WHAT IF

Have you ever thought or said "What If?" If you are a normal person like me ..... wait a minute ..... I'm not really that normal so maybe you have never said "what if" .... buuuut.... What if you did? ....ha ha

OK so I'm one of those people who always wonders about the "what ifs" even from the time I was a young child I wondered stuff like what if you could make a house out of chocolate, and every time you ate a piece it would just grow back?
or what if I could fly?
what if my parents never had gotten divorced?
what if there was no such thing as color?
what if there was an actual money tree in my yard?

as a teenager I might of thought
what if the cutest guy in school asked me out?
what if I was the fastest runner in the world?
what if I never get married?
what if I never can have children?
What if I die and find out the life I chose was a huge mistake?
what if I have no purpose?
and yes, what if there was an actual money tree in my yard?

as a young mother I worried more about these
what if I lost a child?
what if I am not a good enough mother?
what if my children are bad teens?
what if I had never confronted my dad?
and I still wondered what if I had an actual money tree in my yard?

Now my what ifs are a bit different. I am no longer worried about who I am and what kind of mother I am, I know I've made mistakes and I embrace those mistakes and hopefully have taught my children it's OK to say "I'm sorry" and what NOT to do as a parent, hopefully they will be better than I was.

I do stare into the stars at times and wonder when will be my time to go home, I no longer worry about what my purpose is., but instead hope I am fulfilling my purpose in life. I know as I walk along this short path of life, there is a torch being held to lighten my way, and even in the darkest of situations there is always a light being held out for me to follow.

I do sometimes wonder what if I had dealt with my parents differently, I still wonder what if my mother picked up the phone and called me today, but at least now I realize LOVE will take control, the Lord will work that out, this life is not where that is going to happen.

I have wondered what if I had kept up with my mammograms like I was supposed to? then I realize how much I have learned through my journey with cancer and know all things happen for a reason. I am still learning what those reason are, but I know I am a better person now then I was before the VILLAIN invaded my body.

I say everyday what if I'm not giving enough, what if I did a little better and served more? I want to make a difference, I want to dedicate more time to helping others. Some WHAT IF'S I thought as a child, were no more than a fantasy or curiosity. Some WHAT IFS we have no control over, all we can do is be the best we can be. The WHAT IFS we can control, those are the ones we have responsibility to make come true, instead of saying WHAT IF, we say WHY NOT, why not do that... and start with today.

Oh and about that money tree, I am happy without it, it was a fantasy, I now know I had what I needed all along FAMILY.

Aunt Naydine

This morning my Aunt Naydine Passed away, she suffered for years with Multiple MIaloma, Cancer of the bones. People in our family have always said that I look a lot like Aunt Naydine. I really never saw the resemblance. Naydine is one of the sisters of my birth father Colby Belshe who passed away a couple of years ago. I'm so grateful for the knowledge I have that my family will live together forever, this life hear on earth is just a test for us, a test to see how well we treat others, how we serve and give to others. We know that Naydine is no longer in pain, and is in a much better place, her family will miss her though.

It's a Good Day

I cannot believe how good I feel, today was a good day. My hips did not hurt much, I am having some cramping, and I'm not sure why since I am done with that monthly stuff, but these cramps feel just like menstrual cramps. Still it's a good day, I got to hug and kiss Recker this morning, I still cannot pick him up per Dr. Peter Kreymerman, but I get to see Dr. Kreymerman next week and hopefully he will say I can pick up more than 3 lbs. Seriously??? have you ever tried to NOT pick up anything over 3 lbs? It's harder than I thought it would be.

Ok and the best news of all is that Kaitlyn and Brian are moving to Arizona ..... NEXT MONTH ....... I know Brians family is going to miss them so much, and Eric and I have been grateful to them for welcoming Kaitlyn into their family with open arms. Brian said he and Kaitlyn prayed about this decision and know that they need to make this move right now, so how do you argue with that? We are thrilled to be having them back in Arizona all the details are being worked out, but right now, today, I have a huge smile on my face and today has been a good day. I am thankful right now for small tender mercies like being able to walk up and down my stairs still, for lunch with friends, and for the fact that my hair can actually get messed up in the wind ...... finally.

