions over powered me and allowed me to reconnect with what is really important in my life. Kayla came by with the boys, Recker is now 6 and a half years old. He is non-verbal but I believe he knows exactly what we are talking about, he has emotions and feelings. He came in and hugged me, I said "I love you" and in his own way he showed me he loves me too. Then little Ezra hugged and kissed me. I said "I love you" he replied "I l@#$% you" interpreted it says "I love you too" he now says Bon Bon, Papa, all the families names, mom and dad he will also repeat anything we ask him to.....he is trying so hard. I took them all to lunch enjoying every moment I had with them. Kayla is 9 months pregnant, she will be giving birth to her 3rd son our 4th grandson. Ezra is so cute he smiles and laughs at everything and everyone. On his hand he had a happy face and a sad face drawn I asked him what they were he said "Happy" and smiled really big with his huge cheeks I wanted to squeeze. Then he pointed to the sad face and said "Sad" and quickly showed me his sad face. "Very good Ezra, which emotion do you feel now?" "I happy" I left them feeling blessed with these special boys Heavenly Father has entrusted our family with. I say sincere prayers daily asking the Lord to help me know as a grandmother how I can better understand how to love them and help them.<br />
When I arrived home Blake was getting Weslie out of his car, happy thoughts rushed through my body. I hoped I could spend some time with both of them. I of course immediately grabbed Weslie, she is absolutely beautiful. When Blake let to go get food for he and Chloe who would soon be arriving I took Weslie in my arms and sang her a song I used to sing to Recker when he was her age.<br />
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I love you Weslie,<br />
Oh yes I do.<br />
I love you Weslie<br />
Oh yes I do<br />
When you're not near me I'm blue<br />
Oh Weslie I love you.<br />
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I walked and rocker her for several minutes singing over and over the same words, when she finally fell asleep on my chest I laid down with her on the sofa. Examining every inch of the miracle straight from Heaven. Her eyelashes perfectly shaped, long and lush. I could feel her heart beat on my mine the smell of her skin angelic. An enormous amount of pride rushed through my body thinking about Blake, Chloe and Weslie they are a cute family. Watching Chloe mothering little Weslie is so refreshing I love her as a daughter, I consider her my daughter. Watching Blake being so involved as a father warmed my heart. Tears fell from my eyes, I have so many blessing to be grateful for. Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment. I was in awe.<br />
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I've wanted to transition the toy room we have upstairs to the downstairs room---this is a huge undertaking for me. Still recovering from my last surgery has been slower but I really want to get this change done. I began by going through all the pictures and separating them out. In the mess I found several letters from my mother. Now that she has passed on those letters are read by me in a different context. I believe she and I were trying to resolve a difficult situation however, seeing it from different perspectives was difficult for both of us. I feel good about the way I handled the delicate situation, just reading these old letters dredged up some old emotions I was not prepared for. I quit reading the letters realizing she is gone now and there is nothing I can do to bring her back. Heavenly Father is in charge and he will deal with this perfectly I have no doubt when it's my time to leave this earth the Lord will have this taken care of, take me in his arms and say I love you.<br />
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I rummaged through some letters from Blakes mission, he always has a way of putting me back in the right frame of mind. He really was a great missionary. Then I found a book Kaitlyn wrote about her brother she couldn't have been more than six or seven years old. She illustrated the book with her and Blake on bike rides going to the Library and then to water and ice...the illustration showed them bicycling and her yelling out to him "Hey wait up" Her sincere love for her brother came out when she said how much she loved him over and over, and also how grateful she was to have such a 'cool' big brother. My heart was again swelled to capacity, I was never the 'perfect' mom but my children turned out perfectly beautiful to me.<br />
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To end my night tonight I read a talk given by a religious leader Elder Neal A. Maxwell--the title of his talk was <i>Enduring Well</i>. I came to the conclusion it is impossible for me to completely understand. Because I believe there is an Atonement of Christ it makes it easier to comprehend why suffering and trials are about trusting in God to keep his promises.<br />
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<i>"Rather than simply passing through trials, we must allow trials to pass </i></div>
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<i>through </i><i>us in ways that sanctify us."</i></div>
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I have been stretched at times in my life to the point of doubting my Faith and Hope in difficult times.<br />
Anne Morrow Lindbergh wisely cautioned: <i>"I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning. understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable." </i><br />
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I have allowed trials to pass through me and sanctify me in ways I never thought I had the ability to endure. We all suffer in our lives, but do we mourn those trials, do we go forward with patience hoping for the Lord's hands to guide us through? I believe I have been open and honest with my entire life, my book is going to expose truth in trials and how I have allowed those spooks to over power my life..I am so grateful for those hardships and enduring them with grace it has allowed me to grow, love others and serve unconditionally. I have not regrets, I love my life. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-61954652331469411162016-05-17T11:40:00.000-07:002016-05-17T11:40:46.573-07:00Living in the MomentPracticing living in the moment has been an intentional goal for my everyday living. I have to remind myself daily of the reward. I've heard it takes 21 days to break a habit so I'm assuming it also takes 21 days to form a habit.<br />
Today I will be seeing my surgeon Dr. Lettieri. The last surgery I had on Thursday took me a little longer to recover from, purging my body of all the anesthesia is draining. Getting up and walking to the bathroom is about as far as I can go, even then I am wobbly, shaky and nauseated. On Sunday I was finally able to eat something, however it tasted of metal.<br />
I feel like the world is hastily passing by just outside my bedroom door. I'm praying Dr. Lettieri will take out the stitches and close the open wound on my neck. The skin graft he took was from another area on my neck and those stitches seem to be healing well.<br />
It's hard for me to comprehend that I have gone under general anesthesia 34 times in less than 6 years. Each time the healing takes longer and seems to weigh down my spirit. I want so badly for all these surgeries to be over. I believe now that this nasty infection is under control we can finally get going with the important issue of the nerve--yes, there will be more surgery; and I will endure.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRFau0yEk8cHDitJe8kf5Ge90IV5JK62EtjXo-CXPXT8cjHZk0in5VLoN4OPMyIpOJUrasEvxPd8FswU0tLNbKjbboHBMMUWws4qwLWqsMVFMk3PtaefhUc8uqrD4I_G_Kk8NML7mB2n8/s1600/IMG_3425.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRFau0yEk8cHDitJe8kf5Ge90IV5JK62EtjXo-CXPXT8cjHZk0in5VLoN4OPMyIpOJUrasEvxPd8FswU0tLNbKjbboHBMMUWws4qwLWqsMVFMk3PtaefhUc8uqrD4I_G_Kk8NML7mB2n8/s320/IMG_3425.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My view from pre-op<br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivR0ay2N68a3Yy8znA3g0PlyQyuQRzQC0dObyy9HlDDickXFa5_gSGRHak9lR9fbjdWDIRi9JC4jLldNW0vcSM_mKHiVDVvqjt5GIyLdr-BMFOcEHX_k1Jx0PSaAzbodqAmkpVdiZiDS4/s1600/IMG_3431.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivR0ay2N68a3Yy8znA3g0PlyQyuQRzQC0dObyy9HlDDickXFa5_gSGRHak9lR9fbjdWDIRi9JC4jLldNW0vcSM_mKHiVDVvqjt5GIyLdr-BMFOcEHX_k1Jx0PSaAzbodqAmkpVdiZiDS4/s320/IMG_3431.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Heidi my pre-op nurse--these nurse are always so sweet to me</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKtZks-GcIh59oGj0u_Dg6V008KI9mXt56gwfktO-1CqkWd5SXyS5ALh_jLvfO8z2H1BNn3spcJrFSy83UhxEA6BcXXkVmGCqlqGHQ6eKMoyDMYgaPu3fHZb5q1O2a4U0ZElE0goFA1ek/s1600/IMG_3434.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKtZks-GcIh59oGj0u_Dg6V008KI9mXt56gwfktO-1CqkWd5SXyS5ALh_jLvfO8z2H1BNn3spcJrFSy83UhxEA6BcXXkVmGCqlqGHQ6eKMoyDMYgaPu3fHZb5q1O2a4U0ZElE0goFA1ek/s320/IMG_3434.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is what it looks like now, after surgery.<br />I see some bruising on my temple next to my<br />eye...I always wonder what the heck happens<br />during surgery to cause these bruises.</td></tr>