More ♥ from the DR

It's Wednesday .... the day I live for .... the day my missionary son writes home ....... he is doing fantastic, he loves his area and the people, and the ward. I love him so much, I am blessed

Elder Williams and his companion


Familia Santana

Eating Tacos

Junior, Mami, and Carolina

That is disgusting

I hope you have some anti-bacterial soap

Sushiyaa

Elder Williams loves burgers this is the "American Burger" it has egg, ham, bacon, meat, and hot sauce

well this week has been really really wet with the hurricane and everything its been so hard to have the desire to leave when its pouring rain out, or when we leave the house and the uns out then like 10 minutes later it is pouring down rain and windy soo hard or when its raining but the suns out and you look up and theres no clouds really its starting to trip me out here but its sweet here, the ward still is awsome as usual i loe these people i really have had thought about moving back here and studying haha i dont know if its really that swet or if its that i have been here to long no honestly its awsome here.......but wow this wek while we actually got let in to this house we contacted thatsthe 2nd house in more than 550 and like 4 months that someone has let us in it was really weird i was all akward about it like are you serious you just said we can come in haha i was kinda shocked but stoaked at the same time cuz we were able to talk to her and get to know her and her family and its cool cuz she knows a few members and is friends with the wife of the bishop so its awsome im really hoping she continues to listen to us, she speaks and teaches english too so its sweet.....but last night was awsome we did a Family Home Evening with this Family (the coolest family) and we based it on The Another Testament of Jesus Christ it was sweet cuz i let the girl (carolina) borrow the book to prepare for it and to help her imagine 3rd book of Nefi as we were reading it (thats the member thats helping me study the BOM) so she was able to see what was happening while she read 3Nefi then she did the Family home Evening and talked about this and it was such a cool expierience cuz we got to watch the DVD and some of the parts where Christ is teaching the people and healing the kids it was soo awsome it really helped the dad i think cuz he is less active so i am trying to help work with him get back to church the daughters of this family really want this for him they really want that their family is sealed in the temple she told me this week that she is scared that she will die without her family being sealed this is something that she really wants for her family and i have never seen someone really have that strong of a desire the happiness of their family........i gave this family the Another Testaments of Christ book and DVD so they can watch and study it together i lovethis family and this ward here i really want to help them become strong in the church this example that i have seen from these girls has really helped me think of WHERE I AM IN MY LIFE and what are my real desires and yea.....but i have like 10 months left in the mission trhat means i have 10 months to prepare myself for the normal world i have alot of things i want to learn and change but thats why we have two years here


les quiero mucho

JUST ASK

It's 2:21 am and I cannot sleep. Last night my legs were in so much pain it was penetrating all the way to my bones, I could not keep my legs still, Eric asked me what was wrong and I told him my legs have not ached like this since chemo, and the headaches are back, but I'm grateful that the horrible pain I have been feeling in my breasts for over a year is now gone, and this takes the thoughts of wanting to rip my bra off away .... ha ha I almost forgot I had one on.

I seriously hate nights like this, my mind gets occupied with thoughts of recurrence, I KNOW I'm strong but right now if I was told that the evil VILLAIN has come back I'm not sure I have it in me to fight again. My thoughts are going to my younger years as a teenager, when I constantly had a prayer in my heart, when I promised the Lord that if he got me out of this situation of abuse and neglect, I would be good, I would obey the rules and give my all to HIM. I knew without a doubt the eyes of God were watching over me. This morning I want to go back to that place I once knew, I don't want to be in the dark, my mind is playing games with me, I wonder if I have done all I can to be a good servant, have I kept my promises? I go into Blakes room and sit on his bed hoping for some inspiration, maybe I will put on one of his shirts, I take one out of the closet and smell it hoping to get a wiff of him but there is nothing, it's been too long now. I put on the shirt, then kneel down next to his bed and thank Heavenly Father for my family, for my life and for what he has taught me, then ask what it is that I am supposed to be learning right now? I ask what else I can do to become a little more like HIM, have I blown all my chances to redeem myself ? I plead with the Lord to help me feel his spirit, tonight my heart is heavy with burden and I need to know HE is here. I just want to know that HE is still aware of me, that he still remembers me. Help me to know HIS will for me. Then I listen ........... I listen for a very long time .......... the answers come, BE STILL MY SOUL THE LORD IS ON YOUR SIDE , peace is in my soul now, I know HE has not forgotten me and that HE is aware of my needs and my prayers are NOT going un-heard. I know HE lives, HE lives in each of us and wants to lift burdens, grief and pain. When the waves and winds of life come, HE will not leave us alone, I know this to be true, but sometimes we have to ask and then most important wait and listen for the answers to come. I love that even a restless soul like myself can find some relief in the dark of night or the light of the day, JUST ASK. I'm so grateful this morning for the knowledge of prayer in my life. It's now 4:51 am, maybe I can get some sleep.... cross your fingers.