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My life is so different now, I've learned patience and empathy for other's during the past few years. I've also learned what is truly important in life, family first, then friends who truly love me for who I am. I've had to let go of a friend who I sincerely thought would be with me from beginning to end. I simply do not want anyone in my life who cannot be authentic. Friendships are wonderful but when they become complicated and draining--I'm out! I refuse to waste precious time with people who do not reciprocate the same feelings. I choose happy, with that being said I am not perfect and do need to say "I'm sorry" at times. Part of the reason I have not allowed too many people into my life is the fear of being rejected or hurt. I'm so over that now, I know who loves me and who cares I've learned to discern good from toxic.<div>
This brings me back to the initial reason for making this post, living in the moment. I truly believe we are the equivalent of the few friends we associate most with. If I kept myself in worry constantly wondering if I am offending someone I'm not being in the moment. Spontaneously giving service to those around me on a daily basis, strangers who I will never see again have given me more satisfaction and clarity of the direction I want my life to go. Living in the moment allows me to flow through life daily intentionally looking for ways to better myself by seeing the needs of others.<br /><br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-38420254410381925372016-05-10T20:14:00.001-07:002016-05-10T20:14:44.346-07:00My Happiness Experiment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQERnIOIHV3zCnhD0ps8cTtXB3_q0FNoCxtvA-naJEiZSRO65qyIqP6RsG5-Ro11gV0o09BdZ9M5zsR36JRVE8UKKfJ6s35hZRKVuiVVxZAHgDm5qLbpHkX5K91V1cbDuwEDZzMcqtqSY/s1600/happiness-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQERnIOIHV3zCnhD0ps8cTtXB3_q0FNoCxtvA-naJEiZSRO65qyIqP6RsG5-Ro11gV0o09BdZ9M5zsR36JRVE8UKKfJ6s35hZRKVuiVVxZAHgDm5qLbpHkX5K91V1cbDuwEDZzMcqtqSY/s1600/happiness-1.png" /></a></div>
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I've always wondered why so many people who work in a customer service atmosphere whether through, text, an actual phone call or face to face; can have such lack of empathy. </div>
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I've worked in the Airline Industry for over 30 years now. Currently I work for American Airlines (formerly UsAirways formerly America West Airlines) Through the years of working with the general public I've learned to be a problem solver. Yes, I've been called every name in the book. </div>
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Many times I try hard to keep from laughing when a snow storm keeps a passenger from getting from point A to point B they are furious because the planes are obviously grounded for take off. I can appreciate the frustration however God is in charge of the weather not American Airlines. Finding some balance with people is sometimes a challenge especially when voices are raised and tears are falling. My heart usually reaches out and I am able to help them understand the reality of their situation. It's not always the ending they were expecting but showing a little understanding for their inconvenience whether American Airlines has a maintenance issue or nature decides to rear her nasty head of rain, snow or sleet it helps them feel validated. </div>
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Today instead of ending my calls with "Thank you for calling American Airlines have a good day" I chose to say "Thank you for calling American Airlines, I hope you have a Happy Day!" In making a conscious effort to do this the cadence in not only my voice changed but the passengers noticed from the moment I answered their call. In my job I have heard every heartbreaking story, every white lie and excuse in the book. Today was no different, I just chose to hear things with a smile on my face. Call after call each and every passenger made a comment about my positive attitude, they thanked me for listening, apologized for attacking me and I hung up feeling happy myself. I was less stressed, full of energy and excited to do it again tomorrow.</div>
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When I started working in the airline industry I was a totally different person than I am now in fact I am a different woman than I was two years ago. I shutter when I think about how many times those heartfelt stories went on deaf ears as they would explain the tragic death of a child, husband, wife mom, dad, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, cousin etc. I was so much about the business at hand I forgot to take into consideration these are real live people with real problems. Perspectives have changed, today a woman started to cry when I asked how I could assist her. She proceeded to make arrangements for her son who would be flown home from the war--in a body bag--I tried hard to keep the tears from falling but was unsuccessful. Her choice of words was shocking to me, however the pain in her voice was something I will not soon forget. So, do I say "have a good day?" or "have a happy day?" Neither, because I knew the trauma she was experiencing I asked her if there was anything, anything at all left I could do to make this easier for her. Her response was, "You were the person I needed to talk to today. Thank you for listening." It was a simple reply to a complicated relm of emotions she was feeling.</div>
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I had choices today, lots of choices. I'm happy with the ones I made. I promised this mother I would be thinking about the sacrifice her son made on Memorial Day in just a couple of weeks and hoped she would feel some relief knowing he was serving his country. </div>
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Happiness is a choice, but I also believe we all have a triggers within us that can cause an uproar of emotions, they can cancel out any feelings of joy. It would be inappropriate to be happy and jubilant with the death of a child or family member. Having the knowledge of hope for a brighter tomorrow helps me to flow through difficult emotions, I've learned to literally feel the emotion but not allow myself to invest or linger in the immediate sorrow for more than necessary. Losing a child, divorcing, being diagnosed with a terminal disease, having a child with a special need these are just a few examples of life altering situations and will surely take time to process and learn from. My hope is that the people who are experiencing these hardships will take the time they need to mourn, get mad, be sad, feel fear, anxiety and depression then pick themselves up, don't look back and never ever give up on the living.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9111427473441915884.post-51208317215148383262016-04-16T19:12:00.002-07:002016-04-19T20:03:33.786-07:00Surgery Tomorrow With Dr. Lettieri<div style="text-align: center;">
UNFORTUNELTY THIS DID NOT GET POSTED UNTIL AFTER THE SURGERY.</div>
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When I came home from the hospital last week I was told to clean the open wound area everyday with a solution Dr.Lettieri gave me and to keep it covered. That night I came home and cleaned out the area and noticed there was a bandage or clear mesh substance covering the area. I began to clean and took that very important piece of integra out of my ear. I can tell you it was one of the worst pains I have ever felt and bled like crazy. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking at this now, I can clearly see the integra</td></tr>
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I had a post operative appointment the next day with Dr. Lettieri, he was quite amused that I had pulled out the integra. It is a glue designed to keep the area covered and only done under general anesthesia. Imagine how dumb I felt, good thing Dr. Lettieri had an alternative and I was ok with his funny candor as he explained the importance and expense of the integra.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcqEO42rdXsqlaeIDyG4P-jDOGgfFZZgdj0u4eeRo6vsqxvRmZ0_ssx2zzm-1aKrwOZh4-jlv2U_L3W6BgdzExoSSb9nvzAvvcfeWfSe818S4L1JG5o_mdkzWhSykCObHvZ8OSmrSs5Gk/s1600/IMG_2985.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcqEO42rdXsqlaeIDyG4P-jDOGgfFZZgdj0u4eeRo6vsqxvRmZ0_ssx2zzm-1aKrwOZh4-jlv2U_L3W6BgdzExoSSb9nvzAvvcfeWfSe818S4L1JG5o_mdkzWhSykCObHvZ8OSmrSs5Gk/s320/IMG_2985.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is what it looked like when I went to see<br />
Dr. Lettieri--Integra Gone</td></tr>
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I've spent the past week cleaning the area everyday and keeping it covered. Yesterday I visited with Dr. Lettieri after spending some time with him it was determined I will enter into surgery tomorrow. Dr. Lettieri is going to debris the wound and fill it with integra again. I was under the impression the wound would be stitched back up, however he explained to me the risk of another infection. He will eventually do a skin graft over the area, then we wait and see how it heals. I will be undergoing a few more surgeries.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Day after surgery--Dr. Lettieri Blonde Proofed<br />
the integra...it won't be coming out this time.</td></tr>
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This surgery has really been difficult to recover from. Maybe it's from the anesthesia but I have been nauseated and dizzy for 3 days. Today I am grateful I was able to write a couple thank you notes and lift my head off the pillow for a few minutes without sickness lingering in my head. I have not taken any pain medicine, I will start a regimen of Advil tonight to help relieve some of the pain.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0