Mindy Gledhill in Arizona

I am taking my girls to this concert, we have been huge fans for so long and we are finally going to see her.
Click here to find out about tickets and the Shun the Sun Organized Run Mindy is participating in. The tickets are $15 and goes to such a great cause.

Breast Self Exam (BSE)

step 1


step 2

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step 6

Today is November 1st, on the 1st day of every month I remind women to do their BSE Breast Self Exam. All women over the age of 20 should be examining their breasts for lumps every month. I truly believe that early detection is crucial and truly does save lives. I wish I had been more pro-active and done this every month. Every woman including me always think "that won't happen to me, or I don't have time" I said those things, I always thought that breast cancer was something that un-healthy, OLD people got diagnosed with. I was just about as healthy as a woman my age could be when I was diagnosed I was training for a marathon, all my life have been a runner and a gym member spending at least 2 hours a day at the gym 6 days a week for about 13 years that was my life, and it was never a chore it was something I truly loved. The diagnosis came as a complete surprise to not only me but anyone who knows me, I am HEALTHY and I am not OLD. Please if you are reading this blog promise me you will take your BSE every month and avoid the terror of hearing "you have breast cancer"

If you need to know how to do your BSE please copy this for your records. The pictures are numbered to go along with each step. I could not get them to enter next to each step sorry.

Breast self examination (BSE) is to be performed each month in addition to an annual mammogram or a clinical exam. Knowing your cyclical changes, what is normal for you, and what regular monthly changes in the breast feel like is the best way to keep an eye on your breast health. Breast tissue extends from under your nipple and areola up toward your armpit.
Difficulty: Easy

Time Required: 15 minutes a month

What You Need:

A mirror which lets you see both breasts
A pillow for your head and shoulders
Privacy

1. Make a regular date for your BSE --- I always do it on the 1st of every month

If you are pre-menopausal: Set a regular time to examine your breasts a few days after your period ends, when hormone levels are relatively stable and breasts are less tender.
If you are already menopausal (have not had a period for a year or more): Pick a particular day of the month to do the exam, and then repeat your BSE on that day each month.

2. Visual Exam - Hands on Hips

In the privacy of your bathroom, strip to the waist and stand before a mirror. You will need to see both breasts at the same time. Stand with your hands on your hips and check the appearance of your breasts. Look at size, shape, and contour. Note changes, if any, in the skin color or texture. Look at the nipples and areolas, to see how healthy they look.

3. Visual Exam - Arms Over Your Head

Still standing in front of the mirror, raise your arms over your head and see if your breasts move in the same way, and note any differences. Look at size, shape, and drape, checking for symmetry. Pay attention to your nipples and areolas, to see if you have any dimples, bumps, or retraction (indentation). Look up toward your armpits and note if there is any swelling where your lymph nodes are (lower armpit area).

4. Manual Exam - Stand and Stroke

Raise your left arm overhead, and use your right-hand fingers to apply gentle pressure to the left breast. Stroke from the top to the bottom of the breast, moving across from the inside of the breast all the way into your armpit area. You can also use a circular motion, being sure to cover the entire breast area. Take note of any changes in texture, color, or size. Switch sides and repeat. This is best done in the shower, as wet skin will have the least resistance to the friction of your fingers.

5. Manual Exam - Check Your Nipples

Still facing the mirror, lower both arms. With the index and middle fingers of your right hand, gently squeeze the left nipple and pull forward. Does the nipple spring back into place? Does it pull back into the breast? Note whether or not any fluid leaks out. Reverse your hands and check the right nipple in the same way.
6. Manual Exam - Recline and Stroke


This is best done in your bedroom, where you can lie down. Place a pillow on the bed so that you can lie with both your head and shoulders on the pillow. Lie down and put your left hand behind your head. Use your right hand to stroke the breast and underarm, as you did in step 4. Take note of any changes in texture, color, or size. Switch sides and repeat.

7. Tips For Doing Your BSE
Mark your calendar to remind yourself to do your BSE regularly. This is a good way to prevent worry if find a normal cyclic change.
Stay relaxed and breathe normally as you do your BSE. Becoming tense will produce some knots that you may mistake for something worrisome.
Report any changes or unusual pain to your doctor or nurse practitioner. Keep a log of changes, if that helps you remember.
Remember to have an annual clinical exam and a mammogram.

Happy Halloween

Recker is so in love with Mickey Mouse


For as long as I can remember Halloween has been fun in our home, and we have always had an open invitation to the Schaubs house. Kelly and I went to High school together, she lives a few doors down and Eric and I go to their house every Halloween for Indian Fry bread and to pass out the candy to the neighborhood children. Tonight was no exception, we had a great time, then we headed over to Kenny and Theresa Halcomb's house they had a open pit fire in the front yard and we all sat around it telling jokes, and stories, the laughing was therapeutic.

Breast Cancer Pumpkin

This cute pumpkin was made by ANDREW HOM. He is 12 years old and his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at the beginning of this year. She contacted me through my blog, decided to also use the Mayo Clinic, same doctors that I did. I think that children absorb more than we think they do. Andrew was not asked or coaxed to design his pumpkin this way, he just did it. I love it Andrew and thank you Jodi for emailing me the picture, love that he used the bracelet I sent to you.

Dr. Peter Kreymerman and the BRA

I've been sitting here thinking for over an hour now, why, why, why I seriously dislike bras. I'm trying to figure out if there is anything in comparison that a man could relate to...... Dr. Peter Kreymerman told me I had to wear a sports bra 24/7 forever.....well not really forever, just until he says not to. I want to say to him "how would you like to wear something that confines you 24/7 ?" There is nothing about bras that I like, except if I see woman like Haleigh and I saw today coming out of Costa Vida who seriously needed to be wearing one, it was so scary Haleigh and I both looked at each other in total disgust, yes, on those rare occasions I think a bra is necessary, however, I truly wish they would of never been created. To be honest with you I have not worn a bra in over a year, when I had the expansions there was no reason to wear one..... ahhh talk about FREEDOM...that was the only benefit of having the VILLAIN in my life and I loved it. HEAVEN ON EARTH IS BEING BRA FREE.

As a teenager, I remember learning that in the 1960's women were burning bras to become liberated, I always thought that was weird until now, I want to have a bra burning party.... anyone up for it? I will not be seeing Dr. Kreymerman for a couple of weeks and I plan on telling him my despise of the bra and that its time to get rid of it. To top it all off, my husband listened to everything Dr.PK told me to do and not to do, and he is on Dr. Kreymermans side, Eric is constantly telling me to make sure I am wearing that boob buster 24/7. This is how the conversation goes....

Me: "I'm not wearing that thing today"
Eric: "you heard what Dr. Kreymerman said"
Me: "are you going to make me do everything he says, word for word?"
Eric: "yes, he is your favorite Doctor for a reason, do what he says"
Me: "seriously? who's side are you on?"
Eric: as he's walking out the door "24/7. you know the rules, I love you"

If you've never had to wear a bra to sleep in, try it, yes I say try it tonight then let me know how you like it. I've been wearing a bra 24/7 (with the exception of showers) for 2 weeks now..... it is so uncomfortable and just for an added bonus the seams hit me right where my stitches are, so I'm constantly touching my boob or moving the bra,... pretty sure people are going to think I'm some kind of weirdo. I cannot wait to see Dr. Peter Kreymerman, the bra better be coming off.